The Top 14 Things Bill Clinton Would Say if He Were in "Star Wars"

Blotan Hunka

Blotan Hunka

Master Black Belt
14. "Well, it depends on your definition of 'father', Luke."

13. "Who knew the Jedi Mind Trick could work on 250 million people all at once?"

12. "I *absolutely* support the use of droids in the military... Okay, now I don't."

11. "Oh-h-h, you're looking for a little *WOOKIE*... Well, that's different."

10. "Luke, I am your father. Obi-Wan, I'm your father, too. And that Queen chick? I'm her daddy for sure. And Leia's. And Lando's, Boba Fett's, Jabba the Hutt's, Chewie's..."

9. "Wretched hive of scum and villainy? Woo-hoo, count me in!"

8. "I think the American people would like a little more bass in my theme music."

7. "Dispose of that troublesome young Jedi, Vince Skyfoster -- and make it look like a suicide."

6. "I did not have sexual relations with that wookie, Ms. Chewinsky."

5. "It's a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away -- and I'm still a lyin' weasel."

4. "Cholesterol does not concern me, Admiral. I want that Big Mac -- not excuses."

3. "Sorry about that lightsaber, Sugar. Just consider it laser dental work."

2. "These are not the droids you're looking for, Ma'am. Say, it's getting hot in here -- you might want to take off your top."

1. "She's my sister?!? Well, back on my home planet of Arkansas, that ain't an obstacle!"
 
Typical right wing crap. Former President Clinton has been out of office for over six years. But given the pathetic incompetence and insane arrogance of the band of witch-burners, billionaires, war criminals and Constitution rapers at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue the Republican Lie Machine has to do something. So they beat up on someone who presided over eight years of peace and prosperity.

Oh yes, we know he got a hummer. That's better than what the Greedy Old Plutocrats are doing to us without even the common courtesy of a reach around.
 
tellner said:
Typical right wing crap. Former President Clinton has been out of office for over six years. But given the pathetic incompetence and insane arrogance of the band of witch-burners, billionaires, war criminals and Constitution rapers at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue the Republican Lie Machine has to do something. So they beat up on someone who presided over eight years of peace and prosperity.

Oh yes, we know he got a hummer. That's better than what the Greedy Old Plutocrats are doing to us without even the common courtesy of a reach around.
Click to expand...

100% agree. Some of the jokes were pretty funny though...
 
JBrainard said:
100% agree. Some of the jokes were pretty funny though...
Click to expand...
And that's the whole point of the post...it's a joke. If you're gonna make it into a political debate then go over to the study. Relax. There are places for argument/debate and this forum ain't it.
 
tellner said:
Typical right wing crap. Former President Clinton has been out of office for over six years. But given the pathetic incompetence and insane arrogance of the band of witch-burners, billionaires, war criminals and Constitution rapers at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue the Republican Lie Machine has to do something. So they beat up on someone who presided over eight years of peace and prosperity.

Oh yes, we know he got a hummer. That's better than what the Greedy Old Plutocrats are doing to us without even the common courtesy of a reach around.
Click to expand...

I laughed.

I would laugh at one from Reagan and Bush or the current sitting President.

Humour to me does not require for it to be against my or for my politics. ;)
 
yup, jokes are either funny or not. Truthfully, I think this is beating a dead horse at this point... It's been how many years since Monica was under his desk?
 
tellner said:
Typical right wing crap. Former President Clinton has been out of office for over six years. But given the pathetic incompetence and insane arrogance of the band of witch-burners, billionaires, war criminals and Constitution rapers at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue the Republican Lie Machine has to do something. So they beat up on someone who presided over eight years of peace and prosperity.

Oh yes, we know he got a hummer. That's better than what the Greedy Old Plutocrats are doing to us without even the common courtesy of a reach around.
Click to expand...
Did you read, "The Horse Did It?" That's one about Bushy-poo.
 
And that's how humor as a weapon works. It's designed to get past the usual filters of decency by turning it back on anyone who questions the slander. "What's your problem, don't you gotta sense a humor?"

It's telling that the Right, and our friend here is about as reflexive a right-winger as we have in this community, just can't stop flogging old Dobbin even though he's long past due for the knacker's and has actually turned to compost.
 
tellner said:
Typical right wing crap. Former President Clinton has been out of office for over six years. But given the pathetic incompetence and insane arrogance of the band of witch-burners, billionaires, war criminals and Constitution rapers at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue the Republican Lie Machine has to do something. So they beat up on someone who presided over eight years of peace and prosperity.

Oh yes, we know he got a hummer. That's better than what the Greedy Old Plutocrats are doing to us without even the common courtesy of a reach around.
Click to expand...

Oh goodness, not the ol' 'eight years of peace and prosperity' line again. I agree with much of the rest of your post, except for that line.

Yes, there were eight years of Wall Street prosperity. Starting approximately 1 year before Clinton took office and lasting until approximately 1 year before he left office. Thanks to the tech bubble, irrational exhuberance and the frauds of Sunbeam, Enron, Global Crossings, MCI, and others in the late 90s. Meanwhile, private debts, homelessness, and bankruptcies reached all time highs. The national debt continued to climb and NEVER was reduced despite the apparently politically motivated removal of the national debt clock.

As for peace, terrorism really hit home in those eight years. The World Trade Center was bombed, the Waco fiasco, and the OKC bombing, US embassies were bombed, the USS Cole was bombed. The US attacked Sudan, Afghanistan and Iraq (Iraq repeatedly), The US participated in 1993's UNOSOM II, then there was Haiti, and the huge body count from our war with Clinton's personal Hitler, Milosevic.

I say personal Hitler because it seems like lately each US President has his own personal Hitler or evil empire to dispose of. I think it's partly their 'legacy creation' mindset and partly the reasons described in the Eugene Jarecki documentary "Why We Fight".

I suppose all that warring of the 90s was considered 'peaceful' because the US wasn't losing a lot of lives in comparison to previous military actions and wars? I think it's more likely that we just don't agree on what peace means.

All that, and I still think Bush is worse than Clinton was, despite Bush inheriting a recession and the problems with terrorism.
 
Ladies and Gentlemen,

Please return to the topic at hand. I strongly suggest that you remember that this thread is in the comedy cafe and not the study. Humor is in the eye of the beholder. If you don't like what is stated, please don't hijack the thread, simply move along.

Thanks so much. :)

Lisa Deneka
MT Assist. Admin.
 
tellner said:
Typical right wing crap. Former President Clinton has been out of office for over six years. But given the pathetic incompetence and insane arrogance of the band of witch-burners, billionaires, war criminals and Constitution rapers at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue the Republican Lie Machine has to do something. So they beat up on someone who presided over eight years of peace and prosperity.

Oh yes, we know he got a hummer. That's better than what the Greedy Old Plutocrats are doing to us without even the common courtesy of a reach around.
Click to expand...


:tantrum::tantrum::tantrum::waah::waah:
 
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