Bully Apologizes after 20 years

[Transk53]

Bad parenting. Or no parenting.

One being the parent is the bully!

 

[TSDTexan]

I am just curious what you guys think about the root causes of bully behavior?

I may not find much accord with most on this forum for saying what I am about to say.

Humanity is fallen. We are not evolved but devolved... We look to our self as both means and the End.

Our culture promotes it through media, but the culture itself is a reflection of individuals.

And upon the throne of each man's or each woman's heart there is room for only one person. And inevitably, we put ourselves upon this throne of the heart.

The rightful owner of that place is Truth, or Love... And if present upon that throne... A change of nature can occur. A transition from selfishness towards otherishness.

The greatest bully is Peer Pressure, and his right hand man is Fear. A genuine love, or altruism overcomes the fear of men, that terrifies the ego.

The greatest bullies are the greatest of slaves to fear. This is why they strive for dominance in the peer group, they don't ever want to be the weak who is prey of the strong.

I have been the bullied, and the prey. I was tormented and tortured by my peers. I fought back and was crushed.
I developed coping skills of withdrawal into writing and reading, and art, cutting and self denial.

Eventually I found martial arts. Which had an incredible impact on my life.

I found strength in my weakness, and was able to face my internal fears, as well as my external fears.

My strength came and was tested in high school when a bully went after my cousin... And I intervened.

I had no strength when I was trying to protect myself, out of fear. But, I found I had incredible strength when it came to aiding others, acting out of concern and compassion.

I got suspended, but I knocked the bully clear over a lunch table. But that guy and I became friends. We did a lot of talking, but I did a huge amount of listening.

Its about control, and lack thereof.
Its about power and lack thereof.

The man with out self control, and without Love, or Truth, is like an undefendable village, no walls, no arms, no hope.

Fear, Ego, Pride, Ambition are like Mongolian Horselords....
They turn a coward into a tyrant, in each of us.

Now some... Are not the bullies, but the quiet power behind the bullies... They are the softer, instigation of oppression.
But they are bullies just the same. They use people instead of their own fists.

Some of us, never develop a hunger for power over others, and some escape childhood without a scratch. But the teen years are the crossroads of hormones and self awareness as becoming one beyond the rule of parents.

i would argue Middle school is more dangerous to children then a short supervised visit to a men's prison.

But it is surprising just how similar the group dynamics of preteen-teen cliques and prison gangs, and street gangs work, and even domestic violence in fairly common relationships.

 

[Tez3]

I may not find much accord with most on this forum for saying what I am about to say.

Probably not but you would get far less if you prefaced your statements with 'I think'. When you type things like this as statements people will disagree far more strongly than if you say that this is your opinion, you also would take less offence when people disagreed with you. People do actually respect opinions they don't really like being lectured though.

Your experiences in life don't necessarily reflect what life is like for others.

 

[EddieCyrax]

Bully s Powerful Apology to Student He Tormented 20 Years Later



I sure would like to see this kind of thing happen more often. I dealt with bullies all through my school years and I sometimes wonder what kind of people they grew up to be.

The dude feels bad because he now has a daughter to answer too......Not sure this is real remorse.....In my opinion, this apology is more to make himself feel better rather than his victim. Helps him look good in his daughter's eyes. Nothing like dragging back bad memories long forgotten by his victim....

"Sorry I tortured you" Really?!?

His victim has obviously and thankfully moved on....but for many that is not the case.....

I am not sure I would have given him peace.....Sleep on that evil the rest of your life, like your victim has......because obviously he hasn't thought about his actions until his daughter boxed him in a corner.....

 

[Steve]

I may not find much accord with most on this forum for saying what I am about to say.

Humanity is fallen. We are not evolved but devolved... We look to our self as both means and the End.

Our culture promotes it through media, but the culture itself is a reflection of individuals.

And upon the throne of each man's or each woman's heart there is room for only one person. And inevitably, we put ourselves upon this throne of the heart.

The rightful owner of that place is Truth, or Love... And if present upon that throne... A change of nature can occur. A transition from selfishness towards otherishness.

The greatest bully is Peer Pressure, and his right hand man is Fear. A genuine love, or altruism overcomes the fear of men, that terrifies the ego.

The greatest bullies are the greatest of slaves to fear. This is why they strive for dominance in the peer group, they don't ever want to be the weak who is prey of the strong.

I have been the bullied, and the prey. I was tormented and tortured by my peers. I fought back and was crushed.
I developed coping skills of withdrawal into writing and reading, and art, cutting and self denial.

Eventually I found martial arts. Which had an incredible impact on my life.

I found strength in my weakness, and was able to face my internal fears, as well as my external fears.

My strength came and was tested in high school when a bully went after my cousin... And I intervened.

I had no strength when I was trying to protect myself, out of fear. But, I found I had incredible strength when it came to aiding others, acting out of concern and compassion.

I got suspended, but I knocked the bully clear over a lunch table. But that guy and I became friends. We did a lot of talking, but I did a huge amount of listening.

Its about control, and lack thereof.
Its about power and lack thereof.

The man with out self control, and without Love, or Truth, is like an undefendable village, no walls, no arms, no hope.

Fear, Ego, Pride, Ambition are like Mongolian Horselords....
They turn a coward into a tyrant, in each of us.

Now some... Are not the bullies, but the quiet power behind the bullies... They are the softer, instigation of oppression.
But they are bullies just the same. They use people instead of their own fists.

Some of us, never develop a hunger for power over others, and some escape childhood without a scratch. But the teen years are the crossroads of hormones and self awareness as becoming one beyond the rule of parents.

i would argue Middle school is more dangerous to children then a short supervised visit to a men's prison.

But it is surprising just how similar the group dynamics of preteen-teen cliques and prison gangs, and street gangs work, and even domestic violence in fairly common relationships.

I disagree.

 

[TSDTexan]

I disagree.

You are more than welcome to disagree. But this is how I feel, in response to Instructor's question.

 

[Steve]

You are more than welcome to disagree. But this is how I feel, in response to Instructor's question.

Thanks. I'm glad I have your permission to disagree with your opinion.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[TSDTexan]

Thanks. I'm glad I have your permission to disagree with your opinion.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

That wasn't me granting permission. That was a common expression... Along the lines of "its a free country". This is what I meant. On the other hand, please by all means, feel free to take it however you like. You have my permission, to ignore this clarification.

And, BTW, you're welcome.

 

[TSDTexan]

.

 

[Steve]

The dude feels bad because he now has a daughter to answer too......Not sure this is real remorse.....In my opinion, this apology is more to make himself feel better rather than his victim. Helps him look good in his daughter's eyes. Nothing like dragging back bad memories long forgotten by his victim....

"Sorry I tortured you" Really?!?

His victim has obviously and thankfully moved on....but for many that is not the case.....

I am not sure I would have given him peace.....Sleep on that evil the rest of your life, like your victim has......because obviously he hasn't thought about his actions until his daughter boxed him in a corner.....

I think it's easier to judge a person by action than intent. It can be difficult to know what a persons intent is or was, and generally safer to presume good intent over bad. But is doing the right thing less "right" in this case, even if the motivation is through the lens of how he looks to his daughter? Does it matter how the clarity came about? I'd say not, and suggest that regardless of the motivation for the apology, it's a good thing.

 

[Steve]

That wasn't me granting permission. That was a common expression... Along the lines of "its a free country". This is what I meant. On the other hand, please by all means, feel free to take it however you like. You have my permission, to ignore this clarification.

And, BTW, you're welcome.

Okay. Sounds good. I think you have a pretty cynical and sad perspective on people. Tough way to go through life, carrying that giant chip on your shoulder.

 

[ballen0351]

I question the validity of this story. Why did it make news. Why as the "victim" did you feel the need to do an interview about this. Accept the apology or don't and move on with your life. This almost has a staged feel too it to me.

 

[TSDTexan]

Okay. Sounds good. I think you have a pretty cynical and sad perspective on people. Tough way to go through life, carrying that giant chip on your shoulder.

I am going of topic here. But let's just say... I have seen the worst of men. And it is very common. The best of men, is so very rare that yeah, I am cynical.

The idealist within me, sees the lost and discarded potential goodness in everyone so easily set aside for material gain, acclaim and status seeking...

And yet our richest folks are pretty unhappy inspite of having all they could need. Eventually, they become owned by the things they own.

Yet, in contrast
Thressa of Calcutta, pretty much threw her privileged life away, and went and lived in a cesspool of rejected humanity. She only owned 3 changes of clothing, and a few books, but she in her poverty richely blessed tens of thousands with real love.

She was at the bedside of thousands who died, loving them.

I vividly see the contrast in the great potential of man and his failure to become more than greed, and with him, our culture that teaches "look out for number one, cause ain't nobody else going to" as a virture.

I am not cynical so much as I am realistic about our nature, and our Western civilization. I am idealistic because we CAN do better, I am pessimistic because the historical record says we haven't.

There is a saying in assest management: "Past performance is not a guarantee of future results". This actually gives me a measure of guarded optimism.

The way it always has been, won't always be the way it IS.

There is an ancient prophecy among the Hebrew people. A man by the name of Isaiah spoke of a day, when the Hebrew Messiah would come and rule upon the Earth, and bring peace to all mankind.

"And they will hammer their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will not lift up sword against nation, And never again will humanity learn war."

This is the hope in my heart. A day where I never have to train to protect others, or teach students how to do the same.


No, brother, there is no heavy chip on my shoulder. The the world of man is a cold place. But nonetheless I have deep peace.

 

[Tez3]

Well, I hate to rain on your parade but Mother Teresa was no saint. The squalid truth behind the legacy of Mother Teresa
Criticism of Mother Teresa - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Indian Hindu leader's criticism of Mother Teresa adds to religious tension
Mother Teresa Not a Saint: New Study Suggests She Was a Fraud


As for quoting what the 'Hebrew people' have as prophecies you are way, way off. You clearly have no idea what the coming of the mashiach is or means. if you are going to start quoting you ought to know this is what will happen when the mashiach comes

Before the time of the mashiach, there shall be war and suffering (Ezekiel 38:16)

The mashiach will bring about the political and spiritual redemption of the Jewish people by bringing us back to Israel and restoring Jerusalem (Isaiah 11:11-12; Jeremiah 23:8; 30:3; Hosea 3:4-5). He will establish a government in Israel that will be the centre of all world government, both for Jews and gentiles (Isaiah 2:2-4; 11:10; 42:1). He will rebuild the Temple and re-establish its worship (Jeremiah 33:18). He will restore the religious court system of Israel and establish Jewish law as the law of the land (Jeremiah 33:15).

You have the Xtian idea of what you think will happen. You can call us Jews you know, we don't mind.

Do you think you are the only one who has seen bad things that you can lecture us in such a manner?

Perhaps now after your sermon we can go back to the subject of bullies.

 

[EddieCyrax]

A blocked person must have posted something after mine as i obviously missed something. (#33)

I see Steve, Ballen, and Tez.

Steve's second post #31 and Tez's #34 last have me confused?!?

In relation to post #30 quoting me.....Having witnessed first hand the devastation that bullying can/does cause, I admit I am a bit cynical in relation to this topic.

 

[Tez3]

33 is TSDTexan's post which is the one I was replying to. 29 was by that poster but it's completely blank, no comments.

 

[Tez3]

I am going of topic here. But let's just say... I have seen the worst of men. And it is very common. The best of men, is so very rare that yeah, I am cynical.

The idealist within me, sees the lost and discarded potential goodness in everyone so easily set aside for material gain, acclaim and status seeking...

And yet our richest folks are pretty unhappy inspite of having all they could need. Eventually, they become owned by the things they own.

Yet, in contrast
Thressa of Calcutta, pretty much threw her privileged life away, and went and lived in a cesspool of rejected humanity. She only owned 3 changes of clothing, and a few books, but she in her poverty richely blessed tens of thousands with real love.

She was at the bedside of thousands who died, loving them.

I vividly see the contrast in the great potential of man and his failure to become more than greed, and with him, our culture that teaches "look out for number one, cause ain't nobody else going to" as a virture.

I am not cynical so much as I am realistic about our nature, and our Western civilization. I am idealistic because we CAN do better, I am pessimistic because the historical record says we haven't.

There is a saying in assest management: "Past performance is not a guarantee of future results". This actually gives me a measure of guarded optimism.

The way it always has been, won't always be the way it IS.

There is an ancient prophecy among the Hebrew people. A man by the name of Isaiah spoke of a day, when the Hebrew Messiah would come and rule upon the Earth, and bring peace to all mankind.

"And they will hammer their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will not lift up sword against nation, And never again will humanity learn war."

This is the hope in my heart. A day where I never have to train to protect others, or teach students how to do the same.


No, brother, there is no heavy chip on my shoulder. The the world of man is a cold place. But nonetheless I have deep peace.

This is post 33.

 

[Tgace]

I am going of topic here. But let's just say... I have seen the worst of men. And it is very common. The best of men, is so very rare that yeah, I am cynical.

The idealist within me, sees the lost and discarded potential goodness in everyone so easily set aside for material gain, acclaim and status seeking...

And yet our richest folks are pretty unhappy inspite of having all they could need. Eventually, they become owned by the things they own.

Yet, in contrast
Thressa of Calcutta, pretty much threw her privileged life away, and went and lived in a cesspool of rejected humanity. She only owned 3 changes of clothing, and a few books, but she in her poverty richely blessed tens of thousands with real love.

She was at the bedside of thousands who died, loving them.

I vividly see the contrast in the great potential of man and his failure to become more than greed, and with him, our culture that teaches "look out for number one, cause ain't nobody else going to" as a virture.

I am not cynical so much as I am realistic about our nature, and our Western civilization. I am idealistic because we CAN do better, I am pessimistic because the historical record says we haven't.

There is a saying in assest management: "Past performance is not a guarantee of future results". This actually gives me a measure of guarded optimism.

The way it always has been, won't always be the way it IS.

There is an ancient prophecy among the Hebrew people. A man by the name of Isaiah spoke of a day, when the Hebrew Messiah would come and rule upon the Earth, and bring peace to all mankind.

"And they will hammer their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks. Nation will not lift up sword against nation, And never again will humanity learn war."

This is the hope in my heart. A day where I never have to train to protect others, or teach students how to do the same.


No, brother, there is no heavy chip on my shoulder. The the world of man is a cold place. But nonetheless I have deep peace.

Well...Nation not raising sword against Nation doesn't necessarily translate into no more interpersonal violence.

Sent from my XT1080 using Tapatalk

 

[mninja]

To OP, great story. Thanks for sharing a bit of good news for the day!

 

[Steve]

Well, I hate to rain on your parade but Mother Teresa was no saint. The squalid truth behind the legacy of Mother Teresa
Criticism of Mother Teresa - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Indian Hindu leader's criticism of Mother Teresa adds to religious tension
Mother Teresa Not a Saint: New Study Suggests She Was a Fraud


As for quoting what the 'Hebrew people' have as prophecies you are way, way off. You clearly have no idea what the coming of the mashiach is or means. if you are going to start quoting you ought to know this is what will happen when the mashiach comes

Before the time of the mashiach, there shall be war and suffering (Ezekiel 38:16)

The mashiach will bring about the political and spiritual redemption of the Jewish people by bringing us back to Israel and restoring Jerusalem (Isaiah 11:11-12; Jeremiah 23:8; 30:3; Hosea 3:4-5). He will establish a government in Israel that will be the centre of all world government, both for Jews and gentiles (Isaiah 2:2-4; 11:10; 42:1). He will rebuild the Temple and re-establish its worship (Jeremiah 33:18). He will restore the religious court system of Israel and establish Jewish law as the law of the land (Jeremiah 33:15).

You have the Xtian idea of what you think will happen. You can call us Jews you know, we don't mind.

Do you think you are the only one who has seen bad things that you can lecture us in such a manner?

Perhaps now after your sermon we can go back to the subject of bullies.

She may not be a saint yet, but will be soon.