My Wife's Jaded Opinion - Agree or Disagree?

[Karjitsu]

I to have seen instructors whose wives hold high ranks and wonder if this is for real. One system that I know of in the Bronx, New York female black belts wear belts with a white Line in the center, and high ranking females have a red belt with a white line in the center.
I have more concerns over Children who are black belts and schools make them wear their Gi’s to class so the public can see what school they belong to because it is displayed on the back. Makes me sick
Thanks,
Kyoshi Paul John Pastore

 

[tntma12]

I dont see anything wrong with it. I have seen it as well where I live, and have been to their school a few times. I definately do not question either of them or their rank. They are both great instructors. I also think it could bring a different and dynamic method of teaching, possibly bringing out the best of each other.

 

[tsd]

What if a father and son ran a dojo? Would you automatically assume that the son isn't legit?

Kudos to you Phoenix 44.

 

[Tarot]

What I find interesting is that some people are automatically focusing on the wife in the situation. Thinking that the it's the wife that got promoted by the husband and maybe too quickly and wondering if she's really that good. Why is that? Why do people automatically assume that it's the wife that studied under her husband as opposed to the husband studying under the wife? It's completely possible that they both studied together under the same instructor. Or under different instructors.

When I see a husband/wife team with belts running a dojo I do not think twice about it. It doesn't make me think it's a McDojo or a sham. Unless shown otherwise I would think both people train and work hard for their art. The two arts that I study, I brought my husband in and now we train together. It would bug me if someone thought I didn't train as hard as he did or that I was given my belt while he "earned" his belt. It also bugs me when people find out we train together and they turn to him and say, "Oh, got the wife to train too, huh?"

So that said, is it more of the fact that people are still getting used to seeing female martial artists and it's not so common? Because otherwise I can't understand the response in thinking that it's the husband's doing and the wife must be tagging along.

 

[IcemanSK]

Why does everyone with a negative thought on this automatically assume that it's the wife that's "tagging along?" Perhaps it's the wife's dream to open a school & the husband has come after. I think we'll see that more often in the next few years.

 

[Cirdan]

Why does everyone with a negative thought on this automatically assume that it's the wife that's "tagging along?" Perhaps it's the wife's dream to open a school & the husband has come after. I think we'll see that more often in the next few years.

Indeed. I have trained at two schools where the senior MAist was the wife. And I assure you they were not running anybody`s mcdojo.

 

[PictonMA]

My wife and I started dating in July 1998, she got her shodan 6weeks or so before we started dating - we met through mutual friends in the martial arts.

She started training in 1989, got her shodan in 1998, her nidan in 2005.

If anything she's been held back because she ends up in my shadow as the assistant instructor, when frankly anyone who knows her and how we teach / train would totally agree that she performs well above the skill level of a lot of people who graded with or before her.

The great thing is that she could care less about rank, she just wants to train and teach, exactly what I want as well.

 

[BudoTiger]

the term "mcdojo" is thrown around way too much no days. MA schools are just like people. you cant judge them all by bad experiences with a few. if that happened no one would ever leave their house.

people have good and bad experiences at all schools in all areas. you have to take each individual school on it own merits and that includes the instructors.

one of the best san soo dojos in my area is run by a husband and wife (bill and sharon lassiter) and trust me they are by no means a sham.

so like i said you have to take each on its own merit.

 

[Last Fearner]

I agree with your wife's observations in some cases, but not the "jaded" part. A jaded opinion often skews our logic and good common sense.

She told me that she is glad that she never trained under me and advanced in rank because when she sees a married couple wearing black belts and running a school, she automatically assumes that it is a sham and the couple are phonies or a mcdojo.

I think we know why it is not good to "assume" things. It is not good, nor fair to lump everyone together and falsely label hardworking individuals as phonies.

What does everyone think though? In general, is it true? When you see a husband/wife teaching team is one usually legit (or semi-legit) and the other a hastily promoted black belt, being promoted by the other?

"Usually?" I think it should be obvious that this is not the case. As others have said, each person should be judged on their own merits, and not because they are a spouse (husband or wife), sibling, or off-spring.

In my particular case, I am 6th Dan and my wife is 3rd Dan. She has helped me run my schools and teach classes for many years. She began her training under me, and promoted to 3rd Dan before we were married. However, and most importantly, I never promoted her in rank. I taught her, but she tested under the same Grandmasters that I did. The chief judge at here 3rd Dan test was a Kukkiwan 9th Dan - - so let anyone try and challenge her rank! :ultracool

The rank is supposed to be a helpful indication to the general public that the individual is knowledgeable, provided the source of the rank, and those issuing it are legit. People do take advantage of this process, though, and they are the ones who should be exposed for their fraud. However, the real proof is always in the individual's abilities and teaching skill.

As far as a wife helping her husband (in your particular case, AoG), there are many ways this can be done. There was a time when I was younger that my father ran a full-service gas station with a mechanic's garage (the old fashioned kind in the '70s). We worked it as a family. My mother worked the books, and my two brothers and I pumped gas, washed windshields, checked oil, and filled the wiper and battery fluids (back when batteries needed water added).

I was about 12 years old, and many customers were skeptical about a kid pumping fuel, and checking under the hood. A few would watch me closely, but quickly saw that I knew what I was doing. I did not pretend to be a mechanic, but my older brother attended mechanic's school and got certified. You have to check the credentials of anyone doing anything where you value the outcome.

Your wife helping to run the school can take many forms (advertising, scheduling appointments, bookkeeping, etc). If she were to ever study and become a Black Belt, it should be first and foremost because she wants to learn the knowledge for herself. Otherwise, what kind of an instructor, and a Black Belt would she be if she didn't internalize the training, and was only doing it to help teach classes. If she did become a Black Belt for good reason, I am sure that a "family run" school by two qualified instructors would certainly run more smoothly, and who cares what others think. Let them find out from your own reputation that you ARE the real deal!

CM D.J. Eisenhart