Fear

[loki09789]

Loki, my sig line is a phrase that my aikido instructor uses on a regular basis when talking about blending with your attacker. It's just one of those things in the MA that translates as well to the mental defense side as it does to the physical defense side.

Nicely put Jeff!

I have always thought that the floor training, in relation to MA as a scholarly/philosophical/tactical study, was a great metaphor tool in general - once you get past the fundamental level of technique building.

FMA's, and I think my Kenpo training too, stress conceptual understanding so that students develop as 'smart fighters' as well as skilled technicians. Translation is big in FMA's

 

[Tgace]

I have talked my way out of a lot of situations that could have turned into a fight but I was scared in every one of them!

Theres been a lot of good advice here about facing and overcoming fear. The above quote illustrates a point Id like to bring up. Note most of the advice has been about overcoming fear, not eliminating fear. You will never (should never) completely eliminate fear, its a natural reaction to danger. What you dont want is for fear to control you or prevent you from doing what you need to do. Fear can be a good thing when it alerts you of/keeps you out of danger. What you want is to be able to function and do what you have to in the presence of fear. I have seen this as the definition of courage.

 

[Chicago Green Dragon]

Very interesting point.

Chicago Green Dragon

:asian:

Theres been a lot of good advice here about facing and overcoming fear. The above quote illustrates a point Id like to bring up. Note most of the advice has been about overcoming fear, not eliminating fear. You will never (should never) completely eliminate fear, its a natural reaction to danger. What you dont want is for fear to control you or prevent you from doing what you need to do. Fear can be a good thing when it alerts you of/keeps you out of danger. What you want is to be able to function and do what you have to in the presence of fear. I have seen this as the definition of courage.

 

[kenpo_cory]

Spending time with your future wife in a bathing suit and you turned it down!?

Cory: Honey, how do I do that again, can you show me ?
Fiance: Sure. Here it is easier if you lay back against me....
Cory: I still don't get it. Why don't you do it while I hold you up and that way I can feel (ahem) and see how it is suppose to go....

Seriously though, this is a good choice of helper. Trust her with your life/insecurities builds trust, trust builds security .... that bubble of security might be helpful in and out of the pool.

Ha ha ha. Yeah, her being in the bathing suit alone would get me in the pool. LOL I'm actually supposed to go help her pick out a bikini. :boing2:

 

[Kris]

Theres been a lot of good advice here about facing and overcoming fear. The above quote illustrates a point Id like to bring up. Note most of the advice has been about overcoming fear, not eliminating fear. You will never (should never) completely eliminate fear, its a natural reaction to danger. What you dont want is for fear to control you or prevent you from doing what you need to do. Fear can be a good thing when it alerts you of/keeps you out of danger. What you want is to be able to function and do what you have to in the presence of fear. I have seen this as the definition of courage.

This is to true, it's not natural to have complete lack of fear, thats is called a mental disability. All you need to do is to learn to overcome reasonable fears.

The Ju Jitsu is great, i'm glad i decided to learn another style, grappling had always been my week point, and as i said, it did scare me not knowing what to do. I'm also going to go along to some Hapkido classes to see what thats like, as it is a bit of a mix between hard and soft styles from what i hear. However, i can honestly say, if you can regularly do a grappling art like Ju Jitsu, then you can easily overcome the fears associated with being swamped in a fight.

Another good aspect is that my instuctor has spent a bit over a decade in the police force, and he is a very realistic person when it comes to applying MA training to street style self defence. He has really helped me to understand street encounters as they are likely to happen, and he has one very brilliant bit of advice, simple and heard everywhere, but brilliant nonetheless. 'You have to set a standard, draw a line as to what you think is acceptable, if someone crosses that line, then thats it, you don't back away any longer.'

This line of what is acceptable will be continually altering, and changes from person to person, and i'm talking about this particular standard as the life threatening one. With some people you will feel alot more threatened than with others, but when they have crossed that line they have all become equally threatening, thats when you go for it.

The same works though if you set a stanard for what you are willing to accept from other people verablly etc, obviously if they cross this line you don't just let fly, but you have to let them know that they have, it's best just to use a slang expression, but with a bit of emphasis. When dealing with the guys who just want to be seen as hard, if you say, 'will you please stop, your being insulting,' their likely to get worse, best to the play the game their way, if you follow me. It might feel cheap to stoop to their level, but you can only gain someones respect if they can respect you on their own terms.

The Muay Thai is also great, i love it, and the fitness you get from it is brilliant to have. It really is an upfront style, so it's a good way to getting used to being hit, but it's also a style that i find works with my mental attitude, if your busy getting beaten in a corner, it really inspires me to dish out the same back to the person

Anyway, wish you the best of luck, but you won't need it!

 

[Kris]

Heres something that you may want to look at:

http://members.shaw.ca/tmanifold/fear.htm

Tis an interesting read.

 

[Gary Crawford]

Tony,Thanks for posting this thread!This is one of the best subjects with the most intelegent suggestions on the subject.Great all!Fear is the hardest thing in life to conquer and at the same tome it makes life thrilling.Life would be a complete drag without it.Everyone enjoys fear in one way or another.That's why horrer and suspense stories and movies are so attractive.Some other examples of thing that would be no fun without the factor of fear:Racing,Skiing,Skateboarding(one of my personal favorites)Mountain Climbing,watching a high flying circus act,ect......I used to skateboard(when I was younger) and my favorite thing were downhilling and anything verticle.Fear was the no one factor to conquer,especially on vert,the second fear creeps in,BASH!!!To pull off anything,you have to do it like you have done it a thousand times before,especially the first time. Showing fear:This is the hardest trick,learning how not to show fear when facing real danger.I had to learn this.My Dad used to own a liquor store in a very rough neighborhood.In the 18 yrs he owned it,it was robbed a dozen times.The people that were robbed were mostly women,my Dad once(they let the air out of one of his tires and hit him from behind)and me never.I'm not bragging(too much),but the reason why they never attempted to robb me was I did my best not to show fear,even when I was completely scared.I used a well known defense called a quick temper.This defense made the drunks and drug dealers think that I was looking for the oportunity to kill somebody,let folks think you are crazy,and that scares most people.Crazy people might loose a fight,but they will kill you in your sleep!A crazy person wearing a gun will shoot you if you make him mad.It's all perception.My freinds who know me well and I had the best laughs at how well that worked.

 

[Tony]

Tony,Thanks for posting this thread!This is one of the best subjects with the most intelegent suggestions on the subject.Great all!Fear is the hardest thing in life to conquer and at the same tome it makes life thrilling.Life would be a complete drag without it.Everyone enjoys fear in one way or another.That's why horrer and suspense stories and movies are so attractive.Some other examples of thing that would be no fun without the factor of fear:Racing,Skiing,Skateboarding(one of my personal favorites)Mountain Climbing,watching a high flying circus act,ect......I used to skateboard(when I was younger) and my favorite thing were downhilling and anything verticle.Fear was the no one factor to conquer,especially on vert,the second fear creeps in,BASH!!!To pull off anything,you have to do it like you have done it a thousand times before,especially the first time. Showing fear:This is the hardest trick,learning how not to show fear when facing real danger.I had to learn this.My Dad used to own a liquor store in a very rough neighborhood.In the 18 yrs he owned it,it was robbed a dozen times.The people that were robbed were mostly women,my Dad once(they let the air out of one of his tires and hit him from behind)and me never.I'm not bragging(too much),but the reason why they never attempted to robb me was I did my best not to show fear,even when I was completely scared.I used a well known defense called a quick temper.This defense made the drunks and drug dealers think that I was looking for the oportunity to kill somebody,let folks think you are crazy,and that scares most people.Crazy people might loose a fight,but they will kill you in your sleep!A crazy person wearing a gun will shoot you if you make him mad.It's all perception.My freinds who know me well and I had the best laughs at how well that worked.

Hi Gary

Thats an interesting post! Luckily I don't live in such a rough area, but I have walked down some questionable places! One time I recall walking down the road, where I heard 1 of 3 guys calling out something to me. I was puzzled as to why he was doing that, maybe I looked like someone he knew or he just thought he would intimidate me, but I quickly thought to myself I should make myself a little angry just to slightly decrease my overwhelming fear and it did work. Luckily they went a different way and I just kep walking.
It really does work, but I'm not saying Anger is a good thing but in small amounts it can help counteract some fears!
But sometimes I will forget about that particular technique and I will become overwhelmed with panic when I walk through into a bar or club i have never been to before! I'm always looking around and using my periphial vision to be aware of any potential trouble when it arises!

 

[Thrinn]

Hello, I'm new both here and in MA but this topic is at least something I
know about.
Tony, it sounds like you are or are on your way to becoming Agoraphobic:
phobia of crowded public/open spaces. I have a familymember who suffers from this to an extreme degree and it is no fun. Hers is so far gone that just stepping out of the house now requires a long peptalk (say... about 2 hours) and constant support. She's getting better through therapy and also facing the fear.
So if you are seeing a therapist that is a good step on the way, just make sure you get to handle the part about why and what you are afraid of, not
just to get therapy on how not to be a doormat.
I'm not a psychologist but a lot of people who were bullied as children seem to have this phobia. Maybe you should try to deal with that experience as well. But making yourself deal with this is great, and not falling victim to the fear. And good luck on dealing with this fear; I know how terrible and crippling it can be if it goes to extremes.

Thrinn

 

[Tony]

Hello, I'm new both here and in MA but this topic is at least something I
know about.
Tony, it sounds like you are or are on your way to becoming Agoraphobic:
phobia of crowded public/open spaces. I have a familymember who suffers from this to an extreme degree and it is no fun. Hers is so far gone that just stepping out of the house now requires a long peptalk (say... about 2 hours) and constant support. She's getting better through therapy and also facing the fear.
So if you are seeing a therapist that is a good step on the way, just make sure you get to handle the part about why and what you are afraid of, not
just to get therapy on how not to be a doormat.
I'm not a psychologist but a lot of people who were bullied as children seem to have this phobia. Maybe you should try to deal with that experience as well. But making yourself deal with this is great, and not falling victim to the fear. And good luck on dealing with this fear; I know how terrible and crippling it can be if it goes to extremes.

Thrinn

Hi Thrinn
Pleased to meet you and welcome to the Forum. You make some interesting and you seem to know what you're talking about! The reason I'm seeing a Therapist is because of my shyness and feelings of awkwardness with strangers and my fear of confrontations!
I am however not so scared of using public transport and I can eat in restaurants on my own so to some degree I am getting better!
But i think its a valid concern going out at night because we do live in a dangerous world! But I am trying to work on dealing with my fear!
Thanks for your post.
Tony