Society more or less accepting of women who dont have or don't like babies?

[Blade96]

I am wondering, because i am one of them. And I wanted to bring a new topic to the study.

growing up in my extended family, all of them had babies and got married and none of them had university except me, my mom, and a cousin or two. All of them love babies. except me. all of them want them, except me. and all of them like to push it on each other, too.

One of my mother's bro's has three daughters. @ have two kids each. and the third never did. To this day people always pressure her to have a baby.

The other day, my mpm's sister told her that she wants her daughter who lives with her bf, to have a baby.

When I met my current bf, Bruce, one of the first questions I got asked was when im gonna have a baby.

I'm 32 now and I never liked them, and havent got one shred of iota of interest in having one.

Trouble is none of my family accepts that. I got everything from 'you'll grow out of it' to "you're immature' 'Its just your immaturity' and 'you'll change cause they arent your own' I dont wanna find out if I'll change. and when my bro had his baby i still pay no attention to the 9 month old girl. and people said 'Something wrong with you' 'its not just any baby'

so my question is, Do you think society is very accepting of women or people for that matter, generally, who do not like or want to have children? Its like my family believes that having a baby is the bees knees and that you are success. and there is something wrong with me because i do not cutchie coo over babies fat cheeks or whatever.

Seems to me from my family and from reading around on the net and from people i know who arent relatives or friends, that someone like me is considered an anomaly or barking mad or immature or....something.

 

[Empty Hands]

Not really, no. Not having kids is far more accepted than it used to be however. Not having a marriage or children could even hold back your career. Not so much anymore, although some of those attitudes are still there.

 

[Jenna]

We are genetically hardcoded to procreate. This tempers our societal reaction to those who - by their own choice - have no desire to have children.

Yet we all have an apparent freedom to choose. In choosing to "contravene" our programming does this make us anomalies? Perhaps. Does it matter? Only if we allow ourselves to feel torn or ambivalent over it.

Jenna xo

 

[CoryKS]

Don't know about "society" in general, but I can't say that I've ever had an opinion one way or another regarding whether someone had, or wanted to have, children.

 

[Bruno@MT]

Well, no offense but you are an anomaly, to a certain degree. Society has developed around women having kids. There is a certain amount of evolution at work here (people who didn't value procreation didn't procreate) as well as pressure from society that still needs an influx of kids to exist.

As a result, women wanting to have kids is considered normal, and women not wanting to have kids is outside of the norm. You may have specific reasons not to have kids (which may be concious decisions or subconcious ones) but from the pov of society, that makes no difference.

Also, your parents had kids, meaning that they probably wanted to have kids. This also means that they consider having kids the right choice, and that they assume that you will feel the same way. So I think it is normal that your parents want you to have kids. I am not making a value judgement here, just an observation.

For me, having kids was the dealbreaker before my girlfriend and I started living together. I was (am) willing to compromise on many things, but the difference between having kids and not having is pretty absolute, and I always wanted to have kids.

 

[sfs982000]

I agree that I think it's more socially acceptable in this day and age if a person decides not to have kids. Honestly I was one of those individuals that was on the fence on whether I wanted kids or not and yes I was one of those individuals that got pressured to death to have kids right away after I got married. Today I have 7 year old twin boys and I can't picture my life without them. I personally feel that it's your decision ulitmately to have kids or not to have kids and I think its wrong for family and friends to but any kind of pressure on you.

 

[Steve]

I will admit that when you said, "and when my bro had his baby i still pay no attention to the 9 month old girl. and people said 'Something wrong with you' 'its not just any baby'," I was pretty shocked. I totally get that you don't like kids, but damn. That's family. Your niece. One very short genetic hop from being your sister. I can totally understand not wanting to hold her or change a diaper, but saying something as absolute as, "I still pay no attention to [her]" seems pretty harsh.

This, to me, is well beyond a woman simply not wanting kids.

 

[Steve]

And on another note, any smart people not considering having kids should watch the first 15 minutes of Idiocracy.

 

[Nomad]

And on another note, any smart people not considering having kids should watch the first 15 minutes of Idiocracy.

This really is the only part of the movie worth watching. Great premise, that then failed to live up to it, IMO.

 

[teekin]

Blade, I really like kids and wanted kids but can't have any. I also seriously wonder about my ability to raise a child by myself ( I would never bet a child's life on another person sticking around to help other than my few girlfreinds). This has kept me from adopting or even looking at adopting.

This is the answer I give if anyone asks me when I am going to have kids. I know this is the right answer for me in this life, what others think is ultimately Immaterial, it doesn't matter, it has No bearing on my life at all.

Blade dear, you spend time worrying about what others think of you. Weather they like you and why or why not. If you fit in or rather why you don't fit in. Sweetie if you embraced you uniqueness, celebrated your flambouance and outright had fun with life you would find that people LIKE the unique and artisic ones. I bet I would like the way you think.

Lori

 

[Steve]

This really is the only part of the movie worth watching. Great premise, that then failed to live up to it, IMO.

I'd agree with this, although there are moments in the movie worth muscling through.

 

[wushuguy]

having kids is an optional thing, and people now are more understanding of it.

more and more we hear others who are having kids saying they don't care what the kid is like, just hope it is normal... and after seeing tons of terrible kids who belong to generally good people, never know what kind of personality the kid will have or if even one can bring it up. Kids can be quite different than their parents.

Whatever you choose in life is your own choice. No need to convince others why you make your choices.

 

[Bruno@MT]

I wanted to add 2 things to my previous post:

1) there is indeed the chance you will change your mind. I have known other women who never ever wanted to have kids, never never never cross their hearts and hope to die... but then had kids when their biological clock started ticking. I am not saying this will happen to you, but it is indeed possible (in case you were wondering why people say those things).

2) For your sister, that kid is the single most important thing in their life. If they are anything like me and my wife, they would take a bullet for the kid. My wife and I both agree that if there is ever a life or death situation where you have to choose between your partner and a kid, then you choose for the kid without hesitation. I say this so that even if you do not understand this feeling yourself, you at least know it factually. Their kid is the most precious thing in their life, and will probably remain so until they die. So it won't hurt to at least make a token effort in acknowledging the kid. Because if you say things to your sister like you said in your original post, that is going to hurt them bad, and cause bad feelings towards you.