Dating in the Dojo

[Nightingale]

I've seen this brought up in the women's self defense forum and was curious as to what everyone's opinions were.

do you think its appropriate to form romantic relationships with people you meet at the dojo?

 

[Rich Parsons]

Originally posted by Nightingale
I've seen this brought up in the women's self defense forum and was curious as to what everyone's opinions were.

do you think its appropriate to form romantic relationships with people you meet at the dojo?

ONly between students and then they have to think about it.

Between a student and instructor has the sexual discrimination lawsuit issue, and harassment lawsuit issue.

Also if things do not work out then the student feels like the must leave. OR if it was the student who broke it off then the instructor might start having problems. Just because they are martial artists does nto mean they do not get hurt from romance

I have seen partnerships break up over a girl, and I have seen students leave clubs over this. This and dating at work are real tough issues to address.

:asian:

 

[Old Fat Kenpoka]

OK, I'm married to a woman I met at the Dojo. I taught her intro-course. One of my students was her Private-lesson instructor.

I saw SEVERAL other successful marriages and attended some great weddings and bachelor parties. I saw one marriage end in divorce. I saw several dating relationships end badly with one person quitting the dojo. I saw one guy who messed with his dojo girlfriend's teenage daughter wind up in jail for statutory.

 

[Aegis]

I voted for a sure, why not. However, I believe it is important to keep personal feelings off mat, so they don't influence how you train, or who you train with. I feel that dojo romances are like office romances, people always talk about the bad ones, but you never hear about the ones who met at work and are happily married.

 

[Ender]

My wife won't let me date....

 

[KenpoTess]

from an owner's viewpoint, it's a touchy situation. We've had students bring in their significant others who join and alls fine til they break up, and one leaves the school because they can't handle being in the same class. We've made it known that it's not a healthy situation for us business-wise to lose good talented students in this manner.

Sometimes it works.. other times it doesn't, every case will be unique.

 

[Old Fat Kenpoka]

P.S. on dojo dating...I brought my 3-year old son into the BJJ school I attend. His only question to the instuctor: "Why aren't there any girls?"

 

[liangzhicheng]

I think that it depends on the situation. Personally, I'd love to meet a gal who is into Tai Chi as much as I am, even better if she trains the same style. How awesome that would be...training together would be quality time :rofl: , but back to the issue. I think you'd have to ask yourself a few questions:
1. Could you keep the relationship out of the school?
2. What would you do if the relationship ended?
3. What's your teacher's view on relationships in the school?

Teacher/student, and even assistant-teacher/student relationships can be touchy. But then again, doesn't love involve risk?

 

[Old Fat Kenpoka]

My wife and I were together for 3 years and lived together for 1 1/2 years before the owner figured it out.

 

[Cruentus]

Originally posted by Old Fat Kenpoka
I taught her intro-course.

High Five, pimp-juice! :rofl: [sorry...couldn't resist!]

 

[Cruentus]

I've seen a lot of problems occur with dating in the Dojang. Even when I was single I kept it all business; I learned from my instructors mistakes.

I have seen/heard of situation where instructors use there precieved power as their primary mechanism to pick up chicks. I think that this is disrespectful to the arts that they represent.

I don't think that students should go to a MA class with the intention of "checking out the scenery" either.

However, I have seen a few situations were people meet at the Dojang and really hit it off. I have seen one circumstance where instructor/student met, and are now life long partners.

So, to each is own, I guess. If they aren't acting inappropriately in class, or using class as a pick-up joint, then I guess it's O.K..

Every situation is different, so it is too hard to come up with set "rules" in my opinion.

 

[Old Fat Kenpoka]

Paul: Hunh?

I din't date her until after she got her Orange Belt. Anyway, I taught her intro course because the owner couldn't make it in that day. She thought the technique "Lone Kimono" wasn't really a Karate move and that I was just trying to touch her....

 

[Cruentus]

Originally posted by Old Fat Kenpoka
Paul: Hunh?

I din't date her until after she got her Orange Belt. Anyway, I taught her intro course because the owner couldn't make it in that day. She thought the technique "Lone Kimono" wasn't really a Karate move and that I was just trying to touch her....

Yea...I remember you writing about the "Lone Kimono" in a different thread. That was pretty funny.

My comment was just a play on words. "Intro course" sounds like "intercourse." I was just expressing my goofy sense of humor!

 

[arnisador]

Only between students--but I won't condemn someone like Old Fat Kenpoka because every case is unique! If the student is older and hence more mature and confident isn't as big a deal, for example.

I don't approve of college profs. dating their students but I know of several successful marriages that started that way.

 

[Daniel]

I joined my first dojo with my girlfriend, we had a very, very messy breakup after many years but we both ended up leaving the school. Another school I dated a girl from there but she left the school awhile before we broke up.

Again as was stated by an earlier poster.... treat it like dating in the workplace. Some places frown on it, some are fine with it, but either way be ready to deal with it if things go south.

 

[Old Fat Kenpoka]

Thanks for not condemning me Arnisador. We've been together 15 years and celebrated our 8th Anniversary labor day weekend.

I do think maturity plays a big part. I was already 27 when we started dating...

 

[arnisador]

You're unique then--most guys are still pretty immature at 27 years!

If something like works out, then fine, I say--no harm, no foul. But it's a very touchy situation and I think it's best just to have a rule about it. Being married makes it easy for me but otherwise I think one must set boundaries. If they're breached--it's a situation one must handle as one feels best. I don't think it's morally wrong for two adults to date in a situation like this (for the most part), I just think there are lots and lots of things tht could go very very wrong.

 

[Old Fat Kenpoka]

Agreed. The relationships that failed (with one exception) ended very badly.

 

[Cruentus]

Originally posted by arnisador
You're unique then--most guys are still pretty immature at 27 years!

Hey...I'm 25....so I have at least 2 more years to be immature! :rofl:

 

[jfarnsworth]

I dated one AFTER I left the studio.:asian: