my boyfriend feel humiliate because of me have I been too far??

Buka

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Welcome to Martial Talk, Belinda. Hope you enjoy it.

You and your boyfriend are both young. And young men in general are far less mature than women of the same age. We can't help it, it's just part of being male. We have fragile egos and not much sense.

Please stay safe,. And spank away. :)
 

WaterGal

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I have two thoughts. First, spanking your partner isn't a nice or good thing to do (unless that's something that you both enjoy as a bedroom game, of course, haha, but then I think his reaction would be different!). I know you were just trying to be silly, but he may feel hurt and upset about that.

But also, second.... he might be an immature "sore loser". Maybe he's just upset about losing to a girl. Which would be childish.

So I don't know. But try apologizing to him for spanking him.
 

JowGaWolf

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Reading through it, my initial thoughts was that he was going to be overreacting. But I'm not so sure after the end. It reads like he was trying to actually practice and learn, and felt like you weren't taking it seriously, messing with him, and beating him while messing with him. I can see how that would both hurt the ego, and not want to practice with you anymore (personally, nothings worse than when I'm trying something seriously, and the person I'm working with is messing around). He was teasing beforehand, but not sure about afterwards.

On top of that, but having already seen he's taking it seriously, and obviously this depends on your relationship, but the spanking seems too far. You already knew he was taking it seriously and/or upset, and your response was to take off his pants and spank him, which honestly is as humiliating/ego-bruising as it can get.
I'm with you on this one. If he's a serious person by nature then he probably just wants serious training. I train with my wife sometimes and I do the same thing when she goes from "training partner" to "wife"

Things I don't like when training.
1. The lovely dovely stuff. Hugs, holding hands, trying to be under me. These emotions are not allowed because they break focus and that's a problem. The only version of this stuff that I will accept is a chock, grappling, sweep, or throw. Other than that keep that mushy stuff until after class.

2. Sending mix signals which is what it seems like here. Keep trash talk to a minimum, because that's how feelings get hurt. So for the OP. He initiated and he should have kept his comment to himself. The OP returned the favor and his feelings got hurt. I always train with people using the "warrior mentality" which is everyone training is a warrior and everyone helps everyone get stronger. But then it really gets out of hand when he literally gets spanked.

My person opinion on this is that they should train as warriors and talk trash and all of that "girlfriend and boy friend stuff after training,"

What's the biggest rule that we all have heard in Martial Arts Classes? Rule#1 Laughing at each other is not allowed.

Train hard then play later.

Other than that, the OP should probably get more serious about the training. It seems that she has some natural talent and enjoys judo. She should focus on being the best she can be with Judo. Who knows one day she may be his role model for Judo.

For me I'm glad my wife doesn't mind training with me. Finding a significant other who is willing to do that, because she likes the martial arts isn't the easiest thing.
 

donald1

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I'm assuming someone else already said this, but I believe what he needs is confidence. Between fear of losing and teasing and all. There's a saying, "When you fall off your horse, you get back up!". Getting back up may not be easy, but it beats simply giving up.

You two had fun practicing judo together, right? Both of you. What he needs, is to get back up, and keep trying! Practice. Practice. Practice. I think if he sticks with it and gets better he will continue to appreciate it. In many if not most martial arts schools, jts not about being "the best" it's about being "the best you can be".

I'm really not sure what else to add other than get back up and try again. You could try let him win? But on the other hand, if he knows you let him win that could be devastating. For me, I don't know what to say since I've never taken winning seriously. You lose, but you get up, keep trying, and get better because of it. Giving up accomplishes nothing. I hope you two can continue to enjoy practicing judo together, good luck!
 

JowGaWolf

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For me, I don't know what to say since I've never taken winning seriously.
This is difficult for most people who see things as win or lose or "I got the best of.." I don't worry about winning or losing unless I'm in fight. Everything else success or fail is just part of training with no real down side.
 

skribs

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So, he can make fun of you (call you fatty, etc.), but you can't make fun of him?

That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.
 

JowGaWolf

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So, he can make fun of you (call you fatty, etc.), but you can't make fun of him?

That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.
ha ha ha..It wasn't just the names .
The OP stated:
" fall and so I lie on his back. I catch one his arm and bend it on his back.that she teased "him "you are under arrest young male for lack of respect to elders" then I lower his kimono pants and start to spank him, a bit hard, while laughing like a whale."

So from what I understand not only did she dominated, but she also literally spank that A... lol. Just saying. He may be just one of those guys who is fragile or comes from a culture where men are dominate. Either way. Instead of pouting he should be training for the payback lol.

Maybe his age has something to do with it. I mean at 25, I'm sure he still has a lot of things confused and probably has a lot of growing to do.

The OP's statement here makes it seems as if she crushed his fragile ego lol.
"asked him if it's because judo is said no and anyway that sport is sh*t and he doesnt want to do it anymore"

When people make statements like this, it's usually because they think they are tougher than what they really are and reality has just hit them. That and then being a Police officer. yeah. that Ego was Crushed lol.

Dude should get over it though. Get back to training and be happy his girl can kick his but. That way if a situation broke out, she can hold her own. If my wife could fight on my same skill level or higher then I would be really hyped. That's like an unstoppable team at that level. All he needs to do is just train, get better, and lose his ego. Then he should think higher of his girlfriend's skill level.
 

JowGaWolf

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One of the coolest things I've heard a guy say about his wife was.

"if you think my wife is going to let me fight alone, then you need to think again." in other words, if he got into a fight his wife would have his back and has the skills to actually have is back without him worrying about her getting a beat down.

What guy wouldn't like to be in that position.
 

Monkey Turned Wolf

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So, he can make fun of you (call you fatty, etc.), but you can't make fun of him?

That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship.
I don't think that there's enough information here for us to say if it is or isn't a healthy relationship. Or to say which of the two is toxic if it's not (I could see either one being toxic if the situation were a bit more fleshed out). That's for them, or people who actually know them in-person, can say.
 

paitingman

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Sounds like hurt pride/ego.

Pretty normal, but nobody should be a butt about it. But we all have our moments.

It seems like at least on some level, he was shocked and ashamed to be beaten by a woman; that part he should just get over.
That aside, maybe you dominating him and laughing brought up some past experience he still struggles with or feelings of inadequacy/weakness he still struggles with. And those feelings make him want to reject the activity outright if it's just going to be something else to bring those emotions up.
He obviously has some feelings from somewhere like life, work, or upbringing that he isn't totally dealing with and the situation got to him.
I hope you can open a conversation with him about these things and come to understand each other even more. It can be tough, but if you both love and care for one another and are comfortable enough to open up to the other, then I know you'll work it out.
Good luck and both of you keep up the training!
 

JowGaWolf

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I don't think that there's enough information here for us to say if it is or isn't a healthy relationship. Or to say which of the two is toxic if it's not (I could see either one being toxic if the situation were a bit more fleshed out). That's for them, or people who actually know them in-person, can say.
Yep, It could be just normal relationship maturity kicking in. To me the entire situation is funny to me. A guy gets bet in Judo to the point he doesn't thing Judo works. Probably has less than a year of Judo experience but has already determined it's effectiveness.

Seriously. If he was my friend and I saw that, then there would be jokes for days about that. lol. Married men joke about getting permission from the wife all the time. But this., yeah. dude better do what he's told . lol. "Get in that Kitchen and make me a Samich".

Then we he gets mad. I would joke again and say. "Don't get mad. Spank her back. I'll be back, going to get some popcorn."

Unless this is an ongoing battle of insults where he is always calling her fatty and she's always digging back at him. Then it's just a blip of discomfort in the scheme of things. If the name calling is something that always happens then that would be more of a concern than this one time.
 

JowGaWolf

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That aside, maybe you dominating him and laughing brought up some past experience he still struggles with or feelings of inadequacy/weakness he still struggles with. And those feelings make him want to reject the activity outright if it's just going to be something else to bring those emotions up.
If that's the case then he should refrain from calling names as well. Some people get hurt when they are called names, but other people like me will make you eat those words. It's not done out of anger, it's more of a. "oh I'll show you".

Call me a "fatboy" and I'll drown you in Cardio. Calling me that won't make me made. It'll just make me want to be better than the person who called me that.

Good news is now they both know where the limits are. She's probably better off mentally and emotionally than he is. I've never been beaten so bad in a sport that it made me want to quit. I don't think there are many people out there that are actually like that. I could be worng.
 

Oni_Kadaki

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One of the coolest things I've heard a guy say about his wife was.

"if you think my wife is going to let me fight alone, then you need to think again." in other words, if he got into a fight his wife would have his back and has the skills to actually have is back without him worrying about her getting a beat down.

What guy wouldn't like to be in that position.

Dude, do you have *any* idea how difficult it is to find a girl with that mindset though? One of the reasons I've been single for so long is precisely that difficulty in finding a girl who would be a true partner, and not just a liability, if **** were ever to get real. The proof of concept of this, to me, was when the city I live in was basically in a state of anarchy for several weeks earlier this year.

One of the best relationships I've ever seen is that of a guy in my unit. Not only are he and his wife great people, but they both train with firearms, and each has a designated plate carrier and rifle for a bad day... Relationship goals.
 

jobo

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Dude, do you have *any* idea how difficult it is to find a girl with that mindset though? One of the reasons I've been single for so long is precisely that difficulty in finding a girl who would be a true partner, and not just a liability, if **** were ever to get real. The proof of concept of this, to me, was when the city I live in was basically in a state of anarchy for several weeks earlier this year.

One of the best relationships I've ever seen is that of a guy in my unit. Not only are he and his wife great people, but they both train with firearms, and each has a designated plate carrier and rifle for a bad day... Relationship goals.
i wouldnt have though getting a shoot em up girl was that difficult in america,

but still a lack of fibding someone who can assemble an m16 blindfold, seem an odd reason to be single, to be honest, and you need to be careful.

i thought id found me dream girl, who was strong both mentaly and physicaly, extremly fit and did ma, it all went badly wrong when she decided to attack me

well to be clear, she decided to smash the house up after something had upset her that had nothing to do with me or the house and attacked me when i tried to stop her, turning my exspensive amp in to a leggo set,

she wasnt actualy strong enough to hurt me, so i let her punch me a few times in the face to see if it calmed her down, it didnt and she hit me so hard i banged my head on the wall, so i folded her up and sat on her, which also didnt help so i let her go again and she left

im eternally greatful she didnt have access to a fire arm or a big knife as id have holes in me now
 

Oni_Kadaki

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i wouldnt have though getting a shoot em up girl was that difficult in america,

but still a lack of fibding someone who can assemble an m16 blindfold, seem an odd reason to be single, to be honest, and you need to be careful.

i thought id found me dream girl, who was strong both mentaly and physicaly, extremly fit and did ma, it all went badly wrong when she decided to attack me

well to be clear, she decided to smash the house up after something had upset her that had nothing to do with me or the house and attacked me when i tried to stop her, turning my exspensive amp in to a leggo set,

she wasnt actualy strong enough to hurt me, so i let her punch me a few times in the face to see if it calmed her down, it didnt and she hit me so hard i banged my head on the wall, so i folded her up and sat on her, which also didnt help so i let her go again and she left

im eternally greatful she didnt have access to a fire arm or a big knife as id have holes in me now

There may be some truth in what you say... I've noticed that most of the girls I've been attracted to for being tough and capable, particularly in terms of shooting and martial arts, tend to have other issues going on. That's not to say all the women martial artists and/or shooters have issues, but, if you have a history of victimization or trauma, learning to fight, armed or unarmed, may be particularly appealing.

That being said, I'm not looking for someone who can disassemble at AR-15 while blindfolded... Parlor tricks like that don't interest me. That being said, the last girl I was involved with, who very much did not fit my usual profile of a fellow martial artist/shooter, had a rude awakening when rioters were looting and setting fires in our city, particularly since I was several hours away and in predeployment quarantine. By that time, however, it was too late for her to get a gun and training, and even if it wasn't z no firearms or ammo were to be found. And that's kind of the heart of it, I want a girl who can get my back, or at least take care of herself in my absence. In my ex's case (this is not why she's my ex, mind you), I ended up calling a mutual friend who was armed, and arranged for her to be able to stay with said friend if the rioting, violence and destruction got too close to where they lived.
 

JowGaWolf

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Dude, do you have *any* idea how difficult it is to find a girl with that mindset though?
Usually you just need to find a lady who likes to work out. if she's more concerned about her nails or hair then it's not happening lol
 

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