Beginner's Guide to Programming
By Little John
There are more and more new computers being sold every day. With new computers
come a new group of persons who wish to learn the ins and outs of programming.
I started programming back almost 10 years ago and this file will attempt to
show you some of the "tricks of the trade" as it were. If you do exactly what
this file tells you to do you too can become an ace programmer
STEP 1: Getting ready
Many new programmers overlook this important phase in writing. They just sit
down and attempt to write flowcharts, or make plans for the program. But more
important is to have everything you will need handy by the computer desk. A
good programmer will have every necessary extra they will need close at hand.
So now get: A 20 gallon coffee maker, 250 cans of soda, 8 cartons of cigarettes
(if you smoke..if not only get 4 cartons), a case of junk food (Twinkies are
recommended), some Chinese food, 2000 pens with metal clips, a metal detector
(to find the pens when all 2000 are lost "somewhere on the desk"), 4 reams of
paper and assorted toys & amusments.
STEP 2: Start Programming
Ok..now that you have everything a good programmer needs you will have to get
back up and find some disks. A good programmer never has any disks ready
(unless they have a hard drive..then there is no room left on the drive because
of all the files that are "in the works" or need just "a little adjustment")
Now start to code. The most important part of any program is the title. Don't
worry if you have no idea what the file will do. All you need it a good title
screen and you are set. Make sure to put your name on the file. And add some
impressive special effects, maybe even digital speech and interrupt driven
music.
STEP 3: Debugging
Now that you have a good title, a colorful, exciting, eye-catching screen it's
time to debug. You still have not written the actual program-you will have time
for that later. But you must debug the title screen. There are 9 simple steps
to debugging your program. They are:
1. Load the file
2. Run the file; take notes on the errors
3. Smoke if you wish
4. Eat a pack of Twinkies
5. Play with some toys, debugging can wait
6. Look at source code for bug
7. Drink a cup of coffee and wash it down with a can of soda
8. Fix the bug
9. Rinse, Repeat till no bugs found, daybreak or infinity, whichever comes
first
If you were able to do steps 1 to 9 within 3 hours you have to slow down..pace
yourself. If the end user of the program wants it faster, let 'em write it
themsleves!
STEP 4: Logic Errors
These are the hardest to find but are easy to identify. Any section of code
that ran bug free the first time has a logic error. No program nor sub-section
will be bug free the first time you write it.
If you are able to run the title screen without an error with less than 3 days
debugging expect a logic error.
STEP 5: End of the Programming Session
Now it should be around 8:30 AM or later-Time for bed. Save the title screen
under the most illogical name possible. If the title screen is for a copier
save it as "tlsccpv1". And if you have some idea what the final product will be
you did not read this file closely.
You can then reload this file 6 months from now when the title catches your
attention and you wonder just what it is. Tomorrow you load another file that
catches your attention. If you are a good programmer you will NOT load this
file again. You won't even be able to find it if you HAD wanted to load it
again. Of course you should follow steps 1 to 5 with the change that you do not
have to write the title, but can move on to more code (if you can remember what
the program was written to do in the first place)
Little John
By Little John
There are more and more new computers being sold every day. With new computers
come a new group of persons who wish to learn the ins and outs of programming.
I started programming back almost 10 years ago and this file will attempt to
show you some of the "tricks of the trade" as it were. If you do exactly what
this file tells you to do you too can become an ace programmer
STEP 1: Getting ready
Many new programmers overlook this important phase in writing. They just sit
down and attempt to write flowcharts, or make plans for the program. But more
important is to have everything you will need handy by the computer desk. A
good programmer will have every necessary extra they will need close at hand.
So now get: A 20 gallon coffee maker, 250 cans of soda, 8 cartons of cigarettes
(if you smoke..if not only get 4 cartons), a case of junk food (Twinkies are
recommended), some Chinese food, 2000 pens with metal clips, a metal detector
(to find the pens when all 2000 are lost "somewhere on the desk"), 4 reams of
paper and assorted toys & amusments.
STEP 2: Start Programming
Ok..now that you have everything a good programmer needs you will have to get
back up and find some disks. A good programmer never has any disks ready
(unless they have a hard drive..then there is no room left on the drive because
of all the files that are "in the works" or need just "a little adjustment")
Now start to code. The most important part of any program is the title. Don't
worry if you have no idea what the file will do. All you need it a good title
screen and you are set. Make sure to put your name on the file. And add some
impressive special effects, maybe even digital speech and interrupt driven
music.
STEP 3: Debugging
Now that you have a good title, a colorful, exciting, eye-catching screen it's
time to debug. You still have not written the actual program-you will have time
for that later. But you must debug the title screen. There are 9 simple steps
to debugging your program. They are:
1. Load the file
2. Run the file; take notes on the errors
3. Smoke if you wish
4. Eat a pack of Twinkies
5. Play with some toys, debugging can wait
6. Look at source code for bug
7. Drink a cup of coffee and wash it down with a can of soda
8. Fix the bug
9. Rinse, Repeat till no bugs found, daybreak or infinity, whichever comes
first
If you were able to do steps 1 to 9 within 3 hours you have to slow down..pace
yourself. If the end user of the program wants it faster, let 'em write it
themsleves!
STEP 4: Logic Errors
These are the hardest to find but are easy to identify. Any section of code
that ran bug free the first time has a logic error. No program nor sub-section
will be bug free the first time you write it.
If you are able to run the title screen without an error with less than 3 days
debugging expect a logic error.
STEP 5: End of the Programming Session
Now it should be around 8:30 AM or later-Time for bed. Save the title screen
under the most illogical name possible. If the title screen is for a copier
save it as "tlsccpv1". And if you have some idea what the final product will be
you did not read this file closely.
You can then reload this file 6 months from now when the title catches your
attention and you wonder just what it is. Tomorrow you load another file that
catches your attention. If you are a good programmer you will NOT load this
file again. You won't even be able to find it if you HAD wanted to load it
again. Of course you should follow steps 1 to 5 with the change that you do not
have to write the title, but can move on to more code (if you can remember what
the program was written to do in the first place)
Little John
