How to turn a simple ticket into felony dumbass...

jks9199

Administrator
Staff member
Lifetime Supporting Member
Joined
Jul 2, 2006
Messages
21,949
Reaction score
2,155
Location
Northern VA
Ingredients:

1. POS pickup truck
2. Drunk/high idiot driver
fete-saoul-vin-294239.gif

3. Suspended license
4. Bored, proactive cop
zzzz.jpg


Directions:

Step 1: Put the drunk/high driver, hereafter referred to as "Hummingbird ***", behind the wheel of the POS pickup.

Step 2: Hummingbird *** attempts to drive POS truck down a bike path, quickly realizes he can't do that, so back across a 5 lane road.

Step 3: Proactive cop, sees step 2 take place, and begins to follow POS truck.
k0j3m9.gif


Step 4: After Cop follows truck for a bit further, observing more suspicious driving, initiate a traffic stop.
zzzz.gif


Step 5: Hummingbird *** almost rolls truck backwards into cruiser because he can't work the gears. The dying transmission may contribute to this...
eek.gif


Step 6A: Hummingbird *** presents an invalid, expired learner's permit.

Step 6B: DMV return reveals Hummingbird *** is suspended... multiple times, with notice.
doh.gif


Step 7: Hummingbird *** fumbing with truck rolls back towards cruiser 2x more, and is ordered out of the car, and interviewed.

Step 8A: Hummingbird *** decides that it's a lovely moment for a jog... and takes off. Leaving his license and POS truck behind.
bolt.gif


Step 8B: Cop joins the spontaneous exercise session. Cop quickly decides it's not worth it since he knows where Hummingbird *** lives, lived, and is probably running right towards.
zidea3.gif


Step 9: Hummingbird *** shortly makes his way home... only to make the acquaintance of many friends of Proactive Cop.
doh.gif


Step 10: Hummingbird *** opens crocodile mouth, while trying to close bedroom door. Hummingird *** soon makes the acquaintance of Thomas A. Swift's Electronic Rifle, in the handy pistol version.
tasersmiley.gif


Step 11: Hummingbird *** continues to run crocodile mouth...
drama.gif
censored.gif
tape.gif


Step 12: Present Hummingbird *** to magistrate. Allow to stew briefly, with crocodile mouth continuing to add heat to the pot.

Serve with multiple warrants (Resisting Arrest X2, Felony Assault on LEO, DUI, Refusal, Drive On Suspended License).
hurt.gif
Cry.gif


What sucked was I missed the fun at the house, being stuck with Hummingbird ***'s truck...
pout.gif
 

Senjojutsu

Blue Belt
Joined
Jan 3, 2005
Messages
258
Reaction score
12
Is it just me being warped... or does the OP sound something out of a SQUIDBILLIES script???
 

Rich Parsons

A Student of Martial Arts
Founding Member
Lifetime Supporting Member
MTS Alumni
Joined
Oct 13, 2001
Messages
15,836
Reaction score
449
Location
Michigan
I have to know, why Hummingbird?
 

Dirty Dog

MT Senior Moderator
Staff member
Lifetime Supporting Member
Joined
Sep 3, 2009
Messages
17,496
Reaction score
4,395
Location
Pueblo West, CO
Entertaining, but when was this ever "a simple ticket" as opposed to a DUI? Is a DUI not a felony where you live? I certainly hope not.

Personally, after 30 years in EMS, trying to put the victims of drunk drivers back together, I'm convinced that any DUI should be 5 years in an 8x10 cell with a hairy backed, knuckle dragging mouth breather named Bubba who wants to be your special friend. Minimum.
 

seasoned

MT Senior Moderator
Staff member
Lifetime Supporting Member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
10,687
Reaction score
677
Location
Somewhere out there
Ignorance of the law is no exception, but, stupidity. This must be where that saying "slippery slope" comes from.........
 
OP
J

jks9199

Administrator
Staff member
Lifetime Supporting Member
Joined
Jul 2, 2006
Messages
21,949
Reaction score
2,155
Location
Northern VA
Entertaining, but when was this ever "a simple ticket" as opposed to a DUI? Is a DUI not a felony where you live? I certainly hope not.

Personally, after 30 years in EMS, trying to put the victims of drunk drivers back together, I'm convinced that any DUI should be 5 years in an 8x10 cell with a hairy backed, knuckle dragging mouth breather named Bubba who wants to be your special friend. Minimum.

DUI is a misdemeanor, until the 3rd offense. The kid was mostly looking at simply driving on a suspended, maybe a "baby DUI" or driving after consuming alcohol underage. Note the refusal charge; I don't know what his BAC was.
 

Dirty Dog

MT Senior Moderator
Staff member
Lifetime Supporting Member
Joined
Sep 3, 2009
Messages
17,496
Reaction score
4,395
Location
Pueblo West, CO
DUI is a misdemeanor, until the 3rd offense. The kid was mostly looking at simply driving on a suspended, maybe a "baby DUI" or driving after consuming alcohol underage. Note the refusal charge; I don't know what his BAC was.

A misdemeanor? How sad/ How very very sad. :(
 

MaxiMe

Brown Belt
Joined
Mar 3, 2011
Messages
496
Reaction score
9
Location
San Diego, CA
Something a guy I used to work with would say: "Don't let your crocodile mouth overload your hummingbird ***."
Guy you worked withs name? first will do if you don't mind. Uncxles have been saying that to me all jmy life "don't let your gator mouth overload your hummingbird...
 
OP
J

jks9199

Administrator
Staff member
Lifetime Supporting Member
Joined
Jul 2, 2006
Messages
21,949
Reaction score
2,155
Location
Northern VA
Guy you worked withs name? first will do if you don't mind. Uncxles have been saying that to me all jmy life "don't let your gator mouth overload your hummingbird...
His name's Larry -- but I'm confident he's not your uncle. It's not an uncommon saying in some parts...
 

WC_lun

Senior Master
Joined
Aug 7, 2010
Messages
2,760
Reaction score
82
Location
Kansas City MO
As my grandma used to say, "Bless his pointed little head, he doesn't know he's stupid." :)
 
Top