paranoid? or alert

[Laborn]

Hey...i just got into a big fight with mom...she thinks im obssessed about ma and threatened to pull me out...and i told her if she did i'd never forgive her....anyway. When i go places and see guys around my own age...i scope them...i look at them and wonder *if i can take them or if i cant* and if a guy gives me a look or flips me or does whatever....i remember him...i become more..*alert* with him...meaning i keep my eye on him more then anyoneelse. Cause i figure i dont EVER want to be surprized ai want to expect an attack....

so you guys think im just paranoid *mother thinks so* or alert...cautious

Laborn

 

[Zepp]

No you don't sound paranoid. But you do sound like a kid who's anxious to prove himself in a fight. It's one thing to always be alert and aware of yor surroundings, but I think you should ask yourself about what's really going on in your head. Be careful you don't "accidentally" talk yourself into a fight that you can avoid by being senisble. (Sorry if I'm trying to read too much into your post here.)

As far as your mom goes, you just need to convice her that you have self-control, and that you can be passionate about martial arts without being obsessed. How you convince her of that is up to you. You should know your mom better than any of us.

 

[goshawk]

Nah, you're just being cautious and aware, though I'll second the caveat about not gearing up for a fight unintentionally. I live my life in a state of genteel paranoia, and it works for me. My roommate thinks I'm a little crazy, but while she's zoning out under headphones on the bus at 12AM, I'm the one keeping my eye on the creep three rows back who keeps ogling us. ::shrug:: Everybody is a potential enemy, every situation is potentially dangerous, and being aware of that can save lives.

'Course, I'm fortunate enough to have a personality that can handle that attitude. For a lot of people, trying to live like that can be too much to handle; too stressful, too upsetting...or worse, they become genuinely paranoid. Not for everyone, but then, neither's martial arts.

Stick it out. Your mother'll come around, so long as you play it smart. Tell her it makes you happy, and that it's more than just beating ***** up, then pull out some of the underlying philosophies. ::shrug:: Luck to you on that one; parents are the hardest sparring partners sometimes...

 

[MJS]

Hey...i just got into a big fight with mom...she thinks im obssessed about ma and threatened to pull me out...and i told her if she did i'd never forgive her....anyway. When i go places and see guys around my own age...i scope them...i look at them and wonder *if i can take them or if i cant* and if a guy gives me a look or flips me or does whatever....i remember him...i become more..*alert* with him...meaning i keep my eye on him more then anyoneelse. Cause i figure i dont EVER want to be surprized ai want to expect an attack....

so you guys think im just paranoid *mother thinks so* or alert...cautious

Laborn

I wouldn't say that you're being paranoid. I would however, avoid constantly looking at someone. Doing that is going to give the other person the impression that you want to start trouble with him.

As for you mom...whatever it is that you're doing around her...I agree with the advice Zepp gave.

Mike

 

[Jonathan Randall]

Hey...i just got into a big fight with mom...she thinks im obssessed about ma and threatened to pull me out...and i told her if she did i'd never forgive her....anyway. When i go places and see guys around my own age...i scope them...i look at them and wonder *if i can take them or if i cant* and if a guy gives me a look or flips me or does whatever....i remember him...i become more..*alert* with him...meaning i keep my eye on him more then anyoneelse. Cause i figure i dont EVER want to be surprized ai want to expect an attack....

so you guys think im just paranoid *mother thinks so* or alert...cautious

Laborn

There's nothing wrong with having a passion just so long as you retain balance in other areas of your life. How is your schoolwork?

No, you're not being paranoid. However, wondering if you could "take 'em" isn't the whole answer. What about their friends? What if you do "take 'em" and they come back with a gun and shoot your head off? Martial arts is martial arts and self-defence is mostly about assault prevention and avoidance.

Rather than trying to convince your mother that you are right and she is wrong - how about sitting down with her and getting a reasonable view of her objections? There's more to life than MA and she may feel, justifiably so, that you are neglecting these other areas. Think of this situation as a give and take; you work harder on non-MA areas of your life and she may accept your MA dedication better.

 

[Shaolinwind]

.....or alert...

It's great to be alert. The world needs more lerts.

 

[TigerWoman]

Its great to be "alert". I tried to teach my kids who are black belts to be aware of their surroundings at all times. But being aware and looking for trouble are two different things. I wouldn't stare at anyone either, gives them paranoid feelings that you are aggressive. There's a middle ground of just being watchful.

My kids are grown and they were both passionate about TKD. Tell her what TKD teaches: respect (toward everyone), repetition, patience, discipline and humility-those are the keys to success in our dojang. Also the common tenets: courtesy, indomitable spirit, integrity, self-control and perseverance. No student should become black belt without self-control and that is what you will be striving for. TW

 

[tshadowchaser]

First things first. The martial Arts should teach respect, and you most likely owe your mother an apology. You may need to try to sit down with her and ask her why she thinks your obsessed and then take some time to really consider what she is saying. She may see some things in the way you are acting that are giving off signs of trouble to come. She is your mother and all teens go through a period where their parents no nothing and are always wrong but as you grow older they seem to learn



Now as for scooping out others when you go anywhere. Not a bad idea but remember we all give off subtle signs with our posture and eyes. We also give off feelings that other can read. Just make sure you are not giving off the wrong vibes when scooping out others.

Being alert/aware is one thing, looking for potential opponents is another.

 

[jkdhit]

i'm not sure what to really say about what you're doing with others your age. it seems almost like you're looking to fight - something others have said too. it's also a bit rude to be staring. i just see that as looking for trouble, whether you think you can take them or not isn't something you should really judge, it's better to be humble and modest than to be proved wrong.

as far as your mother goes.. if she's threatening to take you out then she probably has good reason to. you're mother knows you best so it's something we can't really judge.


hope you're not walking around like bruce leroy lol

 

[rutherford]

Awareness is great. Being more aware and living more consciously is a goal I strive for every day.

However, listen to what the other folks in this thread who've said about the dangers of sizing people up. People notice that sort of attitude, and when you bump into somebody with something to prove . . .

Instead of looking at everybody as a potential enemy, try looking at them as a potential friend in need of help.

Here's a quote very popular in my art:

THE WARRIOR CREED
By Robert L. Humphrey

Wherever I go,
everyone is a little bit safer because I am there.

Wherever I am,
anyone in need has a friend.

Whenever I return home,
everyone is happy I am there.

 

[arnisador]

First things first. The martial Arts should teach respect, and you most likely owe your mother an apology. You may need to try to sit down with her and ask her why she thinks your obsessed and then take some time to really consider what she is saying. She may see some things in the way you are acting that are giving off signs of trouble to come. She is your mother and all teens go through a period where their parents no nothing and are always wrong but as you grow older they seem to learn

Lots of good advice in this post, but in particular, this is good advice: Try to see it from your mother's point of view, assuming she's a rational, mature adult who has your best interests in mind.

And just as a matter of strategy...you'll catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Don't argue with the person who probably pays for your lessons--calmly try to explain your side, without staking out extreme positions. Think strategically!

Now as for scooping out others when you go anywhere. Not a bad idea but remember we all give off subtle signs with our posture and eyes. We also give off feelings that other can read. Just make sure you are not giving off the wrong vibes when scooping out others.

Yes. I'd guess this is it--unbeknownts to you, you look like you're looking at others and checking them out, and it's creeping people out.

Being alert/aware is one thing, looking for potential opponents is another.

Or more to the point, looking like you're looking for potential opponents is a problem.

I also look at people and ask myself, if he threw a punch/drew a knife/shoved me into this alley/etc., what would I do? But, I try to be subtle. My wife says she knows when I'm doing it because my hands twitch as I think about what I'd do to defend myself. (She esp. notices this when we're holding hands!)It's good practice, if you're not noticed.

 

[Andrew Green]

Cause i figure i dont EVER want to be surprized ai want to expect an attack....

If you are seeing everyone that looks at you funny as a potential threat I'd say that is a little bit of paranoia.

Relax. Nothing wrong with being aware of your surroundings, but trusting the people in your surroundings is also important... It does sound like you WANT someone to try something, or are expecting them too. Which is not a healthy way to live IMO.