What marriage is like

DeLamar.J

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I have been with my wife for 7 years, and one good way to describe a small part of what a marriage is like is, its like having a clone of myself. I have someone who hurts when I hurt, is happy when Im happy, we get double the ammount of things done, the good times can be double good, and the bad times can be double bad, ect ect, I think you get my drift.
Its like having a best friend to buddy around with you everywhere, but in a romantic way.
A marriage can also be a very bad thing if you rush in to fast. One person can be the best spouse you ever dreamed of, but if the other person isn't trying then it wont work, no matter how perfect you are, or how much you love them. It truly is something that reqires teamwork. As long as you have teamwork a marriage will be great. People in general have a natural habit of just laying back, and letting another person take care of everything if taht person will do it all without complaint. That will leave one person feeling used and taken advantage of. No matter how much your spouse gives and takes care of you, it is a must to try your best to give that back the best you can. A loving spouse will give give and give with a smile, but that loving giving person also wants the same back.
I know that is all common knowledge, but its easy to forget things like that if you get to used to being spoiled all the time. Dont let the spoiling go one way. I have alot more to say but I will let others have a go first, before I fill up the whole page.
I am very interested to hear other peoples view on marriage. I think this is going to be a very interesting thread.
 

exile

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JD---I'll just say this: you are a very, very, very lucky man. Long may it continue to be the way you describe...
 

Flatlander

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I agree completely, James. I think of marriage as a partnership of equals, wherein both parties must necessarily be committed to the happiness and success of the partnership out of mutual love and respect. I also think that a fundamental cornerstone needs to be unconditional love, and that another must be genuine acceptance, and that another must be honesty.

I guess that makes it triangular at the base....
 

zDom

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...but if the other person isn't trying then it wont work, no matter how perfect you are, or how much you love them. It truly is something that reqires teamwork. As long as you have teamwork a marriage will be great....I am very interested to hear other peoples view on marriage. I think this is going to be a very interesting thread.

Both you and your wife chose well.

I have been married since May 1995 and it is now falling completely apart -- we have been living separately for about two years now :( and for exactly the reasons you stated in the above quote.

We love each other very, very much but the TEAMWORK isn't there. And love just really isn't enough -- I simply don't have the energy to take up all the slack.

Congratulations: you are a lucky couple. Really, "luck" doesn't really have anything to do with it: You care enough about each to be good partners, apparently.

My biggest regret is not being able to provide an unbroken home for my children. That truly breaks my heart :tear:
 

Carol

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I agree...it's teamwork, its effort, and it can be rewarding like nothing else in the world. Even though mine didn't last, I don't think negatively about marriage. I guess I still think I can be one of two people that can make it work...someday. :)
 

bydand

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DeLamar, very well said! Teamwork, it can overcome money problems, car problems, school problems, ANY problems. Without teamwork, any small problem can be blown way out of hand and end an otherwise loving relationship. Love may create the bond to begin with, but without teamwork that bond isn't strong enough hold by itself unfortunatly. I am happy to say that I waited until I was 33 years old before finally finding that one woman who was more than just a love interest, she is truely my other half. Teamwork has been a mainstay of our relationship from the beginning and we are closer now than 9 years ago when we both said "I do." Love? by the truckload I am happy to say; Teamwork? also by the truckload.

Excellant thread!
 

SFC JeffJ

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Can't stress the importance of your spouse being your best friend. Been married to my wife for 5 years now(anniversary October 31st), and we lived together for five before that. No one else I'd rather spend time with.

Jeff
 

Lisa

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I have been married for 20 years now and I can only repeat what JeffJ just said. Finding someone that truly accepts you for who you are is rare and should be cherished. We don't always see eye to eye but I can't imagine my life without him. We support each others hobbies and interests and truly enjoy being in each other's company.
 

John Brewer

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I consider myself very lucky to have married somone who is now my best friend. Without the mindset of putting the other person first, I'm sure it wouldn't work nearly as well. Love is not just a feeling, it is a commitment.
 
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DeLamar.J

DeLamar.J

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Both you and your wife chose well.

I have been married since May 1995 and it is now falling completely apart -- we have been living separately for about two years now :( and for exactly the reasons you stated in the above quote.

We love each other very, very much but the TEAMWORK isn't there. And love just really isn't enough -- I simply don't have the energy to take up all the slack.

Congratulations: you are a lucky couple. Really, "luck" doesn't really have anything to do with it: You care enough about each to be good partners, apparently.

My biggest regret is not being able to provide an unbroken home for my children. That truly breaks my heart :tear:
I'm sorry to hear that. Its a shame that the teamwork isnt there on the other end. But at least you know why its not working instead of being confused and heartbroken. Being both at the same time is hell, but if you at least have an understanding of why its all going down hill, it makes it easier to move on.
 

karatekid1975

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Good thread. I'm not "officially" married (will be hopefully next year), but we have lived together for about 5 years. I agree with Jeffj. My boyfriend IS my best friend. We don't make the other do all the work. We share the work. We go everywhere together, we talk a lot, we cook together (one of our fav things is to spend time in the kitchen), we clean together, ect.
 

wee_blondie

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I came close to marriage once - glad now that it never happened; it would have been totally wrong for us both. Single and cynical but hearing others testimonies about what it can be like is inspiring.

Quite content to be on my own for now, but its good to know that there are those out there capable of such compassion and love in a relationship. To be honest, the thought of a long-term relationship scares me a little at the moment; there is one guy that I'm very close to and he's exactly the kind of guy I could fall in love with; but I have a habit of messing things up.... I'll learn one of these days!
 

Rich Parsons

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I have been married for 20 years now and I can only repeat what JeffJ just said. Finding someone that truly accepts you for who you are is rare and should be cherished. We don't always see eye to eye but I can't imagine my life without him. We support each others hobbies and interests and truly enjoy being in each other's company.


Lisa,

I have to agree with you and the others here. I have talked to some women in the last few years and some men as well, that think "True Love" is when the men does anything for the women, or the women does anything for the man, but they do not mention the Acceptance of the other including all their faults and understanding that they will not change (* except maybe get worse *), and when both can work at this, and yes it can be work, then a marriage is possible to succeed.

Sorry for my side step here. :)
 

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