K
Kirk
Guest
The Top Signs You've Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School
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*A guy who looks and sounds like Danny DeVito in a bathrobe points to a pile of concrete blocks and says "Knock yourselves out, Grasshoppers."
*All the trophies in the display case appear to be altered bowling trophies.
*Instead of belts, levels of prowess are denoted by colorful suspenders and coordinating ascots.
*Although the Grandmaster's hands "move faster than the eye can see," you can still detect a fair amount of nose picking going on.
*As a student is wheeled out by paramedics, the instructor say "Class, name 3 things Alan did wrong."
*You're pretty sure "Monkey Style" does not involve masturbating and throwing feces at your attacker.
*You practice kicks on a stage while sweaty men stuff dollar bills in your g-string.
*Spent the first eight lessons learning to talk while moving your lips in a seemingly unrelated manner.
*At the end of every class, your instructor says, "...or you could just buy a friggin' gun."
*Your school's symbol is a bullseye target
*First demonstration consists of falling to the floor, curling into the fetal position, and whimpering pitifully.
*Frequent pauses while instructor tearfully stops to right his spilled pocket protector.
*The "gees" are used hospital gowns, and the "throwing stars" are just slices of old cheese.
*The homework is always just to watch a Jackie Chan movie.
*The instructor's low fees enhanced by take from one-on-one "pop quizzes" in dark alleys.
*Local muggers gather in the parking lot waiting for class to end.
*Current students bark out on cue the phrase "Insurance does not exist in this dojo!"
*Sensei's "ancient Chinese secret" required notifying the neighbors when he moved in.
*Did Confucius ever really say he was "going to open up a can of whoop-****" on someone?
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*A guy who looks and sounds like Danny DeVito in a bathrobe points to a pile of concrete blocks and says "Knock yourselves out, Grasshoppers."
*All the trophies in the display case appear to be altered bowling trophies.
*Instead of belts, levels of prowess are denoted by colorful suspenders and coordinating ascots.
*Although the Grandmaster's hands "move faster than the eye can see," you can still detect a fair amount of nose picking going on.
*As a student is wheeled out by paramedics, the instructor say "Class, name 3 things Alan did wrong."
*You're pretty sure "Monkey Style" does not involve masturbating and throwing feces at your attacker.
*You practice kicks on a stage while sweaty men stuff dollar bills in your g-string.
*Spent the first eight lessons learning to talk while moving your lips in a seemingly unrelated manner.
*At the end of every class, your instructor says, "...or you could just buy a friggin' gun."
*Your school's symbol is a bullseye target
*First demonstration consists of falling to the floor, curling into the fetal position, and whimpering pitifully.
*Frequent pauses while instructor tearfully stops to right his spilled pocket protector.
*The "gees" are used hospital gowns, and the "throwing stars" are just slices of old cheese.
*The homework is always just to watch a Jackie Chan movie.
*The instructor's low fees enhanced by take from one-on-one "pop quizzes" in dark alleys.
*Local muggers gather in the parking lot waiting for class to end.
*Current students bark out on cue the phrase "Insurance does not exist in this dojo!"
*Sensei's "ancient Chinese secret" required notifying the neighbors when he moved in.
*Did Confucius ever really say he was "going to open up a can of whoop-****" on someone?
