Humorous Flight Stories

Rich Parsons

A Student of Martial Arts
Founding Member
Lifetime Supporting Member
MTS Alumni
Joined
Oct 13, 2001
Messages
16,835
Reaction score
1,079
Location
Michigan
Enjoy

In his book, " Sled Driver, " SR-71 Blackbird pilot Brian Shul
writes:
"I'll always remember a certain radio exchange that occurred one day as
Walt (my backseater) and I were screaming across Southern California 13
miles high. We were monitoring various radio transmissions from other
aircraft as we entered Los Angeles airspace Though they didn't really
control us, they did monitor our movement across their scope. I heard a
Cessna ask for a readout of its groundspeed."

"90 knots" Center replied.
"Moments later, a Twin Beech required the same."
"120 knots," Center answered.
We weren't the only ones proud of our groundspeed that day as almost
instantly an F-18 smugly transmitted, 'Ah, Center, Dusty 52 requests
groundspeed readout.'
There was a slight pause, then the response, "525 knots on the ground,
Dusty."
Another silent pause. As I was thinking to myself how ripe a situation
this
was, I heard a familiar click of a radio transmission coming from my
backseater. It was at that precise moment I realized Walt and I had
become
a real crew, for we were both thinking in unison. "Center, Aspen 20,
you
got a groundspeed readout for us?"
There was a longer than normal pause ... "Aspen, I show 1,742 knots"
No further inquiries were heard on that frequency.

--------------------------------------------------------

In another famous SR-71 story, Los Angeles Center reported receiving a
request for clearance to FL 60 (60,000ft). The incredulous controller,
with
some disdain in his voice, asked, "How do you plan to get up to 60,000
feet?
The pilot (obviously a sled driver), responded, "We don't plan to go up
to
it, we plan to go down to it." He was cleared.

--------------------------------------------------------

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He
placed
it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator, "Do
you
know what I use this for?"
The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"
The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"
The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart
table.
he pilot asked, "What's that for?"
"To be honest sir," the navigator replied, "I'll know we're lost before
you
will."

--------------------------------------------------------

More tower chatter:
Tower: "Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!"
Delta 351: "Give us another hint! We have digital watches!"

--------------------------------------------------------

One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short
of
the runway while a MD80 landed. The MD80 landed, rolled out, turned
around,
and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the
MD80
crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. Did you make
it
all by yourself?"
Our hero the Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came
back
with: "I made it out of MD80 parts. Another landing like that and I'll
have
enough parts for another one."

--------------------------------------------------------

There's a story about the military pilot calling for a priority landing
because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked." Air
Traffic Control told the fighter jock that he was number two behind a
B-52
that had one engine shut down.

"Ah," the pilot remarked, "the dreaded seven-engine approach."

--------------------------------------------------------

A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While
attempting
to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known
position?" Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."

--------------------------------------------------------

Taxiing down the tarmac, the 757 abruptly stopped, turned around and
returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the
problem?"

"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained
the
flight attendant," and it took us a while to find a new pilot."

--------------------------------------------------------

"Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 degrees."

"But Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up
here?"

"Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"
 
G

Gary Crawford

Guest
As a former AF crew bus support driver for B-52 crews,I'm busting a bigger gut!
 

michaeledward

Grandmaster
Joined
Mar 1, 2003
Messages
6,063
Reaction score
82
I'm laughing pretty hard over here too ...

"The dreaded 7 engine approach"
and
"The sound of a 747 hitting a 727".

Thanks.
 

OULobo

Senior Master
MTS Alumni
Joined
Jun 20, 2003
Messages
2,139
Reaction score
33
Location
Cleveland, OH
These are my favorites:

Recently I was given a list of actual responses made to squawks, the Air Force term for maintenance complaints by pilots.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."
 

Latest Discussions

Top