Short Takes on Judo

[Bob Hubbard]

(found on the web)
Judo Techniques You May Not Have Seen Before


die otoshi
-- you know this will be the next throw when you step on your sensei's foot by accident.

nippon sode sasae tsuri komi harai goshi
-- while holding the sleeve you block, lift, pull and sweep the hip, and in the process learn Japanese.

o soto
-- when your spouse puts you in the doghouse after being out too much with your Judo buddies (literally "major outside").

no mind
-- your state of mind when you must get up in front of the class to demonstrate a technique.

kuchi waza
-- what the old-timers practice ("mouth technique").

ouchy mata
-- an attempted uchi mata (inner thigh throw) where the attacking leg comes straight up the middle.

hernia nage
-- variation of ura nage which occurs when uke's weight is at least twice that of tori's.

ouchi gari
-- while performing major inner reaping, the top of tori's head strikes uke's face, thereby adding to the kuzushi (ouch!).

nidan ashi waza
-- 2-legged sprint for cover.

ku ichi ichi
-- one-finger 911 technique.


Please note: "Ouch" is not a Judo term

 

[Bob Hubbard]

Two guys were in a dojo when a mad dog came flying in and attacked the smaller guy. The larger guy grabbed a belt and strangled the dog. A news reporter standing by said, "You're a hero!" He wrote in his notebook the heading "Judo Hero Saves Friend from Savage Dog!"

The guy saw the note and said "I am not a Judo player."

"OK," replied the reporter and he wrote down "Ju Jitsu Hero Saves Friend from Savage Dog!"

The guy replied, "Sorry, but I do Karate."

"OK," said the reporter, then wrote down "Savage Kills Family Pet!!"

 

[Bob Hubbard]

Tommy's dad brought him to his first Judo competition. Noting that the organizers seemed a little shorthanded he approached the table.

"Good morning," he said to the Director, "you look a little shorthanded. Anything I can do to help?"

"Well it just so happens we're short a fighter for the under 90 kg division," the director replied

"Sorry," Tommy's dad said, "I don't know a thing about Judo."

"That's OK" said the director. "We need referees too."

 

[Bob Hubbard]

(found online)
This man wanted to join a masonic order which only accepted Judo players. He went along on initiation night with two other players, a yellow belt, and an orange belt. The man himself was a blue belt, so he was quite hopeful.

"First of all," said worshipful master Sensei, after everyone had made their rei, "you must prove to us how fit you are, how strong you are, and how resourceful you are. To do this, you must run two hundred yards, scale a fifteen foot wall and cross a six foot moat. This will get you into the animal enclosure at the zoo. You will then throw, hold down, and armlock the largest gorilla in the zoo. After this, gentlemen, you must find, seduce and satisfy my daughter."

The initiation started. The yellow belt twisted his ankle during the 200 yard run and dropped out. Then the orange belt fell off the wall into the moat and drowned. The blue belt however forged on, and entered the gorilla's cage.

The walls of the cage themselves seemed to bulge and shake. There were grunts and groans, and the Masons outside looked at each other in trepidation. Eventually the blue belt staggered out, his obi round his neck, his gi tattered, but on his face the most beatific expression.

"Wow," he muttered, "that was something else". He bowed to the worshipful master and said, "OK, Sensei, so where is this girl that you want me to throw, hold down, and armlock?"

 

[Bob Hubbard]

(Found Online)
Three judo wives were having Sunday tea with Father O'Malley and they were becoming fairly boastful about their respective husbands and bragging about who had the best job, the most income, etc. when one of the wives said, "Father my husband has an Orange Belt in judo and is bald on the front of his head. What does that mean?"

"Well my dear, that means that your husband is a great thinker!" "Ah, yes, you are quite right" said the wife very proudly. The second wife then piped up and said, "But father my husband has his Blue Belt in Judo and is going bald on the back of his head. What does that mean?"

Father replied, "That means that your husband is a great lover." "Ah, yes, you are so right." the 2nd wife said shyly. At this point the third wife, not to be outdone, said, "But then father my husband has a Black Belt in Judo and is bald both on the front and back of his head. Now, what does that mean?"

"Well my dear," said father, "that means your husband thinks he's a great lover."

 

[Bob Hubbard]

(Found online)

One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a Judo tournament. Smiling the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I have Kano, Mifune, Kotani, Kimura and all the greatest players up here".
"Yes", snickered the Devil, "but I have all the referees."



What are the three biggest lies told in Judo?

I haven't worked out in a while.
Let's play light.
Oops. I'm sorry.



Why are the US Senior Nationals always so hot?
Because there's hardly a fan in the place.



A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "You can't bring that dog in here."
"You don't understand," says the man. "This is no regular dog, he can talk."
"Listen, pal," says the bartender. "If that dog can talk, I'll give you a hundred bucks."
The man puts the dog on a stool, and asks him, "What's on top of a house?"
"Roof!"
"Right. And what's on the outside of a tree?"
"Bark!"
"And what kind of sport is Judo?"
"Rough!"
"I guess you've heard enough," says the man. "I'll take the hundred in twenties."
The bartender is furious. "Listen, pal," he says, "get out of here before I belt you."
As soon as they're on the street, the dog turns to the man and says, "Do you think I should have said 'gentle'?"

 

[arnisador]

Threads merged.

-Arnisador
-MT Admin-