Anger Management

[ManOfVirtues]

Several of you know me, and some of you have even trained with me. I consider all of you as a member of my (Bujinkan) Family. That is the only reason I bring it up here.

Today a few things happened cocurrently that lead me to injure my hand on a partition in the bathrooms here at the office. To spare the details a new member of IT (who is a personal friend of the owner) has slowly been trying to take my job.

My Self control led me to take out my anger on the partition and not on said person. However it dawned on me that this is not who I was six months to a year ago.

As a child I had an anger issue, resolving any comflict with physical measures. After a long sit down discussion with my Ishinryu Sensei (Sherman Harrill) my path began to change and my anger went away.

Now I find myself stressed out, angry at the world (myself included) and I come to you guys for help. I dont know what exactly I expect you to do, i guess im just looking for a voice from someone that knows more then I do. I dont want to go back to the way that I was, but I dont want to become another lamb to the slaughter either.

What we practice is no sport, its not flashy, it serves one purpose to kill. A combination of my anger issues and training could put me in a situation that none of us want to be in.

I guess I feel like one lost little Ninja.

 

[matt.m]

I have my dan in judo and am taking tae kwon do and hapkido concurrently, when I get angry I always laugh and try and make the situation one based on comedy of sorts.

I spent 5 yrs. in the Marines, so I have been in combat and know the atrosities that can happen. I find laughter and training to help me immensely.

 

[bushidomartialarts]

the great thing about screwing up is that you get to try harder next time.

don't consider this a backslide. this was an isolated incident. you're not becoming the person you once were...you, for a moment, acted like that person.

be aware that such things can spiral downward: you felt poorly so you acted out. if you start getting down on yourself for acting out, you'll feel poorly and act out again. having acted out twice, you'll get to feeling even more poorly...

forgive yourself for a moments' indiscretion, breathe and smile and move on. you're a better person than that and deserve to live the life you've chosen.

 

[Bigshadow]

Look at the frustration as part of your training. The way I look at it is that every day is training, training both the ura and the omote of my self.

Controlling one's mind is as important as controlling one's body. It takes both to be successful. In the same sense, to be a good tori, one must be a good uke. It is balance.

It isn't easy. We all struggle with the things that cause our minds to abide and become destracted.

 

[Kacey]

On the one hand, you lost your temper... on the other hand, you took it out on an inanimate object, rather than a person. This indicates (to me, at least) that you are still in control - or you could easily have pasted the guy. Everyone has days when stress gets the better of them - and it sounds like in this situation there are plenty of things to be stressed about, and very little outlet.

A friend of mine who was in retail for years has this odd habit of tapping himself in the leg; I saw it a lot when I would visit him at work. One day I asked him about it, and he told me that, as a salesperson, he didn't have the luxury of telling customers what he really thought of them, in word or gesture - so he taught himself to tap himself on the leg whenever he got upset at someone; in his mind, he was flipping them off and calling them all sorts of nasty names - he knew what he really meant, and the movement of his hand was enough to release a little of his frustration until he could get to the gym and work it off with weights. Maybe something like this could help for you.

 

[zDom]

I find heavy bag work is extemely helpful when I am feeling stressed and low on patience.

Ten to 15 minutes of pounding a heavy bag and whatever it was that had me steamed just doesn't seem as overwhelming as it did before the workout.

In addition to not damaging self or something else (which creates even MORE stress as you end up dealing with the injury or cost of breaking something), you have gained the benefit of training intensely.

It doesn't even have to be heavy bag work — any real intense workout will usually productively use up the adrenaline and return me to a more rational state of mind.

Life can be frustrating, but I have learned the hard way that bad choices made while angry can make life even MORE frustrating than it has to be.

Hope this helps

 

[Cryozombie]

Several of you know me, and some of you have even trained with me. I consider all of you as a member of my (Bujinkan) Family. That is the only reason I bring it up here.

Today a few things happened cocurrently that lead me to injure my hand on a partition in the bathrooms here at the office. To spare the details a new member of IT (who is a personal friend of the owner) has slowly been trying to take my job.

My Self control led me to take out my anger on the partition and not on said person. However it dawned on me that this is not who I was six months to a year ago.

As a child I had an anger issue, resolving any comflict with physical measures. After a long sit down discussion with my Ishinryu Sensei (Sherman Harrill) my path began to change and my anger went away.

Now I find myself stressed out, angry at the world (myself included) and I come to you guys for help. I dont know what exactly I expect you to do, i guess im just looking for a voice from someone that knows more then I do. I dont want to go back to the way that I was, but I dont want to become another lamb to the slaughter either.

What we practice is no sport, its not flashy, it serves one purpose to kill. A combination of my anger issues and training could put me in a situation that none of us want to be in.

I guess I feel like one lost little Ninja.

hey man, we walk a similar road... I feel like I lost a big part of my training when I do that stuff too... but then you train again, and realize its just a momentarly slip... and you just call it being human... everyone gets angry...

 

[jks9199]

I've been known to have a bit of a temper myself... And to smash stuff or otherwise let my displeasure show. (On the plus side -- I learned a useful skill in drywall repair while in my teens...) In my profession, I often have to block or conceal my emotional response at the time, and I've found that it can sometimes build up, so that I'm blowing up over stuff that doesn't seem that big a deal because I'm really expressing the feelings that are there about something else. I've found that it often helps to find the real source and deal with it some other way (no -- not kill the idiot after your job!) or to make a constructive change in circumstances. About a year ago -- I needed to change my work assignment; I was burning out, I was getting pissed off all the time and just plain wasn't having fun. A change of assignments drastically improved my attitude. Maybe this is a sign that it's time for you to move on?

And, as others have said -- at least you were in control enough to direct your anger in a relatively safe way! I've also found that sometimes just a walk or mountain bike ride in the woods helps me shed some of that crap by getting back to nature.

One last thought... One thing that helped me when I was feeling really stuck and fed up and it was showing in lots of ways, including getting really pissed off about minor stuff was realizing just how silly and (I'll admit) childishly I was acting. Didn't like the way I was making myself look, so I decided to change it.

 

[ManOfVirtues]

Thanks guys for all your comments and suggestions. I went home and discussed with my fiance what had happened and we are in agreeance that its time to find another place for me.

So if anyone is looking for a rockstar web developer ....