Getting flack for not training enough....

[PiedmontChun]

Anyone ever get bummed, not just that they can't get to their school often as you'd like to train, but that you get criticized or feel called out for not attending enough?

I get it, some teachers are trying to run a for-profit school and "need" not just the $$ coming in but plenty of regular attenders for the sake of having training partners across all levels and to bring in new students. Or instructors are running a club purely out of the love for the art and doesn't know if they will have 10 students or 1-2 show up on a given night.

But dang, a lot of adults, especially those with families, can not train multiple nights per week without serious sacrifice. I left a school and art (temporarily, hopefully) because monthly fees just weren't worth it to maybe make it once a week, and I missed out on a lot, including being taken as seriously I think. I also had to work harder to keep notes on stuff since I had no control over if I was there the day they learned "specific x, y, or z" but if I couldn't recall that drill later then it must be my fault for not being there often enough. I'm doing a different, but complementary art now in the meantime, fees work out way better since its a small club, but I am still up against the challenge of knowing I miss a lot of good instruction just due to life.

For example: I would love to be there tonight for a high level instructor that is visiting, but trying to sell my wife on the idea of her handling dinner and 3 kids (including toddler and newborn) after work without me.... yeah, I am not winning that one.

I'm not bellyaching. Its not like I expect to be tested or promoted at equal pace with others whatsoever, we are all on our own path and own pace. I accept that people like me on a slower path will just 'get there when we get there' in proportion to how frequently we can train. Even if I only make 3 classes in a month, practicing a martial art is still a big deal and important part of life though.

Instructors? Do you secretly resent students that just don't come as often? Or is it really only an issue when you know they are just slacking off and really could be there, or if they express negativity about not progressing?

 

[Flying Crane]

Life has other obligations that are as important, or more important, than training. We all need to make our decisions that are right for ourselves and our families.

 

[Danny T]

Sucks when life gets in the way of training.
It really comes down to one's priorities. If training is most important then one will make the time.
Don't get me wrong I'm not saying training priority is most important by any means. For me family is first and the obligations of family is the highest priority. So fulfilling that of course includes work to have the means to take care of family. But then that's life. So we juggle our priorities by the way of importance.
I don't 'resent' students for not coming as often...but I do wish they could. If they are slacking off and just not coming, that's on them and if they express any concern on not progressing I simply ask how many training hours have they had over the past year? Lack of progressing is due to lack of attendance and training time.

 

[stonewall1350]

I'm not an instructor, but I'm kinda of responsible for the roll call (instructor has health concerns that are a much bigger priority for him right now). I text people and see who can make it. Find out if anyone needs anything to help them make it. I'm the most frequent student there. I rarely miss. But we have parents, we have military, we have a farmer, and all that. I do my best to make sure nobody feels like they are letting us down when they can't make it.

The only thing that is annoying? Excuses. Specifically? The crappy ones. I'm "sick." Really? You seem fine when I run into you out in the town drinking lol. Don't make excuses. If you can't make it, fine. If you just aren't feeling up to it? Fine too. Just don't lie about. I think that bothers most people. Being lied too that is. Everyone needs a rest day once in a while. Who cares?


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Tez3]

Anyone ever get bummed,

Actually no, that expression doesn't mean what you think it does outside the USA. Very surprised to see that as first line, couldn't read the rest for a minute. My husband is now crying with laughter and as the cat is having a tantrum is shouting 'oh look the cat is getting bummed' which, well, just no.

Instructors? Do you secretly resent students that just don't come as often? Or is it really only an issue when you know they are just slacking off and really could be there, or if they express negativity about not progressing?

No and no. We have students who have to put their training on hold for months while they go on deployments, exercises and when the government messes up and they have to take over security for the Olympics or go collect rubbish and/or act as paramedics because of strikes. It's understood we all have lives and training is actually a luxury.
If they slack off, then only they suffer, if they aren't progressing then tough, their fault for not put enough in when they could. If they can't for family, work, health or other reasons progress as fast as they'd like and are moaning, then we just commiserate and try to help.


But thank you for a huge laugh on what is a rather sad day.

 

[PiedmontChun]

Actually no, that expression doesn't mean what you think it does outside the USA. Very surprised to see that as first line, couldn't read the rest for a minute. My husband is now crying with laughter and as the cat is having a tantrum is shouting 'oh look the cat is getting bummed' which, well, just no.

But thank you for a huge laugh on what is a rather sad day.

I'm glad for my American-centric lingo to unintentionally amuse! I am now remembering an old lady from the UK that worked with my father years ago, and her jokes about 'bum fluff' which just sounded rather cartoonish to my ears but would likely be considered crude in the UK.

 

[Langenschwert]

Instructors? Do you secretly resent students that just don't come as often? Or is it really only an issue when you know they are just slacking off and really could be there, or if they express negativity about not progressing?

Only the slackers who complain about not progressing because they binge watch Netflix instead of train. Some people have families, long work hours, etc. and I get that. They come when they can, and they're always welcome. However, even though I'm a volunteer we do need to pay rent on our training space. I have students who pay full monthly fees to support the club even if they know they're not going to make it for a lot a given month, and I really appreciate that. Even when they're not present they're contributing to their training partners' development by helping to keep the lights on. Good on them... they are sometimes the glue that keeps a club afloat.

However, to those who really want to make MA a major part of their life, you must choose carefully how to arrange the rest of your life. It's not uncommon for a martial artist to be pulled away from their training permanently in order to not upset a new romantic partner, or to accommodate a career or what have you. It's up to you to determine what's most important in your life. You only get one shot on this ball of mud, make it a good one.

I'm fortunate in that I have a partner who understands and approves of my training 3-6 days a week, as she is also dedicated to her training (yoga) and is likewise busy. We have no children, nor will we in the future. We have a coupe of cats and a houseplant, which seems to be a good limit. We still put each other first, and spend a lot of quality time together. We both understand, however, that the other person's training is the number two priority and allowances have to be made for that.

I quite like this article which more or less jives with my own opinion on the matter:

Get a New Wife

 

[Tez3]

'bum fluff' which just sounded rather cartoonish to my ears but would likely be considered crude in the UK.

Nah, bum fluff is that downy sort of hair that young teenagers have on their faces. Your phrase is very rude however


I am retired now as is my husband ( he's still chuckling btw) so we are free to pursue whatever we want to do, my martial arts has slowed down but that's due to dodgy knees and health not being quite what it was. I also take Brownies and Rainbows, their young sisters and we find the same problems there as with martial arts, helpers are in short supply because they have to work or here, their husbands are away. We do charge subs whether the girls are there or not so we too can carry on, it's understood by parents and appreciated. We don't do that for the martial arts club as we pay no rent or utilities, courtesy of the army, we are very lucky.

 

[Buka]

I never resented students who couldn't make it to the dojo as often as others. Even if they were slacking. Slackers aren't going to last, might as well help and teach them as much as you can in the time they're there. The tuition thing can be a pain. I used to throw them a free month here and there because they weren't able to take advantage of the schedule. I don't know if it helped or not.

I was in the perfect situation. The woman in my life trained as often as I did. She worked full time and never missed a class, not one, ever. (classes were five days a week) I probably didn't realize how lucky I was. It's just what we did.

 

[Headhunter]

Well if anyone does get that then they should walk out. If you can't make It then that's your business. The instructor has no right to force you there. Hell if you want a day off and don't want to train that week simply because maybe you're tired and just don't feel like it then that's fine. It's not a job it's not school it's a hobby

 

[Danny T]

I'm glad for my American-centric lingo to unintentionally amuse! I am now remembering an old lady from the UK that worked with my father years ago, and her jokes about 'bum fluff' which just sounded rather cartoonish to my ears but would likely be considered crude in the UK.

LOL.
PiedmontChun bum in the UK is what we call the Butt. A bummer is one who is into butts in a sexual manner. Bum Fluff is facial hair on a young man, what we in the US call peach fuzz.

 

[Bill Mattocks]

I am in the dojo as often as I can be there. I have an obligation to help with the kids classes and I do my best to honor that. Sometimes I have work late and I can't make it; on those days I text Sensei so he's not left short-handed. He knows I volunteer my time and have a day job and that my work has to take precedence; he's good with it. As to attending class, no one in our dojo gets criticized for missing class. I was at the dentist earlier today getting some work done. Not feeling that great right now. I'll go in and help teach the kids classes, but I probably won't stick around for adult class afterwards. I suspect everyone will be OK with that.

 

[PiedmontChun]

LOL.
PiedmontChun bum in the UK is what we call the Butt. A bummer is one who is into butts in a sexual manner. Bum Fluff is facial hair on a young man, what we in the US call peach fuzz.

Yeah, I had to google it, here I thought bum fluff was a crude reference to toilet tissue all these years. Go figure.

 

[Tez3]

toilet tissue

That's loo roll.

A bummer is one who is into butts in a sexual manner.

Not quite, very close. Being bummed is the sexual act in that manner. A bummer is something annoying or aggravating that happens. A bum bandit is the person into the sexual act.

Can't believe this conversation lol, though husband is still chuckling. Not the worst I've had this week, asked the five and six year old Rainbows what they'd like to do for an outing. Answer from one 'go down the pub and get pissed'. (that child has a lot of uncles if you know what I mean)

I suppose though to get back to the OP's points, work/life is difficult these days, with the cost of living rising there is pressure on people to work longer hours to earn more, that of course also applies to martial arts school owners. I don't know about the US but childcare now is so expensive that grandparents are increasingly acting as the childcare while the parents work here so even retirement has diminished.

 

[JR 137]

Answer from one 'go down the pub and get pissed'. (that child has a lot of uncles if you know what I mean)

I suppose though to get back to the OP's points, work/life is difficult these days, with the cost of living rising there is pressure on people to work longer hours to earn more, that of course also applies to martial arts school owners. I don't know about the US but childcare now is so expensive that grandparents are increasingly acting as the childcare while the parents work here so even retirement has diminished.

Had I not hung out with several of your countrymen, I'd think "get pissed" would mean get angry. For my fellow Americans, "get pissed" in British is get drunk in American.

Regarding working, childcare, etc., the cost is outrageous. If you have two little ones who aren't old enough to be in school yet, it's becoming more common for people to be losing money by going to work and sending the kids to daycare. I've noticed far more stay at home moms (or dads) in the last several years.

When both of my girls were in daycare together, it was as barely worth it - like me maybe taking home $100 a week after the cost of daycare. There was a guy with 5 kids in daycare when we were there (triplets + 2). He must have made a lot of money for it to be worth the cost of that.

 

[PiedmontChun]

Childcare is expensive, but I do feel fortunate to have a family friend act as a nanny for us (in her home, not ours) and we don't spend anymore for that than we would on a middle of the road daycare. My wife and I both work, and I would say its pretty much a necessity unless she wants to give up a lot of what makes our life comfortable and live on a single income (the basic plight of 75% American two-parent families I imagine).
My commute is a bit shorter than the wife, so I handle dropping the younger kids at the nanny in the morning and get some dinner going when I beat her home in the evenings, homework for older son, and then younger children's bedtimes are right on the heels of that. Its definitely a delicate ecosystem to maintain, and leaves time for training mostly only on the weekends. I'm fortunate to do martial arts at all during this busy season of life, and not be a total beginner when I am able to do more at some point in the future.

 

[Tez3]

Childcare is expensive, but I do feel fortunate to have a family friend act as a nanny for us (in her home, not ours) and we don't spend anymore for that than we would on a middle of the road daycare. My wife and I both work, and I would say its pretty much a necessity unless she wants to give up a lot of what makes our life comfortable and live on a single income (the basic plight of 75% American two-parent families I imagine).
My commute is a bit shorter than the wife, so I handle dropping the younger kids at the nanny in the morning and get some dinner going when I beat her home in the evenings, homework for older son, and then younger children's bedtimes are right on the heels of that. Its definitely a delicate ecosystem to maintain, and leaves time for training mostly only on the weekends. I'm fortunate to do martial arts at all during this busy season of life, and not be a total beginner when I am able to do more at some point in the future.

It's a lot to take on and most of us do it willingly because we love our families. That anyone with that sort of schedule manages to train or do their hobbies is due to a strong will so there should be no recriminations at all if people can't make training as often as others deem necessary.
I suspect this has always been true about martial arts, few could afford to do it full time or train as they wished to without neglecting other areas of their lives.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

Anyone ever get bummed, not just that they can't get to their school often as you'd like to train, but that you get criticized or feel called out for not attending enough?

I get it, some teachers are trying to run a for-profit school and "need" not just the $$ coming in but plenty of regular attenders for the sake of having training partners across all levels and to bring in new students. Or instructors are running a club purely out of the love for the art and doesn't know if they will have 10 students or 1-2 show up on a given night.

But dang, a lot of adults, especially those with families, can not train multiple nights per week without serious sacrifice. I left a school and art (temporarily, hopefully) because monthly fees just weren't worth it to maybe make it once a week, and I missed out on a lot, including being taken as seriously I think. I also had to work harder to keep notes on stuff since I had no control over if I was there the day they learned "specific x, y, or z" but if I couldn't recall that drill later then it must be my fault for not being there often enough. I'm doing a different, but complementary art now in the meantime, fees work out way better since its a small club, but I am still up against the challenge of knowing I miss a lot of good instruction just due to life.

For example: I would love to be there tonight for a high level instructor that is visiting, but trying to sell my wife on the idea of her handling dinner and 3 kids (including toddler and newborn) after work without me.... yeah, I am not winning that one.

I'm not bellyaching. Its not like I expect to be tested or promoted at equal pace with others whatsoever, we are all on our own path and own pace. I accept that people like me on a slower path will just 'get there when we get there' in proportion to how frequently we can train. Even if I only make 3 classes in a month, practicing a martial art is still a big deal and important part of life though.

Instructors? Do you secretly resent students that just don't come as often? Or is it really only an issue when you know they are just slacking off and really could be there, or if they express negativity about not progressing?

It can get frustrating when students don't come often enough, but that's the instructor's problem, not the student's. You won't progress as fast (and he probably REALLY wants to see you progress, so he can teach the cool stuff - I know), but that's okay as long as you're working within your priorities. There is a limitation in many arts when not enough students show up on a regular basis. I run a very small program, and don't get to do some of the drills I'd like (and they'd like too, if they met them), because I need more people in the room on a regular basis to make them effective. It's not ideal, but I work with it. I teach a lot of private lessons by accident (only one student in class). There are even times I go in and have no students. I don't like the lost 40 minutes of driving time, but it's a chance for me to plan out curriculum, play with changes to forms and techniques, and get in some of my solo drills.

So, here's my take. Every instructor has to make a choice. If you don't have enough students coming in regularly, is it still worth teaching. If no, then stop teaching. If yes, then just go teach whoever shows up.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

Sucks when life gets in the way of training.
It really comes down to one's priorities. If training is most important then one will make the time.
Don't get me wrong I'm not saying training priority is most important by any means. For me family is first and the obligations of family is the highest priority. So fulfilling that of course includes work to have the means to take care of family. But then that's life. So we juggle our priorities by the way of importance.
I don't 'resent' students for not coming as often...but I do wish they could. If they are slacking off and just not coming, that's on them and if they express any concern on not progressing I simply ask how many training hours have they had over the past year? Lack of progressing is due to lack of attendance and training time.

This is well said. In my late 20's and early 30's, I often trained as many as 7-10 classes a week. I now have other commitments and priorities, so my max is 4 (I teach three times a week, and sometimes visit other schools in nearby cities to train).