Telling Others What Should or Shouldn't Matter to Them

[Hot Lunch]

Short little rant: I just got done reading a thread, where a normal user criticized a newbie for looking for an "effective" martial art. Told the guy not to worry about that, because not everyone is going for that, etc.

I noticed this all the way back to "belts don't matter," and then on to "club affiliation doesn't matter," "don't worry about rank transferability," and recently "gi choices don't matter, get the cheapest one" and so forth.

Who the hell are any of us to decide what's important to other grown adults?

If it's something that may not be important to me personally, then I'll state exactly that. But what I won't do is tell others that it shouldn't be important to them. I don't get to decide that.

We all prioritize different things in life. Two people can make the same amount of money; one wears a Timex and drives a new Mercedes, the other wears a Rolex and drives 15 year old Nissan. Are either of them wrong, or focusing on the wrong things in life? Who are we to decide?

Rant over.

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

There are 2 ways (may be more) to respond someone's question.

1. I think ...
2. You may ...

Which way is better?

When you use

-1, people may think that you are self-centered, and the sun always moves around you.
- 2, people may think you have no right to decide for others.

I think the best way is to offer different options, state PRO and CON, and let people to decide by themselves (such as "Which way is better?"). The problem for this approach is people may think that you are afraid to say what you have in your mind.

 

[Bill Mattocks]

Short little rant: I just got done reading a thread, where a normal user criticized a newbie for looking for an "effective" martial art. Told the guy not to worry about that, because not everyone is going for that, etc.

I noticed this all the way back to "belts don't matter," and then on to "club affiliation doesn't matter," "don't worry about rank transferability," and recently "gi choices don't matter, get the cheapest one" and so forth.

Who the hell are any of us to decide what's important to other grown adults?

If it's something that may not be important to me personally, then I'll state exactly that. But what I won't do is tell others that it shouldn't be important to them. I don't get to decide that.

We all prioritize different things in life. Two people can make the same amount of money; one wears a Timex and drives a new Mercedes, the other wears a Rolex and drives 15 year old Nissan. Are either of them wrong, or focusing on the wrong things in life? Who are we to decide?

Rant over.

That's why I have a disclaimer at the bottom of each of my posts. They are my opinions. You are right, I have no right to tell anyone what they should and should not like or should or should not do. On the other hand, I do sometimes have strong opinions, and I'm generally not shy about expressing them.

 

[Buka]

When I read the thread title over coffee a little while ago I thought it was a thread about marriage.

 

[Hot Lunch]

When I read the thread title over coffee a little while ago I thought it was a thread about marriage.

Well... it can be.

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

It's very tedious to include "this is only my personal opinion" in each and every post that you write. It's also unfriendly to say, "I can't careless whether you may agree or not".

IMO, if you are afraid to say from the bottom of your heart, why do you even participate in online discussion for?

 

[Hot Lunch]

It's very tedious to include "this is only my personal opinion" in each and every post that you write. It's also unfriendly to say, "I can't careless whether you may agree or not".

IMO, if you are afraid to say from the bottom of your heart, why do you even participate in online discussion for?

Answering questions while putting personal judgements aside doesn't require more time or energy. In fact, I'd say it requires less.

 

[Dirty Dog]

You need it spelled out in every single post that we're expressing our opinions?

As for "who are we"... we're (in many cases) people with decades of teaching experience, who probably have some notion of what is actually helpful when you're trying to learn something.

 

[Hot Lunch]

You need it spelled out in every single post that we're expressing our opinions?

Or you could simply not express them, when it comes to what you think is best for others.

As for "who are we"... we're (in many cases) people with decades of teaching experience, who probably have some notion of what is actually helpful when you're trying to learn something.

Irrelevant. Who you're not is that specific person who is trying to fulfill their own person need or want. If I have decades of experience selling apples, that doesn't mean I get to tell customers whether to eat them fresh or use them to make pie.

 

[Steve]

We call this “shoulding” on people. It’s impolite to should all over someone.

It’s hilarious to me that one of the judgiest, crotchetiest people on the forum unironically tells you you’re wrong. 😂

 

[Badhabits]

Lol it's too bad it's so difficult to express all the the nuances of speech in written text. Some stuff sounds just fine when spoken, I type out the same exact thing I said and it just looks I'm being a royal a-hole via text. Or maybe I'm an a-hole and just sound good in my own head

 

[Dirty Dog]

We call this “shoulding” on people. It’s impolite to should all over someone.

It’s hilarious to me that one of the judgiest, crotchetiest people on the forum unironically tells you you’re wrong. 😂

When did you tell them they're wrong? I must have missed that.

 

[hoshin1600]

People shouldn't take things so seriously.
People should understand that people are here to give opinions.
People should take in everyone's opinion then make their own decisions.
Maybe I shouldn't be answering, I should just go back to reading.
To "should" or "shouldn't " that is the question.

 

[Hot Lunch]

Lol it's too bad it's so difficult to express all the the nuances of speech in written text. Some stuff sounds just fine when spoken, I type out the same exact thing I said and it just looks I'm being a royal a-hole via text. Or maybe I'm an a-hole and just sound good in my own head

It's not tone or context. It's exactly what's being said. I mentioned this example in another thread awhile back (probably on this same subject), and I thought it was the famous Ginuwine example, but I rewatched it and I'm probably thinking of someone else or another show. But here's what happened:

A transwoman was expressing romantic interest in a heterosexual man. The heterosexual man rejects the transwoman, and then the transwoman responds by asking why. The heterosexual man responds back by mentioning that the transwoman has... shall we say, "the wrong equipment."

The transwoman then tells him "It doesn't matter what I have."

Yeah...

If the transwoman was having that same conversation with me, then that's where the conversation stops being a friendly one and starts getting hostile.

 

[Badhabits]

Lol hell hath no fury.......

 

[Bill Mattocks]

Is it just me, or did things just get weird?

 

[Kung Fu Wang]

Or you could simply not express them, when it comes to what you think is best for others.

When someone offers you some free advice, he is doing you a favor. You don't have to take it.

For example, I strongly believe if one spends more time to train kick, he will get better balance and have less chance to fall down in his old age. When I say that, do I try to force others to do what I believe? If my believe can help just 1 person on earth, I'll be happy. IMO, that's the purpose of online discussion - trying to help others.

 

[isshinryuronin]

t’s hilarious to me that one of the judgiest, crotchetiest people on the forum unironically tells you you’re wrong.

No doubt, EVERYONE on this forum is now reading this and saying, "Oh, I know who he means, and it ain't me!"

It's very tedious to include "this is only my personal opinion" in each and every post that you write.

I often include "IMO" on subjects that aren't black or white (so as not to sound preachy) and not use that when I see something as very likely, based upon sources, or my 50+ years of experience as Dirty Dog expressed.

Another thing I try to do is when repeating a statement previously said by another, I give credit (as can be seen in the above paragraph) so as not to portray it as my own.

Lastly, I do not quote sources when sources are, "They say..." or are not experts in the field. Too many people make definitive statements without knowing what they're talking about.

 

[Bill Mattocks]

We call this “shoulding” on people. It’s impolite to should all over someone.

It’s hilarious to me that one of the judgiest, crotchetiest people on the forum unironically tells you you’re wrong. 😂

Is it me? It's me, isn't it.

 

[Steve]

People shouldn't take things so seriously.
People should understand that people are here to give opinions.
People should take in everyone's opinion then make their own decisions.
Maybe I shouldn't be answering, I should just go back to reading.
To "should" or "shouldn't " that is the question.

Smells like should around here!