First, I'd like to acknowledge the contributions of others to this thread as being quite vital - insurance, realization, identity monitoring and plain old budgeting are all very important as well. You don't keep healthy wealth or good money habits by ignoring your finances.
Shesulsa
Thank you for your comments. I thought it very important and encouraging. Living with-in your means, having patience to wait for things and to enjoy the simple things are all counter todayÂ’s societal norms and expectations. You children may not know it but the lessons that you and your husband are teaching them will make their life so rewarding and rich (both in substance and in finance) Others may have fancy cars and go out to the best restaurants but they are also the ones in panic as their house of cards (credit cards) is built on shifting sand and that sand is shifting all the time. The merry-go-round is easier to step off in my opinion if you never get on it.
Brian, some people justify this as "living." Why exist, why "suffer" when you "live?" I hear, "Life is short," and "Time is a thief." Indeed. I don't want to lie on my death bed remembering my family with their heads behind menus or scrutinizing their order. But the definition of "living" is relative for each person's values, I suppose. Thankfully, however, if we arrive at the kind of energy crisis such that we have no electricity, my children will still be having fun, living life, adapting. Believe me, I know what I'm doing when I lock the movies and video games in the closet, hand them the football and shoo them out the door.
Thanks for the comments.
Shesulsa the most powerful word in your comments above is WE. Out of wedlock births and divorce are always among the number 1-3 reasons for people being broke (serious health emergencies is also amongst those relating to MA-Cavers comment above). One of the top reasons of divorce is fighting and arguing about money. I did not count the number of times you said we but it is key I think. The family must be on the same page. Shesulsa, I am not married so I was wondering if you could maybe give some thought and based on your experiences or based on other married people that you know, do you have any comments or advice on how both husband and wife can get on the same page (were you and your husband always on the same page?) and stay on the same page for the married people that might be reading this thread yet not themselves on the same page financially speaking.
This is tough to answer. I think people need to be on the same financial page before they marry. It ought to be part of a marriage negotiation or planning for the future. Open discussion. I also think folks need to not be afraid of disagreeing, rather find a way to look at what's important to them, what's reasonable within traditional budgeting guidelines and a solid day-to-day plan for making it work.
Couples not on the same page and who can't seem to get on the same page might consider a joint appointment with either a CPA or financial advisor. Some credit unions and banks offer a one-time fast evaluation either for free or a relatively nominal fee. I wouldn't pay anyone more than $500 to look at a list of assets (with value), debts and income history with at least a general future plan including plans to have children or not to, birth control, life insurance, child raising. That last one is vital - if the couple plans to have one person at home raising the children of course spending will have to be *very* limited. And one thing most couples fail to address is:
what about the financial health of the stay-at-home parent??
Laws are changing and while the divorce system is still not fair by any stretch of the imagination, you have one partner giving up their earning potential and all income for themselves by performing one of the most important jobs in the world. But what about a retirement plan for him/her? Oftentimes the stay-at-home is a woman and she generally relies on her husband's retirement to fund them both. In cases of divorce, she may or may not be entitled to half those funds (depending upon the state, of course) but realizing them is a completely different story. So a "what if" plan should be discussed by the couple as well - before marriage.
Then there need be the realization that money is one of the first dominoes. It is a resource and when it gets thin or runs out, everyone is in trouble. My grandfather used to say, "When money stops coming in the front door, love goes out the back." Times of financial distress in marriage require healthy discussion and careful consideration. Getting on the same page is most difficult during these times and I think it's just imperative for folks in trouble to seek the services of a professional.
As with anything, prevention is #1.
- Talk about it beforehand.
- Don't do stupid things, such as forego health, life and car insurance.
- Don't borrow on your home equity if you have *any* other choice at all.
- Try to follow traditional budgeting guidelines as much as possible.
- Let go of your ego and the need for status symbols.
- Get professional assistance when you must.
- Your retirement is more important than your children's college education.
- Contact creditors when you will be late or when you're in trouble.
- Review your financial status quarterly in good times, weekly in bad.
Just a few thoughts before coffee.
Please know ... I've been married twice and I've seen some good tactics used badly in dire situations. If you are triple-paying your credit companies but can't afford to eat? You need to adjust something. If your car has a basic safety issue which would be expensive but necessary to repair, find a way to make it a priority. If you qualify for the school lunch program but don't want the embarassment, suck it up and take it. If you have to go to the food bank, go early.
And if your partner refuses to cooperate and you are in financial trouble, do what you can alone. Sock every penny you can away. Never tell anyone where your stash is. Know what an emergency really is. Enroll in a community college or community center finance class and get as much free advice as you can from the instructor. And eventually, you have to decide if the relationship is worth maintaining in poverty. Of course, that should be a decision you make before you marry but people change and grow ... sometimes up, sometimes down.
Plan, plan, plan. Talk, talk, talk. Save, save, save.
