How can I BLOCK hard enough to dissuade further attack?

[FatMan]

Is there a blocking technique that will cause significant discomfort to the striking party? It must be an obviously defensive move, not a "defense by offense".

You probably guessed it, but I need something to employ against an abusive woman -- without going to jail. Her assaults are pretty amateurish -- flurries of slaps toward the head. If I grab her wrists, she resorts to kicking the shins. Slapping the incoming forearms and tripping her resulted in a call to the sheriff's office. The deputies accepted that I had acted only defensively. Either of us could press charges ... but didn't. She didn't b/c her story had fallen apart. I didn't b/c the deputies presented it as a pretty pointless thing to do.

A couple years later, she has repeated a very similar ... tantrum. This time I ducked most of the clumsy slaps. I did retreat to an area of our home monitored by a security camera in case she accused me of something. Nearly the whole incident was recorded.

But I want a way to STOP this behavior ... without going to jail for it. I have never hit her and don't intend to. If I thought a slap or two or a butt-whipping could straighten her up, I would. But that would just get me charged with abuse and serve no productive purpose.

The obvious way to stop the abuse is to divorce her. I'm trying not to go there as we have children. If I DO divorce her, a clear record of her abusiveness will help me get custody ... and she is not stable enough to be a good mom on her own.

So, back to the original question. Is there a block or other DEFENSIVE move -- that on camera will be obviously defensive -- but will cause enough discomfort to the incoming forearm/hand/wrist that she's likely to stop? I prefer not to do her long-term damage (e.g. broken elbow), but if she can be bruised or swollen by such a move, she'll probably stop. Maybe call the cops again ... in which case I will press charges.

Thanks!

 

[drop bear]

There is but it will leave bruises.

I would start by suggesting taking her back and holding her in a bear hug.

 

[MJS]

Is there a blocking technique that will cause significant discomfort to the striking party? It must be an obviously defensive move, not a "defense by offense".

You probably guessed it, but I need something to employ against an abusive woman -- without going to jail. Her assaults are pretty amateurish -- flurries of slaps toward the head. If I grab her wrists, she resorts to kicking the shins. Slapping the incoming forearms and tripping her resulted in a call to the sheriff's office. The deputies accepted that I had acted only defensively. Either of us could press charges ... but didn't. She didn't b/c her story had fallen apart. I didn't b/c the deputies presented it as a pretty pointless thing to do.

A couple years later, she has repeated a very similar ... tantrum. This time I ducked most of the clumsy slaps. I did retreat to an area of our home monitored by a security camera in case she accused me of something. Nearly the whole incident was recorded.

But I want a way to STOP this behavior ... without going to jail for it. I have never hit her and don't intend to. If I thought a slap or two or a butt-whipping could straighten her up, I would. But that would just get me charged with abuse and serve no productive purpose.

The obvious way to stop the abuse is to divorce her. I'm trying not to go there as we have children. If I DO divorce her, a clear record of her abusiveness will help me get custody ... and she is not stable enough to be a good mom on her own.

So, back to the original question. Is there a block or other DEFENSIVE move -- that on camera will be obviously defensive -- but will cause enough discomfort to the incoming forearm/hand/wrist that she's likely to stop? I prefer not to do her long-term damage (e.g. broken elbow), but if she can be bruised or swollen by such a move, she'll probably stop. Maybe call the cops again ... in which case I will press charges.

Thanks!

Here's an idea...how about removing yourself from the abusive relationship! I'm sorry, but for me, I really can never understand, why people, who're in abusive relationships, continue to stay in them. Let me ask you...do you really think that having a good block, is going to solve this issue? I would say no. Want to know why? Because your 'good block' is actually going to do nothing more, than piss off the other party, who will no doubt, resort to other tactics. See where I'm going here? I'll in essence, be nothing more than a revolving door.

 

[wimwag]

If you're blocking hard enough to dissuade further attack, you're going to leave bruises.

On the other hand, over time, blocks become strikes as your karate evolves.

Sent from my Nokia Lumina using Tapatalk and glitchy Windows 8

 

[wimwag]

A woman who uses violence instead of words is still just a child and her father obviously failed her. Shame on him.

Sent from my Nokia Lumina using Tapatalk and glitchy Windows 8

 

[FatMan]

Bruises? OK as long as I'm legally clear b/c it was a matter of defense ... and when shown the security video normal people will understand it is a defense instead of a counter-attack. If I retreat, duck some blows, then give her a right cross in the mouth ... the jury will probably see that differently ... even though it is defense in any encounter outside of the domestic context.

Bear hug? I assume without squeezing hard enough to bring on any actual injuries. If I hold her in that for several minutes to try to calm her down ... how will the cops/jury look at that? Does that appear aggressive on my part?

Dad failed her? Yep. I'd love to time-travel back and fix that ...

Remove myself from the relationship? Probably will need to. But I must do so when she has no legal leg to stand on ... and she's not quite there ... yet.

So ... what's the blocking technique that would work but leave bruises? Is it the outside forearm block someone mentioned in another context?

 

[Tony Dismukes]

MJS has it. The number one defense against an abusive individual in a relationship is to leave the relationship. Anything else is not going to work out well.

 

[mook jong man]

Doesn't matter what block you learn mate.
You have to sleep sometime , and that's when crazy ones like her tend to strike.
Just get out of there and divorce her.

 

[lklawson]

The obvious way to stop the abuse is to divorce her. I'm trying not to go there as we have children.

This does not help the children. It hurts them. Seeing one parent abused by the other creates emotional scars and, for some, teaches them that it is either OK or that it is a preferred method of conflict resolution.

Children of abusive relationships often fall into one of two equally self destructive templates. They will come to believe it is normal and they 1) either accept abuse themselves or perpetrate abuse themselves, or 2) they will swear that it will never ever ever happen to them and they tend to not have healthy, deep relationships but rather have shallow relationships or push potential friends and partners away from them, ending cold, alone, and almost always very bitter at both parents. You don't want either of these.

Document the abuse. Call the cops every time. See a Divorce Attorney and have him fill out paperwork for both divorce and Sole Custody of the children with Court Supervised visitation. The Attorney will know why and give you all the lurid details. Also, never have sex with her ever again, under any circumstances. Not even if you think you two have had a break through and are reconciling. This has nothing to do with "punishing" her and everything to do with preventing her from claiming sexual assault and getting a Rape Kit done.

Get yourself and your kids OUT of this situation RIGHT FRIGG'N NOW! If not for you, then for the children. You're supposed to be protecting them from both physical and emotional harm. Do so.

Peace favor your sword,
Kirk

 

[lklawson]

A woman who uses violence instead of words is still just a child and her father obviously failed her. Shame on him.

Or maybe she is suffering from mental illness. Borderline Personality Disorder and Bi Polar Disorder are increasingly common among women. Or maybe she's suffering from an addiction or dependency which causes mood instability. Or maybe her father died and she never had a male role model (how dare he, the failure!). Or maybe she saw her mother abusing her father, who stoically stayed with her "because of the kids," and learned that this behavior is acceptable.

"There are more things in Heaven and Earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy."

Peace favor your sword,
Kirk

 

[MJS]

Bruises? OK as long as I'm legally clear b/c it was a matter of defense ... and when shown the security video normal people will understand it is a defense instead of a counter-attack. If I retreat, duck some blows, then give her a right cross in the mouth ... the jury will probably see that differently ... even though it is defense in any encounter outside of the domestic context.

Again, why would you want to do any of this??

Bear hug? I assume without squeezing hard enough to bring on any actual injuries. If I hold her in that for several minutes to try to calm her down ... how will the cops/jury look at that? Does that appear aggressive on my part?

Again, why do you want to do this? This is akin to what I said about the blocks. So, you're going to bearhug her, hold her for whatever amount of time, let her go, and then what? Wash, rinse and repeat? Grab her again, the next time she swings at you? And then what?

Remove myself from the relationship? Probably will need to. But I must do so when she has no legal leg to stand on ... and she's not quite there ... yet.

Umm...what? You must do so when she has no legal leg to stand on? What is she doing, holding you hostage at gunpoint not allowing you to leave? I doubt that, so again, why aren't you leaving? You complain about a situation, yet you do nothing to remove yourself from it, and then you want sympathy or advice on what to do, and what's worse, you're looking for a physical solution.

So ... what's the blocking technique that would work but leave bruises? Is it the outside forearm block someone mentioned in another context?

I wouldn't worry about blocks. I'd worry about packing your stuff, and getting out of dodge.

 

[FatMan]

This does not help the children. It hurts them. Seeing one parent abused by the other creates emotional scars and, for some, teaches them that it is either OK or that it is a preferred method of conflict resolution.

Many good points, that one probably the best.

Thanks, all.

 

[Transk53]

As a adult, my sister and I understood why our Dad walked out (the mother got custody). We went through ten kinds of hell, but now the mother is spending her time contemplating that spousal abuse has sentenced her to a lonely old age. Okay, so I had to take the brunt of the emotional and physical abuse, but that was not my Dads fault. Obviously a bit of different situation, but I can at least see one side of a situation like this.

 

[wimwag]

Good luck. Mine is also crazy. Super crazy. But she refrains from violence. Probably because she's watched me break my own hand on a brick wall that happened to be behind the dry wall and broke a few very expensive drill bits and finish the job with a hand folded in half.

Your kids may not understand divorce today tomorrow or even next year but it does them no good to see you abused and they will learn from her and you (who puts up with it) that men are inferior and objects to possess. One day they will see the big picture.



Sent from my Nokia Lumina using Tapatalk and glitchy Windows 8

 

[Touch Of Death]

Is there a blocking technique that will cause significant discomfort to the striking party? It must be an obviously defensive move, not a "defense by offense".

You probably guessed it, but I need something to employ against an abusive woman -- without going to jail. Her assaults are pretty amateurish -- flurries of slaps toward the head. If I grab her wrists, she resorts to kicking the shins. Slapping the incoming forearms and tripping her resulted in a call to the sheriff's office. The deputies accepted that I had acted only defensively. Either of us could press charges ... but didn't. She didn't b/c her story had fallen apart. I didn't b/c the deputies presented it as a pretty pointless thing to do.

A couple years later, she has repeated a very similar ... tantrum. This time I ducked most of the clumsy slaps. I did retreat to an area of our home monitored by a security camera in case she accused me of something. Nearly the whole incident was recorded.

But I want a way to STOP this behavior ... without going to jail for it. I have never hit her and don't intend to. If I thought a slap or two or a butt-whipping could straighten her up, I would. But that would just get me charged with abuse and serve no productive purpose.

The obvious way to stop the abuse is to divorce her. I'm trying not to go there as we have children. If I DO divorce her, a clear record of her abusiveness will help me get custody ... and she is not stable enough to be a good mom on her own.

So, back to the original question. Is there a block or other DEFENSIVE move -- that on camera will be obviously defensive -- but will cause enough discomfort to the incoming forearm/hand/wrist that she's likely to stop? I prefer not to do her long-term damage (e.g. broken elbow), but if she can be bruised or swollen by such a move, she'll probably stop. Maybe call the cops again ... in which case I will press charges.

Thanks!

Lightly slap her punches to the side, hold her, and tell her you can't be friends anymore.

 

[Touch Of Death]

Another way, and this will work against smaller women, is to hold your arms out long, and manipulate her strikes with your hands, It won't look like strikes if you don't strike her.

 

[Touch Of Death]

There is a third option. Let her hit you, and position yourself do that she hurts herself. This is my personal favorite.
Sean

 

[jks9199]

Sounds LOTS more like you need relationship counseling, and may benefit from looking at the dynamics of abusive relationships.

That said -- done properly, blocking should deter further attacks.

 

[sfs982000]

Sounds like she needs some serious counseling to get to the root of her problem, you should really consider removing yourself from that situation until she does so. If she doesn't, your not in a situation where you have to block anything and she can throw as many tantrums as she likes. As far as blocks go, like others have posted, if done correctly they're more like counterstrikes that should deter any further violence.

 

[Gnarlie]

Or... talk to her over the phone. Best kind of blocking = not be there.

Alternatively, if you have to do this face to face, the best technique I can suggest is to stay on the balls of your feet during the conversation, and the moment you sense violence is imminent, use the following strategy:
turn 180 degrees on the balls of your feet, keeping your back straight and your chin high. Go to the wardrobe, grab your essential stuff, and leave. Life is too short for that stuff.

Gnarlie