Tell me some McDojo mantras!

[Cyriacus]

I'm trying to write a bit of satire, because i'm quite ill and don't have anything else to do.

So! All i've been able to come up with so far is talking about being the most street lethal fighting style on the face of the planet.

Give me ideas, while i re-watch Enter The Dojo!

PS: Hi MartialTalk, it's been... a while. Sup

 

[GiYu - Todd]

In just two one-hour classes per week (and for a butt-load of money) we can guarantee you a black belt in only one year.

(Sadly... this is pretty much a paraphrase of a McDojo here in town)

 

[Cyriacus]

In just two one-hour classes per week (and for a butt-load of money) we can guarantee you a black belt in only one year.

(Sadly... this is pretty much a paraphrase of a McDojo here in town)

Perfect! We can make you a street lethal black belt killing machine for the low, limited time only cost of $125 per week. This gets you a 2-3 classes, and special park training with Sensei Dave at least once a month.

Ah, i hope im not stepping on anyones toes by deliberately trying to make the most dickish, unbelievable intro in history

 

[Buka]

I hope you feel better soon. All the best, bro.

As for the thread.....

"We've been watching you and truely see something special. We want to tape you and send it to the Master back in the old country."

Weeks later....

"The Master wants you in a special, accelerated Instructors Course. He was impressed....and he does not impress easily."

 

[GiYu - Todd]

How about "I have black belts in 12 different styles, and am a master in 3 others. But none of those was deadly enough... so I developed my own style at the age of 22."

for the low, limited time only cost of $125 per week.

(That's not far off. I spoke with one parent who's 12 year old was a 2nd degree from that particular McDojo. Said his kid was apparently a prodigy and got nidan in only 18 months. I held my yearning to opine, and asked how much that cost. He said about $14,000 total! Wow! I wish we had about 3 or 4 wealthy suckers... I mean "prodigies" like that.)

 

[GiYu - Todd]

Ah, i hope im not stepping on anyones toes by deliberately trying to make the most dickish, unbelievable intro in history

You should probably be more worried about copyright enfringment.

 

[Dirty Dog]

"If you can afford it, we will award it."

 

[hoshin1600]

there is a technique called "breaking the wind" but it is reserved untill your XXX rank so i cant show it to you. thats the way it works the higher in rank you go the more deadly the techniques are. we cant show you the "good stuff" untill we are sure you can handle it.

sensei ?
Yes...
after watching the Grand PuBa master, it just looks like he is not doing much, i was expecting something really amazing i was kinda disapointed.

OH ,,,young student thats because you dont understand what he is doing. next time, look around and watch all the high black belts how they are closely watching his every move and studying his subtle actions. they see things that you cant see yet. the master is really amazing. it may look like nothing to you but thats because you dont know all the secret techniques and moves.
(this was an actually conversation between me and my teacher when i was a young teen, after attending a "master" seminar, i cant remember the exact words but this was close )
now after 30 + years in the martial arts i still think what that so called master was doing and does looks like crap lol.

 

[Dirty Dog]

there is a technique called "breaking the wind" but it is reserved untill your XXX rank so i cant show it to you.

It's not a secret any more...

 

[ShawnP]

It's not a secret any more...

OOOOMGGGGG my biggest fear!!! NNOOOOO!!!!!

 

[Cyriacus]

You should probably be more worried about copyright enfringment.

Since i was just writing this for fun, i guess i'll disclose the basic idea here. And its starting to get a bit too crazy for me to take it seriously and continue.

So, the story starts with a *very* long monologue by Sensei Dave - At the end of the intro, he calls up one of his students, a big muscle-bound guy, tattoos head to toe, for a live demonstration. He tells him to try and take him out, no rules, no limits, he's THAT sure of his technique. They pace around for a few seconds, before Sensei Dave is punched in the face and tackled to the ground. The student sits on top of him, unsure if he's supposed to continue - Sensei Dave pulls out his knife.

Sensei Dave is locked up for attempted murder, and the student is trying to sue him. Assistant Instructor Mitch (Red Belt with 3 Black Stripes) has no choice but to take over classes until Sensei Dave gets out of court/jail. Not wanting the dojo to be associated with Sensei Dave, he changes the name of the dojo and replaces all of the flags with new logos and slogans.

Assistant Instructor Mitch decided that the art is too deadly to teach to lower belt students. He has no choice but to cut out the knife curriculum (my puns! ), reserving it for black belts and only the very best students, if they're willing/able to sign up for the program.

And... from there i tried to continue the story with classes, and seminars. It was fun making the first part, but trying to make an actual story out of it was next to impossible. If i had like, 20 friends and a good camera we could probably make a 3-5min video out of it.

In the next chapter: There's noone to give Assistant Instructor Mitch his black belt, and he isn't technically allowed to promote anyone. It is tragic.

This is the result of a bored/tired mind

 

[hoshin1600]

I think mitch should promote himself to 13th degree Grand poba master. Which should be interesting should dave get out of jail. But of course he would have gotten the certificate from an on line company.
Mitch over the course of a few weeks begins to believe he is far superior to dave and that he has secret death touch powers and no touch powers.