Phrases we have all heard and what they mean



These are the phrases you see in the magazines and hear at the seminars. But here is the hidden messages in them.

An American karate pioneer. -- Somebody who enjoys the feel of arrows in his back

High kicks are impractical. -- I'm not very good at high kicks

If you know your stuff, you only need to know one move. -- I only have one technique that works

Martial arts schools need to be regulated. -- By me

The martial arts build character. -- A lot of people in the martial arts are real characters

I can't show you my art because it is so powerful it always results in death. -- Everybody who has tried to use it in a real fight got killed

I can't show you my art because it is illegal. -- There's a law against fraud

I teach eclectic martial arts. -- I haven't studied anything long enough to know what I am doing

I study karate to stay in shape. -- I got beat up

I practice street karate. -- I spend a lot of time kissing the concrete.

Tournaments can't teach you how to react in a real fight. -- I never won a match in a tournament

Use no way as way, liberate yourself from the classical mess. -- Don't mess with me, I talk like Bruce Lee

You can become a credentialed instructor at a seminar. -- Did you bring your checkbook

None of that kata or philosphy stuff matter on the street. -- Sesame Street
The Top 13 Signs You've Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School

13> Your dojo's symbol is a bullseye target.

12> First demonstration consists of falling to the floor, curling
into the fetal position, and whimpering pitifully.

11> Frequent pauses while instructor tearfully stops to right his
spilled pocket protector.

10> The "gis" are used hospital gowns, and the "throwing stars"
are just slices of old cheese.

9> The homework is always just to watch a Jackie Chan movie.

8> The techniques are only effective if your attacker is one of
the Three Stooges.

7> Instructor's low fees enhanced by take from one-on-one "pop
quizzes" in dark alleys.

6> Benihana has a restraining order against your instructor.

5> Local muggers gather in the parking lot waiting for class to

4> Current students bark out on cue the phrase "Insurance does
not exist in this dojo!"

3> You take yourself to the mat 4 out of 5 times simply trying
to tie your belt on.

2> Sensei's "ancient Chinese secret" required notifying the
neighbors when he moved in.

and the Number 1 Sign You've
Joined the Wrong Martial Arts School...

1> Did Confucius ever really say he was "going to open up a
can of whoop-***" on someone?

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