10 Rare And Amusing Insults

[MA-Caver]

Was looking up a word and found this sidebar caught my eye, reading it found it rather amusing and interesting.
If you want to insult someone and twist their brain around trying to figure out what you just called them... here's a good list, with definitions to suit the occasion. I've only heard of two of them... milksop and mooncalf (and NO they weren't directed at me :miffer: ) and had a vague understanding of their meanings. The others... well, read the list (click arrows to next one).
http://www.merriam-webster.com/top-ten-lists/top-10-rare-and-amusing-insults/cockalorum.html

Any new favorites?

Uh, posted just for fun ya'll okay?

 

[Bill Mattocks]

Was looking up a word and found this sidebar caught my eye, reading it found it rather amusing and interesting.
If you want to insult someone and twist their brain around trying to figure out what you just called them... here's a good list, with definitions to suit the occasion. I've only heard of two of them... milksop and mooncalf (and NO they weren't directed at me :miffer: ) and had a vague understanding of their meanings. The others... well, read the list (click arrows to next one).
http://www.merriam-webster.com/top-ten-lists/top-10-rare-and-amusing-insults/cockalorum.html

Any new favorites?

Uh, posted just for fun ya'll okay?

I knew 'hobbledehoy', 'pettifogger', 'milksop', and 'lickspittle'. The rest are new to me, but I like them.

One of my favorites is 'pouncetrifle', but I also tend to use, er, more earthy language for certain situations. 'Skidmark', 'brainstem', 'nimrod', and a few others best not to mention here.

 

[Bill Mattocks]

Thought you might enjoy this poem from 1797 (nothing has changed except the prices):

THE PETTIFOGGER
by Philip Freneau

or Fee Simple, Esquire

In a town I could mention, a lawyer resided
As cunning as Satan, and fond of disputes;
In wrangles and quarrels he ever confided,
To keep on his docquet a long string of suits.

Of little importance, nay, paltry and mean,
The matter contested, a pig or a hen;
But one thing he stuck to, he ever was seen
To have for his pleading just one pound ten.

With pleasure he saw that the quarrels increased,
Each day he had business from wranglesome men,
But all to the 'squire was a holiday feast
While he got his dear Fee, the one pound ten.

A parchment, Caveto, hung up in his hall
Which cautioned the reader to read and attend,
That for one pound ten he would quibble and brawl,
Twist, lie, and do all things a cause to defend.

Sometimes when the limits of lots were disputed
He would put all to rights in the turn of a straw;
From the tenth of an inch he his pocket recruited
Till he made the two parties curse lawyer and law.

Thus matters went on, and the lawyer grown rich
Fed high, and swilled wine 'till the dropsy began
To bloat up his guts to so monstrous a pitch,
You would hardly have known him to be the same man.

At last he departed, and when he had died,
His worship arriving at Beelzebub's den;
How much is the entrance (demanded the guide?—)
Old Devil made answer, Tis One Pound Ten.

 

[punisher73]

True story: One of our deputies was working security at the front door of our courthouse. Policy prohibits people from brining cell phones into the courthouse, this is posted several times before you get up to the metal detector/scanner. Our deputy tells the man that he has to take his cell phone back outside. The enraged man calls the deputy a "F-ing Moron". Our deputy looked him straight in the face and said, "That sir, is a lie, I have never been to Utah!". The man did not get it and just stormed out.


For me, I had a guy getting in my face trying to escalate. After warning him that I was in no mood and to stop. He kept at it. I then told him to "Suck the fuzzy balls off of my sombrero!". He stopped midsentence and looked confused and then just turned and walked away from me muttering under his breath. :angel:

 

[WC_lun]

Interesting. I knew a few, but most I did not.

 

[Bob Hubbard]

I told one person they were as nimble of wit as a sparrow.
Never saw someone so pleased to be called a bird brain before.

 

[Nomad]

I prefer sycophant to lickspittle, though the latter certainly evokes more imagery.

For insults, I've always been fond of Blackadder, including

Dear Enemy, I curse you and hope something slightly unpleasant happens to you. Like an onion falling on you.

along with the more serious

Dear Enemy, may the lord hate you and all your kind. May you turn orange in hue, and may your head fall off at an awkward moment.

and the one that there's no comeback to:

You ride a horse rather less well than another horse would. Your brain would make a grain of sand look large and ungainly and the part of you that can't be mentioned, I am reliably informed by women around the Court, wouldn't be worth mentioning even if it could be. If you put on a floppy hat and a funny codpiece, you might just get by as a fool, but since you wouldn't know a joke if it got up and gave you a haircut, I doubt it.

and my favorite benediction comes from the late great George Carlin:

Farewell, live long and prosper, and may the forces of evil become confused on their way to your house.

 

[MA-Caver]

One from the great Slim Pickens...

"Boy you sure are stupid, if you were to take your brain and stick it up a gnat's *** that'd be like putting a bb inside a boxcar. "

I've an Irish friend who has given me a rawther nice list of Irish/English derogatory remarks... here in the states I don't think they'd register as much. Suke and Tez and a few others might take offense.
Wanker and plonker are a couple of my favs.

 

[Senjojutsu]

I was always partial to this... from the classic movie Smokey and the Bandit (1977)

The character of Sheriff Buford T. Justice (played by American comedic great Jackie Gleason):

The Sheriff angry and disgusted - speaking to his dumb-*** son - who is sitting in what is left of his POlice VEhicle:

"There's no way, NO WAY that YOU came from MY loins.

Soon as I get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth!"

 

[Sukerkin]

Wanker and plonker are a couple of my favs.

Plonker not so much, it's rather affectionate (see Only Fools and Horses for many examples of it's useage).

Wanker, however, aye ... punch in the nose time that one. I have been called it once but that was by someone who had the good sense to be hanging out of the window of a car as it drove by, so he got away with it.

 

[granfire]

I was always partial to this... from the classic movie Smokey and the Bandit (1977)

The character of Sheriff Buford T. Justice (played by American comedic great Jackie Gleason):

The Sheriff angry and disgusted - speaking to his dumb-*** son - who is sitting in what is left of his POlice VEhicle:

"There's no way, NO WAY that YOU came from MY loins.

Soon as I get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth!"

There was a 'Moose Twit' in there, too, some place.....

 

[MA-Caver]

Plonker not so much, it's rather affectionate (see Only Fools and Horses for many examples of it's useage).

Wanker, however, aye ... punch in the nose time that one. I have been called it once but that was by someone who had the good sense to be hanging out of the window of a car as it drove by, so he got away with it.

How about Feckin Wanker? What will that get me eh? :lol2:

 

[K-man]

How about Feckin Wanker? What will that get me eh? :lol2:

Probably it will get you some friends in New Zealand.

 

[K-man]

Plonker not so much, it's rather affectionate (see Only Fools and Horses for many examples of it's useage).

Wanker, however, aye ... punch in the nose time that one. I have been called it once but that was by someone who had the good sense to be hanging out of the window of a car as it drove by, so he got away with it.

Mate, you're too sensitive. We class wanker along side bastard ... sort of term of endearment that sits comfortably with 'Pommy'. (Ducks quickly to protect nose from aforesaid threat!)

 

[Sukerkin]

Just because you're on the other side of the world ...