Pretending to be Prey

[Em MacIntosh]

One of my freinds is really timid. He slouches with his hands in his pockets, stays close to walls, trying to go unnoticed. He gets picked on a lot and some people have thrown down with him. As soon as someone throws down he straightens up his back and gets a wicked smile like it's what he's been waiting for, then he tends to kick the other guy inside out. He seems unconfident and takes a lot of guff, but when it comes down to it, I think it's his way of picking fights. He's won every one I've seen him get into and I've seen him get into six. Four of them were during the same summer! He tells me he doesn't like fighting but I don't believe him. He seems to enjoy it too much. I hope he doesn't get killed but he doesn't heed our warnings. Does anyone else have (a) freind(s) like this? If so, do you have any advice for how to help them understand? Would that be helping? I don't know...

 

[Brian R. VanCise]

I think that at some point your friend will meet someone a little quicker, stronger, smarter, etc. Let's hope he survives the encounter.

 

[JBrainard]

Does anyone else have (a) freind(s) like this? If so, do you have any advice for how to help them understand? Would that be helping? I don't know...

An ex-coworker of my wife's was kind of like this, but I don't think it was to pick fights, I think it was his personality. It was kind of funny. He was this nerdy guy, but he could street fight like nobody's buisness.

 

[CoryKS]

Sounds like your friend really likes to fight, and is applying the concept of provocative weakness to avoid getting in trouble for starting the fight. Can't say it's an ethical tactic, but on the other hand I can't really feel sorry for those who decided to prey upon him either.

 

[theletch1]

Gotta agree with Brian, as usual. I don't know your friend well enough to say that he is actively picking fights but I will say that since leaving the military a dozen years ago I've been able to successfully avoid any fights that have come my way.

 

[Em MacIntosh]

I think that at some point your friend will meet someone a little quicker, stronger, smarter, etc. Let's hope he survives the encounter.

Ya.
We're all waitin'. (hangs head and shakes)

 

[jim777]

How old a person are we talking about here, 16 or 17 or such?

 

[zDom]

You might be reading too much into your observations.

In reading your description of this friend, I saw a lot of myself in there.

After 15 years of martial arts I generally do a better job of not looking like a victim (appearing more confident, better posture, looking people in the eyes, etc.) but even now people who don't know me, know who I am, and someone tells them I can fight then often say, "I don't see it...really?"

Even before martial arts I could scrap fairly well (although, unlike your friend, I took my share of beatings).

But I honestly do NOT like to fight; mean, nasty people scare me. Even though I know in my head I will win a fight, I still get scared.

Until I get attacked, and then — like your friend — I DO like to fight. I don't even know how to explain it.

So your friend may NOT be trying to bait people into getting thrashed by him. He may genuinely be meek — until someone flips his switch.

 

[Touch Of Death]

One of my freinds is really timid. He slouches with his hands in his pockets, stays close to walls, trying to go unnoticed. He gets picked on a lot and some people have thrown down with him. As soon as someone throws down he straightens up his back and gets a wicked smile like it's what he's been waiting for, then he tends to kick the other guy inside out. He seems unconfident and takes a lot of guff, but when it comes down to it, I think it's his way of picking fights. He's won every one I've seen him get into and I've seen him get into six. Four of them were during the same summer! He tells me he doesn't like fighting but I don't believe him. He seems to enjoy it too much. I hope he doesn't get killed but he doesn't heed our warnings. Does anyone else have (a) freind(s) like this? If so, do you have any advice for how to help them understand? Would that be helping? I don't know...

I've been accused of being like this. I don't use the natural bully magnet vibe as an excuse to hurt people or anything but I probably would have in the past. I have been told my tendency to let it get to a point where I need to defend myself is a trap that I tend to set, but I usually end up making a friend of the bully or I, at least, scare him off.
Sean

 

[Em MacIntosh]

We should start another thread about you and your freind being jumped or maybe a big group against a smaller group or something. There probably already is.

 

[tshadowchaser]

Not sure if your friend is looking for fights with his outward attitude or if he just goes off the deep end when he has to go into a defensive mode.
If he is unable to back away from situations when confronted then I would suggest that he is looking for trouble but he may not realize it.
He needs to do something to build his self confidence and maybe his posture will change if he feels better about himself.

 

[Em MacIntosh]

All I can do is hope he wises up. I just want to know that I'm backing him up for the right reasons. I'm just going to ask him. Not that he'll tell me but I might as well get his oppinion.

 

[Em MacIntosh]

How old a person are we talking about here, 16 or 17 or such?

He's 22.

 

[MaartenSFS]

Get him to adopt a Terminator Stride and Clint Eastwood eyes and he'll never have another fight in his life.

 

[Em MacIntosh]

Interesting! I'll let him know.

 

[MJS]

One of my freinds is really timid. He slouches with his hands in his pockets, stays close to walls, trying to go unnoticed. He gets picked on a lot and some people have thrown down with him. As soon as someone throws down he straightens up his back and gets a wicked smile like it's what he's been waiting for, then he tends to kick the other guy inside out. He seems unconfident and takes a lot of guff, but when it comes down to it, I think it's his way of picking fights. He's won every one I've seen him get into and I've seen him get into six. Four of them were during the same summer! He tells me he doesn't like fighting but I don't believe him. He seems to enjoy it too much. I hope he doesn't get killed but he doesn't heed our warnings. Does anyone else have (a) freind(s) like this? If so, do you have any advice for how to help them understand? Would that be helping? I don't know...

I don't know your friend, so my reply may be a little off, regarding his personality and judgement. IMO though, it seems as if he may be bringing attention to himself. Is he naturally timid, shy, etc., or does he just act like he is? A bully looks for people like this. While the element of surprise, which seems like he is using, isn't necessarily a bad thing, as others have said, this tactic may not always work.

Mike

 

[Em MacIntosh]

Around us he party's like he rest of us but when we're around people he doesn't know, he keeps to himself. He's meek.

 

[ArmorOfGod]

If so, do you have any advice for how to help them understand? Would that be helping? I don't know...

Stay away from him. No one needs friends that like to start fights, however they may do it.

AoG

 

[Em MacIntosh]

I apreciate that, but I don't turn my back on my mates. I don't hang out much with him anymore though for that reason but I did grow up with him. Your advice is apreciated though. Thank you.

 

[Touch Of Death]

I apreciate that, but I don't turn my back on my mates. I don't hang out much with him anymore though for that reason but I did grow up with him. Your advice is apreciated though. Thank you.

I'm glad you said that. My advice is to rent the movie, "Mean Streats". Its an old Dinero flick... Enjoy.
Sean