I hurt my friend out of love...

[Sukerkin]

I know that we can speculate on limited information, it's one of the more useful human traits after all. But until ToD can fill in the blanks, if he wishes, we're not really going to be able to give a response appropriate to the situation.

 

[Steve]

Fair enough. This whole thing smacks of bullying to me, which happens to be a real button for me. I guess we'll wait for more information, if it's forthcoming.

Steve

 

[Tez3]

Why was she standing there throwing punches at someone who was in a conversation with someone else? turn it round the other way and see how people would approach the problem if he'd been throwing punches at her or a man had been throwing punches at another man.

 

[Steve]

Why was she standing there throwing punches at someone who was in a conversation with someone else? turn it round the other way and see how people would approach the problem if he'd been throwing punches at her or a man had been throwing punches at another man.

Tez, gender is really irrelevant here. I understand, but there's a big difference in my mind between social dysfunction and contact resulting in injury. If you can't diffuse a situation where a "friend" who is clearly socially awkward and insecure (male or female), then you have to take more responsibility than just "feeling kind of bad," but happy that you taught her a lesson.

Once again, I'm hoping there's more to this story.

 

[Tez3]

Tez, gender is really irrelevant here. I understand, but there's a big difference in my mind between social dysfunction and contact resulting in injury. If you can't diffuse a situation where a "friend" who is clearly socially awkward and insecure (male or female), then you have to take more responsibility than just "feeling kind of bad," but happy that you taught her a lesson.

Once again, I'm hoping there's more to this story.

I'm sure there is more to it but nothing says that the friend is socially awkward and insecure. what is says is... this incredibly annoying and rude person was throwing punches at someone deep in conversation with someone else, this friend them started taunting him that he couldn't hurt her because what he did was rubbish so he gave in, gave her a demo and accidentally hurt her more than he meant to. A mistake was made, everybody makes mistakes so lets not jump on the OP and become holier than thou. She got hurt so won't do it again, he got hurt in hurting her so won't do it again. End of.

 

[Steve]

I'm sure there is more to it but nothing says that the friend is socially awkward and insecure. what is says is... this incredibly annoying and rude person was throwing punches at someone deep in conversation with someone else, this friend them started taunting him that he couldn't hurt her because what he did was rubbish so he gave in, gave her a demo and accidentally hurt her more than he meant to. A mistake was made, everybody makes mistakes so lets not jump on the OP and become holier than thou. She got hurt so won't do it again, he got hurt in hurting her so won't do it again. End of.

Tez, I think we're saying the same thing. You say "annoying and rude" and I say "awkward and insecure". Same stuff. Regardless, how the OP reacted is the important part. I sincerely hope I'm not coming off as holier than thou. I do think, absent further information, that the OP is largely responsible for allowing the situation to escalate. While her punching the air around him was annoying and rude, you don't think the dismissive response by him was equally annoying and rude? I do. I'm not saying the OP should be drawn and quartered. I'm saying he should feel more than "kind of bad" and he should take responsibility for his part in mishandling the situation rather than have a bunch of internet buddies tell him it was all her fault.

 

[Tez3]

Tez, I think we're saying the same thing. You say "annoying and rude" and I say "awkward and insecure". Same stuff. Regardless, how the OP reacted is the important part. I sincerely hope I'm not coming off as holier than thou. I do think, absent further information, that the OP is largely responsible for allowing the situation to escalate. While her punching the air around him was annoying and rude, you don't think the dismissive response by him was equally annoying and rude? I do. I'm not saying the OP should be drawn and quartered. I'm saying he should feel more than "kind of bad" and he should take responsibility for his part in mishandling the situation rather than have a bunch of internet buddies tell him it was all her fault.

In my book I'm afraid annoying and rude is certainly not the same as awkward and insecure! If someone was doing that to me while I was talking to someone they certainly would be ignored, it's incredibly bad manners to interrupt people in conversation. The OP does feels sorry thats why he posted, all I'm saying is probably a very British thing, it's done with and they should stop whinging and get on with it. All this touchy feely, must get counselling, sharing feelings stuff is morally sapping and weakens people, they both made mistakes, learn from it and straighten the backbone and get on with their lives.

 

[Steve]

In my book I'm afraid annoying and rude is certainly not the same as awkward and insecure! If someone was doing that to me while I was talking to someone they certainly would be ignored, it's incredibly bad manners to interrupt people in conversation. The OP does feels sorry thats why he posted, all I'm saying is probably a very British thing, it's done with and they should stop whinging and get on with it. All this touchy feely, must get counselling, sharing feelings stuff is morally sapping and weakens people, they both made mistakes, learn from it and straighten the backbone and get on with their lives.

Tez, you're killing me here. First I'm holier than thou and now I'm touchy feely? If you only knew how far from the truth both of those characterizations really are!

I want to be clear that it is my opinion that the OP mishandled the situation and posted, not because he felt bad, but because he wanted for people to tell him that he was right and justified. THAT, to me, is touchy feely BS. "Oh, Sean. You were completely right. It's ALL her fault. She's lucky she has such a great friend." Come on.

I understand that I represent a minority opinion here. I'm okay with that. None of us knows all of the details of what happened and ultimately, we're (as someone else mentioned) filling in a lot of blanks. I could be reading this all wrong, and if that proves to be the case, I'll admit it freely.

 

[Tez3]

Tez, you're killing me here. First I'm holier than thou and now I'm touchy feely? If you only knew how far from the truth both of those characterizations really are!

I want to be clear that it is my opinion that the OP mishandled the situation and posted, not because he felt bad, but because he wanted for people to tell him that he was right and justified. THAT, to me, is touchy feely BS. "Oh, Sean. You were completely right. It's ALL her fault. She's lucky she has such a great friend." Come on.

I understand that I represent a minority opinion here. I'm okay with that. None of us knows all of the details of what happened and ultimately, we're (as someone else mentioned) filling in a lot of blanks. I could be reading this all wrong, and if that proves to be the case, I'll admit it freely.

Why did you assume I was addressing you on my post when I said being holier than thou or touchy feely? I wasn't.

 

[Jade Tigress]

It was a mistake. We're human. None of us is perfect and sometimes we make the wrong decision. In this case, they both made the wrong decision and hopefully they both learned from it.

 

[Steve]

Why did you assume I was addressing you on my post when I said being holier than thou or touchy feely? I wasn't.

How could I not? You quoted my post and so were, presumably, responding to me as I'm now responding to you. My bad.

As for the rest, I'm still interested in hearing more of the story.

 

[Touch Of Death]

Sean, don't beat yourself up too hard about this. I can understand feeling bad about, and to an extent, you should. But, she provoked. I'm sure you used control. It's better she learn her abilities (or disabilities) from someone who knows control than thinking she's *all that* with someone who really doesn't care if they tear her apart.

We can all suffer injuries from our everyday training, it goes with the territory. What exactly happened? I'm sure you've apologized to her, but what the heck made her think she could take on a skilled martial artist? Chances are, if she was a trained martial artist, whatever technique caused the injury may not have affected a training partner the same way due to conditioning.

In any case, it wasn't intentional harm on your part and it sounds like she was being quite obnoxious.

Oh, I didn't apologize. She punched wrong and got instant tennis elbow, according to her doctor. I did admit that I knew she would suffer a consequence. I helped remove the doubt. I have since taught her, with the left hand, how to throw a punch.
Sean

 

[terryl965]

Oh, I didn't apologize. She punched wrong and got instant tennis elbow, according to her doctor. I did admit that I knew she would suffer a consequence. I helped remove the doubt. I have since taught her, with the left hand, how to throw a punch.
Sean

Did she at least thank you for al you did.

 

[Touch Of Death]

I don't know if it was love - annoyance, perhaps - but nonetheless, she persevered in her quest to have you punch her until you finally did - and, as hard as it is to deal with when you've hurt a friend, she asked for it. I hope she recovers quickly and well - and that she's learned from this to be wary of what she asks for, because she just might get it. Don't beat yourself up over it.

I do have one question - did she hurt herself hitting you, or did you react to something she did to provoke you? It's not quite clear - either way, she got what she asked for.

Too much power behind a winged out elbow. I would never hit her. Whom would I beat up on the chess board?
Sean

 

[Touch Of Death]

Oh, sorry. Doctor, not hospital. This is ridiculous. OP allowed himself to be goaded into some kind of interaction with his "friend" that he admits to knowing in advance will result in her being "hurt" and then feels "kind of bad." Seriously?

When I roll with someone who is brand new, they often don't know when they're in danger. It's my job as a more experienced person to keep us both safe. This would include people in situations like this. If you can't do that, maybe you should avoid showing your "friends" any of your techniques and try some of those tactics that self-defense studios often tout, like how to diffuse a situation without violence.

To be clear, what distinguishes this is that it clearly was not self defense. It was a situation that should have been diffused, but due (based on the OP's original post) to arrogance and a complete lack of situational awareness, escalated into a situation where someone got hurt, leading to two visits to the doctor.

You have a point, but She does posture in public quite frequently. I just wanted her to know what would actually happen were she to land a punch. My point, to any and all, is that if you don't know how to punch, don't. You could hurt yourself.
Sean

 

[Touch Of Death]

It seems there is quite a bit of info left out.

Not really. I told her she would hurt herself if she struck me, and she did. Nothing more to interject. I didn't block.
Sean

 

[Touch Of Death]

Fair enough. This whole thing smacks of bullying to me, which happens to be a real button for me. I guess we'll wait for more information, if it's forthcoming.

Steve

I love this response. Which of us was the bully? If you guess her you are on to something. This was the reason for the lesson.
Sean

 

[Touch Of Death]

Did she at least thank you for al you did.

She was quite thankfull once I taught her to do it right.
sean

 

[MA-Caver]

My initial thoughts on this is probably the same as the one who said something about egos. Ego will definitely get you hurt. Egos throw common sense right out the window.
Presumably you're a higher rank than your friend? If so then it was pretty stupid to try to make a challenge on that. If not (you're the same ranks) then she should've also considered that you're going to be stronger than her unless she's been really working on her strength building regime.
A person telling me to hit them as hard as I can is asking for it. A person wanting to hit me as hard as they can is likewise asking for it. Not that I'll retaliate but like her, they could hurt themselves because unless their mind is focused they're going to probably hurt themselves.
IMO nobody has ANYTHING to prove to nobody. You do what you can do and try to improve on the things you can't.

Don't feel bad if it was all in training. If you're lucky and she's receptive then you two can talk it out. Like many of us here I hope she's in a frame of mind to discuss the situation rationally and accept where she might've been wrong.

 

[Kacey]

Oh, I didn't apologize. She punched wrong and got instant tennis elbow, according to her doctor. I did admit that I knew she would suffer a consequence. I helped remove the doubt. I have since taught her, with the left hand, how to throw a punch.
Sean

Sean, you didn't hurt her - she annoyed you into letting her hurt herself; there's a difference. You have nothing to feel guilty about, IMHO.