Girlfriend doing Muay Thai sparring

[ShortBridge]

Sho

Short bridge, thank you. I really appreciate you telling your story and giving me constructive criticism. I agree that it is not my place or anyone's to tell her what to do. I want her to be happy and not feel controlled. It is tough for me to be okay with because I don't watch sparring or anything. All I've really seen of martial arts is like UFC fights, which the main purpose seems like it IS to knock each other out. So I guess that's my association with all martial arts. We do have a very healthy relationship and this is really the only thing that's had a bit of unresolved discussion. I will definitely try to find out what makes her want to do it and try to understand that drive.

I just think it's very hard for me to be OK and supportive of something that can potentially hurt her pretty bad which it has already done in the past . But I guess we all live and learn. I just have decent experience with being injured, and pretty severely in the face region. so I usually try to caution anybody that risks their face for the name of the sport, friends/girlfriend/family. I don't like to see loved ones hurt

Sounds reasonable.

What you see on TV is most likely not a good representation of what she's getting into, though it might be. Depends on the gym. Most often though, think of "softball team after work" vs "Major League Baseball". "Recreational hockey league" vs "Might get called up the the NHL next week, but must prove myself". Connor MacGreggor is not going to beat her unconscious on Tuesday night at the intermediate class.

I will say that my reaction to her wanting to go back to this after being injured in it in the past is opposite of yours. I admire her and I recognize something is driving her to do this. She may not even know what, but it's not "sure, I'm up for a movie". It's something more foundational than that about her. That's your mystery to unlock.

I also would worry less about my wife if she had done this and especially if she had taken a punch and come back again. The deciding factor in surviving an assault is usually whether you keep fighting after you've been hurt or you become cooperative and hope for the best. That can be learned and trained and though it isn't pleasant can make you much safer, more confident and less afraid as you go through life.

She sounds like a smart person, I doubt that she's going to destroy herself doing this. I also doubt that 99% of clubs would allow that to happen either. I don't know where you live, but would be happy to put her in touch with women I know who have gone down this path, if she'd like to compare experiences and maybe get some advice. None of them, by the way, have been disfigured, though they have all mixed it up pretty good with men who weren't handling them with kid gloves.

 

[Tony Dismukes]

. It is tough for me to be okay with because I don't watch sparring or anything. All I've really seen of martial arts is like UFC fights, which the main purpose seems like it IS to knock each other out. So I guess that's my association with all martial arts.

In that case you will be happy to know that sparring in the gym is usually done at a much lower intensity than in a high-stakes context like a UFC match. Most of us do not spar with the intent to knock out or injure our sparring partners.

 

[Tez3]

I guess my question is, is it controlling for me not to want her to spar? I value her face and I don't want it getting smashed for the sake of exercise. Thanks for your help!

As a female who has fought not just sparred full contact and had injuries as well as bruises on my face and body, yes you are controlling, not just of her but of the thread. You asked a question and now you don't like the answers which you knew were coming. Suck it up sunshine.

I suppose it hasn't occurred to you that she could be really good at it and is the one beating people up?

 

[Joshs1990]

As a female who has fought not just sparred full contact and had injuries as well as bruises on my face and body, yes you are controlling, not just of her but of the thread. You asked a question and now you don't like the answers which you knew were coming. Suck it up sunshine.

I suppose it hasn't occurred to you that she could be really good at it and is the one beating people up?

 

[Joshs1990]

I'm confused how I'm controlling for being concerned? I haven't ever told her stop, it's me or Muay Thai. It seems people are over looking that part.

 

[JowGaWolf]

I guess my question is, is it controlling for me not to want her to spar? I value her face and I don't want it getting smashed for the sake of exercise. Thanks for your help!

To be honest you should be really happy that she's into martial arts as much as she is. A girlfriend that is willing to spar is awesome. Most guys have the opposite problem where the wife or girlfriend is jealous of the husband or boyfriend spending a lot of time doing martial arts. Women who do martial arts are awesome. Women who do martial arts and enjoy sparring are HOT.

If your girlfriend is good at it Muay Thai then you shouldn't have to worry about her getting a broken nose, especially if she's not worried about her nose getting broken. She must have some good defense or she's doing light or medium sparring which means a broken nose is going to be very rare (or all of the above).

To be honest getting a broken nose during sparring is very rare. A broken nose injury is something that I think is probably common with sparring partners who have little control, and students who have really bad defense and is sparring way above their skill level. I would expect that a person is more likely to break their nose in competition than they are in sparring.

If I were in your shoes, I just really wouldn't worry about it. Don't make your girlfriend into a fragile person. Women have a problem with being "fragile" so if your girlfriend isn't fragile then be happy. She may feel less fragile than you. Just by reading some of the comments that you've said, my guess is that you think you are a fragile person. I would highly recommend a really good martial art school or join the same school she goes to for Muay Thai training, better yet, you may want to try a different school as you seem a little overprotective.

I can't put myself in the head of a fighter because I'm not one

This is problem where your real problems are. You don't have any warrior blood in you. I would highly recommend that you take a martial art and do some sparring, get some bruises, and then discover that the pain that you get from training and sparring is not the end of the world. I think you'll learn more about yourself and you'll learn more about why she enjoys what she does.

The only real way you can understand why a martial artist enjoys doing what they do is to take a martial art and have your own personal journey. There's no way you can stand on the outside looking in, and decide that it's bad or dangerous from someone. It looks dangerous for you because you don't train. Take a class and find your warrior blood.

 

[JowGaWolf]

I'll tell you why this subject pisses me off so much. My daughter was dating this guy and living with him and she's always just done kenpo and she'd get the odd bruise as you do and the guy she was with kept subtly saying she shouldn't do it as it risk her health and she shouldn't be damaging her soul by learning to fight and that god wouldn't forgive her (he was one of those ott religious types) so she stopped training. Now I didn't know any of this until much later but she said to me she didn't want to anymore. But one day she realised what he was up to and said she was going to train and he tried to physically stop her and he ended with a elbow across the jaw and a knee in the groin from her. Luckily she realised what was happening and got out but some girls wouldn't realise that's why controlling boyfriends really angers me.

wow I can see why this is touchy for you.

 

[Ironbear24]

I wish my girlfriend did martial arts and wanted to spar. You should really count your blessings.

 

[Ironbear24]

I'll tell you why this subject pisses me off so much. My daughter was dating this guy and living with him and she's always just done kenpo and she'd get the odd bruise as you do and the guy she was with kept subtly saying she shouldn't do it as it risk her health and she shouldn't be damaging her soul by learning to fight and that god wouldn't forgive her (he was one of those ott religious types) so she stopped training. Now I didn't know any of this until much later but she said to me she didn't want to anymore. But one day she realised what he was up to and said she was going to train and he tried to physically stop her and he ended with a elbow across the jaw and a knee in the groin from her. Luckily she realised what was happening and got out but some girls wouldn't realise that's why controlling boyfriends really angers me.

This is going to sound cliche but many men are intimidated by strong women.

 

[Joshs1990]

To be honest you should be really happy that she's into martial arts as much as she is. A girlfriend that is willing to spar is awesome. Most guys have the opposite problem where the wife or girlfriend is jealous of the husband or boyfriend spending a lot of time doing martial arts. Women who do martial arts are awesome. Women who do martial arts and enjoy sparring are HOT.

If your girlfriend is good at it Muay Thai then you shouldn't have to worry about her getting a broken nose, especially if she's not worried about her nose getting broken. She must have some good defense or she's doing light or medium sparring which means a broken nose is going to be very rare (or all of the above).

To be honest getting a broken nose during sparring is very rare. A broken nose injury is something that I think is probably common with sparring partners who have little control, and students who have really bad defense and is sparring way above their skill level. I would expect that a person is more likely to break their nose in competition than they are in sparring.

If I were in your shoes, I just really wouldn't worry about it. Don't make your girlfriend into a fragile person. Women have a problem with being "fragile" so if your girlfriend isn't fragile then be happy. She may feel less fragile than you. Just by reading some of the comments that you've said, my guess is that you think you are a fragile person. I would highly recommend a really good martial art school or join the same school she goes to for Muay Thai training, better yet, you may want to try a different school as you seem a little overprotective.

This is problem where your real problems are. You don't have any warrior blood in you. I would highly recommend that you take a martial art and do some sparring, get some bruises, and then discover that the pain that you get from training and sparring is not the end of the world. I think you'll learn more about yourself and you'll learn more about why she enjoys what she does.

The only real way you can understand why a martial artist enjoys doing what they do is to take a martial art and have your own personal journey. There's no way you can stand on the outside looking in, and decide that it's bad or dangerous from someone. It looks dangerous for you because you don't train. Take a class and find your warrior blood.

Thank you for the feedback. I'd say I am emotionally fragile, sure, and I'm not ashamed of that. I don't have any interest myself in doing martial arts unfortunately, I am content weight training and have excellent results from it. That being said maybe I'll never understand the desire to fight. It would be extremely tough for me to actual witness her sparring because I feel like I'd stab someone if they punched her in the face or some **** even if it was in the name of 'sparring' (Can't wait to see the 'insane' comments back for that remark lol). I'll admit I do have anger issues but have been working on myself with that aspect for years and have improved. I appreciate the comments explaining stories of personal experience and not writing me off as controlling & that's it. Unfortunately I don't see eye to eye with being proud of having a 'tough girl'. I'm a traditional dude and it's definitely weird for me dealing with a girl into fighting as a form of exercise. Not a deal breaker by any means. I'm just here to see what actual people in martial arts think about my concerns. Wish I wouldn't have wrote the 'am I being controlling' piece in my first thread

 

[JowGaWolf]

This is going to sound cliche but many men are intimidated by strong women.

Very true. Not me. My inner warrior gets a good tickle when I see a woman that can fight. How cool would it be for a someone (male or female) to approach your girlfriend or wife saying "What you gonna do about it" after they were rude to her; and your only response is (I'm going to let her kick your A$$). I sparred with a guy who told me, that someone would have big surprise if they got into a fight with him and thought his wife was going to just stand and watch. For me, it's cool to have both the girlfriend and boyfriend be like tigers. In reality for my own self-defense. If I have to fight multiple people then I want to be able to do so knowing that my wife can handle herself at least long enough until I can finish whoever I'm fighting. For me personally tough women are awesome and hot. They are like a fellow warrior that you can depend on when things get thick. 2 warriors are always better than 1.

 

[Ironbear24]

Thank you for the feedback. I'd say I am emotionally fragile, sure, and I'm not ashamed of that. I don't have any interest myself in doing martial arts unfortunately, I am content weight training and have excellent results from it. That being said maybe I'll never understand the desire to fight. It would be extremely tough for me to actual witness her sparring because I feel like I'd stab someone if they punched her in the face or some **** even if it was in the name of 'sparring' (Can't wait to see the 'insane' comments back for that remark lol). I'll admit I do have anger issues but have been working on myself with that aspect for years and have improved. I appreciate the comments explaining stories of personal experience and not writing me off as controlling & that's it. Unfortunately I don't see eye to eye with being proud of having a 'tough girl'. I'm a traditional dude and it's definitely weird for me dealing with a girl into fighting as a form of exercise. Not a deal breaker by any means. I'm just here to see what actual people in martial arts think about my concerns. Wish I wouldn't have wrote the 'am I being controlling' piece in my first thread

I am going to make this very easy for you.

Your girlfriend loves doing this, so don't take that away from her. Yes she will get injuries but injuries heal and make you stronger. How would you feel if your girlfriend didn't want you to lift weights? Because it can hurt you and be dangerous? You of course would not like that.

As for the getting angry at people hitting her in matches and sparring. You need to get over that, you have to be able to distinguish between playing a game, which is what sparring and competitions are, vs someone actually trying to kill and do serious harm.

 

[Joshs1990]

I am going to make this very easy for you.

Your girlfriend loves doing this, so don't take that away from her. Yes she will get injuries but injuries heal and make you stronger. How would you feel if your girlfriend didn't want you to lift weights? Because it can hurt you and be dangerous? You of course would not like that.

As for the getting angry at people hitting her in matches and sparring. You need to get over that, you have to be able to distinguish between playing a game, which is what sparring and competitions are, vs someone actually trying to kill and do serious harm.

True injuries do heal. And ya know, the bruises and all are part of the territory of training, I get that. I personally don't think it's attractive in the least bit, but to each their own. Idk if anyone on here has ever gotten septoplasty for a broken nose, but the recovery process is essentially that your nose is unusable for a week then they pull used tampon sized bandages in your sinuses. Basically feels like they're pulling your brain out. Sooo, hell yeah I'll always tell people watch your nose cuz I don't want anybody to go through that pain, especially my gf. I should have made this forum, 'how often do people's noses get broken in Muay Thai' would have been a more appropriate question I suppose haha

 

[Joshs1990]

Ps this is the first forum I've ever made online so my bad to those I haven't responded to

 

[drop bear]

We had a girl train at our club who had the same issue. Boyfriend was concerned.

She solved this by getting a new boyfriend.

 

[Ironbear24]

True injuries do heal. And ya know, the bruises and all are part of the territory of training, I get that. I personally don't think it's attractive in the least bit, but to each their own. Idk if anyone on here has ever gotten septoplasty for a broken nose, but the recovery process is essentially that your nose is unusable for a week then they pull used tampon sized bandages in your sinuses. Basically feels like they're pulling your brain out. Sooo, hell yeah I'll always tell people watch your nose cuz I don't want anybody to go through that pain, especially my gf. I should have made this forum, 'how often do people's noses get broken in Muay Thai' would have been a more appropriate question I suppose haha

Whether it is attractive or not isn't the point. The point is it is making her happy, attractive is not the goal of martial arts. I have never met anyone man or woman who is concerned about how pretty or attractive they look when doing anything martial arts related.

They may be concerned about their form but that is about it. My gf doesn't like me doing martial arts or weight lifting for all the same reasons, that I get hurt and can get hurt and so on and that it "isn't cute." But that doesn't stop me from doing it obviously, people in relationships don't need to agree on everything. You don't have to like she is doing this, but you will have to eventually sooner or later accept it.

 

[Tony Dismukes]

you have to be able to distinguish between playing a game, which is what sparring and competitions are, vs someone actually trying to kill and do serious harm.

This is a very important point. Sparring is not fighting. It can be a game we play for fun. It can be a training drill we do to help each other learn and grow stronger. It's not about anger or trying to harm someone. Some of the external signs of a fight (punches, kicks, etc) may be there, but the meaning is completely different.

 

[Headhunter]

Thank you for the feedback. I'd say I am emotionally fragile, sure, and I'm not ashamed of that. I don't have any interest myself in doing martial arts unfortunately, I am content weight training and have excellent results from it. That being said maybe I'll never understand the desire to fight. It would be extremely tough for me to actual witness her sparring because I feel like I'd stab someone if they punched her in the face or some **** even if it was in the name of 'sparring' (Can't wait to see the 'insane' comments back for that remark lol). I'll admit I do have anger issues but have been working on myself with that aspect for years and have improved. I appreciate the comments explaining stories of personal experience and not writing me off as controlling & that's it. Unfortunately I don't see eye to eye with being proud of having a 'tough girl'. I'm a traditional dude and it's definitely weird for me dealing with a girl into fighting as a form of exercise. Not a deal breaker by any means. I'm just here to see what actual people in martial arts think about my concerns. Wish I wouldn't have wrote the 'am I being controlling' piece in my first thread

So lets get this straight you don't want to fight but you want to stab someone who spars with your girl....yeah we're getting more and more info on what kind of person you are and it's not good answers either.

 

[JowGaWolf]

I'd say I am emotionally fragile, sure, and I'm not ashamed of that. I don't have any interest myself in doing martial arts unfortunately, I am content weight training and have excellent results from it.

take a martial arts and all of that changes. If you have even the smallest amount of "warrior blood" in you then you'll enjoy martial arts. It'll help you emotionally because the training demands that students have a good grasp on their emotional control and weakness. Martial arts will actually make you better at weight training.

It would be extremely tough for me to actual witness her sparring because I feel like I'd stab someone if they punched her in the face or some **** even if it was in the name of 'sparring'

You wouldn't feel this way if you trained martial arts. Her sparring is her own battle. This is where she learns to be a better warrior. This is where you get to see how strong she is as a person. When she jumps into a situation where the lesson is for the sake of arguments is to not be dominated. You'll get to see her display her skills of strategy, self-defense, attacks, endurance, agility, and restraint. You'll see a new side of her. I would highly discourage fighting with people who train to fight lol. That never turns out well.

I'll admit I do have anger issues but have been working on myself with that aspect for years and have improved.

Yeah you need martial arts. Ask Ironbear about the benefits.

Unfortunately I don't see eye to eye with being proud of having a 'tough girl'. I'm a traditional dude and it's definitely weird for me dealing with a girl into fighting as a form of exercise.

Historically women have always been tough and historically men have always tried to suppress that because they didn't want a woman to be stronger than they are. I specifically made this page to highlight this truth about women. History's Female Warriors

What men see as "Traditional" is a skewed history. I want my wife and daughter to be able to punch a man in his mouth, because there may be a day that they will need to do so in self-defense. I wanted my wife to be able to protect the kids when I wasn't around and I want my daughter to be able to do the same for her kids. This is more traditional than the man always having to protect women. In the past when men left the village to go hunting, who do you think stayed back to watch and protect the village?

Any martial arts forum with people who train martial arts are going to be all for the martial art training and getting bruises from the training.

 

[Headhunter]

This is going to sound cliche but many men are intimidated by strong women.

Yeah this guy does a lot of strength training apparently and seemed to need to tell us that for some reason though it had nothing to do with the subject. So he's a been strong guy who thinks he's all that maybe he doesn't like that his girl is going to get strong to and be a better fighter and can kick his ***. Maybe I'm wrong but from how the ops acting in the this thread and everything he's said it wouldn't surprise me.