Issues with new assistant instructor

Discussion in 'General Martial Arts Talk' started by Headhunter, Mar 6, 2020.

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  1. Headhunter

    Headhunter Senior Master

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    so I've recently returned home and resumed training at the Krav Maga club I started at. It's been going alright and been working with the kids class on Sunday morning. Only issue is this one guy who wasn't around much when I was last there but now he's there and he's assisting with kids classes to which is great, I liked the guy from what I knew of him then.

    But now he seems t have gotten extremely cocky and full of himself and does a lot of butt kissing to the head instructor and in class he's smacking the hell out of people but then when someone goes to return the favour he ducks out claiming an injury.

    My first real issue with the guy started last week I couldn't made a kids session because I was sick so I said so on the instructors Facebook message chat and this guys response was "hmmm....convinient?..."

    Now I hate that snide stuff if you have an issue I'd rather it said direct ti me. So I just replied. "Got something to say mate?" He never replied. Nothing else happened so whatever.

    But tonight things got worse, we were doing a sparring drill and he was going hard but whatever I kept to my regular pace and kept going and when time was called I stopped and so did he but then as I turned to switch partners he punched me twice. Now I wasn't happy and told him to be careful he just shrugged and said he didn't hear the call. I left it at that as you know that does happen I've been guilty of that by accident.

    But later we got partnered up doing a grapple drill which ended in a choke so we did it he got the choke good I tapped but he didn't let go so I tapped again still didn't let so I literally had to pinch his skin to get him to release then he fronted on me saying to calm down. At that point yeah I was not happy but didn't want to cause a scene so just said to him. I'm done working with you so I literally left him and partnered up as a group of 3 and the instructor asked me why I did that so I explained what happened and he simply shrugged and said **** happens deal with it.

    So yes that's honestly made me not want to comeback. I had a lot of respect for the instructor but frankly that attitude stinks the guy refused to do anything and frankly didn't notice or chose to ignore his behaviour twice in 2 situations that should not have happened.

    I don't want to walk away from a club I've been a part of since it started but It's a crap situation. I'm tired of dealing with these types of people at a number of clubs I've trained at its just frustrating. I just want to train and dealing with this crap stresses me out and I don't need stress in my life.

    Sorry for the ranting but honestly this has really upset me and honestly triggered my anxiety and my depression a little. I know it's stupid and shouldn't bother me but I can't help how this crap works. I hate having this sort of thing happen and yeah I know I'm not the most openly friendly and compassionate but I do not like conflict if I can avoid it and I wish I could brush this off but honestly it's really shaken me and bothered me
     
    Last edited: Mar 6, 2020
  2. skribs

    skribs Senior Master

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    Do not go back. You made the right call noping out of there. There were so many red flags in that post.
    1. His disrespect is entirely unbecoming of a martial artist.
    2. His not respecting the safety of the school. Late hits, not letting go on tap, those are reasons to kick someone out right away.
    3. Dishonesty about the late hits. If he stopped for a second, he definitely heard it.
    4. He goes hard on students but doesn't let them go hard on him.
    5. The school owner should 100% listen to your concerns about safety. Accidents happen here and there, but to just say "it happens" is completely the wrong answer.
    The fact this school teaches kids makes it that much worse. I'm worried about those kids.
     
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  3. Gweilo

    Gweilo 3rd Black Belt

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    I have read a lot of your posts, and you dont suffer fools gladly, but honestly, you sound like a class person, experience does guide us, and its a shame, but it may be time to move on, you are obviously a quality person, take that quality, and put it to better use.
     
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  4. Headhunter

    Headhunter Senior Master

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    The kids classes are fine all the right things are taught and the proper aspects of self defence are taught and any bad or aggressive behaviour is dealt with in the proper way which is why this has all bothered me because I know the guy is a good instructor usually and there's no real contact there they hit pads and the techniques the learn and practiced on the instructor in a controlled way. There's no dangers for kids safety.

    Basically what I think it is this guy has kissed a lot of *** to get himself high up and it's simply a case of him being blinded by it.
     
  5. Headhunter

    Headhunter Senior Master

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    Basically I say things how they are. If I don't like someone I'm not going to pretend to like them. If they say something I don't agree with I'll tell them I don't agree. People sometimes take this as me being rude but to me it's just being honest.

    I'll give everyone respect until they give me reason not to. Even if I don't like someone then I'll still be respectable to them but I just won't act like their best friend
     
  6. Gweilo

    Gweilo 3rd Black Belt

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    Yeah I got that, but now its time to put yourself first, if you cant rectify the problem, time to move on, it will be hard, but get on with it
     
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  7. paitingman

    paitingman Purple Belt

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    I feel this.
    It's surprisingly difficult to find open minds and good attitudes in the ma community.
    But it may just be a symptom of all adult groups. No matter what sort of group, there're always some adults who behave like children or worse.
    I've had to remove myself from quite a few drills and sparring sessions at a few clubs.

    The comradery and community is a huge factor for me.

    Have you had a chance to really talk with the assistant instructor about Krav or just any shared interest lately? I have found it helpful to try and build a jovial repoir with certain people when we don't seem to really gel when training together. Training is so much more beneficial when I can have fun conversation with my partner outside of class; I understand this may not work with all personality types though.

    I hope you both figure out how to have a good time together or you find a good club soon.

    Sent from my Pixel 2 using Tapatalk
     
  8. gpseymour

    gpseymour MT Moderator Staff Member

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    I’m not sure my way is best, or even good, but I’ll share what I’ve done. I had another assistant instructor (slightly senior to me) who was going to hard on lower ranks. He was sweeping them and throwing them harder than was appropriate, and he knew better - he was asserting his dominance in the worst kind of way, even when asked by others to tone it back a bit.

    Next time it was my turn in a drill, I planted him. Hard. Everyone in the room knew how hard that fall was. He did not repeat his stupidity.

    I have no patience for that crap.
     
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  9. Buka

    Buka Sr. Grandmaster

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    Sounds like you got the literal okay to deal with it, HH. Go have some fun with that young, ash kissing pup.
    You should burp afterwards and have pieces of him in your stool.
     
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  10. dvcochran

    dvcochran Senior Master

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    @Headhunter , I was about to quote a near identical post to Gerry's. There is a respect factor in TMA and I get that but there will always come a time when you have to do for yourself. This is not selfish and frankly I do not think disrespectful. Maybe it was your instructor's way of giving you a subtle push.
    If the school/class is important then it is something worth 'fighting' for. If you truly have zero emotional attachment then there is nothing wrong with moving on. That said, you may always have a bitter taste in your mouth if you leave without really knowing.
    Follow Gerry's lead.
     
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  11. donald1

    donald1 Senior Master

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    I've been pretty lucky to never really meet anyone like that. Albeit I attend a small class. If i were in your shoes I would expect a serious conversation with the instructor but I'm not sure what good that would do in this situation. I hope the best of luck to you.
     
  12. _Simon_

    _Simon_ Senior Master

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    Sorry HH that's really not pleasant... Can only echo what the others have said, and you have to do what's best for you. Would be really disheartening to go back to your old place of training to find this. What I would personally do is have a serious chat with the main instructor. Be honest and let him know why you think it's an issue. Not only for the club, but for the safety of its members who have come there and have a great deal of trust for the instructors there.

    I'm also struggling bigtime with my mental health at the moment... and all I can say is please take of yourself. Slow things down if you need to, and stay connected to things that bring you joy. Even if it's just helping in the kid's class and training at home, just until this is sorted. I know MA is one of the only things keeping me sane at the moment... keep doing what brings you meaning.
     
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  13. Tez3

    Tez3 Sr. Grandmaster

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    Sending you a virtual hug. :)
     
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  14. Buka

    Buka Sr. Grandmaster

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    I think Martial Arts is one of the few things that has kept me sane, at least partially sane, my whole life.

    Rock on, Simon.
     
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  15. gpseymour

    gpseymour MT Moderator Staff Member

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    To both of you, I remember how important my training was during some of my hardest times. Keep at it, however works for you, guys.
     
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  16. _Simon_

    _Simon_ Senior Master

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    Thanks guys means alot
     
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  17. oftheherd1

    oftheherd1 Senior Master

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    Have you considered that the instructor was suggested a move like in post #8 below? I don't know that it was but it may be.
     
  18. jobo

    jobo Grandmaster

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    is this the original school you had all those issues with a few years ago ? which makes wonder why you have returned

    and isnt this more or less the same issue you had before at other schools of someone playing rougher than you are comfortable with

    either tell him clearly your not comfortable with it and then if it doesn't improve just refuse point blank to drill/spar with him or return the favour

    ive found myself on both sides of this, quite a lot of people complaining im to rough, i consider them complete a Jessie, but do indeed treat them like china after they have made it clear and others who are robust in their treatment of me,, to which i think '' thank god'' someone to play with''

    then when i return it they complain to the instructor im to rough and i think ..'' jessie''
     
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2020
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  19. jks9199

    jks9199 Administrator Staff Member

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    Something to think about...

    Based on your post, you seem to encounter this a lot. OK -- I've run into many times in 30+ years of training, too. Or the guy who just can't control himself, doesn't know his own strength, etc.

    But... you seem to bump into these guys a lot. Maybe it's not them...Maybe something that you're doing is bringing out the behavior. I'm not making an accusation -- but I am suggesting that there's one constant in these encounters across multiple schools, and that's you. You could be sending an unintended signal, you might just attract these guys... I don't know. But you ought to take a bit and look in the mirror, too. People have talked about payback in various posts -- but maybe his perception is that he's doing the payback with you... and if that's the case -- why?
     
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  20. Monkey Turned Wolf

    Monkey Turned Wolf MT Moderator Staff Member

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    This could also explain why the instructors aren't paying much attention to it. Like JKS I don't know the full story, so not stating this is what's going on. But if you are going rough, and certain people are responding by matching your roughness, a lot of instructors wouldn't feel a need to talk to the other dude about it or intervene on your behalf.123
     
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