Relationship / Dating advice

Chrisinmd

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A little background first. Went on 4 dates with a really beautiful woman. Smart woman who has a great career as well. 3rd date she invited me over to her place and she wanted me to bring sushi over. (Not a big fan of sushi myself but that what she wanted me to bring). We both ate the sushi and talked for a bit which then led to sex multiple times that evening. Great sex it was a wild and fun night. I guess Sushi is really an aphrodisiac after all! lol. For the 4th date we went out had a great dinner and conversation at a nice restaurant. Everything seemed to go well.

Well today I get a text from her that says the following. Not so sure how to say this so delicatlely, so I will just say it. Not sure we should see each other more. There is nothing wrong. I just don't think I am feeling the spark or developing any emotional interest. Wouldn't want to lead you on, as you seem like a genuine guy who has good intentions. End of text.

Text caught me off guard and didn't expect it. Thought we were getting along great. Although thinking back at the end of the 4th date she did not invite me back to her place which was just a couple blocks away. Didn't think much of it at the time. It was a weekday and I knew she had a early day at work the next day. So how should I respond? She is an amazing woman and I would like to get her to give me another chance and keep seeing her. Don't want to sound desperate when I text her back. Any suggestions how I should respond? Thanks
 

jobo

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A little background first. Went on 4 dates with a really beautiful woman. Smart woman who has a great career as well. 3rd date she invited me over to her place and she wanted me to bring sushi over. (Not a big fan of sushi myself but that what she wanted me to bring). We both ate the sushi and talked for a bit which then led to sex multiple times that evening. Great sex it was a wild and fun night. I guess Sushi is really an aphrodisiac after all! lol. For the 4th date we went out had a great dinner and conversation at a nice restaurant. Everything seemed to go well.

Well today I get a text from her that says the following. Not so sure how to say this so delicatlely, so I will just say it. Not sure we should see each other more. There is nothing wrong. I just don't think I am feeling the spark or developing any emotional interest. Wouldn't want to lead you on, as you seem like a genuine guy who has good intentions. End of text.

Text caught me off guard and didn't expect it. Thought we were getting along great. Although thinking back at the end of the 4th date she did not invite me back to her place which was just a couple blocks away. Didn't think much of it at the time. It was a weekday and I knew she had a early day at work the next day. So how should I respond? She is an amazing woman and I would like to get her to give me another chance and keep seeing her. Don't want to sound desperate when I text her back. Any suggestions how I should respond? Thanks
it sounbds like she made her mind up, there no way round that with out sounding desperate and sounding desperate is the surest way if not getting them back

leave the door open, say somerhibg like.

thats a shame, i enjoyed our time together, give me a text if you fancy meeting up for a cofee and a catch up some time.

that way if she does have a change of heart, there a clear path back with iut her loosing face

other that just move on, theres millions of them, try and get one that doesnt like shushi
 
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Steve

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A little background first. Went on 4 dates with a really beautiful woman. Smart woman who has a great career as well. 3rd date she invited me over to her place and she wanted me to bring sushi over. (Not a big fan of sushi myself but that what she wanted me to bring). We both ate the sushi and talked for a bit which then led to sex multiple times that evening. Great sex it was a wild and fun night. I guess Sushi is really an aphrodisiac after all! lol. For the 4th date we went out had a great dinner and conversation at a nice restaurant. Everything seemed to go well.

Well today I get a text from her that says the following. Not so sure how to say this so delicatlely, so I will just say it. Not sure we should see each other more. There is nothing wrong. I just don't think I am feeling the spark or developing any emotional interest. Wouldn't want to lead you on, as you seem like a genuine guy who has good intentions. End of text.

Text caught me off guard and didn't expect it. Thought we were getting along great. Although thinking back at the end of the 4th date she did not invite me back to her place which was just a couple blocks away. Didn't think much of it at the time. It was a weekday and I knew she had a early day at work the next day. So how should I respond? She is an amazing woman and I would like to get her to give me another chance and keep seeing her. Don't want to sound desperate when I text her back. Any suggestions how I should respond? Thanks
How should you respond? You thank her, tell her you enjoyed getting to know her, and wish her well. If you like, you can leave it open ended and tell her she's welcome to call or text you if she likes. Full stop. Don't call her after that. Don't text her after that.
 

Yokozuna514

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Ok, I guess I am dating myself here and it has been awhile since I've been in the dating scene, however, the last time I was put in this kind of situation I sent the girl a cassette tape with this song:

It pretty much said everything I wanted to say in a way I wanted to say it. Plus, it's Canadian eh !
 

jobo

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Ok, I guess I am dating myself here and it has been awhile since I've been in the dating scene, however, the last time I was put in this kind of situation I sent the girl a cassette tape with this song:

It pretty much said everything I wanted to say in a way I wanted to say it. Plus, it's Canadian eh !
things have changed dedicating songs and sending them eill get you classed as a staker

im my extensive exsperiance of women calling time on our relationship, then polite indifferance is the best policy, it matters later than you didnt make a fool of yourself, it also seems to have a high likelyhood of encouraging them to return a few weeks later, when you can have the great satisfaction of politely and indifferently declining their offer to resume if you change,, priceless
 

Buka

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There's a whole lot of fish in the sea. Cast away, brother.
 
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Chrisinmd

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How should you respond? You thank her, tell her you enjoyed getting to know her, and wish her well. If you like, you can leave it open ended and tell her she's welcome to call or text you if she likes. Full stop. Don't call her after that. Don't text her after that.

I replied "I must say I am very surprised by your text. I had a great time with you and would love to see you more, but I respect your space and feelings. Take care.

She basically texted me back saying she "I didnt do anything wrong she just felt we were running out of things to talk about and that isn't blaming me and its just as much her fault as mine."

Guess I didnt keep the spark alive and wasan't interesting enough going forward. I thought we had good conversation our last date but guess we didnt. Oh well it is to bad I liked her.
 

jobo

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I replied "I must say I am very surprised by your text. I had a great time with you and would love to see you more, but I respect your space and feelings. Take care.

She basically texted me back saying she "I didnt do anything wrong she just felt we were running out of things to talk about and that isn't blaming me and its just as much her fault as mine."

Guess I didnt keep the spark alive and wasan't interesting enough going forward. I thought we had good conversation our last date but guess we didnt. Oh well it is to bad I liked her.
this may come as a suprise but people dont aleays tell the truth, and as soon as they say its not you its me, you kbow they are lying, of course its you.



but what ever she is looking for it isnt you, thats no reflection on you, just a fact ,

of course you intresting, you do the best what if? post ive ever seen.

as a rule of thumb, when you start dattibg again, avoid situations that dont have distractions,( sex coubts as a distraction) so no long romantic meals where conversation can run out, pictures, theater, football game, what have you, then you talk about what yoyr goibg to see, see it, then talk about what youve seen, dont be to available to fit her,schedule, have things you have to work round even if you make them up, that inits self makes you nore intresting
 
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Steve

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I replied "I must say I am very surprised by your text. I had a great time with you and would love to see you more, but I respect your space and feelings. Take care.

She basically texted me back saying she "I didnt do anything wrong she just felt we were running out of things to talk about and that isn't blaming me and its just as much her fault as mine."

Guess I didnt keep the spark alive and wasan't interesting enough going forward. I thought we had good conversation our last date but guess we didnt. Oh well it is to bad I liked her.
I've created a simple visual representation of your short relationship.

capture.png
 

Monkey Turned Wolf

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Can't really comment on most of this, but do want to back up @jobo 's point. From what you post here, you seem interesting and able to keep on a conversation. Don't focus on it too much (or keep texting trying to get the last word), and continue on from there.
 

ShortBridge

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I replied "I must say I am very surprised by your text. I had a great time with you and would love to see you more, but I respect your space and feelings. Take care.

She basically texted me back saying she "I didnt do anything wrong she just felt we were running out of things to talk about and that isn't blaming me and its just as much her fault as mine."

Guess I didnt keep the spark alive and wasan't interesting enough going forward. I thought we had good conversation our last date but guess we didnt. Oh well it is to bad I liked her.

I think you handled it perfectly. You didn't hide your feelings. She can't tell herself now that you weren't interested anyway, but you respected her move.

My added perspective on this is the people are extremely complex. Her decision could be about virtually anything. Might be as simple as she states, but maybe she's not over someone else. On the the other end of the spectrum, maybe she has intimacy issues and she tends to bail when she feels something that seems to be headed somewhere.

The way that you played it, it's possible that she may come back around, but you get to walk away knowing that you were a good guy and sometimes (usually) things just don't work out between two people. If she's this unpredictable, maybe it's best early vs 6 months from now when you're really in deep.
 

jobo

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I think you handled it perfectly. You didn't hide your feelings. She can't tell herself now that you weren't interested anyway, but you respected her move.

My added perspective on this is the people are extremely complex. Her decision could be about virtually anything. Might be as simple as she states, but maybe she's not over someone else. On the the other end of the spectrum, maybe she has intimacy issues and she tends to bail when she feels something that seems to be headed somewhere.

The way that you played it, it's possible that she may come back around, but you get to walk away knowing that you were a good guy and sometimes (usually) things just don't work out between two people. If she's this unpredictable, maybe it's best early vs 6 months from now when you're really in deep.
hmm, yes, he said from exsperiance.

a girl started on reception where i worked, she was 17 years yibger than me and very pretty, so i asked her for a drink after work, she sais she would love to but was busy with a breakup, so i took that as a no and carried on chattibg to her in passing.

fully 3 months later, she said, do you still want that drink, i did, so we did

when we sat down, she anounced, that she didnt in anyway want a boy friend, she wanted a friend she had sex with when it suited, no commitments no explanations, no asking where she had been or been with.

ok i said soubds goid to me, and she left, i walked out, looked to the heavens and said, thank you god,, just what ive always wanted, sex with a loverly girl, no relationship rubbish

so we went on like that, slowly seeing more of each other, till she anoubced after 6 months she wanted to get married, bugger i thought, that messed that up.

so we got married and were reaspnably happy, till she anoubced after 18 months that she didnt want to be married any more and could we go back to friends with benifits,, no i said,

fully 10 years later, i asked another very pretty 27 year old out and she said, yes, but what i want is a no commitment relationship, just friends that have sex

i made my excuses and left, wasnt going through that again
 
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Chrisinmd

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this may come as a suprise but people dont aleays tell the truth, and as soon as they say its not you its me, you kbow they are lying, of course its you.

as a rule of thumb, when you start dattibg again, avoid situations that dont have distractions,( sex coubts as a distraction) so no long romantic meals where conversation can run out, pictures, theater, football game, what have you, then you talk about what yoyr goibg to see, see it, then talk about what youve seen, dont be to available to fit her,schedule, have things you have to work round even if you make them up, that inits self makes you nore intresting

Good thoughts Jobo. Yes I realize she is lying to me with the it's not you it's me crap. She is just being polite.

I do like your idea about doing things with distractions where you dont have to try so hard to maintain conversation. Makes sense things like museums or a ball game where there is always something to comment on. Good advice for the future
 

Monkey Turned Wolf

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Good thoughts Jobo. Yes I realize she is lying to me with the it's not you it's me crap. She is just being polite.

I do like your idea about doing things with distractions where you dont have to try so hard to maintain conversation. Makes sense things like museums or a ball game where there is always something to comment on. Good advice for the future
Just fyi, a ball game only works if they're interested in the sport. Many women don't want to go to one, and there's a good chance that you'll end up spending more time watching the game than paying attention to them. Which is fine if they're also into the game, and a good way to not get a second date if they're not.
 

isshinryuronin

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So how should I respond? She is an amazing woman and I would like to get her to give me another chance and keep seeing her. Don't want to sound desperate when I text her back. Any suggestions how I should respond?

Boy, did you come to the wrong place! :)
 
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Chrisinmd

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I think you handled it perfectly. You didn't hide your feelings. She can't tell herself now that you weren't interested anyway, but you respected her move.

My added perspective on this is the people are extremely complex. Her decision could be about virtually anything. Might be as simple as she states, but maybe she's not over someone else. On the the other end of the spectrum, maybe she has intimacy issues and she tends to bail when she feels something that seems to be headed somewhere.
Yes people are very complex. She had just gotten through a divorce not to long ago and I suspect I was the first guy she had dated /slept with since her marriage ended. So I think she wanted some fun not anything serious. Which would have been fine with me I just wanted the "fun" to continue longer.
 
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Chrisinmd

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Just fyi, a ball game only works if they're interested in the sport. Many women don't want to go to one, and there's a good chance that you'll end up spending more time watching the game than paying attention to them. Which is fine if they're also into the game, and a good way to not get a second date if they're not.

Agree. Sport event would only work if the woman is interested and have fun at the particular sport event as well. Ideally should be a activity both the man and woman enjoy. So the guy dosent have to suffer through a night at the Opera or some crap like that
 
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Chrisinmd

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Boy, did you come to the wrong place! :)

I think its the right place. I wanted the perspective from some from some tough alpha males! Dosen't always mean its good advice but I wanted the point of view! I think the advice so far has good good though so thanks
 

jobo

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Agree. Sport event would only work if the woman is interested and have fun at the particular sport event as well. Ideally should be a activity both the man and woman enjoy. So the guy dosent have to suffer through a night at the Opera or some crap like that
well clearly you run it by her first, a great number of women enjoy sport,

its also a little test for the future , if they cant shut the flip up and prtend to look happy for a coupke of hours whilst you watch a game, there is absolutly no future in the relationship

i finished with the most attractive girl ive ever been out with over the same issue.

i put the match on, ( at her house) and she turned it off, said we are not watchibg that, it was a europeanian cup semi final, so not even an ordinary match, so i packed and went home to watch it.

she tried apologising, but it was to no avail, i wasnt having somepne that selfish and inconsiderate in my life, , it wasnt going to improve any if i settled down with her, a life of not watching sport lay ahead of me
 

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