B
Black Bear
Guest
How people cope with their blind spots, aka “talking to idiots” aka “the worst of self-defense”
Does this conversation sound familiar?
SCSDI = so-called self-defense instructor
BI = beautiful ingénue, played by Natalie Portman
SCSDI – Now, the techniques I will be teaching you are for if you have no opportunity to escape. The best thing to do is always to always to try to get away. But there may be situations where you are not able to just leave. For instance, if you are attacked while loading groceries into your trunk, and your child is in the backseat. Or you’re with your frail or handicapped friend or relative. Or when you’re waiting for someone outside a public restroom and don’t want to leave them behind. Or you’re in an enclosed area and your escape routes are blocked off. Then you must fight in order to create an escape.
BI – Got it.
SCSDI – Now, it’s important to remember: if someone comes at you with a knife, then run away.
BI – But what if you don’t have a chance to run?
SCSDI – Then use the techniques I will show you today.
BI – Are you going to show us what to do if someone attacks us with a knife?
SCSDI – Like I said, if someone attacks you with a knife, then you should run.
BI – What if you can’t run?
SCSDI – If you cannot escape from an attacker, you must defend yourself with resolute determination! That’s what we’re here for, I shall teach you how!
BI – And if he has a knife?
SCSDI – I don’t follow. Didn’t we just go over that?
BI – *frustrated* Okay, what I mean is, what if someone attacks you with a knife, and there’s no way for me to just get away?
SCSDI – What’s in your wallet that’s worth your life?
BI – I never said he wanted my wallet. I said he’s attacking me with a knife and I can’t—
SCSDI – Are you trying to make me look bad?
BI - *throws up hands in frustration* Forget it! Keep my deposit, I’m going to Black Bear’s International House of Pancrase! Besides, Black Bear is stunningly attractive—and a fantastic lay too! Come on, Alizee Bilder and Haylie Ecker! I heard he might be into threesomes!
Does this conversation sound familiar?
SCSDI = so-called self-defense instructor
BI = beautiful ingénue, played by Natalie Portman
SCSDI – Now, the techniques I will be teaching you are for if you have no opportunity to escape. The best thing to do is always to always to try to get away. But there may be situations where you are not able to just leave. For instance, if you are attacked while loading groceries into your trunk, and your child is in the backseat. Or you’re with your frail or handicapped friend or relative. Or when you’re waiting for someone outside a public restroom and don’t want to leave them behind. Or you’re in an enclosed area and your escape routes are blocked off. Then you must fight in order to create an escape.
BI – Got it.
SCSDI – Now, it’s important to remember: if someone comes at you with a knife, then run away.
BI – But what if you don’t have a chance to run?
SCSDI – Then use the techniques I will show you today.
BI – Are you going to show us what to do if someone attacks us with a knife?
SCSDI – Like I said, if someone attacks you with a knife, then you should run.
BI – What if you can’t run?
SCSDI – If you cannot escape from an attacker, you must defend yourself with resolute determination! That’s what we’re here for, I shall teach you how!
BI – And if he has a knife?
SCSDI – I don’t follow. Didn’t we just go over that?
BI – *frustrated* Okay, what I mean is, what if someone attacks you with a knife, and there’s no way for me to just get away?
SCSDI – What’s in your wallet that’s worth your life?
BI – I never said he wanted my wallet. I said he’s attacking me with a knife and I can’t—
SCSDI – Are you trying to make me look bad?
BI - *throws up hands in frustration* Forget it! Keep my deposit, I’m going to Black Bear’s International House of Pancrase! Besides, Black Bear is stunningly attractive—and a fantastic lay too! Come on, Alizee Bilder and Haylie Ecker! I heard he might be into threesomes!