Something stops me to punch

GiveYourPaw

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I'm new and I have a doubt wherever this post goes to health tips or beginner corner, so I'm sorry in advance if is the wrong category, is just seems to be more generic.

I did sparring (soft sparring) and I don't know why everytime I'm just stop the punch or change the direction of the punch (instead of aiming the face I aim wherever my partner face are not there), I keep asking to my Si-Hing, even he notice that something is wrong but is very hard to explain because I don't know why I am intentionally aim where the face are not there.

So I came up some suspicious things that maybe it's the responsable:
  • Maybe because I was hitted so hard that I want to him get hurted, I know you guys will tell me "If he hit hard, the hit harder" but for me, very emotional and empathetic is very hard to do it;
  • Maybe because hearing news about brawl and fights make me more demotivated and depressed, just yesterday I heard someone stabbing someone just 100 mt. away and now I'm scared even much;
  • Maybe I'm doubting that everything that I learn I will be able to use it on the street if is necessary, that will be the hardest part, I don't know even to descalate even a simple confrontation...
By the way, I already go to psychologist terapy but nothing worked and I change a lot of terapist...

If you guys have my same experience and want to suggest something... and sorry for my mistakes but I'm Italian. xD
 

skribs

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Sparring is training, not fighting. You shouldn't be injured in sparring. Not injuring your opponent is part of being a good training partner. So is being as close to realistic of a fight as possible within the rules and without injuring them.

There are generally two types of beginners. Some go extra hard because they think its a fight and need to slow down and learn patience. Others go extra light because they don't want to hurt anyone and need to speed up to make the training make sense.

If he hit hard, the hit harder

This is something I would recommend an experienced person do to help "lay down the law" against the newbie that needs to slow down. In general, meeting force with calm helps stabilize the sparring session. I'll give you an example from a recent newbie we have in my BJJ class.

This guy is 100 kg of pure muscle. He did wrestling in high school, was a Marine, so he has some grappling experience and is incredibly gung ho. He comes into class and is literally tossing people 7-8 feet in the air, going ham on takedowns and such. Then immediately falling into triangle chokes or sweeps because he has no jiu-jitsu skills, or going for submissions he has no chance of getting because his fundamentals are so flawed.

I had a couple of rolls with him, after which I didn't want to roll with him anymore because he goes way too hard. But then he came up to me and had a talk. He said he likes rolling with me, because I'm the only one who doesn't just try and kill him in a roll. Everyone else goes super hard, but I'm "technical". I explained to him that everyone else he was naming has technical rolls with me. "Oh, so it is me."

Everyone else had been meeting his "hit hard" with "hit harder", and he was getting the message that "in here, we hit hard, so I need to hit harder." It took me rolling light with him - in spite of him rolling hard - for him to learn that there's a better way to train. And now he's a delight to roll with. Except that now he's actually learning and can actually do those submissions...
 

Monkey Turned Wolf

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This is something I would recommend an experienced person do to help "lay down the law" against the newbie that needs to slow down. In general, meeting force with calm helps stabilize the sparring session. I'll give you an example from a recent newbie we have in my BJJ class.

This guy is 100 kg of pure muscle. He did wrestling in high school, was a Marine, so he has some grappling experience and is incredibly gung ho. He comes into class and is literally tossing people 7-8 feet in the air, going ham on takedowns and such. Then immediately falling into triangle chokes or sweeps because he has no jiu-jitsu skills, or going for submissions he has no chance of getting because his fundamentals are so flawed.

I had a couple of rolls with him, after which I didn't want to roll with him anymore because he goes way too hard. But then he came up to me and had a talk. He said he likes rolling with me, because I'm the only one who doesn't just try and kill him in a roll. Everyone else goes super hard, but I'm "technical". I explained to him that everyone else he was naming has technical rolls with me. "Oh, so it is me."

Everyone else had been meeting his "hit hard" with "hit harder", and he was getting the message that "in here, we hit hard, so I need to hit harder." It took me rolling light with him - in spite of him rolling hard - for him to learn that there's a better way to train. And now he's a delight to roll with. Except that now he's actually learning and can actually do those submissions...
Yeah, that they hit hard I hit harder can have a place, but only in conjunction with a conversation. Where you tell the person "Hey I'm fine going light, but if you keep going hard, I'll match you". And either way, is not something OP should be doing as a newcomer.

@GiveYourPaw there's nothing wrong with going light (and you should be). Punch lighter and get more used to sparring. As you get punched, you'll realize the appropriate level of contact isn't too bad and you should be able to hit them more easily (mentally). I can't comment on whether what you're learning will be useful or not, I'm not there, but the question you should ask yourself is "Is me learning this more or less helpful than me playing videogames at home". At least for this particular question. De-escalation shouldn't come up in sparring, but it is also another skill that you can learn. Your therapist may actually be able to help you with that, depending on the type of therapist/your relationship and progress. They also might not, but doesn't hurt to bring it up if you're getting constant anxiety about getting attacked.
 
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GiveYourPaw

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Yeah, that they hit hard I hit harder can have a place, but only in conjunction with a conversation. Where you tell the person "Hey I'm fine going light, but if you keep going hard, I'll match you". And either way, is not something OP should be doing as a newcomer.

@GiveYourPaw there's nothing wrong with going light (and you should be). Punch lighter and get more used to sparring. As you get punched, you'll realize the appropriate level of contact isn't too bad and you should be able to hit them more easily (mentally). I can't comment on whether what you're learning will be useful or not, I'm not there, but the question you should ask yourself is "Is me learning this more or less helpful than me playing videogames at home". At least for this particular question. De-escalation shouldn't come up in sparring, but it is also another skill that you can learn. Your therapist may actually be able to help you with that, depending on the type of therapist/your relationship and progress. They also might not, but doesn't hurt to bring it up if you're getting constant anxiety about getting attacked.
Well, is more helpful than me playing videogames at home not only for a martial art per se but for physical education. Maybe I mix everything, I'm talking de-escalation in general not only for sparring, I don't know how to behave when someone insult me or threating me (because of social anxiety and stayed at home due to force majeure). And, no... please I don't want to find antoher terapyst, is like the fifth one and money's tight... :banghead:
 

Monkey Turned Wolf

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Well, is more helpful than me playing videogames at home not only for a martial art per se but for physical education. Maybe I mix everything, I'm talking de-escalation in general not only for sparring, I don't know how to behave when someone insult me or threating me (because of social anxiety and stayed at home due to force majeure).
Yes, I know you mean de-escalation in general - but you shouldn't be worrying about de-escalation when you're sparring. Just focus on sparring, since that's what you're training. De-escalation should be being taught separate from sparring, but your sihing.

As to
And, no... please I don't want to find antoher terapyst, is like the fifth one and money's tight..
Are you not currently seeing a therapist? I thought you stated that you are currently seeing one. If so, talk with them..adding something new to your therapy plan should not require changing therapists. If I misunderstood and you're not seeing one currently/can't afford it, then ignore that part of my post. It was made under the assumption you are currently meeting with one regularly.
 
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GiveYourPaw

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De-escalation should be being taught separate from sparring, but your sihing.
Wait... so, maybe I misunderstand but, I can ask my sihing how to descalate? I thought that may be a little bit too annoying or too off topic and I thought that sihing is just training Wing Chun, not be as your best friend...
 

Monkey Turned Wolf

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Wait... so, maybe I misunderstand but, I can ask my sihing how to descalate? I thought that may be a little bit too annoying or too off topic and I thought that sihing is just training Wing Chun, not be as your best friend...
That depends, what is the martial art being marketed as? Is it being taught as self defense? If so, de-escalation is a major part of self-defense, and should be taught with it. If not, it still doesn't hurt to ask as someone who (should) have knowledge of that.
 

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I have heard one sempai say that, among those beginners that refuse to hit sempai in the stomach on command - because they can't bring themselves to it; are the type of personality that "freeze" and do nothing when attacked. (more often girls than boys, but even boys). This is MORE common when you are young I was told.

In that case, learning self-defense is to get rid of that mental barrier, and get used to countering when needed.

Is it really de-escalation is what you need to improve?
 
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GiveYourPaw

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I have heard one sempai say that, among those beginners that refuse to hit sempai in the stomach on command - because they can't bring themselves to it; are the type of personality that "freeze" and do nothing when attacked. (more often girls than boys, but even boys). This is MORE common when you are young I was told.

In that case, learning self-defense is to get rid of that mental barrier, and get used to countering when needed.

Is it really de-escalation is what you need to improve?
This, but I need to know why this keep happened, why I freeze everytime. Sometimes I'm thinking: And if there is a situation when I need to use this MA? When to use it? When DOESN'T use it?
Have you considered grappling?
No... but I don't think I personally like it... I don't like to get closed to him. We have close range combat in WC/WT but for me it's hard.
 

Fungus

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This, but I need to know why this keep happened, why I freeze everytime. Sometimes I'm thinking: And if there is a situation when I need to use this MA? When to use it? When DOESN'T use it?
I see, if you ask "why", this is I think not a martial arts question, I think a better answer would come from evolutionary biology or neuroscience. But the freeze reseponse is part of a natural response common to both animals and humans.

As you know there is the fight or flight reseponse, but often an intermediate reseponse is the freeze reseponse. If you notice many animals freeze when spotting a potential danger, there is also the idea of "playing dead" etc. I think all the details and whys here are subject o research, I'm not sure there is a simple ultimate answer. Some ideas is that the freeze period is a period of evaluation, should I fight or flee? Overreacting without thinking could also be bad.

See for example

My opinion in the case of fighting is that you need to train alot and gain experience with the situations, and "get use" to fight back, and get used to take a hit. Once you get use to it, your reptile brain may not take over and you can be more "claim" in the fight. Getting too scare or too angry, and you loose some cognitive control I think, and other basal reflexes come into play.
 

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