[FONT="]Diary of a Snow Shoveler[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 8 - 6:00 PM[/FONT]
[FONT="]It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took[/FONT]
[FONT="]our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft[/FONT]
[FONT="]flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So[/FONT]
[FONT="]romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow![/FONT]
[FONT="]December 9[/FONT]
[FONT="]We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch[/FONT]
[FONT="]of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely[/FONT]
[FONT="]place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had![/FONT]
[FONT="]Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did[/FONT]
[FONT="]both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came[/FONT]
[FONT="]along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got[/FONT]
[FONT="]to shovel again. What a perfect life![/FONT]
[FONT="]December 12[/FONT]
[FONT="]The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My[/FONT]
[FONT="]neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas.[/FONT]
[FONT="]No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by[/FONT]
[FONT="]the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think[/FONT]
[FONT="]that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 14[/FONT]
[FONT="]Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20.[/FONT]
[FONT="]The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but[/FONT]
[FONT="]I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life![/FONT]
[FONT="]The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I[/FONT]
[FONT="]didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll[/FONT]
[FONT="]certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 15[/FONT]
[FONT="]20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow[/FONT]
[FONT="]tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The[/FONT]
[FONT="]wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's[/FONT]
[FONT="]silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 16[/FONT]
[FONT="]Ice storm this morning. Fell on my *** on the ice in the driveway[/FONT]
[FONT="]putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I[/FONT]
[FONT="]think was very cruel.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 17[/FONT]
[FONT="]Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity[/FONT]
[FONT="]was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing[/FONT]
[FONT="]to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I[/FONT]
[FONT="]should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it[/FONT]
[FONT="]when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 20[/FONT]
[FONT="]Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last[/FONT]
[FONT="]night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy[/FONT]
[FONT="]playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store[/FONT]
[FONT="]around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have[/FONT]
[FONT="]another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to[/FONT]
[FONT="]shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 22[/FONT]
[FONT="]Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the[/FONT]
[FONT="]white **** fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till[/FONT]
[FONT="]August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and[/FONT]
[FONT="]then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed[/FONT]
[FONT="]again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on[/FONT]
[FONT="]his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think[/FONT]
[FONT="]the ******* is lying.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 23[/FONT]
[FONT="]Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me[/FONT]
[FONT="]to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!![/FONT]
[FONT="]Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I[/FONT]
[FONT="]think she's lying.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 24[/FONT]
[FONT="]6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought[/FONT]
[FONT="]I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a ***** who[/FONT]
[FONT="]drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and[/FONT]
[FONT="]beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the[/FONT]
[FONT="]corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the[/FONT]
[FONT="]street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just[/FONT]
[FONT="]been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and[/FONT]
[FONT="]open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 25[/FONT]
[FONT="]Merry ****ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight -[/FONT]
[FONT="]Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the[/FONT]
[FONT="]snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit[/FONT]
[FONT="]him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I[/FONT]
[FONT="]think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life"[/FONT]
[FONT="]one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 26[/FONT]
[FONT="]Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea.[/FONT]
[FONT="]She's really getting on my nerves.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 27[/FONT]
[FONT="]Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14[/FONT]
[FONT="]hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my[/FONT]
[FONT="]pipes.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 28[/FONT]
[FONT="]Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The ***** is driving me crazy!!![/FONT]
[FONT="]December 29[/FONT]
[FONT="]10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.[/FONT]
[FONT="]That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 30[/FONT]
[FONT="]Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me[/FONT]
[FONT="]for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for[/FONT]
[FONT="]trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ***. The wife went home to[/FONT]
[FONT="]her mother. Nine more inches predicted.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 31[/FONT]
[FONT="]I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.[/FONT]
[FONT="]January 8[/FONT]
[FONT="]Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Why am I tied to the bed?[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 8 - 6:00 PM[/FONT]
[FONT="]It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took[/FONT]
[FONT="]our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft[/FONT]
[FONT="]flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So[/FONT]
[FONT="]romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow![/FONT]
[FONT="]December 9[/FONT]
[FONT="]We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch[/FONT]
[FONT="]of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely[/FONT]
[FONT="]place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had![/FONT]
[FONT="]Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did[/FONT]
[FONT="]both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came[/FONT]
[FONT="]along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got[/FONT]
[FONT="]to shovel again. What a perfect life![/FONT]
[FONT="]December 12[/FONT]
[FONT="]The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment! My[/FONT]
[FONT="]neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas.[/FONT]
[FONT="]No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by[/FONT]
[FONT="]the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think[/FONT]
[FONT="]that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 14[/FONT]
[FONT="]Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20.[/FONT]
[FONT="]The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but[/FONT]
[FONT="]I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life![/FONT]
[FONT="]The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I[/FONT]
[FONT="]didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll[/FONT]
[FONT="]certainly get back in shape this way. I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 15[/FONT]
[FONT="]20 inches forecast. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow[/FONT]
[FONT="]tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The[/FONT]
[FONT="]wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's[/FONT]
[FONT="]silly. We aren't in Alaska , after all.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 16[/FONT]
[FONT="]Ice storm this morning. Fell on my *** on the ice in the driveway[/FONT]
[FONT="]putting down salt. Hurt like hell. The wife laughed for an hour, which I[/FONT]
[FONT="]think was very cruel.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 17[/FONT]
[FONT="]Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity[/FONT]
[FONT="]was off for 5 hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing[/FONT]
[FONT="]to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I[/FONT]
[FONT="]should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it[/FONT]
[FONT="]when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 20[/FONT]
[FONT="]Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last[/FONT]
[FONT="]night. More shoveling! Took all day. The damn snowplow came by twice.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy[/FONT]
[FONT="]playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store[/FONT]
[FONT="]around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have[/FONT]
[FONT="]another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to[/FONT]
[FONT="]shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 22[/FONT]
[FONT="]Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the[/FONT]
[FONT="]white **** fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till[/FONT]
[FONT="]August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and[/FONT]
[FONT="]then I had to piss. By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed[/FONT]
[FONT="]again. I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on[/FONT]
[FONT="]his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy. I think[/FONT]
[FONT="]the ******* is lying.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 23[/FONT]
[FONT="]Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0. The wife wanted me[/FONT]
[FONT="]to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts?!![/FONT]
[FONT="]Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I[/FONT]
[FONT="]think she's lying.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 24[/FONT]
[FONT="]6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel. Thought[/FONT]
[FONT="]I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the son of a ***** who[/FONT]
[FONT="]drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and[/FONT]
[FONT="]beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the[/FONT]
[FONT="]corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the[/FONT]
[FONT="]street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just[/FONT]
[FONT="]been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and[/FONT]
[FONT="]open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 25[/FONT]
[FONT="]Merry ****ing Christmas! 20 more inches of the damn slop tonight -[/FONT]
[FONT="]Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. God, I hate the[/FONT]
[FONT="]snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit[/FONT]
[FONT="]him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I[/FONT]
[FONT="]think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life"[/FONT]
[FONT="]one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 26[/FONT]
[FONT="]Still snowed in. Why the hell did I ever move here? It was all HER idea.[/FONT]
[FONT="]She's really getting on my nerves.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 27[/FONT]
[FONT="]Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14[/FONT]
[FONT="]hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my[/FONT]
[FONT="]pipes.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 28[/FONT]
[FONT="]Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. The ***** is driving me crazy!!![/FONT]
[FONT="]December 29[/FONT]
[FONT="]10 more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.[/FONT]
[FONT="]That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 30[/FONT]
[FONT="]Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me[/FONT]
[FONT="]for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for[/FONT]
[FONT="]trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ***. The wife went home to[/FONT]
[FONT="]her mother. Nine more inches predicted.[/FONT]
[FONT="]December 31[/FONT]
[FONT="]I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.[/FONT]
[FONT="]January 8[/FONT]
[FONT="]Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.[/FONT]
[FONT="]Why am I tied to the bed?[/FONT]