They can pull over wanker drivers who cut you off or merge in front of you without a turn signal. I'm not allowed to do that. Oh...and parking tickets. I can't give out parking tickets. [emoji12]
"Re-stomp the groin"
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Traffic wardens hand out parking tickets, not a police job. You can try to pull over other drivers but I wouldn't recommend it, police can because the driver is committing an offence 9 careless driving)and if the drivers don't stop it's a failure to stop which is another offence but the police are also committing an offence if they cut you off or turn without a signal, ( same careless driving) you can report them.
There is also a very good article in Ian Abernethy’s now sadly defunct Jissen magazine, written by a police officer, which tell you not only your rights if you are interviewed by the police, but also the pitfalls to look out for when giving a statement, and certain key phrases which you should work into your statement.
I read that and you're right it's a shame he doesn't do it anymore. the problem with 'working a few key phrases' into your statement though is that it then sounds 'prepared' that you've got something to hide and you are covering it all up with words. It's comes out as sounding false. I've dealt with a couple of self defence incidents and to be honest it was clear as day what happened and was indeed self defence, the evidence isn't based on what the alleged victim says but much more.
Having trawled through what must be thousands of hours of cctv I can say muggings look exactly like muggings. These are nearly always done btw by people known to the police, you rarely need to put 'doubt' into the case quite honestly, there is a wealth of evidence used, statements are rarely any good as evidence quite honestly. people rarely recount what actually happened and all accounts will vary, so statements are the last thing that are taken into account.