Actually, hollowpoints don't "explode". they expand.
This is both desirable for self defense and NECESSARY for the protection of bystanders.
First, the bullet, by expanding, is slowed down and remains in the body, so that all of its kinetic energy is transferred to the target and none is wasted. This way, the target must be shot far fewer times to achieve a stop and is actually more likely to survive.
Second, it keeps the bullet from overpenetrating, so that it does not exit the body and create a danger for any innocent bystanders who may be behind the target. This way, the threat, and ONLY the threat, is in danger of being shot.
Perhaps next time the Onion should write a piece on a subject about which it actually knows something.