How to fight back if someone pushes you down?

[Tez3]

Tez, the only reason I said what I did is because I know some people are completely twitchy about in close...even if they know the techniques they panic and as I sometimes say "vapor lock" when it comes to physical techniques

Again though, I said that if you are young, female and not strong having a larger, stronger male on top of you who is trying to be intimate is horrendous, especially in this case where it was someone known to the girl, you don't carry weapons and have them ready to use against those you consider friends. Wrist locks won't work in that situation either, it needs specific techniques to get a bigger man off you, I believe BJJ provides those specific moves, wrist locks, throws, etc etc will not do that.

 

[Hanzou]

That vid perfectly illustrates why the OP should join a proper Bjj gym. You can learn the escapes to get you from up under someone, but you also need to be taught the potential follow-ups to the escape.

In that vid the woman hip escaped, but then slid right into open guard to prevent her opponent from re-establishing top control. If you're not trained by a certified insructor you're not going to understand why that's important.

 

[Juany118]

Again though, I said that if you are young, female and not strong having a larger, stronger male on top of you who is trying to be intimate is horrendous, especially in this case where it was someone known to the girl, you don't carry weapons and have them ready to use against those you consider friends. Wrist locks won't work in that situation either, it needs specific techniques to get a bigger man off you, I believe BJJ provides those specific moves, wrist locks, throws, etc etc will not do that.

Oh I agree with everything you say, don't get me wrong, except the weapon thing. Now admittedly I have a degree of paranoia that most don't so even if I am going to my parents house I have some sort of weapon on me and I am not required by my boss to do so. I also just used wrist locks as an example of a common grappling manuver. I have just seen people, including victims, that have trained in grappling but when it comes to an "out of training" scenario, they mentally "lock up" in terms of performing the grappling stuff. Our OP may not have this mental block, in that case awesome. If they do then I just suggest an alternative, even with friends or family see a self defense tool like a condom, better to not need it and have one than need one and not have it. The OP though is the only one who can be the judge of this though.

 

[Tez3]

I think the problem someone who has been the victim of an attempted assault is going to have is more trusting someone not to do it when a similar situation of intimacy crops up, I think far from having a mental block about grappling they will go into it too fast before being sure they are going to be assaulted. Preparation is good but pre-empting a situation which isn't going to happen because that's not what the chap has in mind is going to be a problem.

 

[somehumanperson]

Hey there Do not know if you are still around or got your answer?? Some people here have given good practical advice and suggestions. I would not repeat what is said, only it sound to me that you maybe feel your confidence overall has taken a knock from this? I imagine this can only be made worse that the person who did this on you was or is a friend. This could feel like a sort of double blow maybe. I know people this can cause them to question their selves at some levels. You have supportive friends there with you?? You know I think you are brave and I think you are awesome to post this here, because you know there are always other girls in similar situations that wonder oh goodness what do I do now to stop this happening. Thank you for posting. I do not have much to add only there are lot of ways for you to gain back the confidence that is yours as a young woman that you deserve to have and to keep for always. Physical training of any kind will help yes, does not have even to be fancy martial arts to make you in some way unhurtable, can be just doing a little fitness routine or do a few little things in your college gym or a dance class or jogging or whatever, and but mostly I would just want to urge you to take this incident in context of your life as an entirety and not allow it to define anything too much about you. Please let us know how you get on and what you make of it all and what you decide. ANd anyway, you are not just somehumanperson, you are awesomehumanperson A bientot, Jxxxx

aww thank you it seems a bit extreme to start a martial art based on one incident. I guess I was just looking for a "magic trick" to avoid situations like this in the future. I'm okay I just don't like feeling weak and defenseless and this made me think of things differently.

 

[somehumanperson]

Sort of off topic but did you get the police involved even if it didnt go far it's still assault

no, I don't want to get anyone involved. It didn't go very far and a lot of people wouldn't have even taken it the way I did. I just want to be able to stand up a bit more for myself in the future.

 

[Gerry Seymour]

aww thank you it seems a bit extreme to start a martial art based on one incident. I guess I was just looking for a "magic trick" to avoid situations like this in the future. I'm okay I just don't like feeling weak and defenseless and this made me think of things differently.

There are many of us who started because of one incident that left us feeling that way.

 

[somehumanperson]

Hi OP, late to the party but hope everything's ok!

There's a lot of good advice here to go over and I have nothing to really add, only thing I want to repeat is the importance of actually attending regular martial arts classes. There are no 'tricks', it's all mentality and technique. Martial arts and self defence is in reality incredibly hard to learn (initially, I've not yet met a single person that can't improve somehow), it's so much easier if you have a class assisting your learning experience and a good teacher who can constantly push and expand your knowledge. Yes watch videos, but apply them with the nuances and mastery you gain in full classes.

Good luck! If you ever want to discuss any techniques or ask a question you can find us all here

Extra:
Also, with regards to the incident; Whatever this friend did to you it wasn't 'bants' and it wasn't right. You didn't deserve it and he had no justified reason to put you in that position, it's unacceptable. If he ever does anything like it again tell someone and raise hell, you are COMPLETELY in the right to do so.
Us at MT, your friends, family and the law are all on your side. Always remember that.

Thanks for your response, I know it wasn't cool. That's why I'm so pissed and I want to make sure no one ever does that again. I don't care if it was a joke or not or if he was just drunk. It's not happening again ever.

 

[Tez3]

it seems a bit extreme to start a martial art based on one incident

Nah, do it because it's amazing fun, the people are great and you end up fitter, more confident and positive with killer moves! Seriously, you can do it as a hobby/sport/for fitness/for defence but whatever I guarantee you will end up as addicted as we are ( over 40 years and counting) enjoying the camaraderie, the jokes, the sheer exuberance of it.

 

[somehumanperson]

I think the problem someone who has been the victim of an attempted assault is going to have is more trusting someone not to do it when a similar situation of intimacy crops up, I think far from having a mental block about grappling they will go into it too fast before being sure they are going to be assaulted. Preparation is good but pre-empting a situation which isn't going to happen because that's not what the chap has in mind is going to be a problem.

I like to think of myself as a very careful person, I don't just go off with drunk strangers (not that people who do still deserve to be assaulted) or do stuff like that. But I still like to go out and hang out with people and I really thought this person was someone who would never do this kind of thing. The thing is I feel weird since I don't know if I'm overreacting since I wouldn't consider it assault for someone to push you down and hold you there for a few seconds but I just got creeped out since I really tried to get him off and I don't know if I could have if he wasn't "just joking".

 

[Gerry Seymour]

I like to think of myself as a very careful person, I don't just go off with drunk strangers (not that people who do still deserve to be assaulted) or do stuff like that. But I still like to go out and hang out with people and I really thought this person was someone who would never do this kind of thing. The thing is I feel weird since I don't know if I'm overreacting since I wouldn't consider it assault for someone to push you down and hold you there for a few seconds but I just got creeped out since I really tried to get him off and I don't know if I could have if he wasn't "just joking".

I wasn't there, and am not in your skin, but it doesn't sound like you're overreacting. I am not fond of people playing physical power games with unwilling participants, and that's what this sounds like.

 

[Jenna]

aww thank you it seems a bit extreme to start a martial art based on one incident. I guess I was just looking for a "magic trick" to avoid situations like this in the future. I'm okay I just don't like feeling weak and defenseless and this made me think of things differently.

To want the magic trick is I am certain just what anyone would think Weak and defenceless I get that, it make sense thank you for clarifying You were pushed down and held by someone who you felt was a friend. To me that would be difficult enough to rationalise or make much sense of. I ask my self what would I do. Well, maybe have you spoken or approached this person with someone you CAN trust? I mean just to tell them straight it was not appropriate nor welcome nor would you like to imagine it would ever happen again? Maybe they just have no clue how it have affected you? Maybe they did not mean it the way it happened. You can set them straight. For the sake of others too. I could not advise just suggest x I am sure you have other ideas of what it might take to make you feel more confident again? Like MA is certainly an idea over a longer time if you are minded to try it, and but maybe there are others too that come from your own friendships and relationships and your other social supports??

You feel defenceless that make sense too. Maybe some time it is like something of you is taken away even in just a silly incident. Fact is, like in this one single instance maybe you had not the defence, that is fact, and but then again there is not anyone here like lots of expertise in MA who have not found theirselves on the wrong end of something unexpected. And these are people who have done this for many years and would not consider their selves defenceless I just mean there is no absolute and nor does one incident declare anything about you if you follow? Feeling a thing to be true of your self does not always mean it *is* true x

And yes, I think it is natural to just want the magic trick, we all do this at some point is true x Thinking of things differently is not such a bad thing maybe. And martial arts, sure, it is a magic trick, just like any magic trick maybe take a little time before doing it on stage maybe.. I wonder if the magic trick is in you already, maybe it has just dropped down and needs fetched back out again Hope you get your answers my awesomehumanperson friend, even if you do not feel awesome because of actions of this misguided friend does not mean you are not awesome all the same. Everybody here think you are awesome and have courage to come here and be so open about what happened and to try to get back Wishes xxx

 

[Deleted member 34973]

A lot of great answers, I would add that whomever you train with, actually has real world experience with the self defense technique.

I mean really, what good does it do to train with someone who only has dojo or competition experience. JMO

 

[Tez3]

Everybody here think you are awesome and have courage to come here and be so open about what happened and to try to get back

Absolutely!
You are not over reacting at all, anything physical anyone does to you that you don't like and don't want is assault in the legal sense as well as the moral one. We've had people complaining here in the UK because the police have been putting anti spit hoods on some they arrest, but until you have been spat at ( which is assault) most people have no idea what it's like. It's disgusting, often dangerous and something you do not want to be covered in yet they say the police are over reacting, they aren't, a face full of someone's spit is beyond disgusting.
The fault is all your friends, no one has the right to make anyone feel uncomfortable or fell under pressure. I rather suspect he thought he'd chance his arm and perhaps you'd be receptive to the idea of something more. He's the one in the wrong,, he's lucky though, I'd have broken both his collarbones and watched his arms dangle but that is just me lol, I may be a little OTT at times. ( cos really one collarbone would have been enough).
Don't beat yourself up, live well and enjoy your life.

 

[Ademadis]

I like to think of myself as a very careful person, I don't just go off with drunk strangers (not that people who do still deserve to be assaulted) or do stuff like that. But I still like to go out and hang out with people and I really thought this person was someone who would never do this kind of thing. The thing is I feel weird since I don't know if I'm overreacting since I wouldn't consider it assault for someone to push you down and hold you there for a few seconds but I just got creeped out since I really tried to get him off and I don't know if I could have if he wasn't "just joking".

Aye you've got it right, the general rule of self defense is "if you can,don't be there".
And honestly you're not overreacting.
You're concerned for your safety, that's always a legitimate concern no matter what made you worry.

I'd still say at least have a go with martial arts, most clubs do the first couple of sessions free so you've got nothing to loose.

Also bump to what Tez says, martial arts are great fun, good for fitness and really good for growing confidence

 

[drop bear]

aww thank you it seems a bit extreme to start a martial art based on one incident. I guess I was just looking for a "magic trick" to avoid situations like this in the future. I'm okay I just don't like feeling weak and defenseless and this made me think of things differently.

Magic tricks just take a lot of behind the scenes work.

 

[oftheherd1]

Thank you I guess I should look into some martial arts courses in my area. I'm just not the most athletically gifted person and don't want to feel like an idiot there in a course that's probably mostly guys with a sporty background.

For whatever it is worth, when I started Hapkido, I was in my 40s, in pretty good shape, and years before, had studied TKD for 18 months or so. How hard could it be?

Suddenly I seemed to have lost all muscle control. But I soon learned to look for the little things that made it work (often after the 2nd or 3rd time I was shown). If you want to, you learn can too. And then it gets easier. Although some may not wish to admit it, just about everybody goes through the same thing. I am sure it must be the same for BJJ. Don't worry about such things!

You may not know, but arts like Hapkido, Aikido, BJJ, and others, are generally considered grappling arts. In the Hapkido I studied, we didn't learn ground techniques until after 1st degree black belt. BJJ on the other hand either starts out learning takedowns and escapes, or gets to it quickly. I can't say much about BJJ for sure since I have never studied it.

BTW, I don't know where you are, but many colleges and universities in the US will have a martial art class as part of their curriculum for a gym requirement, for at least 1 semester/quarter, or as an elective.. You might look into that.

Good luck with your search for a solution. Don't be afraid to come back and ask more questions. There are people who always wish to help.

 

[oftheherd1]

no, I don't want to get anyone involved. It didn't go very far and a lot of people wouldn't have even taken it the way I did. I just want to be able to stand up a bit more for myself in the future.

Just as kind of an aside, don't be too quick to think that way. Your "friend" hasn't learned anything that way if you don't at least tell him He may think that type of action is an OK joke, or worse, a way to further a relationship. Something as simple as firmly telling him, alone, or better yet, with a trusted friend, male or female. If he learns something positive for his relationships, good for him. Regardless, it might begin to give you a little more feeling of being in charge of your life. As Jenna pointed out, that is important as well.

Has this person said anything since then, or made any other attempts at verbal or physical interaction?

 

[Tony Dismukes]

I can agree with that. There's less difference - especially in the long run - between a sport-oriented BJJ school, for instance, and one that maintains more of a SD orientation.

I bolded the important part in that statement. In the long run, a BJJ practitioner should be able to fight effectively regardless of whether he/she trains in a sport or street oriented school. In the short term, a student at an exclusively sport oriented school will likely be at a disadvantage in a street assault situation because they won't have spent the time training against the sort of attacks their assailant will likely use and they won't yet have the fundamental body skills to adapt on the fly to an unfamiliar context.

 

[Tony Dismukes]

The thing is I feel weird since I don't know if I'm overreacting since I wouldn't consider it assault for someone to push you down and hold you there for a few seconds but I just got creeped out since I really tried to get him off and I don't know if I could have if he wasn't "just joking".

You aren't overreacting. That is assault in both the moral and legal sense.