I suppose I should not tell the Principal?

[granfire]

Aight, problem:
Kid is goofy, very big for his age and target for a lot of mischief.
He is also not like his Mom...where I would have put on my mean face and gone after the perps, he just smiles goofily and points out that fighting is not allowed in school.

So, we had an ugly FB incident, a jocking remark got answered with something really mean and hurtful. The aggressor hinted about beating my kid (which I find sort of laughable)

However, even with not being in training, the kid has earned his BB (even though it's ITA) and I know that when he puts his mind to it, he can generate a pretty good deal of force.

He has the green light from me to defend himself if this poop turns physical.
I am living by the motto that we don't start fights, but we sure as heck finish them. Call me redneck if you must.

But I suppose I do not need to tell the Principal of these thoughts?
I am considering to take a printout of the screen shot to her, since this kid has cause a minor problem in school already.
While another mother who happened to see that remark told my kid and me that this could be considered criminal and a case for the police, I don't see a need to escalate it at this point.

 

[shesulsa]

Aight, problem:
Kid is goofy, very big for his age and target for a lot of mischief.
He is also not like his Mom...where I would have put on my mean face and gone after the perps, he just smiles goofily and points out that fighting is not allowed in school.

So, we had an ugly FB incident, a jocking remark got answered with something really mean and hurtful. The aggressor hinted about beating my kid (which I find sort of laughable)

However, even with not being in training, the kid has earned his BB (even though it's ITA) and I know that when he puts his mind to it, he can generate a pretty good deal of force.

He has the green light from me to defend himself if this poop turns physical.
I am living by the motto that we don't start fights, but we sure as heck finish them. Call me redneck if you must.

But I suppose I do not need to tell the Principal of these thoughts?
I am considering to take a printout of the screen shot to her, since this kid has cause a minor problem in school already.
While another mother who happened to see that remark told my kid and me that this could be considered criminal and a case for the police, I don't see a need to escalate it at this point.

If these two are schoolmates, I would *absolutely* take it to the principle - in fact, I would send a registered letter requesting this information be placed in the kid's file.

As to potential criminal charges, I would check on the laws in your state. Some states (though few) have enacted internet harassment laws, and if yours has, it may be worth bringing up to the principal.

I really can't imagine why you wouldn't point out a potential problem to a principal before it gets bad. Wouldn't you want them to do that for you?

 

[granfire]

Well, I am considering to go speak to the Principal in person with copy in hand.
However, I don't think my kid would ever use what he learned in TKD. Too worried about consequences...poor kid. But I have told him I am backing it up should need be.

(but it's spring break right now and I am somewhat ADOS...happy when I remember to put my clothes on in the morning)

 

[StudentCarl]

Aight, problem:
Kid is goofy, very big for his age and target for a lot of mischief.
He is also not like his Mom...where I would have put on my mean face and gone after the perps, he just smiles goofily and points out that fighting is not allowed in school.

So, we had an ugly FB incident, a jocking remark got answered with something really mean and hurtful. The aggressor hinted about beating my kid (which I find sort of laughable)

However, even with not being in training, the kid has earned his BB (even though it's ITA) and I know that when he puts his mind to it, he can generate a pretty good deal of force.

He has the green light from me to defend himself if this poop turns physical.
I am living by the motto that we don't start fights, but we sure as heck finish them. Call me redneck if you must.

But I suppose I do not need to tell the Principal of these thoughts?
I am considering to take a printout of the screen shot to her, since this kid has cause a minor problem in school already.
While another mother who happened to see that remark told my kid and me that this could be considered criminal and a case for the police, I don't see a need to escalate it at this point.

I work in a high school. When a student gets in a fight, unless it's clearly limited to self-defense, the rule is that both willing participants get suspended up to ten days. No kid can afford to miss that kind of school over stupid stuff. We want to know about problems so we can either head off or intervene. We have both student and staff-led conflict resolution process that can defuse these things.

With all that said, I've advised my students that if you have to deal with a problem, don't do it at school, anywhere enroute to or from school, or at anything school related, as all of those fall under school jurisdiction.

As for legal issues, while I too practice the redneck philosophy, I will do anything I can to give myself solid legal ground. Put anything in writing you can, print/save anything that might be evidence, and do everything you can involving appropriate authorities. Then, if TSHTF, you're covered.

Though not exactly the same, I once had a student assault me. Because of how the situation developed (I had covered my bases and limited my response to what was very defensible), the student was found guilty of assault and battery and it cost him about $1500 in fines and costs on top of his expulsion.

You can "finish the fight", but losing in court might hurt as much or more. I'd also rather have your son not miss a chunk of school.

Carl

 

[granfire]

Thanks.
Sadly the old recipe for staying out of trouble does not work anymore these days:
Pick a fight with the biggest and toughest kid around, win, lose or draw, you are either getting the rep of being tough or bat-poop crazy, mission accomplished.

I think we need to revisit our 'deal with bullies' policy.

 

[StudentCarl]

Thanks.
Sadly the old recipe for staying out of trouble does not work anymore these days:
Pick a fight with the biggest and toughest kid around, win, lose or draw, you are either getting the rep of being tough or bat-poop crazy, mission accomplished.

I think we need to revisit our 'deal with bullies' policy.

I think that's all on the money, except that these days the possibility of lawsuit changes the grownup side of the equation: schools don't want to get sued for not keeping a safe environment; parents of bullies who lose teeth are likely to sue, and there's always a lawyer eager to make a buck proving your kid crossed the line from self-defense to aggressor.

I have found however, that lawyers don't thrive when there are no witnesses to whatever 'supposedly' happened.%-}

 

[bushidomartialarts]

Definitely inform the principal. If you don't, he/she will have no option but to punish your child in a fight. If you tell the principal, and your child is forced to defend himself, you have ammunition to intercede.

"I brought this to your attention. You did nothing effective, so my child was forced to protect himself. Don't punish my child for your failure."

If you're very concerned, contact the school district. Your child's principal has a boss.

 

[granfire]

Oh, it seems I did not make myself clear...I am intending to ahve a talk about the incident, but I feel it's in our best interest not to inform everybody that the kid has the green light to take action if confronted and attacked. (which I find doubtful he will anyhow..he saw the King of the Hill episode were Hank took a hit from the block bully: two hits is a fight, one an assault...I am hoping the perp kid is wearing a distinctive ring though...)

 

[igillman]

I used to work at a school district. Definitely tell the Principal what is going on. Otherwise their excuse will be "if only you had told me". I would arrange a meeting with the principal to explain that your child will defend themselves and make it clear that if your child has to defend themselves that you will back your child all the way. Do not take any crap from these people. I was told that the best the school could do was to allow my son to change classes after everybody else to avoid the bully. I did not mince words, I told them that I thought their solution was pathetic. Then they tried the "well what do you suggest" routine. I told them that I do not have the benefit of many hours of training in the field of education and that if they have run out of ideas then I would be happy to take it up the chain to someone better able to handle discipline. Suddenly a better solution was found.

Tell your child that they are only going to get one or two good hits in before the fight is broken up so make them count. One good hit on a school bully is enough to make them all stay away from you in the future.

Schools hate bad publicity, you do not have to threaten the press, simply hint that "it looks bad", they will get the message. Do not jump the chain of command, go to the principal first (they may refer you to a vice-principal that handles discipline). If you get no joy then go up the chain by one level, either back to the principal if you got a vice-principal or to the superintendent.

 

[Ken Morgan]

Tell the Principal, make sure you get proof that you have informed him/her, also send something to the school Board/District, getting it higher up is always good to. If its borderline criminal why wouldn’t you go to the police? Get their opinion too. Perhaps this other kids needs a huge wakeup call that his actions are in fact criminal, maybe the parents will wake up to the fact that their kid is a little **** and get him the help he needs.

You have the same philosophy as me, my son finished many fights, (thanks to three years of boxing), but he never started any.

 

[granfire]

Tell the Principal, make sure you get proof that you have informed him/her, also send something to the school Board/District, getting it higher up is always good to. If its borderline criminal why wouldn’t you go to the police? Get their opinion too. Perhaps this other kids needs a huge wakeup call that his actions are in fact criminal, maybe the parents will wake up to the fact that their kid is a little **** and get him the help he needs.

You have the same philosophy as me, my son finished many fights, (thanks to three years of boxing), but he never started any.

I am not one for escalating things needlessly. So, at this point, I am considering the police route a last resort. I suppose when I walk into the office and ask if the Principal has a few minutes to share that should do the trick. I don't, as I said. want to escalate the issue just now. I really, at this point, want to keep it on a private level.

(but I am also considering going to the lumber yard and having a few boards cut....%-})

 

[bushidomartialarts]

With your clarification in mind, I wouldn't tell the principal your child has permission to open up a can. I would ask pointed questions about what the principal will do to protect your child from having to...

 

[ajury]

Sounds like you are telling the principal, good job.

You might look into homeschooling if the school does not handle this. It is not for everyone but it works for us. Sounds like your problem has not escalated to far yet but we have friends that pulled there son out of public school and now homeshool him. He is sleeping better now and a much more pleasant lad to be around. The stress of constant attacks (apparently verbal) were causing him a lot of trouble.

He chose not to use his Tae Kwon Do as a 9 year old purple belt despite a pretty hard year. The school chose to do nothing to help him. I have sparred with him he does have the abilities to really hurt someone, I think he has great self control.

Each situation is different when my family moved to an Indian reservation (35 years ago) I ended up fighting quite a few kids until I was left alone, I was known as a crazy person as my only fight training was from my mom. I broke noses and used pencils in grade school today I would have been expelled, all of the kids I fought were a year or 2 ahead of me, fortunately my Mom stood behind me. The school did nothing.

I hope your experience is better.

I have found homeschoolers to be much more civilized and my boys teach Tae Kwon Do.

Art.

 

[granfire]

I have luckily a great bunch of teachers to deal with. I have faith I won't be blown off.

Thankfully the school year is coming to a close very soon and then he changes to a different school anyhow.

 

[StudentCarl]

One other thought: If there's a threat on FB, I suggest filing a police report. This isn't escalation, it's claiming the high ground. There isn't anything the police really can do with it, but it helps establish who's the aggressor and that there's a pattern if anything further happens. I would also advise the school if you do this--it lets them know you're not playing.

This is not as uncommon as you might think. We have a few every year, and always advise parents to make the call. Sometimes it does help get the message through to the parents of the bully too, when the police officer comes to their door to talk with both them and their kid. Parents seem to grasp that they are on the low ground if anything happens between the boys.

 

[granfire]

One other thought: If there's a threat on FB, I suggest filing a police report. This isn't escalation, it's claiming the high ground. There isn't anything the police really can do with it, but it helps establish who's the aggressor and that there's a pattern if anything further happens. I would also advise the school if you do this--it lets them know you're not playing.

This is not as uncommon as you might think. We have a few every year, and always advise parents to make the call. Sometimes it does help get the message through to the parents of the bully too, when the police officer comes to their door to talk with both them and their kid. Parents seem to grasp that they are on the low ground if anything happens between the boys.

The other parent who witnessed the incident did suggest police. I am reserving that option.

 

[Kacey]

I agree with the previous posters who said notify the principal, and to NOT tell the principal you've given your child permission to defend himself; that opens a can of worms you don't want to open. Document everything you do, when you do it, who you speak to - then, if it does escalate, you have a timeline of your requests for help.

 

[granfire]

For those who were nice enough to take interest a little update:

I went to the school this morning and presented the Principal with a printout of the screen shot.

She was very appreciative to have it brought to her attention and promised to do her part.
Seems like the young man in question has quiet a history (she did not seem surprised when she looked at the name)

So we wait if anything happens.

 

[Touch Of Death]

However, I don't think my kid would ever use what he learned in TKD.

This statement troubles me. While I know what you mean, "Everything is kung fu".Jackie Chan
Sean

 

[granfire]

It's not the statement that troubles me, more the mind set behind it.
The kid does not turn aggression towards others.
He would have my backing in SD cases, 100%, but alas, he is not a fighter.