Not Being Angry - The Ninth Zen Precept
- Thread starter Xue Sheng
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I always think back to Way of the Peaceful Warrior. The idea of recognizing a "negative" emotion, accepting it, experiencing it fully, expressing it, and then releasing it. Suppressing our anger, or sorrow, or grief, or frustration is both unhealthy and unproductive. Instead, I try to objectively recognize when I'm feeling one of those emotions, understand what is causing the sensation, and then address the situation. I try to use that energy to make myself a better person.
There isn't anything wrong with anger. At least I don't think there is. There's something wrong with reacting to anger with violence. There's something wrong with losing control. But I can be angry and in control. I can act violently, when appropriate, rather than react violently. I can use righteous anger to fuel my passion for changing the world.
In karate, it's easy to get angry. "I didn't do my best." "I can do better." "My opponent beat me." "I lost when I should have won." It is natural at times to feel those things. But we choose whether to let anger hold us back or spur us on. And in time, we no longer react to those experiences with anger, because we have come to see them as opportunities to grow.
Aside from that, controlling our anger is a very real part of self defense training. One of the first things we teach our students is the idea of "State Management," or "going from an emotional state to a rational state." That kind of control can prevent violent situations from happening by detouring the escalation phase. It can keep us from over-reacting during combat, or from handling a situation badly after combat is over. In this day and age, self defense doesn't end when the last punch is thrown. It may continue into a police interrogation or a courtroom, and our ability to control ourselves after the fight can be the difference between acquittal on the grounds of reasonable self defense, and a conviction for assault and battery.
Anger is a powerful natural force. We can harness the wind, or we can let it blow our house down.
-Rob
There isn't anything wrong with anger. At least I don't think there is. There's something wrong with reacting to anger with violence. There's something wrong with losing control. But I can be angry and in control. I can act violently, when appropriate, rather than react violently. I can use righteous anger to fuel my passion for changing the world.
In karate, it's easy to get angry. "I didn't do my best." "I can do better." "My opponent beat me." "I lost when I should have won." It is natural at times to feel those things. But we choose whether to let anger hold us back or spur us on. And in time, we no longer react to those experiences with anger, because we have come to see them as opportunities to grow.
Aside from that, controlling our anger is a very real part of self defense training. One of the first things we teach our students is the idea of "State Management," or "going from an emotional state to a rational state." That kind of control can prevent violent situations from happening by detouring the escalation phase. It can keep us from over-reacting during combat, or from handling a situation badly after combat is over. In this day and age, self defense doesn't end when the last punch is thrown. It may continue into a police interrogation or a courtroom, and our ability to control ourselves after the fight can be the difference between acquittal on the grounds of reasonable self defense, and a conviction for assault and battery.
Anger is a powerful natural force. We can harness the wind, or we can let it blow our house down.
-Rob
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Xue Sheng
All weight is underside
If you control your anger or possibly a better wording would be if you understand your anger and except your anger it is a good thing and there is a lot of energy there to be used. If you do not understand your anger or if it controls you it is a bad thing.
And I know from experience the suppressing your anger is a very very bad thing it will eventually come out, you can only suppress it so long, and when it does come out you are now looking at rage full on mindless rage.
And I know from experience the suppressing your anger is a very very bad thing it will eventually come out, you can only suppress it so long, and when it does come out you are now looking at rage full on mindless rage.
I think this is an important lesson for marriages too. My wife and I decided a long time ago that we would rather have an uncomfortable conversation than a long list of things we can't talk about. Sometimes it's hard, but we always confront the challenges in our relationship.
It can be painful. For a moment, the person you know the most in the world suddenly seems so far away. The only person who really understands you and accepts you is now on the other side of a wide gulf. But you have to make the effort to bridge that gap, and when you do the two of you are closer than you ever were before. We've never yelled at each other, never fought. We've had some very difficult discussions and had to confront the things we've done that have been wrong or hurtful, but we've never hurt each other on purpose. And when we try not to have that difficult discussion now, the other person knows something is wrong. And the longer we go before being honest with each other, the more painful and difficult it is when we finally are.
It will always come out. If you're going to spend eighty years with someone, she'll eventually know every bad habit or embarrassing attribute you try to hide from the world. It doesn't do any good to suppress your frustration or try to swallow your anger. You have to be honest and open with that person, and she has to be that for you. And if you are, you will have a far more rewarding relationship than you could ever have imagined.
Sure, sometimes I get angry with something she does, and sometimes something I do upsets her. But we both know the other person would never upset us on purpose, and now we can safely discuss those instances of frustration in a healthy way without being afraid that the other person will react badly or leave. Because we recognize, accept, and own our emotions. And the role we both play in the way those emotions manifest.
Anger comes from self preservation. It is an evolutionary self defense mechanism. When people tell you that being angry is evil or wrong or makes you weak they are denying an inherent part of the human experience. Anger isn't good or evil. It just is. What we do with it once it manifests is what is important.
-Rob
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