I don't talk to Aggressives

Discussion in 'General Self Defense' started by snake_monkey, Sep 16, 2019.

  1. snake_monkey

    snake_monkey Orange Belt

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    Aggressive - 'Can I ask you a favor?'
    Me - No.
    Aggressive - But you didnt' even know what I was going to ask
    Me - Doesn't matter, I said no.
    Aggressive - Man I'll give you these fists and put you in a choke hold!
    Me - You want to do that in front of these cameras?
    Aggressive - You can't defend yourself from me
    Me - That's what you think
    Aggressive - You think you're smart? You wanna fight?
    Me - I don't wanna do that.

    It goes on like this...
    Eventually the aggressive person walks away.

    (stepping and spacing is involved with this)
     
  2. Flying Crane

    Flying Crane Sr. Grandmaster

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    Do you have these kinds of interactions frequently?
     
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  3. snake_monkey

    snake_monkey Orange Belt

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    I would say yes, in comparison to most others. Not sure if it's my size or what (5'8", 120#)...In any case I even had two guys with blades drawn approach me earlier this year.
     
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  4. O'Malley

    O'Malley Green Belt

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    Sounds like the neighborhood I grew up in. I miss home sometimes. Not today, though :p
     
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  5. frank raud

    frank raud Master Black Belt

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    That's a lot of conversation for people you don't talk to.
     
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  6. snake_monkey

    snake_monkey Orange Belt

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    what’s better than meeting aggression with aggression? Diplomacy. On this particular engagement the guy was putting his fists up and stepping forward. I could have done the same thing but then there would be more cause to fight and more explaining to the authorities. Plus I don’t want anyone to get hurt and I have a family at home to take care of. A bit of talk to de-escalate is better than fighter in my view. It’s very difficult to absolutely ignore someone when they come into your space.
     
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  7. pdg

    pdg Senior Master

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    Sometimes your attitude to a first encounter can tip a person into being aggressive.

    Me: Can I ask you favour?
    Other: No (in a dismissive surly fashion)
    Me: (In head, what the hell is this idiot's problem?) But you didn't know what I was going to ask...
    Other: Doesn't matter, I said no (now starting to sound aggressive).


    Maybe you need to look in the mirror before judging others as aggressive - especially when you're the common denominator in multiple instances...
     
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  8. Headhunter

    Headhunter Senior Master

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    So why're you refusing to do them a favour?....this supposed argument only started because you were rude. You could've easily handled that in a more polite tone.

    "What's the favour?.....ah sorry mate I can't I have to be somewhere I'm late for work/meeting my wife/ whatever excuse."

    To me you're making this situation way worse by your wording and your escalating it more than need be
     
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  9. snake_monkey

    snake_monkey Orange Belt

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    So now I have to take care of another stranger’s feelings who is being a bully to me while I try to mind my own business? You both may be right about my tone and wording, but if was easy for me to be polite when I have been bullied and don’t want to take any more plus I consider my personal space to be important to me so when that is violated I take it as an act of aggresssion and I do not consider ‘being polite’ as necessary. I am more concerned with not getting injured due to letting my guard down.
     
  10. Headhunter

    Headhunter Senior Master

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    It's not about caring about there feelings it's about doing the smart thing and walking away. The best way to do that isn't to be hostile it's to do anything you can to get away and if that means kissing there *** then kiss their *** it's not about ego in these situations it's about being safe.

    For example.

    "You can't defend yourself from me"

    The best response to that would be something like.

    "No I can't you're right you're way tougher than me, I don't wanna get hurt and I'm sure you don't want to take the risk of someone seeing and you getting in trouble. Let's just leave it here mate, have a nice day"

    I've done that plenty of times. Pretend to be a total wimp to get out of trouble and appeal to their ego compliment them make them think you think they're tough and flatter them so they can leave you alone.
     
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  11. Martial D

    Martial D Senior Master

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    How to pick a fight 101. You talk like you have a chip on your shoulder.
     
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  12. snake_monkey

    snake_monkey Orange Belt

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    I just mentioned previously that when someone comes into my space ‘aggressively’ I may not react in a ‘nice’ way. I wouldnt say that I have a chip on my shoulder but when I feel threatened or if my space is violated intentionally I may have a reaction due to the amount of times I’ve been hurt and bullied.
     
  13. snake_monkey

    snake_monkey Orange Belt

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    I am not making any judgments but the guy was aggressive in how he approached me and no one here had my experience in this moment or leading up to this moment. It’s easy for you to make judgments about one post I’m just putting out there. I appreciate the constructive comments however.
     
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  14. Headhunter

    Headhunter Senior Master

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    Yes but according to your scenario they didn't approach you in a aggressive way they just asked you for a favour and you responded in an agreesive way that instigated a more agreesive response if you'd just played it off that aggression may not have happened. Especially since you didn't know what the favour was. Maybe the guy just wanted to know what time the next bus is. Or where the nearest takeaway is
     
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  15. Headhunter

    Headhunter Senior Master

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    Doesn't matter what the approach was like the response still didn't need to match the aggression your lucky the guy decided to walk away. It very easily could've escalated into a fight with the responses you were giving. I've seen fights start for way less
     
  16. snake_monkey

    snake_monkey Orange Belt

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    Also, how many of those that comment here live in a crowded city with so many shelters closing down due to lack of funding and other issues that cause people to live on the streets and approach people aggressively for panhandling or other reasons. How many of those people are violent and unpredictable? I am just trying to stay balanced through all of this and you do not know what issues I deal with personally or on what level I deal with them and please do not ask as I am not willing to discuss personal issues here. It’s easy for you as a martial artist keyboard warriors to make judgements but yeah I’m working things out and just looking here for some advice and discussion not to be judged but judge away and I will delete this thread. Sounds like a have a chip on my shoulder well maybe I do but is that wrong? I’m just sharing, I’m sure you are not perfect in every part of your life but I’m not judging.
     
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  17. pdg

    pdg Senior Master

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    Yeah, good luck with that.
     
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  18. Headhunter

    Headhunter Senior Master

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    So people are giving you advice and you respond by calling them keyboard warriors? Yep there's that chip. I'm not perfect nor am I claiming to be but I've had plenty of experience. You don't seem to want a discussion because I know I have said nothing rude to you yet you are acting like You've been insulted. No ones judging you this is a martial art discussion page and you posted a thread so you've had people discussing it. What's the issue?

    No one is perfect. No one ever has been no one ever will be there's no shame in that. But when people are giving advice you can either listen to it and take it on board or ignore it but no need to take it as a personal insult. No ones insulting you or judging you it's just a discussion
     
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  19. pdg

    pdg Senior Master

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    The thing is @snake_monkey - you started the thread making a statement that very few agreed with.

    There was absolutely no indication of an aggressive invasion of 'personal space', and nothing to suggest the initial approach was anything untoward until your response caused it to be so.

    Then you tried to defend your position with your personal issues, and decline to share what they are. You don't have to share, but unless you do it's not a valid reason.

    I hate people generally, can't stand them - but if someone asks for a favour I'll find out what it is before getting stroppy and abusive.
     
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  20. snake_monkey

    snake_monkey Orange Belt

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    I see a skunk or a raccoon on the street and I run the other way if I don’t have a stick. I don’t believe people are as civilized in today’s society as most would appear to be so a 5’9 175# human coming close to me and I’m unarmed? You best believe I have my guards up. Headhunter I liked your constructive comment. Others have posted just complete judgments and plus I get extremely defensive on the intranets sometimes.
     

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