Friendzoned by a woman

[Chrisinmd]

So I got matched with a woman on Eharmony. Went out on a date. Had a good and pleasant date. She is very attractive, accomplished career wise and I enjoyed her company. Sent her a message after words saying

"Hope you made it home ok. Had a great time. Your a Intelligent and beautiful woman. Tough combination to find! Lol. Look forward to getting to know you better. Enjoy your Sunday Amy"

She responded

Hi , I’ve had a busy week at work, as usual. I enjoyed your company on Sunday but to be honest I didn’t feel any chemistry. Sorry, Amy

I responded
"Fair enough. Enjoyed your company as well and I wish you all the best Amy"

She responded
"If you have room for more friends in your life, I’m definitely up for hanging out."

Anyway we have gotten together twice since then. First time at a country bar with a band. Had good conversation and danced a couple times. Friendly time enjoyed her company and conversation but no kissing or anything physical.

Second time I invited her to a travel and adventure Fair. So for those who are not familiar with this type of fair it would be described as "Discover World Class Destinations, Learn from the Best Local Travel Experts, meet Your Favorite Celebrity Travel personalities, Explore Cultural Entertainment from Around the World and Plan Your Next Vacation in One Day, Under One Roof"

Once again we were friendly and had good conversation. So I guess my question is I really like her as more then a friend and would like to move this beyond some kind of friend zone situation she has put me in. I know its not a gold digger thing she is very successful career wise and has money and does not ask me to pay for everything. So anyone been in similar situation with a woman and what is the best way to get out of the friendzone and into a romantic interest so to speak? Advice from a guy or from the woman perspective would be appreciated. Thanks.

 

[Dirty Dog]

I'd friend zone you too, with that grammar....

 

[Orion Nebula]

If a woman says there's no chemistry and wants to be friends, you should take her at her word and not expect to move past friendship. That's not to say a friendship can't develop into something more, but trying to force it isn't going to help and you may just end up disappointed. If I were you, I would accept the friendship and look elsewhere for a girlfriend.

 

[Tez3]

From a female point of view.... you have a friend in her, potentially a very good friend but not a girlfriend. Accept the friendship or not but she's not going to be your girlfriend and if you push it you will lose her totally, all she'll remember is a selfish guy.

 

[hoshin1600]

Move on. Anyone you need to try and convince to be attracted to you is not worth the long run heart ache.

 

[jobo]

So I got matched with a woman on Eharmony. Went out on a date. Had a good and pleasant date. She is very attractive, accomplished career wise and I enjoyed her company. Sent her a message after words saying

"Hope you made it home ok. Had a great time. Your a Intelligent and beautiful woman. Tough combination to find! Lol. Look forward to getting to know you better. Enjoy your Sunday Amy"

She responded

Hi , I’ve had a busy week at work, as usual. I enjoyed your company on Sunday but to be honest I didn’t feel any chemistry. Sorry, Amy

I responded
"Fair enough. Enjoyed your company as well and I wish you all the best Amy"

She responded
"If you have room for more friends in your life, I’m definitely up for hanging out."

Anyway we have gotten together twice since then. First time at a country bar with a band. Had good conversation and danced a couple times. Friendly time enjoyed her company and conversation but no kissing or anything physical.

Second time I invited her to a travel and adventure Fair. So for those who are not familiar with this type of fair it would be described as "Discover World Class Destinations, Learn from the Best Local Travel Experts, meet Your Favorite Celebrity Travel personalities, Explore Cultural Entertainment from Around the World and Plan Your Next Vacation in One Day, Under One Roof"

Once again we were friendly and had good conversation. So I guess my question is I really like her as more then a friend and would like to move this beyond some kind of friend zone situation she has put me in. I know its not a gold digger thing she is very successful career wise and has money and does not ask me to pay for everything. So anyone been in similar situation with a woman and what is the best way to get out of the friendzone and into a romantic interest so to speak? Advice from a guy or from the woman perspective would be appreciated. Thanks.

it works a number of ways, if your stuck on her and theres no future in it, then dont be her friend, it will only cause you heart ache when she start discussing her boy friend with you. then of course she may decided to fix you up with her friend, or you can use her to go places to meet girls, nothing gets other girls interested like you being in the company of an attractive girl. or play the long game, treat her with polite indifference, start talking about your prospective girl friends and see if you can spark some jealous response.

 

[hoshin1600]

Double post:

 

[Dirty Dog]

it works a number of ways, if your stuck on her and theres no future in it, then dont be her friend, it will only cause you heart ache when she start discussing her boy friend with you. then of course she may decided to fix you up with her friend, or you can use her to go places to meet girls, nothing gets other girls interested like you being in the company of an attractive girl. or play the long game, treat her with polite indifference, start talking about your prospective girl friends and see if you can spark some jealous response.

So, basically, your advice is to be a gamey, manipulative douche bag.

 

[jobo]

So, basically, your advice is to be a gamey, manipulative douche bag.

interactional analysis and marketing to reach the desired outcome is the order of the day. it's all about perceived value, if she think others fancy you, she may see you in a different light.

 

[Dirty Dog]

interactional analysis and marketing to reach the desired outcome is the order of the day. it's all about perceived value, if she think others fancy you, she may see you in a different light.

If you're a gamey manipulative douche bag, the friend zone is too good for you.

 

[JR 137]

Attraction between people has no real rhyme or reason. Getting out of that “friend zone” and into a relationship is a Hollywood story and nothing more IMO. Jobo’s first sentence or two was right on IMO. If you’re really into her and she’s not into you, it’s most likely going to cause you heartache if you’re around longer. When two people want different things from each other, it typically doesn’t go very well for very long. Been there, done that a few times before I met my wife.

If you’re ok with being her friend and nothing more than that, enjoy her company. If you can honestly handle listening to her telling you about how great a guy was for a little while and then how he turned into another one who just wanted to get laid, have at it. Most people who are attracted to someone don’t do well with hearing that. They may act like they’re ok with it, but hearing it a few times will cause some resentment. The whole “what’s wrong with me, I’m a great guy and would never do that to you” mentality, either keeping it to yourself or saying it to her.

You may become very good friends for a long time. If not, move on for both of your sake. If you’re looking for someone to be with, I’m sorry but I think your time and energy are far better spent on finding someone who feels the same way as you do. It doesn’t take people very long to size each other up and know where they’ll fit in their lives.

All IMO. I’m sure some will think I’m way off. Just my own experience.

 

[drop bear]

I think she is at least obligated to wingman for you.

 

[jobo]

If you're a gamey manipulative douche bag, the friend zone is too good for you.

I've never allowed a girl to friend zone me, that's for beta males, which I'm anything but.

it's rather like computers, actually understanding them is a challenge, learning which buttons to press is quite straight forward.

 

[dvcochran]

From a female point of view.... you have a friend in her, potentially a very good friend but not a girlfriend. Accept the friendship or not but she's not going to be your girlfriend and if you push it you will lose her totally, all she'll remember is a selfish guy.

From a female point of view.... you have a friend in her, potentially a very good friend but not a girlfriend. Accept the friendship or not but she's not going to be your girlfriend and if you push it you will lose her totally, all she'll remember is a selfish guy.

Agree, and this is from a guy.
@Chrisinmd , Don't make it what it is not yet. It sounds like you have seen this person 2-3 times, ever. A little work on a dating app in no way counts as quality time together. My point is you do not know each other at all. Give it time. Spend some time actually making a friend and a relationship. Grow with each other and increase your circle of friends together. Actually find out if you have anything in common. What I hear is you want to skip all the work (and fun) and just have a hookup. You do not need to go to MA forum for help. You need to relax, be yourself and not rush the process. Yes, I still think things like wooing a girl still a thing BUT well after a relationship has had time to gel. You don't learn all there is to know about a person from a dating app and a few get togethers.

 

[JR 137]

Agree, and this is from a guy.
@Chrisinmd , Don't make it what it is not yet. It sounds like you have seen this person 2-3 times, ever. A little work on a dating app in no way counts as quality time together. My point is you do not know each other at all. Give it time. Spend some time actually making a friend and a relationship. Grow with each other and increase your circle of friends together. Actually find out if you have anything in common. What I hear is you want to skip all the work (and fun) and just have a hookup. You do not need to go to MA forum for help. You need to relax, be yourself and not rush the process. Yes, I still think things like wooing a girl still a thing BUT well after a relationship has had time to gel. You don't learn all there is to know about a person from a dating app and a few get togethers.

But you know if you’re attracted or not pretty much instantly. If she’s not attracted, that’s that. Women aren’t like us. We’ll do the deed and go through the motions (no pun intended) for a little while even if we’re not too attracted. I’m not talking about a woman who’s completely unattractive to us, but someone who we find decent looking yet not really our type. Women typically don’t think that way. Sure there’s some who do, but not nearly as many as us.

Then again, I’ve been out of the dating scene for going on 18 years now. But I can’t imagine things have changed that drastically. And I’ve never been able to figure out what women want either. Once I’ve got it figured out, it somehow no longer applies. It’s like I’m always a step or two behind.

 

[jobo]

But you know if you’re attracted or not pretty much instantly. If she’s not attracted, that’s that. Women aren’t like us. We’ll do the deed and go through the motions (no pun intended) for a little while even if we’re not too attracted. I’m not talking about a woman who’s completely unattractive to us, but someone who we find decent looking yet not really our type. Women typically don’t think that way. Sure there’s some who do, but not nearly as many as us.

Then again, I’ve been out of the dating scene for going on 18 years now. But I can’t imagine things have changed that drastically. And I’ve never been able to figure out what women want either. Once I’ve got it figured out, it somehow no longer applies. It’s like I’m always a step or two behind.

attraction isn't either or, theres shades of grey, people in general want what they can't have, which is why if I go for a night out, I dig out my old wedding ring, which attracts lots interest, I say " sorry" and show them the ring, which only makes them keener.

I couldn't work out why, when I was married I got lots of interest and not when we had divorced, then it occurred to me it was the ring and polite disinterest

theres nothing as unattractive as looking desperate.

 

[Martial D]

If you're a gamey manipulative douche bag, the friend zone is too good for you.

Yet such people seldom end up there.

 

[Martial D]

So I got matched with a woman on Eharmony. Went out on a date. Had a good and pleasant date. She is very attractive, accomplished career wise and I enjoyed her company. Sent her a message after words saying

"Hope you made it home ok. Had a great time. Your a Intelligent and beautiful woman. Tough combination to find! Lol. Look forward to getting to know you better. Enjoy your Sunday Amy"

She responded

Hi , I’ve had a busy week at work, as usual. I enjoyed your company on Sunday but to be honest I didn’t feel any chemistry. Sorry, Amy

I responded
"Fair enough. Enjoyed your company as well and I wish you all the best Amy"

She responded
"If you have room for more friends in your life, I’m definitely up for hanging out."

Anyway we have gotten together twice since then. First time at a country bar with a band. Had good conversation and danced a couple times. Friendly time enjoyed her company and conversation but no kissing or anything physical.

Second time I invited her to a travel and adventure Fair. So for those who are not familiar with this type of fair it would be described as "Discover World Class Destinations, Learn from the Best Local Travel Experts, meet Your Favorite Celebrity Travel personalities, Explore Cultural Entertainment from Around the World and Plan Your Next Vacation in One Day, Under One Roof"

Once again we were friendly and had good conversation. So I guess my question is I really like her as more then a friend and would like to move this beyond some kind of friend zone situation she has put me in. I know its not a gold digger thing she is very successful career wise and has money and does not ask me to pay for everything. So anyone been in similar situation with a woman and what is the best way to get out of the friendzone and into a romantic interest so to speak? Advice from a guy or from the woman perspective would be appreciated. Thanks.

Move on.

 

[Chrisinmd]

I've never allowed a girl to friend zone me, that's for beta males, which I'm anything but.

it's rather like computers, actually understanding them is a challenge, learning which buttons to press is quite straight forward.

Thanks for the advice. Make sense. I don't think I was "beta" in this situation. She said she didn't feel any chemistry and I simply responded "Fair enough. Enjoyed your company as well and I wish you all the best Amy". I didn't beg or try to get her to change her mind or ask her to be friends. She brought up friendship and wanting to hang out more on her own. Sure I guess I could have said I had no interest in friendship and hit the road so to speak. Am I looking at it wrong or not seeing something?

I think Im going to cut way back on texting her. Let her contact me if she wants. If we do get together again depending on how it goes I may take one more shot at moving past friends.
But I agree I should not expect anything more than friends. If that the case not a bad situation. Got a friend out of it and it may be a good to meet other women through her. She can be my wing woman so to speak.
Anyway going to try to find other women to date and not focus on her. Lot of fish in the sea. Sound reasonable?

 

[dvcochran]

Thanks for the advice. Make sense. I don't think I was "beta" in this situation. She said she didn't feel any chemistry and I simply responded "Fair enough. Enjoyed your company as well and I wish you all the best Amy". I didn't beg or try to get her to change her mind or ask her to be friends. She brought up friendship and wanting to hang out more on her own. Sure I guess I could have said I had no interest in friendship and hit the road so to speak. Am I looking at it wrong or not seeing something?

I think Im going to cut way back on texting her. Let her contact me if she wants. If we do get together again depending on how it goes I may take one more shot at moving past friends.
But I agree I should not expect anything more than friends. If that the case not a bad situation. Got a friend out of it and it may be a good to meet other women through her. She can be my wing woman so to speak.
Anyway going to try to find other women to date and not focus on her. Lot of fish in the sea. Sound reasonable?

That is a good attitude, IMHO. I assume this premise hasn't changed much; sure men and women can just be friends, happens all the time, but usually over time. A 1-2 time dating acquaintance who wants to be friends wants you number to call if they don't have an actual date some nights. Unless you are going Dutch on everything then all is good.