The Depths of Honesty

[lulflo]

I think that in order to discuss honesty in depth there has to be some definition of truth. I think that truth is a perception that an individual has of information that is presented based on the knowledge that has been given to him/her from society. I believe that of all the information I have, only 5-10% of it has come from me (if that).

Here's what I mean. When I was little, I was told that my hand, is a hand. Now every time I see something at the end of what I call an arm, I call it a hand. I'm sure you are following. So, to discuss honesty in depth, I would have to really know something for myself and not take into account what society is telling me is the truth.

It would seem to me that only the information that I have come to know on my own could be honest. I guess experience is pretty close to that, but I am still making judgments based on what society is telling me is good or bad, right or wrong, honest or a lie. So what now, like the Matrix spoon, is it really a spoon?

So as much as I can figure, I think there is a greater honesty within us that doesn't allow us to say to ourselves that we are too clumsy to do this or that, or that we don't have to work harder at work because we do a good enough job already or that our kids are fine without us playing with them right now, etc. The truth is, we make decisions every second not to hear every sound there is to hear, not to smell every smell, not to think every thought, to sense everything there is to sense. I would like to think I live in the light and that I am honest with everything I do, but right now, everything exactly as it is, I am failing.

Farang - Larry

 

[hardheadjarhead]

Some people I speak with would rather be frankly, totally, even brutally honest than refrain from speaking, evade revealing their true leanings or gracefully lie.

Others feel it can be appropriate to guard one's true leanings in the interest of protecting another's feelings or perhaps learning more (sometimes this can even change one's point of view).

In your opinion, is there such a thing as a white lie or are all lies damaging? Is holding one's tongue considered lying or does it depend on the situation?

Please express and discuss your opinions on the appropriateness of honesty, silence and slight prevarication.

What an incredible topic, Shesulsa. Thank you.

An imagined scenario: You've come upon an accident scene, a child has been killed and her mother lies critically injured. As you administer first aid to the mother she asks how the child is doing.

You decide an honest answer would be the height of cruelty and unwise at that moment. So...you adeptly deflect the question without telling her a lie, nor telling her the truth. Later once she's stabilized the doctors tell her the heartbreaking news.

I present this scenario only to illustrate the difficulty life's circumstances bring us in dealing with the issue of bald honesty.

Silence, as witnessed by the quote in my current signature, can be taken as a dishonest attempt to hide an embarrassment. The silence can then be rationalized in a number of ways by the actor in question so as to provide balm for his ego. The unfaithful husband doesn't confess to his wife, for "fear of hurting her," when in actuality he fears the consequences of her pain and rage. In this instance his silence is less painful than his confession...less painful for him, in any case.

However; a white lie in proper context might do no harm and spare pain, and genuine altrusim might be the motive.

A tender six year old child may be spared the awful realization her kitten was unintentionally crushed by her father's truck as he backed out the drive way. Years later when she is better able to handle the shock he can offer his apologies for his unwitting part in the tragedy, and for his decision to opt for temporary deception.

The mother of a soldier killed in Iraq may be spared the knowledge that her son burned slowly to death, trapped in a Humvee. His lieutenant, writing her a letter, might avoid giving her the details altogether, saying more vaguely that he was killed in the explosion of a roadside bomb. The lieutenant and the men of his company elect to carry the burden of the horror of the man's death--rather than inflict the mother and her family with it.

We can go on and on with such scenarios, but finally have to come to the moment where we have to choose blunt honesty or the varying degrees of deception of deflection open to us. However it breaks, we need to ask ourselves if our motives are properly rationalized, or a rationalization. The first requires strenuous effort at a reasoned approach to our final method; the second is a vain attempt to give solace to our egos--or as a palliative to others who might question our actions.

One can conceive of misplaced altruism giving way to what is rationalized as a white lie. A mother elects not to tell her son that his test scores were too low to get into a particular advanced class at the middle school. She tells him instead the class is full and can't accept new students. She doesn't fear his response towards her, but rather fears for his feelings so much that she deceives. This could easily compound the problem should he find out (and very well might), and in the efforts to "protect" him, she risks her relationship with him. This is different than the scenario of the unfaithful husband in that she stands nothing to lose in telling her son the truth.

Lying might well be morally justified if it were to spare life or limb. A Jew might find it best to hide his ethnicity if he found himself surrounded by potentially hostile anti-semites. Likewise a Gay man might find such discretion equally apt if he were in certain surroundings. Oddly, in our culture, we might find the Jew and the Gay standing side by side facing the same crowd at the time they ponder these decisions.

Lying has always been a part of war and its strategy. Deception is an art form in counter-intelligence. When one lies in such a fashion nobody calls "cheat." A general on an opposing side might recognize the brilliance of such a tactic, though it caused his downfall.

Regards,


Steve