Not a beginner, but the first time dealing with a horrible loss... any advice?

DianeK

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Hi there,
I signed up to this forum because I wanted to share my story with a wide audience of people I don't personally know and get their honest opinion about what recently happened to me. English is not my native language so you could find some sentences being a bit "off", I apologize in advance. So, here's the story:

I'm 25 years old, I've been practicing kickboxing since I was 11 and jiu-jitsu since 2014. I never really competed until 2015. I've always been pretty good at kickboxing and when I started entering tournaments and stuff I always did very very well in increasingly bigger circuits.

Key point of the story: I kinda have a "nemesis", a girl one year younger than me who joined my gym a bunch years ago and with whom, for some reason, I immediately developed a bitter rivalry. We really couldn't stand each other and hard spars sometimes became proper fights. Once we even got in a fight in the locker room, and another time we really beat each other up on the lawn outside the gym, with the end result of both of us going to the hospital. I am pretty ashamed of that since I am usually a mellow and friendly person who never gets into fights or whatever! After that incident I was ready to leave the gym but she did it even before me. But when I began competing, she crossed my path again in a bunch of occasions.

We fought 4 times, in real matches, like it should be. The first three times I got two decisions and we had a draw. The fourth time, things went differently. Clearly, it was the most important match of all because the stage was quite bigger than the previous times. Early in the fight I felt very confident and I managed to give her a really hard time. It came to a point I hit her hard a couple of times and she looked stunned and was noticeably slowing down. When I saw her like that I decided I had to KO her and recklessly started throwing everything I got at her. Next thing I knew, they were waking me up and asking me if I was alright. She knocked me out cold. They told me she hit me with two right hooks in a row that stunned me, then KOd me with a kick. There is a video recording of that match but I never wanted to watch it.

I lost a bunch of times before, and I was TKOd once, but I've never been KOd in such a brutal fashion, and especially by my "arch-enemy" during a match I was clearly winning. The physical damage is now gone, but since that day I kinda lost a bit of my confidence and my grit...

I know there are some controversial aspects in this story, especially regarding my behavior outside the ring, but as I said I came here to get honest opinions about this whole story. THanks a lot.
 

jobo

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Hi there,
I signed up to this forum because I wanted to share my story with a wide audience of people I don't personally know and get their honest opinion about what recently happened to me. English is not my native language so you could find some sentences being a bit "off", I apologize in advance. So, here's the story:

I'm 25 years old, I've been practicing kickboxing since I was 11 and jiu-jitsu since 2014. I never really competed until 2015. I've always been pretty good at kickboxing and when I started entering tournaments and stuff I always did very very well in increasingly bigger circuits.

Key point of the story: I kinda have a "nemesis", a girl one year younger than me who joined my gym a bunch years ago and with whom, for some reason, I immediately developed a bitter rivalry. We really couldn't stand each other and hard spars sometimes became proper fights. Once we even got in a fight in the locker room, and another time we really beat each other up on the lawn outside the gym, with the end result of both of us going to the hospital. I am pretty ashamed of that since I am usually a mellow and friendly person who never gets into fights or whatever! After that incident I was ready to leave the gym but she did it even before me. But when I began competing, she crossed my path again in a bunch of occasions.

We fought 4 times, in real matches, like it should be. The first three times I got two decisions and we had a draw. The fourth time, things went differently. Clearly, it was the most important match of all because the stage was quite bigger than the previous times. Early in the fight I felt very confident and I managed to give her a really hard time. It came to a point I hit her hard a couple of times and she looked stunned and was noticeably slowing down. When I saw her like that I decided I had to KO her and recklessly started throwing everything I got at her. Next thing I knew, they were waking me up and asking me if I was alright. She knocked me out cold. They told me she hit me with two right hooks in a row that stunned me, then KOd me with a kick. There is a video recording of that match but I never wanted to watch it.

I lost a bunch of times before, and I was TKOd once, but I've never been KOd in such a brutal fashion, and especially by my "arch-enemy" during a match I was clearly winning. The physical damage is now gone, but since that day I kinda lost a bit of my confidence and my grit...

I know there are some controversial aspects in this story, especially regarding my behavior outside the ring, but as I said I came here to get honest opinions about this whole story. THanks a lot.
what's the question? there are people in the world who hate each other on sight, if that's most people who have that reaction to you, then you need to look at yourself, if it's an odd one that's just life.

if she has left the dojo that problem solved, but an important lesson was learnt your not winning a fight till it's over and you've won. winning up until the point you get knocked out is losing, and therefore she is better than you, train harder
 

Martial D

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Hi there,
I signed up to this forum because I wanted to share my story with a wide audience of people I don't personally know and get their honest opinion about what recently happened to me. English is not my native language so you could find some sentences being a bit "off", I apologize in advance. So, here's the story:

I'm 25 years old, I've been practicing kickboxing since I was 11 and jiu-jitsu since 2014. I never really competed until 2015. I've always been pretty good at kickboxing and when I started entering tournaments and stuff I always did very very well in increasingly bigger circuits.

Key point of the story: I kinda have a "nemesis", a girl one year younger than me who joined my gym a bunch years ago and with whom, for some reason, I immediately developed a bitter rivalry. We really couldn't stand each other and hard spars sometimes became proper fights. Once we even got in a fight in the locker room, and another time we really beat each other up on the lawn outside the gym, with the end result of both of us going to the hospital. I am pretty ashamed of that since I am usually a mellow and friendly person who never gets into fights or whatever! After that incident I was ready to leave the gym but she did it even before me. But when I began competing, she crossed my path again in a bunch of occasions.

We fought 4 times, in real matches, like it should be. The first three times I got two decisions and we had a draw. The fourth time, things went differently. Clearly, it was the most important match of all because the stage was quite bigger than the previous times. Early in the fight I felt very confident and I managed to give her a really hard time. It came to a point I hit her hard a couple of times and she looked stunned and was noticeably slowing down. When I saw her like that I decided I had to KO her and recklessly started throwing everything I got at her. Next thing I knew, they were waking me up and asking me if I was alright. She knocked me out cold. They told me she hit me with two right hooks in a row that stunned me, then KOd me with a kick. There is a video recording of that match but I never wanted to watch it.

I lost a bunch of times before, and I was TKOd once, but I've never been KOd in such a brutal fashion, and especially by my "arch-enemy" during a match I was clearly winning. The physical damage is now gone, but since that day I kinda lost a bit of my confidence and my grit...

I know there are some controversial aspects in this story, especially regarding my behavior outside the ring, but as I said I came here to get honest opinions about this whole story. THanks a lot.

If it gets personal you get dragged out of your game, every time.

Compete against a blank face with skills you prepare for. This is not a person, this is an opponent. Disconnect yourself.
 
OP
DianeK

DianeK

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Sounds like ego got the best of you.
this is very true, no doubt at all

Honestly I would avoid fighting her in the future, until you can get your emotions in check.

that's the problem... I think after such a loss I should feel the urge to get it back and win again against her... but right now I don't have that desire... I can't tell if I'm scared and that... scares me quite a bit :p

after such a devastating loss I also feel like all my 2 previous wins against her are worth nothing. I really don't want to make it personal and I'd love to forget this unhealthy and silly rivalry, but I just can't seem to be able to do it.
 

wab25

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There is a video recording of that match but I never wanted to watch it.
Watch the video. There is a lot to learn from it. Sure, you lost because your ego got involved. But, I would be willing to bet, that your ego was creeping in before you think it was.

Also, learn how she hit you. Specifically, where did the holes in your defense come from? Did you just drop your guard and go crazy with your attack? Did she punch with you, in between your shots? Did you not retract your punch to your guard fast enough or at all? Did you over commit, to create the initial opening? Now you have something to work on. Ideally, we train so that we respond without thought. This video will show you how you responded, without thought. Now you know what to fix.

Maybe it wasn't so much that you did something wrong. It also could have been, that she read you, figured out your tells before your shots. See if you can find the tell she did. Did she find a pattern to your attack that you need to address? (by become less predictable) Did she bait you into something? Even if she did something better than you this time out, it will still give you something specific to improve upon.

Either way, there are some good lessons to learn in that tape. The higher you get, the more tape of you will be out there... wins and losses. Your opponents will be watching and analyzing those tapes... Just like you should be for your opponents.

Lastly, it may help you get past this event. Instead of seeing this as a complete failure... you can see what you did right, and where exactly it went wrong. Identifying that, means you can make the needed adjustments. This should bring back your confidence... knowing that you addressed the weaknesses she exposed.
 

Headhunter

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Honestly? You kind of need to suck it up and move on. You hit the floor it happens. Also calling someone your "arch enemy, is a bit extreme you don't like her then don't have anything to do with her and especially don't get into stupid street fights. You're an adult not a kid doing that could end up with you being locked up. She beat you simple as that. It's the fight game you win some you lose some who cares. I very much doubt it's your full time job so it means it's a hobby you do for fun. Don't take it so seriously and just enjoy yourself in there
 

JR 137

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Whenever a fight is full contact (with or without gloves, where a KO is a win), the fight is never over until the final bell. You can dominate your opponent the entire fight, hitting them at will and them not landing a single punch, and get KOed by one shot because you made a single mistake. That’s simultaneously the great and the horrible thing about fighting.

While there’s far more to your posts and story, there’s one thing that’s certain regardless of all the back story - you made a mistake. And that mistake got you knocked out. If you’re ever going to compete again, watch it. Try to stay as unemotional as possible and analyze what the mistake was. Then fix it. It’ll be impossible to divorce all emotion from it, but you’ve got to. If you don’t watch it and learn from it, it’ll happen again. The question isn’t if it’ll happen again, it’s when will it happen again.

Regarding the back story, I’m sure there’s far more than you’ve written regardless of who’s right and wrong and which times. Grow up and move on. This person isn’t part of your everyday life unless you let her be. Carry around the anger, and she’s part of your life. Let the anger go, and she’ll be nothing but a distant memory. Easier said than done, but definitely not impossible. It doesn’t matter if you were right 100% of the time, wrong 100% of the time, nor anything in between. If you want the drama, keep carrying that weight. If you don’t, forget it and move on.
 

Tez3

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Win or learn....chalk that one up to learning and keep grinding.


Damn I was going to write that! Totally agree. There's another saying too 'if you win all your fights you aren't fighting the right people'.

When I saw the title I thought a 'horrible loss' was a life changing injury or the death of a loved one not just losing a fight! The OP needs to put things in perspective.
 

CB Jones

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Damn I was going to write that! Totally agree. There's another saying too 'if you win all your fights you aren't fighting the right people'.

When I saw the title I thought a 'horrible loss' was a life changing injury or the death of a loved one not just losing a fight! The OP needs to put things in perspective.

My old football coach (real football not soccer...:D) used to always say....our failures are our seeds to success.

You learn from them and the pain of them pushes you to get better
 

Dirty Dog

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What "horrible loss" are you talking about?
There's no "horrible loss" mentioned in your little story. Just an every day run of the mill ego spanking.
In other words, suck it up, princess, and get back to work.
You might also want to grow up a little, if your ego is that important and that fragile.
 

Monkey Turned Wolf

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that's the problem... I think after such a loss I should feel the urge to get it back and win again against her... but right now I don't have that desire... I can't tell if I'm scared and that... scares me quite a bit :p

after such a devastating loss I also feel like all my 2 previous wins against her are worth nothing. I really don't want to make it personal and I'd love to forget this unhealthy and silly rivalry, but I just can't seem to be able to do it.

It sounds like you actually have the perfect opportunity to forget this unhealthy rivalry. You don't have the urge to fight her again, for whatever reason (I wouldn't consider it a scared reaction, more than a wake-up call for your body that you were being arrogant/egotistical and paid the price), and considering your history that's a good thing. You really shouldn't be continuing focusing on her, and just think about the grind.

Something else to consider, if things get heated again, and you get in a fight outside the ring...both of you have the ability to do some serious damage. If you do, and she press charges, you could end up in jail for this rivalry, or at the very least lose your ability to enter the ring again. The sooner you can remove yourself from her the better.
 

drop bear

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Anyone any good suffers horrible defeats. Think of the fighters you have respect for. And guaranteed they lost at some point.

It sucks but it doesn't make you a bad person in any way.
 

drop bear

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What "horrible loss" are you talking about?
There's no "horrible loss" mentioned in your little story. Just an every day run of the mill ego spanking.
In other words, suck it up, princess, and get back to work.
You might also want to grow up a little, if your ego is that important and that fragile.

This is something you wouldn't understand.
 

JowGaWolf

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Hi there,
I signed up to this forum because I wanted to share my story with a wide audience of people I don't personally know and get their honest opinion about what recently happened to me. English is not my native language so you could find some sentences being a bit "off", I apologize in advance. So, here's the story:

I'm 25 years old, I've been practicing kickboxing since I was 11 and jiu-jitsu since 2014. I never really competed until 2015. I've always been pretty good at kickboxing and when I started entering tournaments and stuff I always did very very well in increasingly bigger circuits.

Key point of the story: I kinda have a "nemesis", a girl one year younger than me who joined my gym a bunch years ago and with whom, for some reason, I immediately developed a bitter rivalry. We really couldn't stand each other and hard spars sometimes became proper fights. Once we even got in a fight in the locker room, and another time we really beat each other up on the lawn outside the gym, with the end result of both of us going to the hospital. I am pretty ashamed of that since I am usually a mellow and friendly person who never gets into fights or whatever! After that incident I was ready to leave the gym but she did it even before me. But when I began competing, she crossed my path again in a bunch of occasions.

We fought 4 times, in real matches, like it should be. The first three times I got two decisions and we had a draw. The fourth time, things went differently. Clearly, it was the most important match of all because the stage was quite bigger than the previous times. Early in the fight I felt very confident and I managed to give her a really hard time. It came to a point I hit her hard a couple of times and she looked stunned and was noticeably slowing down. When I saw her like that I decided I had to KO her and recklessly started throwing everything I got at her. Next thing I knew, they were waking me up and asking me if I was alright. She knocked me out cold. They told me she hit me with two right hooks in a row that stunned me, then KOd me with a kick. There is a video recording of that match but I never wanted to watch it.

I lost a bunch of times before, and I was TKOd once, but I've never been KOd in such a brutal fashion, and especially by my "arch-enemy" during a match I was clearly winning. The physical damage is now gone, but since that day I kinda lost a bit of my confidence and my grit...

I know there are some controversial aspects in this story, especially regarding my behavior outside the ring, but as I said I came here to get honest opinions about this whole story. THanks a lot.
Good fighters spend more time, energy, and focus on being a good fighter and less time on trying to beat a specific person.

You spent a lot of time trying to beat one person you don't like. Just focus on being a good fighter, then focus on being a better fighter than you were a month ago.

Making it personal will decrease your skill level. Emotion clouds performance.
 

Dirty Dog

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This is something you wouldn't understand.

Why? Because I've never lost a fight? Sure I have. Plenty.
But it's not a horrible loss.
I lost an eye in a fight. That might qualify as horrible.
Your mum dying in a fiery crash. That's horrible.
Your child dying because some idiot wouldn't vaccinate theirs. That's horrible.
Watching your best friend die a slow miserable death from alcoholism. That's horrible.
Some nutter intentionally driving a car into a crowd. That's horrible.
You got your butt kicked in a competition match?
That's not horrible. Suck it up.
 

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