He was bought off, Chuck would have won that fight if he knew that Bruce was mad enough to kill him.What about Bruce lee?
corny joke time
- Thread starter yak sao
- Start date
Here is what some people might call a bad joke.
A Czechoslovakian and an American are out camping. Two bears come and gobble them both up. When they don't come back hunters go out to look for them. The hunters find the bears and shoot them. They cut open the female bear and out pops the american guy. They then say, "Well, the czech must be in the male," get it? The check is in the mail!
Go ahead and tell me this is a dumb joke. I think its a bit dumb myself but Im not the person who made it up.
A Czechoslovakian and an American are out camping. Two bears come and gobble them both up. When they don't come back hunters go out to look for them. The hunters find the bears and shoot them. They cut open the female bear and out pops the american guy. They then say, "Well, the czech must be in the male," get it? The check is in the mail!
Go ahead and tell me this is a dumb joke. I think its a bit dumb myself but Im not the person who made it up.
- Thread Starter
- #143
2 guys are out backpacking through the woods.
They see a bear just down the trail, the bear spots them and starts walking towards them.
One guy drops his pack and quickly changes into a pair of tennis shoes that he had hanging outside of his backpack.
The other guy says" Are you crazy?...you'll never outrun that bear!"
The guy with the tennis shoes replies, " I don't have to outrun the bear...I only have to outrun you"
They see a bear just down the trail, the bear spots them and starts walking towards them.
One guy drops his pack and quickly changes into a pair of tennis shoes that he had hanging outside of his backpack.
The other guy says" Are you crazy?...you'll never outrun that bear!"
The guy with the tennis shoes replies, " I don't have to outrun the bear...I only have to outrun you"
Cirdan
Senior Master
I am reading this great book on anti-gravity. I can`t put it down.
donald1
Senior Master
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2013
- Messages
- 3,538
- Reaction score
- 818
A man was walking through the woods (don't know if he was religious other not but assuming the answer is no) but regardless, for whatever reason he just doesn't believe in god. Now this man is walking in the woods sees a full grown grizzly bear standing up looking down at him. This man is completely scared. and he hears a voice and it's god. He tells the man do you believe in me now? Do you wish to believe in me now? And the man said NO! but said he wishes the bear was religious... Moments later the bear falls down and it is on its knees and the bear holds up its front paws and says... Thank you lord for the meal prepared, amen
donald1
Senior Master
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2013
- Messages
- 3,538
- Reaction score
- 818
Alternate ending...
Man walks in woods, bear comes, hees scared, God comes. But this time he wants to live and he says yes so hees religious he is down on one knee and praying and stands back up and the bear puts one paw on his shoulder and whispers in his ear... Good luck in the afterlife
donald1
Senior Master
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2013
- Messages
- 3,538
- Reaction score
- 818
These two people are driving down the highway and they are both in a hurry
Passenger: go faster
Driver: were going the speed limit
Passenger: and i said faster, come on
Driver: are there any cops out?
Passenger: (looks) no
Afterwards they hear a siren
Driver: i thought you said there was no police
Passenger: its okay his car didn't say police, just state trooper
Passenger: go faster
Driver: were going the speed limit
Passenger: and i said faster, come on
Driver: are there any cops out?
Passenger: (looks) no
Afterwards they hear a siren
Driver: i thought you said there was no police
Passenger: its okay his car didn't say police, just state trooper
A farmer stopped by the local mechanics shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home. On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a steel bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?"
The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house, I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."
The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket....carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"
The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane ?"
The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house, I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot."
The old lady suggested, "Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket....carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"
"Why thank you very much," he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home. On the way he says "Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."
The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?"
The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?"
The old lady replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens."
donald1
Senior Master
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2013
- Messages
- 3,538
- Reaction score
- 818
Mozart made so much music and if he was smart he would have put it on iTunes as soon as he finished and fired his publishers immediately
And what's with all the songs written by hand??... Would have been easier to print it from his computer
He made some bad decisions for sure
I can't stand Beethoven his music sounds sad and unhappy but Vivaldi i can Handel
Did you hear about the new movie featuring the terminator, in this one the terminator gets a job as an actor in a movie based on classical music. At the auditions for William sebastion , the terminator said I'll be Bach
And what's with all the songs written by hand??... Would have been easier to print it from his computer
He made some bad decisions for sure
I can't stand Beethoven his music sounds sad and unhappy but Vivaldi i can Handel
Did you hear about the new movie featuring the terminator, in this one the terminator gets a job as an actor in a movie based on classical music. At the auditions for William sebastion , the terminator said I'll be Bach
Senior trying to set a password:
WINDOWS: Please enter your new password:
USER: “cabbage”
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: “boiled cabbage”
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: “1 boiled cabbage”
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: “50bloodyboiledcabbages”
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
USER: “50BLOODYboiledcabbages”
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER: “50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!”
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER: “YouBastards50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow”
WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.
WINDOWS: Please enter your new password:
USER: “cabbage”
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8 characters.
USER: “boiled cabbage”
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: “1 boiled cabbage”
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
USER: “50bloodyboiledcabbages”
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
USER: “50BLOODYboiledcabbages”
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
USER: “50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!”
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
USER: “YouBastards50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourAssIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow”
WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.
- Joined
- Mar 5, 2005
- Messages
- 9,929
- Reaction score
- 1,451
Schrodinger gets pulled over by the cops.
Cop says, "I have to search your trunk."
Opens the trunk, finds a dead cat in there; says , "Hey, this cat's dead."
Schrodinger says, "Well, yeah, it is now."
:lfao:
Cop says, "I have to search your trunk."
Opens the trunk, finds a dead cat in there; says , "Hey, this cat's dead."
Schrodinger says, "Well, yeah, it is now."
:lfao:
Three boys get in trouble in the zoo. They are caught by security and brought before the zookeeper. The zookeeper says, "Alright boys, I want each of you to tell me your name and tell me what you did that got you in trouble."
The first boy speaks, he says, "My name is Mike and I threw peanuts into the bear cage."
The second boy speaks, he says, "My name is Tom and I threw peanuts into the bear cage."
The third boy begins to speak, he says, "My name is Peanuts..."
The first boy speaks, he says, "My name is Mike and I threw peanuts into the bear cage."
The second boy speaks, he says, "My name is Tom and I threw peanuts into the bear cage."
The third boy begins to speak, he says, "My name is Peanuts..."
- Thread Starter
- #156
A 4 year old boy and his 3 year old brother were playing out in the yard.
The older brother says, " I think it's time we started cussin'. When we go in for breakfast I'm going to say hell and you say ***.
The younger brother nods his head in agreement.
So their mom calls them in and they sit at the table. She asks them what they would like for breakfast.
The 4 year old says. "ah hell mom, just give me Cheerios"
The mom gasps and smacks him out of the chair. The boy runs upstairs with his mom right behind him. You can hear the boy being spanked and crying all the way down into the kitchen.
The mom returns after a couple of minutes and glares at the 3 year old..."and what do you want for breakfast?
The 3 year old says, " well you can bet your *** it ain't Cheerios!"
The older brother says, " I think it's time we started cussin'. When we go in for breakfast I'm going to say hell and you say ***.
The younger brother nods his head in agreement.
So their mom calls them in and they sit at the table. She asks them what they would like for breakfast.
The 4 year old says. "ah hell mom, just give me Cheerios"
The mom gasps and smacks him out of the chair. The boy runs upstairs with his mom right behind him. You can hear the boy being spanked and crying all the way down into the kitchen.
The mom returns after a couple of minutes and glares at the 3 year old..."and what do you want for breakfast?
The 3 year old says, " well you can bet your *** it ain't Cheerios!"
I love Hillary's treason?
That's Hillary in the middle.
You love Hillary and Bush's Son? Did they Date?
That's Hillary in the middle.
It would be better if it said, "You can take Salem out of the country, but you can't take the country out of Salem"."I love country music."
