Paraprosdokian

Xue Sheng

All weight is underside
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a surprise or unexpected ending of a phrase or series

Ø I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way, so I
stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

Ø Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in
a garage makes you a car.

Ø The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on the list.

Ø If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong. *(I have to remember this one)

Ø We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Ø War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Ø Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a
fruit salad.

Ø Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed
to tell you why it isn't.

Ø To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.

Ø A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train
stops. On my desk, I have a work station

Ø Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can
train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

Ø I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

Ø A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you
don't need it.

Ø Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "In an
emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR".

Ø I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Ø Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars,
but check when you say the paint is wet?

Ø Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and
50 for Miss America ?

Ø A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Ø You don't need a parachute to skydive. You do need a parachute to
skydive twice.

Ø The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Ø Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Ø A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that
you will look forward to the trip.

Ø Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Ø I discovered that I scream the same way whether I'm about to be
devoured by a great white shark or I feel a piece of seaweed touch my foot.

Ø I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.

Ø I always take life with a grain of salt... plus a slice of lemon, and a
shot of tequila.

Ø To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit
the target.

Ø Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Or is it?

Ø A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as
when you are in it.

Ø Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

Ø You're never too old to learn something stupid
 

Jenna

Senior Master
MT Mentor
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There is no I in TEAM (yet there is a ME if you look carefully).
 

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