what the hell...I'm too nice???

[beau_safken]

Dammit I tell ya...

Out of the last 5 dates I have had here in San Fran... I am batting .000 Each damn time I get a response like "Oh man you are soo funny, but its almost like your too funny to be around" or "You are a great man, but you are just too nice" or "You have a lot of goals for yourself...I just think you are too much for me". WTF?!?

Ladies seriously, is this just a nice way to saying I am too nice or what? Well looks like I might have to try on some Leykis 101 and see where that gets me next time.

Grrrr

Beau

 

[shesulsa]

Maybe you're revealing too much good stuff about yourself all at once. Maybe you're a mook. Maybe they don't like your cologne. Maybe they don't like your voice. Maybe you're not ... suave enough. :uhyeah: I dunno, man.

 

[beau_safken]

Hmm maybe your correct on the revealing stuff part shesulsa....That actually might be a good place for me to start. Thanks

 

[TigerWoman]

Try to get her to talk about herself as well, ya know 50/50 half listen, half talk. Obviously you must be fun, gotta be serious sometimes as to what you like in life. But let it out slowly in the beginning. Check your cologne, appearance, etc. too. Compliments if genuine, are always welcome too. Maybe too nice, was you didn't want to kiss her by the third date or whatever. :idunno: either, without knowing you more.

Its funny how people find each other. When I met my husband to be, I had just broken up with someone who wanted just fun, no commitment. If a girl is looking for a possible husband, just fun doesn't cut it. But I really didn't want any relationship after that...but somehow opposites attract and he was extremely persistent, funny, serious in an interesting way and good looking as well. But I wouldn't advise to go looking in the raspberry patches where he ..umm, found me. Maybe in you neck of the woods, it would be the vineyards. Good luck! TW

 

[Flying Crane]

In all honesty, when I first moved here to San Francisco from Wisconsin, I found it difficult to establish meaningful relationships with anybody, esp. with women. I don't know if it is a prevalent attitude here, or what, but it just seemed like I didn't click with a lot of people. Maybe the fact that I was somewhat "unsettled" for a while, jobwise and financially and stuff just made the fact that I was struggling a bit too obvious. Dunno for sure, it's hard to say.

I finally started dating another transplant, she was from the East Coast then Tennessee before she came to SF. That lasted a couple years and then ended. I ended up marrying a SF native, of all things. There are hardly any of those left, to tell the truth. Seems like everyone here is a transplant from somewhere, and maybe that's what makes it kind of hard to establish relationships. It can seem like a city of transients, sometimes.

 

[Flatlander]

Beau, what are you looking for in a relationship? Are you looking for a fling, or something long term, potentially permanent?

 

[hemi]

I might have to try on some Leykis 101 and see where that gets me next time.

Grrr
Beau

Oh man you gotta listen to the professor, he is 100% most of the time

Tom can you blow me up hahahaha

 

[hemi]

But on a serious note, to me it just sounds like you were on a date with the wrong girls. It you have to struggle to find common ground then why force it. When I met my wife I had no plans on settling down. I was a wild child, I met her one night by accident and my wild days did a 180. I do have to say I was never much of a conventional date kind of guy. I never really did the dinner and a movie thing. It was more like going to see Garth Brooks and stop by Denim & Diamonds after the concert

 

[swiftpete]

Dammit I tell ya...

Out of the last 5 dates I have had here in San Fran... I am batting .000 Each damn time I get a response like "Oh man you are soo funny, but its almost like your too funny to be around" or "You are a great man, but you are just too nice" or "You have a lot of goals for yourself...I just think you are too much for me". WTF?!?

Ladies seriously, is this just a nice way to saying I am too nice or what? Well looks like I might have to try on some Leykis 101 and see where that gets me next time.

Grrrr

Beau

I think its just a nice way of saying they don't fancy you dude. But who knows the secrets of dating? This sort of thing has baffled me before too. And the thing is, every woman is different so there is no surefire way of doing it cos they all like a different approach. It's a toughie alright.
But you got to keep on going for it as the alternative is to give up and accept a life of selflove. Just keep on blasting away and sooner or later one will swoon.
Tell you what though, the 'too funny to be around' one is a right lame denial excuse. If that sort of thing was true, Richard Pryor would've ended up pretty frustrated.

 

[beau_safken]

Beau, what are you looking for in a relationship? Are you looking for a fling, or something long term, potentially permanent?

Well I think that I don't want something permenant that will be WAY serious. Did one of those for 5 years and I dont want a repeat performance of that yet.

I think its like some kind of pre-conceived notion that I keep running into.

For instance, a girl asks me if I have ever seen anime or what I do for working out. I say yes to anime and martial arts for working out. They AUTOMATICALLY assume I am a asian fetish guy (Assuming the woman is asian). Then they ask if I speak another language, I say sure ya two actually...Spanish and Japanese... Tick #2 on the asian fetish..But why not 1 for the latina;s ME gusta LAtinas mucho. I mean seriously come on. SF may just be a little like that thou. So what...i'm white and you aren't, so use that as a reason to find something wrong.

I guess honestly I have always been curious as to how it would be having a woman of a different ethnicity. Latina's are hella cool and have a wonderful family structure usually. Actually...I am not even gonna put latina's in here again as they are generally cool with whatever. It just chaps my *** that of the last 3 asians I have gone out with, they all seem to think I am some asian fetishist... Next time they ask what I do for working out..I'll not bring up martial arts, not bring up the fact that I took reiki, not bring up the idea that I can profile a person just based off looks and first 10 sentances out of their mouth and NOT GIVE OUT TOO MUCH INFO.... I need to STFU sometimes I tell ya...

Thanks for the comment, it helps. Its just so damn frustrating is all....

 

[evenflow1121]

Maybe you are just dating the wrong people. And out of 5 dates, hell I would say that is pretty common. I went through hell and back to find the girl I am with now and believe it was well worth it, all the crappy dates, all the heart aches, its trial and error man, and there is no way around that. Hang in there, eventually you will find that special girl you are looking for.

 

[Hand Sword]

Maybe your not doing anything wrong. "Good guys finish last" Right? I dunno, maybe cause your young, and dealing with young girls, they don't want the nice guy (that implies settling down). They still want "the bad boy" (he's exciting!). Keep your head up, and hang in there. What else is there to do?

 

[MA-Caver]

Hint: Don't be her Friend... be her date. That helps... If it doesn't work out then you can be friends.

 

[bushidomartialarts]

rule # 1: shut up
rule # 2: shut up
rule # 3: shut the ***** up, you ********* ******

seriously, let her talk more. things like 'you're so funny', 'you're too nice', 'you have a lot of plans' are all code for 'he didn't let me talk'.

women love to talk about themselves. if you must talk, talk about her.

for everything you say about yourself (and this includes "i'll have the veal and a beer"), ask her two questions and respond to the answers with follow-up questions.

i don't want to come off like i think i'm casanova or professor tom, but that change produced a 180 degree turnaround in my dating success before i got married.

once you get in a relationship, then you can start ignoring her. :rofl:

 

[INDYFIGHTER]

The less I say about myself the better I do. Ask questions, listen to answers, ask more questions. Offer nothing too personal. I recommend reading The Art of Seduction and The Game. Good luck Dude!

 

[DavidCC]

rule # 1: shut up
rule # 2: shut up
rule # 3: shut the ***** up, you ********* ******

seriously, let her talk more. things like 'you're so funny', 'you're too nice', 'you have a lot of plans' are all code for 'he didn't let me talk'.

women love to talk about themselves. if you must talk, talk about her.

for everything you say about yourself (and this includes "i'll have the veal and a beer"), ask her two questions and respond to the answers with follow-up questions.

exactly!

everything you say to her should end in a question mark! I mean, do we have to tell you that women like to talk, mostly about themselves?? LOL...

And maybe I just was dating messed up girls ROFL, but it seems they all want a man who they don't quite feel worthy of.

 

[Cryozombie]

Date guys.

They wont care.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Sorry... it was too easy.

 

[shesulsa]

Date guys.

They wont care.

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

Sorry... it was too easy.

:roflmao:

 

[Cruentus]

Everyone is going to give you all kinds of advice, but I only have one thing to say. Women don't want to date a part of their own anatomy (think about that for a minute - what part of a womans anatomy might I be refering too?). Most hetrosexual women want to date "men," period - if your "too nice," then it is possible that your trying so hard to impress them or to get them to like you that you might not be acting like one...

Just something to think about...

 

[Cruentus]

O.K., its your lucky day - I'm in the advice giving mood.

Second point of advice: Most young girls, especially those in their late teens and early twenties, are ****in' idiots to begin with. And you live in California...San Fran...which about triples your chances that the women you date are going to be really friggin shallow and stupid. Most mature women will agree with me on this (about the young girls, anyways).

Finding a smart young girl who knows what she wants and who isn't going to play games and jerk you around is the exception, not the rule. And even if you meet the exception (or think you have), that doesn't mean that she's necessarily going to like you anyways. So, your best bet is to not invest your emotional energy into dumb broads, have a good time and don't take **** so seriously, and hold off until you meet someone who isn't a dumb broad and that actually has the depth to develop a meanful relationship with a guy like you.

Your wait for the non-dumb-broad will probably be awhile - so you might as well have fun in the process. Just maintain your integrity so your not hurting anyone.

Good night, and good luck...

Paul