Internal/personal issues

[Ric Flair]

Hi people. I am new to this site so nice to meet you all.

I have an issue though, just to get straight to the point.

First lets just say i don't look like the "type who can fight". I seem very gentle, calm, relaxed and harmless for the most part. People in society seem to be very aggressive and over confident around me. People often would politely step out of the way of a say the 6ft tall 250 pound Black guy but, would somehow bump shoulders with me on the streets when clearly they could have simply stepped aside cuz there was space available to. I would get negative service at a restaurant or cashier in a department store.

I would do very little to provoke people since i am VERY polite. So polite people take it for weakness. "I" am often the one who apologizes an steps outta the way for people and, a lot of times i would still not get any respect for this from the aggressor(s). I am honestly tired of this but heres the problem.

Well i wouldn't call it a problem...
Anyways my Sifu has installed many principles and morals in me concerning softness and flow through the art of Wing Chun. I have lost a lot of my aggressiveness over the years (though once in a while i lose it but very rarely). I am so kind and "too nice" as some friends have told me.

Thing is, i have been in numerous full contact spar matches w/different kinds of people. I've been hit in the throat, privates, fractured a few ribs, etc etc. Through these painful experiences i also slightly improved my actual fighting abilities to the point that weeks later i'd often beat these same opponents. I have also been randomly attacked in real life and for the most part reacted decently. Now through all this experience, i feel there is little i need to prove to anyone. I don't need to go out and show machismo just to prove my worth. I rather would live in peace and dignity. Sure i'd like some more real full contact spars here and there just to test what i learn out but, i don't need to invite a fight. Wing Chun is for the protection and safety of your own and loved ones well being. Only with this mentality will you be able to remain calm and control the violent situations. getting very upset and letting your emotions control YOU will cause your body to overflow with nervous adreniline and thus you no longer will be soft. i know this.

But since i am so "weak" looking, i've had many people attempt to abuse me in many ways. I've also had people who don't know my background always joking how if i'd piss so and so off i'd get my *** kicked, etc etc. Thats fine.

Sifu DID say by not self promoting yourself, the element of surprise will be on YOUR side. I believe him.

Its just i DO get a little irritated being underestimated all the time.

Any other Wing Chun artist go through what i go through??? how does it feel and what keeps you calm like water???
Any other Wing Chun artist ever felt like screaming

"I am not a weak pushover! Stop underestimating me!!!" anytime in your development???

 

[Ric Flair]

Sifu also said the whole "image of toughness" is all just an act. I totally have faith in what he says, though it is sometimes hard
being soft in an ocean full of aggressive sharks and killer whales.

 

[bcbernam777]

"There is a time to fight and a time to refrain from fighting"

Dont sweat it, the biggest battle a man can have is with his ego, i.e. someone bumps you or pisses you off, what do you say??? in the back of my mind is a voice that says "you know what Ar@@@@@@ I could take you out" but this si where the self discipline kicks in, "The rational voice says "OK you id it, I will cop it sweet, I wont react" because to react is to put the control of the situation on to the opponant. Be in control, overlook minor transgressions, you have aweapon in your hands use it only in the right context, but when you need to use, when you are backed into the corner use i with every ounce of your will.

 

[ChineseKempoJerry]

If it bothers you, you need to learn more about yourself.

Food for thought - "Believe in yourself not what others believe of you"

Best Regards,

Sifu Jerry

 

[arnisador]

First, welcome to the site.

The element of surprise is good...but so is not having to fight in the first place. It sounds like body language is the issue here. Have you looked at a book on that, or on Verbal Judo, from the library or a bookstore? Eye contact, posture, and in general, a look of self-confidence, goes a long way. You can look confident without looking like Clint Eastwood in a Western.

 

[terryl965]

Welcome and to your question, It does not matter what people believe it is what is in you and your sifu is right, the element of surprise is on your side. Now let me ask you a question why do you care what people say, as long as no physical harm is coming to you, it's just words. I have been told by many people they would hurt me when I was younger, I was 5'8 and 145 lbs. and I knew if they tried to hit me I could hurt them faster then they would know, now I'm 5'9 and 240 and getting old. The thought of those silly days, me and my buddy's lough about those days and I only assume you'll do the same.
Terry

 

[Jade Tigress]

I also thought body language and lack of an air of confidence could be the source of why people are perceiving you as weak even though you're not.

It sounds like what you really desire is to be respected, which is what everyone wants and is perfectly valid. You do not have to be agressive and pushy to be respected. You can still be polite, kind, and gentle and have much repect.

I do believe the way you carry yourself is what people are picking up on. You know what's inside. Let it show. Hold your head high, roll your shoulders back. Make eye contact with people (don't stare, and smile so you don't appear aggressive). Speak clearly and loudly enough to be heard. You don't have to shout but a quiet voice sounds timid. Check out the book arnisador recommended.

Your Sifu has given you sound advice and it sounds like he has much confidence and respect for you.

Welcome to the site. I look forward to more of your posts. (Do your friends call you "The Nature Boy" ?)

 

[Ric Flair]

Thanks guys/girls. I will consider your knowledge and advice.

Yeah i also believe it has a lot to do with "appearing" confident and such.

But all in all i resemble a Carebear (LOL). Even when i do that whole stand up right, shoulders back, eye contact principle, head up and forward, i still simply look like a "Confident Carebear" lol nothing more nothing less. Maybe its cuz my face looks really young and ultra friendly/harmless lol.

Guess it has to come from inside first b4 you can project a bit of it outside. True, maybe I should continue learning about myself more. Thats called progression right???

 

[Navarre]

Humans are social creatures. Assuch we are all concerned somewhat about where we fit in with the rest of the world.

There is a social dynamic amongst humans that is very complicated. It isn't assimple for us as "big dog gets the bone".

Females want to be seen as independent and confident yet still are emotionally drawn to comfort and protection. Males want to be respectful and honorable but are genetically driven to aggressively stake their place in the world and to mate with every female in sight.

But I think most of us slowly gain a true understanding of ourselves as we go through life. It is always a progessive state for every day there is something new to learn.

Certainly by the time most of us are in our thirties somewhere, we've pretty well figured out who we really are inside and what we want out of life. The trick then is to have what we wants versus choices we are already bound to.

We must face the fear of our choices yet to be made. This fear often lead us to seek the safety of the known instead of the risk that may bring fulfillment.

I try not to worry too much about all of this but simply be aware. Few things in life are as serious as we generally feel they are. If you are a good person you will know it.

Focus on doing the right thing and making the world a better place. Despite what anyone else may perceive, it matters most that we know the truth about ourselves.

 

[dmax999]

Not entirely on topic here, but WC specifically has had more then its fair share of people doing their best to prove it is worthless. Using your knowledge of WC to attempt to gain respect will not work in most cases. Those who do not study MAs generally believe that an MA doesn't necessarily allow someone to fight better. Those who do study MAs generally think WC is the weakest of the bunch, exceptions being those who practice WC. If learning WC was an attempt by you to "earn" respect, it was probably a poor choice, however you probably have learned how to defend yourself better then most. Almost no one will think you are tougher because you know WC, and some will think you are even more of a pushover, as has been my experience.

Just don't worry about it. So what if they underestimate you? "If you piss off Mr. X you better watch out", just remember the chances of that actually happening and how you don't have to worry in the slim chance that it does.

The only problem I ever had similar to this was one time I had to tell off a boss of mine who was much bigger then me physically (He agreed later on that I was right to do so). By knowing WC as good as I did, I didn't have to back down when he started threatening me with body language. I simply stood my ground ready to react if I needed to, but of course it didn't come, he was just trying to intimidate me because he knew he was wrong at the time and it was his only method of winning the argument. All my coworkers were shocked I didn't run away. lol

 

[Jade Tigress]

Navarre writes:

Despite what anyone else may perceive, it matters most that we know the truth about ourselves.

This is a great truth. I would like to add, is it possible that perhaps your true perception of yourself is as follows from your post.

But all in all i resemble a Carebear (LOL). Even when i do that whole stand up right, shoulders back, eye contact principle, head up and forward, i still simply look like a "Confident Carebear" lol nothing more nothing less. Maybe its cuz my face looks really young and ultra friendly/harmless lol.

It's true that if you perceive yourself to be a carebear in looks and temperment than no matter how you change your body language, what you perceive of yourself inside will still peek through.

Then you called it right on the money with your followup comment:

Guess it has to come from inside first b4 you can project a bit of it outside. True, maybe I should continue learning about myself more. Thats called progression right???

We are all works in progress. The first step is realizing we are not finished yet. It sounds like you have a good handle on it and just need a boost to get you started in changing your inner perception of yourself.

*salute*
:asian:

 

[Ric Flair]

Thank you all for sharing your knowledge. I will slowly disect the main principles on each of your post.

Thank you very much.