Stuff sifu says.

[Ironbear24]

This thread is about funny things your sensei/sifu says. If you have had more than one that's fine too. I will start out with a list that I find funny.

"Japanese and Korean people kick you in the face. Latinos and Chinese people kick you in the balls." - Sifu Armando.

"Bleeding is a reminder that you are not invincible, it also looks great on the matt."
Sifu Delgado.

"People are more afraid of a confident fighter that is all smiles and laughs."
Sifu Delgado.

"You're body is already the perfect weapon, it's just a matter of learning to use it. With just one finger you can make the biggest guy cry, go into a coma and even lose control of his bowels."
Sifu Armando.

"Wrestling techniques are good to know, you should know to fight on the floor and it also teaches intimacy."
Sifu Delgado.

"Fight like the bear, because it don't care."
Sifu Armando.

I will add more as I hear them. These men always silly things. I don't see sifu Delgado anymore but if I recall things he has said I'll add them here.

 

[drop bear]

"turn the light off in the toilet. I have to pay the bill"

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

If you

- can't get a head lock on your opponent, you are not a good wrestler.
- let your opponent to get a head lock on you, you are not a good wrestler.

 

[Ironbear24]

I think that would mean the other guy is just a better wrestler. Still funny though.

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

If you

- didn't have a good reason to fight but you fought, I'll beat you up when I find out.
- had a good reason to fight but you didn't fight, I'll still beat you up when I find out.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

"What doesn't kill you...sure can hurt a lot."

 

[JR 137]

Student: "What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger."
Sensei: "Ever hear of a stroke? Broken neck? I don't think being in a wheelchair for the rest of your life will make you stronger, but if you say so..."

 

[JowGaWolf]

Punch your partner in the face. If you hit him in the face then it's his fault for not blocking.

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

After you have knocked your opponent down on the ground, you can

- stand on his dead body, perform your "white crane flap wings" to prove you are a Taiji guy.
- stand beside his dead body, perform you "Santi Pi Chuan" to prove you are a XingYi guy.
- walk around his dead body, perform "circle walking" to prove you are a Bagua guy.
- go down to the ground, choke on his dead body to prove you are a BJJ guy.
- ...

until then, just concentrate on "your fist meets on your opponent's face".

 

[crazydiamond]

Those rare times when only one or two of us show up for class my instructor says.. .."post on the dojo FB site that I taught you something extremely rare and lethal tonight"

So i go on the dojo page and use (google supplied) Cantonese or Filipino phrases- making them sound wicked and only for life threatening situations - but the words actually translate into English phrases like "Scream and Flee" or "Soil your Pants". Students come in the next day saying "please show us (soil your pants) moves" and the instructor says it was a special class only.

 

[Ironbear24]

The first strike in this technique is enough to stop the attacker. The other strikes and the kiai are for the ladies.

 

[donald1]

Stuff I remember hearing

"Step block no get hit!"

"Eyes forward and pay attention ill demonstrate the technique once"

"No! you mess up now start over!"

 

[Dirty Dog]

One I heard a lot from Master Cho when I was a teen: "Wrong, dumbass!"
Which was followed by being smacked in the back of the head. And was one of the few things he could say without a strong Korean accent.

 

[Xue Sheng]

Xingyiquan sifu: "if you have joint pain tell me about it and I will adjust your stance, but if it is muscle pain...shut up and stand, I don't want to hear it"

Guy trying to impress my sifu with his powers of qi..... sifu looks at me and says "Fēngla" (疯)
guy asks me what did that mean...I smiled and said.... I have no idea

 

[Ironbear24]

Xingyiquan sifu: "if you have joint pain tell me about it and I will adjust your stance, but if it is muscle pain...shut up and stand, I don't want to hear it"

Guy trying to impress my sifu with his powers of qi..... sifu looks at me and says "Fēngla" (疯)
guy asks me what did that mean...I smiled and said.... I have no idea

You know what it means don't you ?

 

[Xue Sheng]

You know what it means don't you ?

Yup

 

[Dinkydoo]

"Ladies, what's happening over here, having a little chit-chat and a party? Have you done your burpees...."

"Don't be sick on the mats"

 

[Xue Sheng]

Xingyi sifu again; I was sparing with him.

"if you don't hit me I don't think I'm sparing"

So I hit him..twice

"That's better"

Then he pummeled me

 

[ShawnP]

Students standing around talking about preservatives in the foods we eat that are bad for you and may cause you to get sick or even die.
sensei walks up in the middle of the conversation and says, preservatives bad for you?! no they aren't its right in the word itself, preserve- ative!
student says, yeah what happens when you "preserve" i live person? makes sense...

 

[RTKDCMB]

My instructor was explaining to the class about stretching like an elastic band. A student asked to go to the toilet so the instructor said 'You should have brought elastic band".