Reading new people is hard

[skribs]

Had a new guy last week. I got partnered with him on his second day. A general rule of thumb I've seen is "tap them 3 times, then let them work." This may have been a bad rule for me to follow that day, because we were doing lightning rounds. A purple belt told me to teach him something. Unfortunately time was over.

My understanding is that 3x rule comes from the idea that if you don't at least let someone know that you are capable of smashing them, they might assume the gym has crappy fighters. Who wants to go to a gym where a day 1 student can easily go toe-to-toe with someone who's been training for a few years?

Today, we have another new guy. This guy is older, in Dad Bod shape, but said he did wrestling in high school. I saw him working with a friend of mine (4-stripe white belt that's probably close to blue). My friend had him in closed guard and was explaining how to posture up and avoid certain attacks he could do. I roll with the guy next. I'm thinking about last week's "Teach him something" moment, and that my friend had been working with him. I go over the basic sleeve-and-collar grip in standup, and I'm going to pull guard and get into the position we've been working this week. We've been working knee shield passes, so I thought I'll get to knee shield and let him work a bit.

Nope. He grip fights me, blasts a single leg, pins me down, and then gets me with an armbar. By the time I realized he was in fight mode and not learn mode, it was too late (at least for me and my abilities) to escape. We reset, and I got focused. Tapped him two times very easily from guard. (I didn't pull guard either). Round is only half over, he taps out and runs to the bathroom.

After class I talk to my friend. He says he put the guy in guard so he could control him, because they were just rolling at first and the guy kicked him in the face pretty hard. (I'm assuming a spaz moment and not a standing head kick).

I know to go slow with the first guy. I know to be on my a-game with the second. Still not sure how to approach more new guys in the future. Smash first, then teach? Or start slow and then lay down the law if they get rough?

 

[drop bear]

Talk to them first?

I do it so I am not wasting time by explaining things like tapping.

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

That rule seems silly to me. It should be obvious that people are working with you, particularly when they're doing things like telling you "Okay now just move your hand there - you've got it!" Also, like DB said, just ask. "Hey, do you want this to be a learning roll, or to go all out at first?" Lets you know directly what they want, while you're slapping hands or whatever you do at the beginning.

For the record, as someone who's persistently awful at bjj, my answer will pretty evenly switch between asking for all out and asking for learning, if you present me the choice.

 

[gyoja]

That rule seems silly to me. It should be obvious that people are working with you, particularly when they're doing things like telling you "Okay now just move your hand there - you've got it!" Also, like DB said, just ask. "Hey, do you want this to be a learning roll, or to go all out at first?" Lets you know directly what they want, while you're slapping hands or whatever you do at the beginning.

For the record, as someone who's persistently awful at bjj, my answer will pretty evenly switch between asking for all out and asking for learning, if you present me the choice.

We always did it at two separate during class. Learning, then application.

 

[dunc]

I understand the logic of a higher belt "Tapping a newbie a few times then play/teach etc"
It establishes that this stuff works and makes it clear that if you give them a "win" in the future it's because you're giving it to them in one way shape or form
Brazilians also place a lot of value on earning respect, so it fits this dynamic well

FWIW I don't usually take this approach when rolling with a newbie. I feel that beating up on a white belt doesn't really prove anything and I tend to just feel like an **** if I do that. Also if they are big and go into panic mode there is an unnecessary risk of injury
So I usually ask them if they want to work on anything specific. If they do then I'll help them do just that

If they wanna roll and try and score a win on me then I'll let them get into their best position, hang out for a while playing defence then escape. This has a much lower injury risk and means I get some training by practicing my escapes

 

[Monkey Turned Wolf]

We always did it at two separate during class. Learning, then application.

Same, but with rolling there's still two different types of learning. It's like drilling, then going into sparring and asking your partner if you're going full out or just trying to drill/train something new.