I don't talk to Aggressives

Discussion in 'General Self Defense' started by snake_monkey, Sep 16, 2019.

  1. gpseymour

    gpseymour MT Moderator Staff Member

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    You messed up his script. He probably has answers for a lot of responses he gets all the time (including rude ones). He has no response for "I need a drummer".
     
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  2. snake_monkey

    snake_monkey Orange Belt

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    Yes, I see exactly how that works and how the following result would be affected. I was operating under the pretense that by saying the word no, I was defining a clear boundary. To be specific the boundary was that I did not want to answer to any favors requested of me at that time.

    I have learned from this experience and from this discussion. Thank you.
     
    Last edited: Sep 16, 2019
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  3. drop bear

    drop bear Sr. Grandmaster

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    Same but with vodka.
     
  4. frank raud

    frank raud Master Black Belt

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    The word "no" may define a clear boundary, but you continued to reply to whatever the other person said. As you were responding, you were not in control of the conversation or the scenario. That the scenario eventually de-escalated doesn't appear to have been due to you not talking to "agressives".
     
  5. frank raud

    frank raud Master Black Belt

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    The first "no" never sets a clear boundary in a conversation or negotiation. Any salesperson who accepts the first no, wont be making sales. When dating, accepting the first no means you probably wont get laid much.. Think about this, if you saying no set a clear boundary, why did you continue to talk and engage with this person? If the boundary is not clear to you, how could it be to another person ? Your basic premise is you don't talk to aggressives, yet in both your examples, you do just that. Obviously, how you deal with Max and his wife Zelda from the great state of Kansas will probably be different than how you deal with a crackhead on the street.
    PS. I actually met Max and his wife in downtown Montreal when they were attending a Shriners convention. And yes, that is how he introduced himself to me on the street as he approached me.
     
  6. snake_monkey

    snake_monkey Orange Belt

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    I had taken 2 or 3 steps out of the revolving door before it felt like I was bombarded by this guy walking up on me, I wasn't expecting to be approached exactly as I stepped out of the building, if they had given me a few moments I would have felt more comfortable. It felt like I was being targeted and with all these experiences happening I have been getting more and more paranoid about being targeted. (I don't know if there is an underground community or if they are connected at all, but I'm having trouble shaking the feeling.)

    Another recent experience: Someone who didn't seem like they wanted anything else but a fight touched me on my shoulder when walking out of a revolving door recently for no apparent reason, but it was intentional, as they watched me eye to eye walk through the door and waited to touch me, then made eye contact again and stared at me as they left.

    Edit: seems like a simply mistake without all the staring in the eyes and upon approaching the guy this is what he said (that it was a mistake) however he continued to escalate the situation and I just left (I shouldn’t have even approached the guy but I was really curious why he did that)
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2019
  7. snake_monkey

    snake_monkey Orange Belt

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    I simply couldn't think of a title for this thread.
     
  8. snake_monkey

    snake_monkey Orange Belt

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    'No, sorry' could be better *shrug*
     
  9. pdg

    pdg Senior Master

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    So would this underground community just be targeting you?
     
  10. gpseymour

    gpseymour MT Moderator Staff Member

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    Actually, would be significantly better. Almost anything that softens the "no" reduces the dismissiveness others will perceive.
     
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  11. snake_monkey

    snake_monkey Orange Belt

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    Thank all now I have a script for when someone asked to use my phone which was the favor asked in this case. (Sorry I didn’t share that earlier just didn’t come to mind).

    Anyway My script is that I can’t lend it out to anyone because I use it for digital media production but I’m looking for drummers.
     
  12. snake_monkey

    snake_monkey Orange Belt

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    I’m not going to let a post like this feed me negative thoughts however I will say that the guy who was coughing and spitting on me as he leaned in while he spoke said that he has seen me a lot. I keep my eyes peeled and I had never seen him. I don’t have a lot to work with so this it’s definitely a stretch and trying to keep it in context.
     
  13. jobo

    jobo Grandmaster

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    some people are a lit more prone to this than others, its tied up with your mode of dress, your posture and your appearance in general, if one persons perceives you as a soft touch for a bit of intimadatioary begging, then their a good chance other will come to the same conclusion
     
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  14. frank raud

    frank raud Master Black Belt

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    NSFW Some swearing.

     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2019
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  15. gpseymour

    gpseymour MT Moderator Staff Member

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    Some folks trying to create a false intimacy use lines like that. Nothing about it requires any kind of conspiracy - it can just be a lie.
     
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  16. Flying Crane

    Flying Crane Sr. Grandmaster

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    I lived in San Francisco for many years, with what is probably one of the worst levels of what you describe. I have had very few, and very rare instances such as you describe.

    So yeah, I do know, I have been there.
     
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  17. Flying Crane

    Flying Crane Sr. Grandmaster

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    If I had a stick and a skunk or raccoon was coming at me, I would back down. Especially the skunk.
     
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  18. Buka

    Buka Grandmaster

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    I wish you had all grown up in Disneyland like me.

    (and don't be jealous of the shoes)
     
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  19. O'Malley

    O'Malley Green Belt

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    NO ONE IS AGRESSIVE, OKAY???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
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  20. snake_monkey

    snake_monkey Orange Belt

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    So I was just walking down the street today with earbuds on (nothing playing). Someone asked me something, I took the earbuds out to pretend like I was listening however even so the guy was mumbling. I said 'Sorry, I can't help you'...He stared at me as I walked away.

    I grew up in NYC (now in Chicago)...and was around this a lot, I just have felt like I'm in a pressure cooker in the area in which I work, and of course my methods have not always been correct, in this case I'm trying to correct my reactions going forward. Thanks all again, for the discussion. BIG THUMBS UP TO MT!!!
     
    Last edited: Sep 17, 2019

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