Is Monogamy Realistic?
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harlan
2nd Black Belt
It's called 'commitment'. Whatever the boundaries of that contract are to the people involved.
Monogamy works for me. I have no opinion of how others choose to live their lives.
Bruno@MT
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What others do is their business.
Monogamy works for me. It's also the only practical and realistic way to live together in the long run, imo.
It is also a matter of responsibility and authority. In a polygamic relationship, whose kids are parented by whom? And what about legal power of attorney etc. The list of practical issues is enormous.
Monogamy works for me. It's also the only practical and realistic way to live together in the long run, imo.
It is also a matter of responsibility and authority. In a polygamic relationship, whose kids are parented by whom? And what about legal power of attorney etc. The list of practical issues is enormous.
Another comment - this one more 'practical' than moral or ethical. A polygamous relationship tends to be economically superior to a traditional relationship with one or (more often these days) two adult income-earners. In common with social structures such as a kibbutz, multiple adult wage-earners for a single familial structure tends to concentrate wealth in a powerful way.
Nothing to do with the right or wrong of it, but from a pure economic standpoint, polygamy with multiple spouses earning wages is dynamite.
Nothing to do with the right or wrong of it, but from a pure economic standpoint, polygamy with multiple spouses earning wages is dynamite.
Bill, traditional kibbutzim were not polygamous. they were communal. Residents shared resources and the duty to raise the community's kids, but couple were monogamous.
Right, that's my point. By sharing economic resources as one familial unit, they maximized their income. Nothing about love/sex/marriage, just about pooling of efforts of wage-earners. Communes, kibbutzes, other types of communities that concentrate income by communal living / sharing arrangements all have a superior economic model for that group than traditional marriages, which are hampered by having a maximum of two adult wage-earners in most cases.
girlbug2
Master of Arts
As per the first quote--No one person can be your everything, I agree with that much. God is supposed to fulfill that role in life. Your spouse is your mate, but not your everything; thinking that a single human being can fulfill your every emotional need will doom any relationship.
That sure is true, but the biggest problem this causes is that it reduces consumption. Our economy is based on consumption. If polyamoric relationships were "accepted" on a greater level, families would need a whole lot less stuff because so much would be shared.
Article.
It was interesting to read how people in other countries view monogamy. (Hey Xue, Finland was mentioned.)
Thoughts?
Reading that article with that guy Mark, I almost get a cult like impression. I say that, because many of these cult leaders have multiple wives and multiple kids. I'm not saying this guy in the article is a cult leader or member, but it sounds like he wants his cake and to be able to eat it as well.
Will it work? Who knows. IMO, in order for it to work, both parties have to be willing participants. If one person is not interested in sharing his/her mate with someone else, then chances are, that person will leave the relationship.
Will your significant other fulfill every need? Maybe, maybe not, but you can either deal with it and accept what you have, or do what Mark is doing...again, providing that all participants are on the same page.
BTW, my Grandparents have been married for 60yrs. Obviously something is holding their marriage together.
Well, each to their own. I married late (at 33) found the right person and we've been together over 20 years now. It's probably about the only thing I got right in this life!
What bothers me, however is the huge number of young people who reject the idea of commitment and raise kids out of wedlock. By rejecting commitment, they are setting down a road to raising kids without a complete family unit and that's really tough emotionally, socially and economically.
What bothers me, however is the huge number of young people who reject the idea of commitment and raise kids out of wedlock. By rejecting commitment, they are setting down a road to raising kids without a complete family unit and that's really tough emotionally, socially and economically.
Yep. Better to be committed to more than one person (and I have no problem with polyamory, btw; it wouldn't work for me, but TEHO) and have a group rearing a child than just one person. I'm not saying a single person can't do a good job of child-rearing, but as a parent, I can state without reservation that it's damned hard to do a good job with 2 parents. It's got to be a nightmare with just one.
Bruno@MT
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Will your significant other fulfill every need? Maybe, maybe not, but you can either deal with it and accept what you have, or do what Mark is doing...again, providing that all participants are on the same page.
BTW, my Grandparents have been married for 60yrs. Obviously something is holding their marriage together.
+1.
Marriage is a verb. And partners aren't perfect. I'm not, and neither is my wife. We decided we can live with each other imperfections.
Also -and this is important- the part in which you say 'I do' also mentions something about good times AND bad.
Good post!
13yrs for my wife and I.
The ups and downs are part of life. We deal with them, and move on.
Bruno@MT
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7 years and counting.
The last 2 or 3 years have been complicated because of the newborns and prengancies of my wife. In those years, circumstances made us develop some bad habits. It was difficult and it took effort of the both of us to shake them off. Not difficult as in hard to do, but difficult as in 'how do I do this?'. We got out of it and are now stronger than ever.
Long term relationships are rewarding, but they take work. Now imagine if you complicate this further by adding more partners. The chances of finding long term compatible partners decreases exponentially if the number of partners grows. Add kids and legal issues in the mix, and the end result is a disaster waiting to happen. If it doesn't, it is either because all partners are compatible, or there is one dominant partner that the others defer to (like in a cult).
The last 2 or 3 years have been complicated because of the newborns and prengancies of my wife. In those years, circumstances made us develop some bad habits. It was difficult and it took effort of the both of us to shake them off. Not difficult as in hard to do, but difficult as in 'how do I do this?'. We got out of it and are now stronger than ever.
Long term relationships are rewarding, but they take work. Now imagine if you complicate this further by adding more partners. The chances of finding long term compatible partners decreases exponentially if the number of partners grows. Add kids and legal issues in the mix, and the end result is a disaster waiting to happen. If it doesn't, it is either because all partners are compatible, or there is one dominant partner that the others defer to (like in a cult).
Omar B
Senior Master
I'm monogamous, but I have friends who are a married couple who have an open marriage. It's interesting, because they are closer than any couple I know and spend pretty much every moment together (they work from home). Works for some.
32 years next month. I can see the appeal of a polyamorous relationship, but it isn't fo me. If it works for some people, more power to them.
:applause: Well done sir. 32 years is a sure sign you're both doing something right.
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Or do the RIGHT thing and refuse relationships AND have no children. Been that way all my life and I can honestly say, though I MUST be in the minority, that while I have nothing against those of my friends who married or chose to have offspring, that I am so very unspeakably glad I did neither. More and more the way society is turning out these days, the gladder and gladder I get.
