Ironbear24
Senior Master
My anger has been getting very out of hand lately. I was wondering if someone had any advice they could share with me.
Does anyone have good tips for managing anger.
- Thread starter Ironbear24
- Start date
Find the root cause and remember the phrase "Don't sweat the small stuff."
Sometimes anger has nothing to do about what you are angry with, for example anger or negative emotions that build up to the point where everything starts to irritate you. Imagine being physically injured from a deep bruise and how even the smallest things irritate and bothers the bruise. Our emotions are like that and the little stuff won't start bothering you until you find the root cause of the anger and deal with that.
Holding in a lot of negative emotions also cause an issue. I used to joke with my roommate when I was in college about how if I were to get into a fight, that I wouldn't just beat up the person who offended me but I would probably beat him up for all the other things that have happened in my life that had nothing to do with him. Even though we were joking, it was an acceptance and admission that I had some really serious issues that pretty much made me stable. I used to have really violent thoughts to the point where someone threw a french fry at me and I was waiting for him to throw another one, just so I could take the chair I was sitting in and beat him with it.
I still have a low tolerance for things like that so I make sure that I remove myself from any nonsense like that or any other situation where I may do something that I would ultimately regret and my life has been happier for it.
I had a good opportunity to talk to this guy Home - Evan Katz is The Anger Guy when I was helping him with some of his PowerPoint presentations and he has some good insight on anger. My anger was more of a "Vigilante" type anger where if someone did something wrong to me then I wouldn't do anything about in the beginning until it hit a critical point.
For everyday irritations I try to identify what I can change or what I can't change. If I can't change it then I let it go and get away from it. If it's something I think I can change then I'll say something about it and say what bothers me instead of letting it build.
#1 rule don't hang around environments that have things that irritate me.
#2 rule don't hang around people who irritate me.
#3 No harm, no fight. If someone cuts in front of me in traffic or does something that I don't like then I won't say or do anything unless it causes damage, and when I do say something I control what I say and how I say it. (which is similar to sparring. If I get mad I can't just start blasting fists of furry on my sparring partners. If I feel as if I'm losing control then I stop sparring. If I feel like I'm about to lose control at home or in public then I leave so I can defuse.
I'm not sure if your anger is rooted in what someone does to you or not, but for me that's the way it is. I've had this issue even as a child, it never went away. I just became better with dealing with it and by learning about myself I can just avoid things that make me angry in the first place.
Stay away from people like Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity who complain all the time, who are angry all the time, and have negative energy all the time. Stuff like that destroys your tolerance for dealing with anger. Even in this forum, if there are some people who are getting under your skin then don't read what they post, don't respond to what they say and ignore them completely and not remove yourself from their environment.
Sometimes anger has nothing to do about what you are angry with, for example anger or negative emotions that build up to the point where everything starts to irritate you. Imagine being physically injured from a deep bruise and how even the smallest things irritate and bothers the bruise. Our emotions are like that and the little stuff won't start bothering you until you find the root cause of the anger and deal with that.
Holding in a lot of negative emotions also cause an issue. I used to joke with my roommate when I was in college about how if I were to get into a fight, that I wouldn't just beat up the person who offended me but I would probably beat him up for all the other things that have happened in my life that had nothing to do with him. Even though we were joking, it was an acceptance and admission that I had some really serious issues that pretty much made me stable. I used to have really violent thoughts to the point where someone threw a french fry at me and I was waiting for him to throw another one, just so I could take the chair I was sitting in and beat him with it.
I still have a low tolerance for things like that so I make sure that I remove myself from any nonsense like that or any other situation where I may do something that I would ultimately regret and my life has been happier for it.
I had a good opportunity to talk to this guy Home - Evan Katz is The Anger Guy when I was helping him with some of his PowerPoint presentations and he has some good insight on anger. My anger was more of a "Vigilante" type anger where if someone did something wrong to me then I wouldn't do anything about in the beginning until it hit a critical point.
For everyday irritations I try to identify what I can change or what I can't change. If I can't change it then I let it go and get away from it. If it's something I think I can change then I'll say something about it and say what bothers me instead of letting it build.
#1 rule don't hang around environments that have things that irritate me.
#2 rule don't hang around people who irritate me.
#3 No harm, no fight. If someone cuts in front of me in traffic or does something that I don't like then I won't say or do anything unless it causes damage, and when I do say something I control what I say and how I say it. (which is similar to sparring. If I get mad I can't just start blasting fists of furry on my sparring partners. If I feel as if I'm losing control then I stop sparring. If I feel like I'm about to lose control at home or in public then I leave so I can defuse.
I'm not sure if your anger is rooted in what someone does to you or not, but for me that's the way it is. I've had this issue even as a child, it never went away. I just became better with dealing with it and by learning about myself I can just avoid things that make me angry in the first place.
Stay away from people like Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity who complain all the time, who are angry all the time, and have negative energy all the time. Stuff like that destroys your tolerance for dealing with anger. Even in this forum, if there are some people who are getting under your skin then don't read what they post, don't respond to what they say and ignore them completely and not remove yourself from their environment.
OP
OP
Ironbear24
Senior Master
I never thought of that. Brb
Spend more time with and listening to laid back people. Anger gets you to only two places, the dark side and being a super sayan. I doubt you want either of those...
Avoid sources of negative thought and complainers. This includes much of the news and Internet.
And as corny as it sounds, fame it till you make it. If you feel yourself getting angry, act like your happy and it's no big deal. Eventually it will start being true.
Lose your job, your house, your spouse. Get beaten to the point of vomiting up your broken teeth you just finished swallowing and realize that you might die in the alley you just pissed yourself in. Or just get old. Both change your perspective on anger. I advise the latter. Both hurt like a sumbitch but getting old spreads it out a bit. And consider the alternatives.
Seconding the root cause idea. Figure out why you're angry and work on that. Have you always had anger issues, or are they recent? If always, do anger issues run in your family? And why the sudden concern over it? If recent, what changes have occurred recently that might explain it? Depending on the answers to those questions, the advice for help managing it could be completely different.
OP
OP
Ironbear24
Senior Master
The causes are usually stupid people and college. I've had history with this problem before and used to see a psychiatrist and psychologist about it because it sometimes leads to violent outbursts such as breaking things and hitting stuff. Many of the problems stem from childhood bullying from adults that were around in my life.
Normally a situation starts with me just minding my own business not bothering anybody, then this woman walks in front of me and starts doing all these yoga poses while I'm doing military presses. Her husband then comes over and shouts at me from practically across the room swearing at me to not look at his wife. I stand up and get closer to him and tell him politely. I didn't look at her, he told me to go @#$% myself and then told his wife "let's go we are leaving."
So I then follow them to the front desk and reiterate "Dude I'm being real with you here, I didn't look at her, I don't come here to pick up on women." Then he again began swearing at me and then his wife asked me to just let it go. So I told her ok, then left.
Since then these two people have been acting really strange toward me, if I enter a room at the gym that they are in, they get up and leave and go somewhere else, they at times give me dirty looks and I simply ignore them.
Another thing happened where I was bench pressing and this guy came by and took the weights off as I was lifting the weight, because in his defense "he is in a rush and needs to get home quickly." Outside of the gym many people are just rude in general and I don't get why people have to be this way, I literally do nothing to them to warrant this behavior.
I was at the store and I was walking down the aisle looking for peanut butter, all I wanted was some peanut butter and they didn't have any. So this made me annoyed but nothing beyond that, then this woman behind me was like "Oh my god can you walk any slower!!" So I turned around said to her "well of course I can! Would you like me to show you?" She then called me a fag and went around me.
After days like this I get really moody and just need to go home and vent it out, but sometimes I can't get to that point safely, like the other day I came home and my key broke in the lock in the door. This lead to another outburst I just could not control.
I am much better at controlling this than i was in my early twenties, but lately it has been more difficult. It might be added stress from really lame college classes like statistics, and macroeconomics, nobody likes statistics.
Talking about it is one way to help, there's also various coping strategies to use when stupid people are around, one of my favourites is to imagine them in embarrassing situations or silly ones. Another tack to take is seeing them for what they are, looking at them dispassionately to see what their problem is, the chap in the gym for example could be a control freak over his wife, or she could be cheating on him and he suspects so is scared of any man who he thinks is looking at her....see if you can come up with more reasons for their behaviour. the guy with the weights might have a new baby and a very tired wife at home, a stressful job and really needs to work out because his brain is about to explode, he could be someone with a mental condition which means he doesn't understand social mores...again think of more things. the woman in the supermarket ( who called you a cigarette lol) could be in a rush to get home to a husband or rush off to a lover or just another job. It doesn't matter whether you understand these people or whether you empathise, the idea is to distract you from feeling angry, feel sorry for them instead, see them as people who can't or won't help themselves and you don't need to be angry with them, they may be angry with themselves perhaps. Perhaps they are feeling just like you? Taking a step back and seeing these people almost like lab specimens is quite a good anger distraction. I think though you may need to find out why you get so angry, is it actually anxiety or depression masquerading as anger?
Hypnosis may also help either see a hypno therapist or practice self hypnosis. I was taught to self hypnotise, it's very beneficial.
Engaging and Practicing Progressive Relaxation Using Self-Hypnosis | talkhealth Blog
Hypnosis may also help either see a hypno therapist or practice self hypnosis. I was taught to self hypnotise, it's very beneficial.
Engaging and Practicing Progressive Relaxation Using Self-Hypnosis | talkhealth Blog
OP
OP
Ironbear24
Senior Master
Been there and done it, punched him in the diaphragm and off he went. Any kind of Martial Arts helps, temporarily, when I leave and go back to my normal life it comes back.
To be perfectly honest, I think you need to get back to a therapist. They will be trained to deal with it, and have done so multiple times. I'm 'technically' qualified to give you advice, since I deal with a lot of it in addiction counseling so I've had training in helping people cope with anger management issues, but without meeting you and talking face to face it would be pointless. Go find a therapist, and tell him whats up. (it doesn't even have to be one who specializes in anger management..if he/she doesn't feel qualified to help you they'll refer you to someone who can),
Xue Sheng
All weight is underside
I do think professional help is best but perhaps not always available or affordable so self help sometimes has to be enough.
When you feel yourself getting angry perhaps a 'grounding' exercise might help, apart from those I've suggested already another good one is the 'fives'. Identify five things you can see, five things you can feel, five things you can hear, and five things you can smell. You may get some odd looks while you seem faraway when doing this but really who cares what others think?
When you feel yourself getting angry perhaps a 'grounding' exercise might help, apart from those I've suggested already another good one is the 'fives'. Identify five things you can see, five things you can feel, five things you can hear, and five things you can smell. You may get some odd looks while you seem faraway when doing this but really who cares what others think?
To go off what Tez said, if you can't see someone, here's a flyer my supervisor prints out and keeps in the waiting room. Some of it is "Well, that's easy to say but not to do", but I've heard from some that it does help them out a bit.
Anger Management Techniques
However, the chances of any advice you get like this helping to a significant degree are pretty slim. If you genuinely want to permanently lower you're anger you're best bet by far is to see someone.
Anger Management Techniques
However, the chances of any advice you get like this helping to a significant degree are pretty slim. If you genuinely want to permanently lower you're anger you're best bet by far is to see someone.
Last edited:
Similar threads
