eHarmony Off Topic Posts Split

[Chris Parker]

rdonovan1, there is nothing that I can see in JKS's post that indicates suggesting anything of the kind (nor anything in any of my posts that suggests a less-than positive mental attitude, nor really anything in any pots that you have read similar ideas into at all. Ever). As he actually does say, look ot yourself. You are reading fantasies in other peoples posts, you are constantly complaining about people taking advantage of you and scamming you, seriously, you are the issue. No tact anymore, you are the issue.

In everything you have said you seem to have missed the point by being blinded by your very skewed vision, and have refused to take anything you have been offered freely on board. Your comments about Hitler and Nazi Germany being his "gang" is frankly so far out of touch that I can only believe that it is a very unfortunate choice of words and an attempt to make light of a serious situation. Oh, and might I suggest that you aren't the only person to have read the same texts, studied the same things, or heard of the same comedians. Some of this is just common life experience, you know, and suggesting that we look up the performances of Robin Williams is a little weird. Seriously, get a clue. You haven't got anywhere near one yet.

 

[blindsage]

The game is human nature and it is very, very real. It applies not only to the dating scene, but also to a person's business and personal life and it is proven by things like psychology, the business world, and even by the martial arts. It is millions of years old and cannot be argued with at all. Trying to argue with it is a lot like trying to argue with the weather as both the weather and people can be very, very unpredictable at times.

If human nature did not exist then where do comedians get much of their material from? Comedy according to one book that I read a long time ago is a combination of truth and pain and that is what tends to make comedians so damn funny. If you have never seen a comedian like George Carlin, George Lopez, Robin Williams, Chris Rock, or any of the others that are out there, then I would strongly suggest that you either go to a comedy club or that you get yourself some stuff from people like Jeff Foxworthy, Bill Engvall, Ron White, Larry the Cable Guy, or any of the others that are out there and listen to some of their stuff. When you are done listening to some of their stuff, then go out into the world and check to see as to just how much of it is really true and as to how much of it is false. More often than not you will find that what they are saying is true.

People who claim that people do not operate on instinct and emotion are very, very naive because if it weren't for things like your desire to acquire, to bond, to learn and to defend then you would not have what you have now nor would you even be alive.

Just earlier this morning I was watching a television program on the History Channel about how money is made and much of what they were talking about related to the human emotion called greed and according to them it is because of that greed that people have tried to become counterfeiter's and some of them have been very successfull at it. They also talked about how the governments of the world have made numerous changes to the way money is made so that it is extremely difficult to produce on your own.

In one section of the show they mentioned that Australia for example has done away with paper money and has now come up with a form of money that tends to look a lot like a credit card. They did not go into detail about how Australian money is made as their primary focus was on how the British Pound and the American Dollar were made.

They also stated that counterfeiter's have done a lot to undermine the confidence of people in the Pound and the Dollar due to their activities. At one time in the 1800's things were so bad that the entire American economy was on the verge of collapse because counterfeiting was so rampant.

They also stated that as late as 1974 there was one guy in England that was producing British Pound notes so perfect that it greatly alarmed the Bank of England. The only thing that it was missing was a metal strip in it. If the bills that he had been making had had the metal strip in it, then the bills most likely would have fooled even the Bank of England according to them. It was a very interesting show to watch to say the least.

Nope, sorry, there is no game. I'm not really sure what the rest of the rambling in this post is suppose to be about, but it doesn't make your point.

There is no game. You've learned the wrong thing from your experience and your readings. Until you stop thinking in these terms none of your efforts towards growth and self-advancement will have any fruit.

And remember...

there is no game.

 

[KELLYG]

rdonovan1

After reading through this post is seems to me that you are trying way to hard. A simple conversation about e harmony end up with Hitler, How money is made, and about "the game", how you got fired from a job etc. Something so simple got complicated so quickly that it is unintelligible. If this is "your game" it simply will not work. Dude just chill.

 

[Tez3]

Pound notes went out of circulation here in 1984, we have pound coins now.
Mr Donovan, I'm not being rude here but have you ever had a thought you didn't share?

Ok I've thought about this a lot and decided to ask you publically as I think after all we've read and posted we probably deserve an honest answer so we can understand. Please don't be offended but has anyone ever diagnosed you with with anything like an autistic problem? is it likely that you may have something like Asbergers. I know thats a big thing to write and to think about but really I'm not trying to be offensive or intrusive but trust me your posts read very much as if you don't understand a lot about human interaction and you are trying so hard to understand. The people here are really trying to help you and are showing huge patience you won't find many places tbh. if we can continue to help because there's a problem we will but we need to understand what the problem is first. Take this is meaning well even if it sounds clumsy and it's by no means any sort of accusation, it's just so we can understand better so I apologise if it upsets you.

 

[Xue Sheng]

rdonovan1

Where to start

It is not a game and if you treat it as such remember you get what you play for.

As to fault and 50/50 I have learned there are 3 sides to every story, what person A believes happened from his or her POV what person B believes happened form his or her POV and somewhere in the middle is what actually happened. All one can do is take responsibility for their part, deal with it and move on.

As to getting back an ex anything...they are ex for a reason and you are best keeping them that way. As long as you pine for someone else you will find exactly what you are looking for, depression and self-pity.

I have been married and divorced. later engaged and broken up (I was engaged to a woman whose ex-husband made considerably more money than me and the guy she is now married to makes less than both of us so money is not everything to all people) and when I finally got absolutely fed up with the whole mess and decided that being single was what I was going to be and what I wanted to be I was introduced to a wonderful woman that is now my wife. You never know if and when you will meet somebody but if you spend your time whining about it you will put EVERYONE off in the first 15 seconds of any conversation that is assuming it gets that far.

As to weather and people being very, very unpredictable; yup, big deal, so what, stop worrying about it and get over it.

As to using comedians as life guides and philosophers; Don't, stop it, it is just plain silly. It makes as much sense as using an Oliver stone movie as a historical reference for a doctoral thesis

As to Australia doing away with paper money; if you go swimming off Australia one of the many species of man-eating shark that is there will not care and neither do I and I fail to see who this applies to your situation?

Personal questions and if you do not wish to answer then by all means don't; how long have you been divorced?



To the OP,

I never used eHarmony but I was considering it just prior to me deciding I was better off single.

 

[rdonovan1]

Pound notes went out of circulation here in 1984, we have pound coins now.
Mr Donovan, I'm not being rude here but have you ever had a thought you didn't share?

Ok I've thought about this a lot and decided to ask you publically as I think after all we've read and posted we probably deserve an honest answer so we can understand. Please don't be offended but has anyone ever diagnosed you with with anything like an autistic problem? is it likely that you may have something like Asbergers. I know thats a big thing to write and to think about but really I'm not trying to be offensive or intrusive but trust me your posts read very much as if you don't understand a lot about human interaction and you are trying so hard to understand. The people here are really trying to help you and are showing huge patience you won't find many places tbh. if we can continue to help because there's a problem we will but we need to understand what the problem is first. Take this is meaning well even if it sounds clumsy and it's by no means any sort of accusation, it's just so we can understand better so I apologise if it upsets you.

I found nothing in your post offensive at all and to answer your question I don't have anything like autism or anything like that. My problem is that I just am not a very trusting person at all because I have been lied to and hurt so many times by so many people that it is very difficult for me to trust anyone anymore.

I have trusted people both online and offline on multiple occasions, but instead of positive things happening all I got in return was crap and it was not just from men, but from women as well.

One example that I can give you is of a time when I was out in Ontario, California at a TA truckstop. I was sitting on what was called party row one night when I was approached by a girl who was what we in the trucking industry call a lot lizard. To other people she would be called either a hooker or a prostitute. What you choose to call it is up to you.

Like most guys at the time and like most truck drivers I was of course feeling more than a little sexually frustrated at the time and I agreed to let her into my truck. The deal was and as it normally is in that kind of situation that the guy would give the girl money for sexual intercourse or something else of a sexual nature prior to them begining.

I being stupid at the time followed the SOP and gave this one girl the money thinking that I was going to get some in return. Once I gave her the money, she promptly told me that she needed to go take care of something and that she would be right back. Being the fool and the idiot that I was at the time I believed her and I let her go and take care of what she needed to take care of. She never came back at all.

Because of that and because of what I had been learning from people like Ross Jeffries, Mystery, and other's and because of a previous failed relationship that I had with a woman in 1987 I decided that I would do whatever it took to change myself so that I was not as gullable and so that I could be the type of man that I believe I should have been with the girl that I knew in 1987 and as a result I have just simply decided that I would change both myself and my life around for the positive so that I am being more of the man that women want and need in their lives, but don't get very often.

Because of that decision I have been doing everything that I could to not only attack and confront all of my fears and phobia's that might be holding me back from accomplishing my goal, but I have also tried very hard to learn from all of my past mistakes with women and while I don't have all of the answers I have at least learned quite a lot about both myself and the opposite sex.

 

[rdonovan1]

rdonovan1. Jeez, dude, I don't even know where to start with all of this. Your game ideas are way off, that's why there's no success. You have not taken any self-editing on board at all, and really don't know when to stop talking about something that is not appropriate for here. But if you want to know, you are sub-comming neediness and a fair degree of desperation, no fun, and no confidence. That sets off the defences, including b.shields and s.tests, and you don't know how to deal with them. Your interpretation of "acting uninterested" is off base as well, so forget it. Your priority needs to be just being the kind of guy people want to be around, men and women, so forget the tech, you're missing too much for it to work.

And McDonald's advertising worked on you? And you're upset about that? Get some willpower! But the concept behind the ads are not Pavlovian, so bringing Pavlov into it was a little off as well. That is about trained responces, the concept of the ads is the generation of an emotional responce in order to sell burgers. Now, if you were guided to buy a burger every time you heard the jingle, to avoid a punishment or to be rewarded, then that would be the work of Pavlov. The rest is just advertising, man, get over it. Your take on the unconscious is very limited, and in these cases a little knowledge can be a dangerous thing.

As to your former friends wife, honestly I think you are only giving a small part of the story here. I cannot see anyway that washing CDs in a sink (in a sink? What on earth for? All you're going to do is ruin the discs!) could be interpreted as a pick-up technique, so what was said, and how did you answer, that'll probably be more enlightening here. I'm not convinced of either side right now.

But back to topic, Lone Rider, I wish you the best in your search. Just remember to keep your eyes open, and not expect anything more than some new people to meet and talk to, and allow things to go from there. There are things that can help, but that's not important for you right now. As with rdonovan1, just get into the swing of meeting new people, enjoy their company, see if you click, and take it as it comes. Oh, and avoid the whole dinner date thing. Go for coffee instead.

I don't know what lead you to decide that you wanted to study about things like seduction, attraction, women, gender differences, the dating scene and other related topics, but for me it was all because I believed that I was such an ignorant and complete bonehead with women that it was causing me to lose the interest of women that I did meet.

A lot of that was because I just did not know what the heck I was doing and I believe that is a big reason as to why I lost the girl that I knew in 1987.

I know that she loved me and I loved her with all of my heart, but because I was stupid and ignorant I did not tell her how I really felt about her at all nor did I really listen to anything that she had to say.

Instead of listen and being attentive to her needs and wants while at the same time paying attention to myself I let my arrogance and ignorance take over and because of that I not only failed to communicate to her how I really felt about her, but I also was very insensitive to her needs and wants and I believe that it is because of that insensitivity towards her that she decided to end the relationship with me.

Like a lot of people out there I went off half cocked believing that I had all the answers and that I could not learn anything new and because of that attitude as well as my overall lack of knowledge about women I lost her.

I know that I can't go back in time and fix any of my mistakes, but what I can do is I can learn from that experience as well from my interactions with other women by trying to figure out what I did right and wrong so that I am not making the same mistakes again with women.

I am not going to say that I have all of the answers at all because I sure as heck don't, but over the years I have learned quite a lot about women and as to how they really think and act both from studying from many of the same sources that you have, but also from my own personal studies and observations.

Over the years however and due to what I have learned from people like Ross, Mystery, and others I have learned to pay very strict attention to the subleties in life and to keep my eye open for potential patterns that a girl might give me that she is interested in me.

Unlike guys, women in general are just not going to walk right up to you and ask you if you want to go to bed with them because of the stereotypes and gender roles that we tend to assign to both men and women.

I have also learned that while both men and women tend to think about things like sex in equal amounts, men tend to think about it much more and more openly than women do and men in fact are even encouraged by our society to talk about their alleged sexual conquests.

Women on the other hand are discouraged by society to talk about such things or to even engage in sex before marriage because if they do then society can and will label that woman a slut and that is term that most women do not want to be associated with at all and that along with the fact that women know that if they were to have sexual relations with a man can result in them in being pregnant and that is why women tend to think more in terms about things like romance, whereas men for the most part really could care less about things like romance.

I learned this not only from people like Ross and Major Mark, but from my own personal studies and from women that I have talked to in real life.

At one point I was told by one girl that I knew and that I had had sexual relations with that women can and do think about sex just as much as men do. I did not know that until this girl told me that.

I however did not come to this forum to talk about stuff like that at all. I came here to talk about things relating to the martial arts, security and self defense. Yes, part of it does relate to male/female relationships as I know for a fact that jealousy can and does play a big part in how relationships are either made or not made.

Sometimes that jealousy can be on the part of women and that is why you tend to see women getting into cat fights over men, but men do the same thing as well and that is why you oftentimes see men, espcially the big guys that look like Arnold Swarchenagger coming up to you and trying to fight you just because you might happen to look in the direction of some girl or just because you might even try to be friendly by talking with the girl and that is the where the martial arts comes in to play as well as the whole concept of security and self defense.

I also know that both men and women can and do lie to one another on a regular basis and that again is another self defense situation as a person needs to be actively thinking on their feet so that if a girl for example calls you a name, you can and you will be smart enough to come up with a good comeback that is both a backhanded compliment and humorous.

Whether we like it or not women tend to be better at verbal games than men are and as a result they are generally good at hurling insults and other related things at people and that is proven by things like psychology.

Men on the other hand really don't care. If for example you are a man and you insult another man or if you invade his personal space then you can expect him to get up pound on your face because guys are just naturally much more aggressive and violent than women are.

This all goes back to our evolutionary days and it can and does tend to make a whole lot of sense when you really stop and think about it all.

 

[rdonovan1]

rdonovan1

Where to start

It is not a game and if you treat it as such remember you get what you play for.

As to fault and 50/50 I have learned there are 3 sides to every story, what person A believes happened from his or her POV what person B believes happened form his or her POV and somewhere in the middle is what actually happened. All one can do is take responsibility for their part, deal with it and move on.

As to getting back an ex anything...they are ex for a reason and you are best keeping them that way. As long as you pine for someone else you will find exactly what you are looking for, depression and self-pity.

I have been married and divorced. later engaged and broken up (I was engaged to a woman whose ex-husband made considerably more money than me and the guy she is now married to makes less than both of us so money is not everything to all people) and when I finally got absolutely fed up with the whole mess and decided that being single was what I was going to be and what I wanted to be I was introduced to a wonderful woman that is now my wife. You never know if and when you will meet somebody but if you spend your time whining about it you will put EVERYONE off in the first 15 seconds of any conversation that is assuming it gets that far.

As to weather and people being very, very unpredictable; yup, big deal, so what, stop worrying about it and get over it.

As to using comedians as life guides and philosophers; Don't, stop it, it is just plain silly. It makes as much sense as using an Oliver stone movie as a historical reference for a doctoral thesis

As to Australia doing away with paper money; if you go swimming off Australia one of the many species of man-eating shark that is there will not care and neither do I and I fail to see who this applies to your situation?

Personal questions and if you do not wish to answer then by all means don't; how long have you been divorced?



To the OP,

I never used eHarmony but I was considering it just prior to me deciding I was better off single.

I've been married before myself to a woman that I probably should not have gotten married to, but for some reason did.

Both me and her agreed that we were not really physically attracted to one other and that we tended to make better friends than lovers.

Why we ended up getting married is something of mystery to me still, but I suspect that it was probably an issue of desperation on both of our parts, but at the moment I just can't prove that as of yet. There may be more to it than that as well, but that is my overall theory.

 

[Chris Parker]

Okay rdonovan1, I'm going to try this one last time.

Stop talking about game and your studies there. I would actually advise you to stop studying it at all, as you have really missed everything there. Oh, and the approach I take is the study of masculinity. Much more far reaching than studying seduction... Your habit of talking about your sexual events (and non events) will only serve to alienate other members here. As I have said since my first post to you here, this is not the place. So stop.

You have also missed the basic concepts of NLP and everything else you have discussed, if you are looking for "patterns" that indicate a woman is interested, you have completely crossed your wires. A pattern is a conscious sequence of events (words, phrases, gestures) designed to generate a responce, and a person (woman, man, or indifferent), if giving you a pattern, is not showing interest. There are signs you can become aware of, most including things like is she talking to you, or walking away. No pattern here, just human nature.

If you think there is any "proof" in psychology, you haven't understood it either. Psychology is refered to as a "soft" science, as it is more theory than anything else, and therefore not something that can offer proof. So using it to back up any claim because it is "proven" by psychology isn't really true.

Now, while I am all for everyone doing all they can to improve themselves in each and every way they can, I would remind you that what you are studying is not what others are interested in, or needing in their lives. Game is probably the best example here, not all the guys here need, want, or are interested in that area at all. Many are happily married, or in great relationships, or simply don't find that there is a lack, so telling them all that they need to study this, or anything else, is going to come across as presumptive, arrogant, or downright offensive to many reading your posts.

And true to my words, I support anyone who wants to improve themselves, but I am going to strongly suggest that you cut back severely on your readings and self-study. They have only added to your vocabulary, but not to your understanding, so they are actually doing more damage than good. Same with martial arts. Don't even try to learn from tapes/videos/DVDs without a teacher.

But I don't like leaving things without giving you an alternative, so this is my advise. Get a social circle. Get used to being around people you can relax around, and be more used to socially interacting with them. Forget analysing them, forget checking off body language triggers and key phrases, it's getting in the way, and that is what is leaving you open to being scammed. Like I've said since day one with you, your social calibration is off, and that needs to be addressed before you can move on to anything else.

Because this:

"Over the years however and due to what I have learned from people like Ross, Mystery, and others I have learned to pay very strict attention to the subleties in life and to keep my eye open for potential patterns that a girl might give me that she is interested in me.

Unlike guys, women in general are just not going to walk right up to you and ask you if you want to go to bed with them because of the stereotypes and gender roles that we tend to assign to both men and women.

I have also learned that while both men and women tend to think about things like sex in equal amounts, men tend to think about it much more and more openly than women do and men in fact are even encouraged by our society to talk about their alleged sexual conquests.

Women on the other hand are discouraged by society to talk about such things or to even engage in sex before marriage because if they do then society can and will label that woman a slut and that is term that most women do not want to be associated with at all and that along with the fact that women know that if they were to have sexual relations with a man can result in them in being pregnant and that is why women tend to think more in terms about things like romance, whereas men for the most part really could care less about things like romance.

I learned this not only from people like Ross and Major Mark, but from my own personal studies and from women that I have talked to in real life.

At one point I was told by one girl that I knew and that I had had sexual relations with that women can and do think about sex just as much as men do. I did not know that until this girl told me that.

I however did not come to this forum to talk about stuff like that at all. I came here to talk about things relating to the martial arts, security and self defense. Yes, part of it does relate to male/female relationships as I know for a fact that jealousy can and does play a big part in how relationships are either made or not made.

Sometimes that jealousy can be on the part of women and that is why you tend to see women getting into cat fights over men, but men do the same thing as well and that is why you oftentimes see men, espcially the big guys that look like Arnold Swarchenagger coming up to you and trying to fight you just because you might happen to look in the direction of some girl or just because you might even try to be friendly by talking with the girl and that is the where the martial arts comes in to play as well as the whole concept of security and self defense.

I also know that both men and women can and do lie to one another on a regular basis and that again is another self defense situation as a person needs to be actively thinking on their feet so that if a girl for example calls you a name, you can and you will be smart enough to come up with a good comeback that is both a backhanded compliment and humorous."

is completely off base, and should never have been brought here. Not part of the discussion. I won't go into how wrong some of this is here, but know that it is.

 

[Ken Morgan]

RDonovan1,You have to be at least in your 40’s, you do MA, you have a job, and you have trouble trusting people because you’ve been screwed in the past. You sound like dozens of us here on this particular forum. What makes the rest of us different is that we can let go of the control the past had on us. We’ve all been screwed around, cheated to, lied to, but we’re not obsessed with keeping it in the forefront of our minds.

Example. That little witch who embarrassed you in High school? She’s a size 16 now, doing a mindless job somewhere wondering how her life got all screwed up. It was 25 years ago, forget her, you’re never going to see her again in your life.

Forget the past, OK? Just toss it all out the window and start yourself from a clean slate. Don’t listen to your idiotic friends, don’t question every little look a woman gives you, and don’t be so bloody judgmental with everyone.

You’re over analyzing the little bits and the big bits way, way too much. Stop it.

If you come across as damaged or needy or clingy, a woman will run the other way, very quickly. A man in a similar situation will do the same thing.

In addition to all the other advice given here and on other threads, you need to be confident when you talk to women, not cocky, not boorish, not a braggart but confident in whom you are. That is the real 1st secret. Act like you have a clue and that you are in control of your life and everything around you.

2nd secret, make em laugh. Don’t belittle people, don’t mock others, but gently tease her, and most importantly laugh about yourself, laugh at a stupid situation you got yourself into. Don’t take life too seriously.

3rd secret, don’t go out looking for a relationship. Go out looking for a friend. Once the initial honeymoon stage is over, you’d better have something else in common.

Lastly. Yes, manners are important, as is physical appearance, as is being attentive, as is being romantic, but do not go overboard on them and honestly at this stage, I won’t worry overly much about them.

 

[rdonovan1]

Okay rdonovan1, I'm going to try this one last time.

Stop talking about game and your studies there. I would actually advise you to stop studying it at all, as you have really missed everything there. Oh, and the approach I take is the study of masculinity. Much more far reaching than studying seduction... Your habit of talking about your sexual events (and non events) will only serve to alienate other members here. As I have said since my first post to you here, this is not the place. So stop.

You have also missed the basic concepts of NLP and everything else you have discussed, if you are looking for "patterns" that indicate a woman is interested, you have completely crossed your wires. A pattern is a conscious sequence of events (words, phrases, gestures) designed to generate a responce, and a person (woman, man, or indifferent), if giving you a pattern, is not showing interest. There are signs you can become aware of, most including things like is she talking to you, or walking away. No pattern here, just human nature.

If you think there is any "proof" in psychology, you haven't understood it either. Psychology is refered to as a "soft" science, as it is more theory than anything else, and therefore not something that can offer proof. So using it to back up any claim because it is "proven" by psychology isn't really true.

Now, while I am all for everyone doing all they can to improve themselves in each and every way they can, I would remind you that what you are studying is not what others are interested in, or needing in their lives. Game is probably the best example here, not all the guys here need, want, or are interested in that area at all. Many are happily married, or in great relationships, or simply don't find that there is a lack, so telling them all that they need to study this, or anything else, is going to come across as presumptive, arrogant, or downright offensive to many reading your posts.

And true to my words, I support anyone who wants to improve themselves, but I am going to strongly suggest that you cut back severely on your readings and self-study. They have only added to your vocabulary, but not to your understanding, so they are actually doing more damage than good. Same with martial arts. Don't even try to learn from tapes/videos/DVDs without a teacher.

But I don't like leaving things without giving you an alternative, so this is my advise. Get a social circle. Get used to being around people you can relax around, and be more used to socially interacting with them. Forget analysing them, forget checking off body language triggers and key phrases, it's getting in the way, and that is what is leaving you open to being scammed. Like I've said since day one with you, your social calibration is off, and that needs to be addressed before you can move on to anything else.

Because this:

"Over the years however and due to what I have learned from people like Ross, Mystery, and others I have learned to pay very strict attention to the subleties in life and to keep my eye open for potential patterns that a girl might give me that she is interested in me.

Unlike guys, women in general are just not going to walk right up to you and ask you if you want to go to bed with them because of the stereotypes and gender roles that we tend to assign to both men and women.

I have also learned that while both men and women tend to think about things like sex in equal amounts, men tend to think about it much more and more openly than women do and men in fact are even encouraged by our society to talk about their alleged sexual conquests.

Women on the other hand are discouraged by society to talk about such things or to even engage in sex before marriage because if they do then society can and will label that woman a slut and that is term that most women do not want to be associated with at all and that along with the fact that women know that if they were to have sexual relations with a man can result in them in being pregnant and that is why women tend to think more in terms about things like romance, whereas men for the most part really could care less about things like romance.

I learned this not only from people like Ross and Major Mark, but from my own personal studies and from women that I have talked to in real life.

At one point I was told by one girl that I knew and that I had had sexual relations with that women can and do think about sex just as much as men do. I did not know that until this girl told me that.

I however did not come to this forum to talk about stuff like that at all. I came here to talk about things relating to the martial arts, security and self defense. Yes, part of it does relate to male/female relationships as I know for a fact that jealousy can and does play a big part in how relationships are either made or not made.

Sometimes that jealousy can be on the part of women and that is why you tend to see women getting into cat fights over men, but men do the same thing as well and that is why you oftentimes see men, espcially the big guys that look like Arnold Swarchenagger coming up to you and trying to fight you just because you might happen to look in the direction of some girl or just because you might even try to be friendly by talking with the girl and that is the where the martial arts comes in to play as well as the whole concept of security and self defense.

I also know that both men and women can and do lie to one another on a regular basis and that again is another self defense situation as a person needs to be actively thinking on their feet so that if a girl for example calls you a name, you can and you will be smart enough to come up with a good comeback that is both a backhanded compliment and humorous."

is completely off base, and should never have been brought here. Not part of the discussion. I won't go into how wrong some of this is here, but know that it is.

I am not approaching things on this forum from a seduction, attraction, or dating point of view.

I am approaching things from a security and business point of view because right now that is where I am weak in.

I am only stating what my experiences are and as to some of what I have studied. Everything that I started studying relating to seduction, attraction, and dating has lead me into studying business and things like sales and marketing.

Because of some of the stuff that David D. talked about and because of the fact that I was an over the road truck driver for a long time I started studying ways in which to take some of the concepts that I had been learning from the seduction community and applying them to things like business, sales and marketing and that is what I am focusing on the most right now.

All of the online romance scams that I became a part of started because I wanted to practice what I had been learning from the seduction community, but in the process instead of meeting real and decent women online I have run into a lot of people that were either crazy or scammers.

My approach to things right now is on setting up basic security and in doing that will enhance things like how I feel about myself both in business context and in a personal sense.

Part of the personal issue is in my ability to defend and protect myself not only in business situations, but also in personal situations as well and not just from a physical standpoint, but also from a mental standpoint and it is not related to just women, but to men also as I have not only been accused by people for things that I haven't done at all, but I have also have had things stolen from me, my car vandalized, and I have even had one girl in my neighborhood steal my necklace from my neck because I would not take her somewhere in my car.

As far as I am concerned I am not the grocery store, the phone company, a taxi service, or even a cigarette shop.

Just recently I ran into a situation in my neighborhood that kind of concerned me in which some guys from across the courtyard had asked me for a cigarette. I told them that I did not have any because I don't like giving out things to people and not getting anything in return.

One of the guys came up so close to me that I felt that my personal space was being invaded and as a result I really started to think that I was going to have to deliver a back kick to the guy.

Because of the vandalism and attempted thefts of my car I have kind of wished that there was some way of putting something like a Cobra or a rattlesnake in my car just to keep my car from being broken into.

I don't know about you, but I personally think that if a person were to see something like a Cobra in a car then they would definitely not want to even try to break into the car because I personally think that they would have a very difficult time explaining to both the doctors and to the cops as to how they got bitten.

It's not a bad idea, but there are problems with that idea. Two of the big problems that I see with them are the law and of course the problem of as to how you would prevent the Cobra or rattlesnake from bitting you when you decided that you needed to go somewhere. Of the two idea's I think that the Cobra would be the best deterent because of it's classical dance that it does with it's hood open.

I don't know about you, but I can just imagine the kind of conversation that might occur between a thief, the doctor and the police when asked as to how he got bitten.

In my mind the conversation would be something along the lines of 'I got bit while trying to steal a car'. Ok, now maybe I am wrong, but I personally think that would be more than enough evidence for the cops to want to take the guy into custody once he is well enough to do so. Assuming that the snake did bite him and did not just happen to scare the living tar out of him.

Because of everything that I have experienced and seen I have become a very, very skeptical person and as such I just don't believe everything that everyone says. At the same time however I try to look for the good in people and because of what I have studied relating to NLP I tend to believe that anything you put your mind to is possible.

Because of some of the people that I have run across in the past and because of my interest in the whole dating, mating and relating game I have also started to study things like psychology and the enneagram and according to psychologists all people are crazy and in severe need of medication.

I personally think that they are the ones that are crazy and that they are completely missing the big picture as they are not taking into account things like culture and personality at all into their equation. All that they are doing is looking for the negative and are not taking into account that some of people's behavior is and can be attributed to how they think and feel about themselve's and other's as well their environment.

Simple common sense says that if you take the average person and put them in some place where there is high crime then fear can and will take over and that can cause them to potentially fight. That is the fight or flight syndrome.

Those same emotions and instincts also effect and influence how people think and act in other situations as well and that is what I have been saying all along.

If for example you go to a comedy club with some friends that you know and trust or you are in an environment in which you feel you will not be adversely judged for being yourself then it is a lot easier for you to open up and to share things with friends and family like your thoughts, dreams, attitudes, and opinions about certain things and it is also generally a lot easier for you to be able to feel comfortable doing things like laughing and making jokes.

I've also learned that things like NLP can be used in business situations to help to overcome objections because people tend to think very negative and I have personally experienced that myself in various situations.

One such situation was a job interview that I was in for a job in which I was being interviewed by a woman. This occured on more than one occasion. In one case I was asked to sell the woman a hypothetical car, yet the job did not have anything to do with selling cars. The job that I was at that time applying for was that of a customer service representative at Victoria's Secret Direct in their call center here in New Mexico.

I did not get the job because I failed to ask her the right questions that would get her to picture the car in her mind and as to what was important to her in a car in terms of features and amenities. Had I been better with my questioning at the time then it is very possible that I could have talked her into wanting to by the hypothetical car and into wanting to hire me for the job.

 

[rdonovan1]

RDonovan1,You have to be at least in your 40’s, you do MA, you have a job, and you have trouble trusting people because you’ve been screwed in the past. You sound like dozens of us here on this particular forum. What makes the rest of us different is that we can let go of the control the past had on us. We’ve all been screwed around, cheated to, lied to, but we’re not obsessed with keeping it in the forefront of our minds.

Example. That little witch who embarrassed you in High school? She’s a size 16 now, doing a mindless job somewhere wondering how her life got all screwed up. It was 25 years ago, forget her, you’re never going to see her again in your life.

Forget the past, OK? Just toss it all out the window and start yourself from a clean slate. Don’t listen to your idiotic friends, don’t question every little look a woman gives you, and don’t be so bloody judgmental with everyone.

You’re over analyzing the little bits and the big bits way, way too much. Stop it.

If you come across as damaged or needy or clingy, a woman will run the other way, very quickly. A man in a similar situation will do the same thing.

In addition to all the other advice given here and on other threads, you need to be confident when you talk to women, not cocky, not boorish, not a braggart but confident in whom you are. That is the real 1st secret. Act like you have a clue and that you are in control of your life and everything around you.

2nd secret, make em laugh. Don’t belittle people, don’t mock others, but gently tease her, and most importantly laugh about yourself, laugh at a stupid situation you got yourself into. Don’t take life too seriously.

3rd secret, don’t go out looking for a relationship. Go out looking for a friend. Once the initial honeymoon stage is over, you’d better have something else in common.

Lastly. Yes, manners are important, as is physical appearance, as is being attentive, as is being romantic, but do not go overboard on them and honestly at this stage, I won’t worry overly much about them.

The only thing that I am doing with that relationship is trying to learn from it so that I am not making the same mistakes again in the future.

I am also trying to learn from my other interactions with both men and women so that I am not being taken or lied to at all by anyone as I really don'tlike that at all.

I am trying to find ways of making friends, but that is not easy to do because people in my experience tend to be more judgemental than I am.

My sister is one of those people and because of some things that have happened in the past with my family and because of her arrogance and ignorance I along with people like my mother and my aunt are not very happy with her as she tends to think that her crap does not stink.

I don't know why but she tends to act like she is the Queen of England and that really bugs the hell out of me. I've tried to get her to come down off of her high horse, but at the moment she will not budge at all and right now I am very angry and disappointed in and at her because of her overall attitude.

 

[Tez3]

The Queen of England (actually its more than England but I'll let that ride for the sake of the post lol) is actually a very nice lady not in the least stuck up, she has been married for years to a rather difficult man, has seen her family go through the usual things the rest of us go through and still manages to be gracious,private and gets on with life, this probably why most of her subjects actually do love her, she would be a hugely good role model Mr. Donovan for anyone wanting to actually live a life instead of reading about it.

 

[JadecloudAlchemist]

Hi rdonovan1

I understand where you are coming from I think everyone has been in the dumps before.

Two things really strike me concerning your outlook:

1. Over analyzing things

2. Holding on to the past

It sounds to me as if you are building a shell around yourself and act in an unnatural manner to avoid getting hurt again. Though it is understandable it seems counterproductive. You may need professional help in dealing with these issues and learning to accept people as they are without a preconceived notion that they will hurt you in some way. It is a shame to go thru life with the fear that everyone is untrustworthy or out to cause you some form of harm the ability to break free from this cycle may need the additional help of a trained professional. You may want to rethink what people are telling you they may have a point.

 

[JadecloudAlchemist]

Sorry double post

 

[rdonovan1]

The Queen of England (actually its more than England but I'll let that ride for the sake of the post lol) is actually a very nice lady not in the least stuck up, she has been married for years to a rather difficult man, has seen her family go through the usual things the rest of us go through and still manages to be gracious,private and gets on with life, this probably why most of her subjects actually do love her, she would be a hugely good role model Mr. Donovan for anyone wanting to actually live a life instead of reading about it.

It was just an analogy to describe some of the behavior patterns that my sister tends to display towards me and to others.

While I don't know the Queen of England personally I am really starting to think that maybe the Queen of England might be able to teach my sister a few things about charm and manners, but given the way that my sister tends to act I am seriously doubting it as my sister would probably try to tell the Queen of England how to think and act.

That's just how she is and it really makes us angry and frustrated with her.

 

[rdonovan1]

Hi rdonovan1

I understand where you are coming from I think everyone has been in the dumps before.

Two things really strike me concerning your outlook:

1. Over analyzing things

2. Holding on to the past

It sounds to me as if you are building a shell around yourself and act in an unnatural manner to avoid getting hurt again. Though it is understandable it seems counterproductive. You may need professional help in dealing with these issues and learning to accept people as they are without a preconceived notion that they will hurt you in some way. It is a shame to go thru life with the fear that everyone is untrustworthy or out to cause you some form of harm the ability to break free from this cycle may need the additional help of a trained professional. You may want to rethink what people are telling you they may have a point.

I understand what you are saying, but I am not trying to hold on to the past at all. When it comes to my past all that I am trying to do is to learn from it.

As far as therapy and other people are concerned no amount of therapy is going to stop someone from doing things like trying to steal your car or anything else like that nor is it going to change the behavior of people like my sister.

It is not normal thinking to think that there are not people in this world with attitudes, stereotypes, and prejudices that are basically unhealthy. People who think that there are not negative people in this world are either people that are very naive or that have psychological problems of their own.

Of the two I would much rather deal with someone that is naive than with someone with psychological problems because the naive person is capable of recognizing and dealing with reality.

One example of reality comes from a story that I heard yesterday while at the gun firing range from one of the instructors about how they found a big rattlesnake in front of the port a potty.

Supposedly this incident happened last year according to them and supposedly this rattlesnake was blocking access to both of the port a potty units that were there. They however did not say as to how they got rid of the rattlesnake. My guess is that the police had to remove it, but that is just a guess. It's also possible that someone may have shot it with a gun as well considering the incident occured on a firearm firing range.

 

[mook jong man]

I feel like I'm trapped in an episode of The Twilight Zone after reading all this.
Anyhow mate why don't you get yourself a really cute little dog , we got one recently and he's a mixture of Japanese Chin , Pomeranian and Papillon .

He's a beautiful little bloke and women of all ages can't resist him , when I'm out taking him for a walk they'll come up and say "Oh isn't he cute " and I'll reply with "Yeah and the dog's not to bad either".

I'm already married so I'm not looking to start anything with these women I'm just engaging in light hearted banter , basically just being my normal smart **** self.

What I'm getting at is that the little fella is a chick magnet and women don't seem to mind starting conversations with you , specially if there out walking there dog as well.

And believe me its all him , I'm no Brad Pitt , in fact I've got a head like a dropped pie.
If I was by myself they'd see me coming and cross over the other side of the road.

But what I have noticed is that there are ample opportunities for a single man to engage in social interaction with members of the fairer sex , particularly if you take your dog to obedience training at the local dog training club or even some of the parks where dog owners congegrate to let their dogs have a run around off the leash.

I'm not saying for sure you'll get a girlfriend out of it , but its got to be better than trawling stupid internet dating sites and filling your melon with psychobabble crap from books.
Get away from the computer mate , get out in the fresh air , feel the sun on your face and start talking to real people.

 

[Xue Sheng]

rdonovan1

So basically your in a position that you put yourself in do to your current view of relationships and woman and you don't like it but you are unwilling change and have copious excuses and stories to combat anything anyone else says regardless if those excuses or stories apply.

OK then live with it and quit complaining. The only person that can change things is you and until you are will to change and except responsibility you are going to have to live with it.

I'm done, I wish you luck

 

[JadecloudAlchemist]

I understand what you are saying, but I am not trying to hold on to the past at all. When it comes to my past all that I am trying to do is to learn from it.

As far as therapy and other people are concerned no amount of therapy is going to stop someone from doing things like trying to steal your car or anything else like that nor is it going to change the behavior of people like my sister.

It is not normal thinking to think that there are not people in this world with attitudes, stereotypes, and prejudices that are basically unhealthy. People who think that there are not negative people in this world are either people that are very naive or that have psychological problems of their own.

Of the two I would much rather deal with someone that is naive than with someone with psychological problems because the naive person is capable of recognizing and dealing with reality.

One example of reality comes from a story that I heard yesterday while at the gun firing range from one of the instructors about how they found a big rattlesnake in front of the port a potty.

Supposedly this incident happened last year according to them and supposedly this rattlesnake was blocking access to both of the port a potty units that were there. They however did not say as to how they got rid of the rattlesnake. My guess is that the police had to remove it, but that is just a guess. It's also possible that someone may have shot it with a gun as well considering the incident occured on a firearm firing range.

To me you seem more fixated on the past then someone who is learning from it. I understand your anger towards someone breaking into your car it happen to me recently...we all got stories. Yes there are people out there who are untrustworthy,manipulative and so on but that's life rolling with the punches is part of it. I don't know your situations only by what you type on this forum. To me you seem to be one fixated on the past and over analyzing things. You come off as someone who tries to fit a particular form or mold and not acting in a natural manner. This could be the wrong impression and others have said similar things so perhaps the majority have a point? Maybe you are going off on things in a wrong way but you think it is the right way and need a professional to direct you?

Maybe you need to reexamine things look into what everyone else is saying and try to see yourself thru their eyes.