A question of opinion

[Master of Blades]

This is more an opinion question then anything else.


ANYWAY.......On my Class on Monday all was going well. I had done the drills successfully until I was called over near the end of the lesson to help the higher belts to do Numerado. My teacher was allready over there. He asked me to feed Numerado for him and I did what I remembered. About half way through I got a bit slightly wrong and he lost his temper and continued to do the drill without me moving. It hurt a lot. He then complained and gave me a good shouting and sent me back to what I was doing. By this time I could barely feel my arm. Seeing as he is my teacher I decided that it would be wrong to challenge him as he is the teacher and I am the studant. But outside it was differant, I challenged him as his son. My argument was that although I am the most senior Studant next to Bennet who was not there, that does not mean Im capable of doing Numerado fluently enough to show studants. Ive only done Numerado the entire way through once with Bennet and Ive not had enough time in lessons to practice Numerado. I then started to complain abut why these people who have only been doing Kali for about 2 months are suddanly learning Numerado when they cant even do the angles right! His Argument was that he wanted to get enough people up to a level where he can train with them. He then said that he wants me to be better then everyone else. But how can that be if he leaves me to teach some of the newcomers whatever and lets these people who havnt even learnt Heaven Standard Earth yet do stuff I need to be doing for my grading. After he saw my arm he apoligised and promised to give me more practice and I think I made him realise that he was slightly wrong.

But that is what Im asking you guys, was I wrong to challenge him or should I have left it?

 

[Phil Elmore]

If you were not related to him, I'd say it was time to leave that school, because a teacher who treated a student that way wouldn't be a very good teacher, in my opinion.

As he's you're father, however, the situation is a bit more complex. On the job or in training, fathers will treat their sons in ways -- will abuse their sons in ways -- that would never be tolerated from others. I used to work for my father, and had he treated a regular employee the way he treated me, he'd have lost that employee pretty quickly. The difference in attitude was very real.

It's a fact that mutual respect between fathers and sons is much harder to develop, and takes longer to build, than between unrelated people. You're struggling to overcome years worth of a dynamic that is much different.

 

[Master of Blades]

I see where your coming from but you do understand that he did have a real hard training when he did Hapkido. According to everyone I have met who he did Hapkido with, every week someone was put in hospital by his Korean Army Instructors. One time he asked Master Hur I think it was to explain something again and he thought that my dad was being cheaky, he hit him hard enough to collapse a lung. His Kali instructor was pretty bad too. He made them trian with real knifes for a while. But you also have to understand that the only way Im gonna get better is if it gets harder. But before it gets harder I would rather I can do it right then just be able to withstand getting whacked. I respect my father and he respects me and I wouldnt have him teach me any other way. I just find it unfair how he runs his class and expects me to get better by humiliating me in front of lower belts and not allowing me to practice stuff that I should be doing by now.

 

[Yari]

Originally posted by Master of Blades

I just find it unfair how he runs his class and expects me to get better by humiliating me in front of lower belts and not allowing me to practice stuff that I should be doing by now.

Maybe you have your answer there? Have you put it to him the way you write it here? But this is if the humiliation was misplaced.

If it was to teach you something ( I can't be the judge of that , since I'm an outsider), you still can respectfully ask?


I gotta agree on this being a complex situation. Your father also 'knows' that he can press you, and were he can press you. Hopefully he also knows how much and when.

/Yari

 

[Phil Elmore]

There's a difference between training hard and being abused.

My Wing Chun instructor delivers a Pak Sao sharp enough to leave red marks on my arm that take a few days to go away. But in chatting about contact and training, he was quick to say: "If you walk into a school where they line you up and punch you to teach you to take a punch, leave. That's not what you're looking for."

Humiliation and deliberate infliction of pain for pain's sake strike me as abuse.

 

[meni]

Originally posted by Sharp Phil

There's a difference between training hard and being abused.

My Wing Chun instructor delivers a Pak Sao sharp enough to leave red marks on my arm that take a few days to go away. But in chatting about contact and training, he was quick to say: "If you walk into a school where they line you up and punch you to teach you to take a punch, leave. That's not what you're looking for."

Humiliation and deliberate infliction of pain for pain's sake strike me as abuse.

and in addition its doesn't prepare you any better
just make you wonder what the purpose?

 

[Bod]

I think your dad has hopes for you and for his school, which may be a bit to live up to if you only train during regular practice.

See if you can persuade him to teach you forms between classes so that you can be better prepared as a senior student.

It'll be good for both of you, and you may be able to develop your son - father - student - teacher relationship in a way that would be difficult within the confines of the school.

 

[Master of Blades]

I think you have misunderstood me. Sure he hits hard but he doesnt hit us hard just for hards sake. I love what I do and hes a great teacher I think we just both got a bit angry because he expected me to know something that in my opinion I shouldnt be expected to know.